How proud I have been
Have my head in the wind
And have silenced the sirens
With whom I have sinned
And though kindling
These days
Fell, deforested jungles
She has my whole soul
And the hubris it humbles
The thunder upon
The awaiting oasis
Keeps secrets
In seeking
My moribund waste pits
Embraces me
Equally
Scared or supreme
And then beckons my wanderlust
Back to redeem
What remains of my
Virtuous,
Purposeless
Quest
And my failure
To care
If I pass the attest
To some legacy
Memory
Somehow its haunting me
Long before I
Hyper-sleep in the pod  
Having never found
Such a more flawed
Human god

We don’t know
What makes it
Gives way
To its presence
What manifests
Consciousness
Anyone’s guesses
But please rest assured
Inconclusive is bliss
I suspect
And expect
That the answer to this
Would be nigh on
Inscrutable,
Vexing,
Immutable
Mystery boxes
Whose contents
Unusable
Lose your mind trying,
Go mad with despair,
Clawing frenziedly,
Frantically
Rip out your hair
But your scalp
And your skull
And the null void within
Won’t reveal
Either still
How it makes the head spin
So give in
To the severance
From its
Malevolence
Join me apart
From its self-indulge
Edifice

Now so enamored
I just couldn’t leave
If you left me to die
The loss I still bereave
Furthermore would the memories
Cease to be made
I would give up,
Give in,
Nor again
Try to save
What remains
Of my wayward
Outcast
Unaccomplishment
Mask
Having worn it so long
While pretending to try
I would never again
Let these causes belie
Without her
Just a blur
Between then
And the end
Nothing new though
Oblivion
My oldest friend

But for her
I am lust
And libido
Entrust
Every ******
Of my blade
To the page
And combust
Like a wayward inferno,
A magnified ant,
A Promethean seedling,
A nuclear plant
And my rant
Slash and burn
Still unearthing
Unerring
From Gaia rebirthing
‘Til deathless
Despairing
And wear her depression
Expression
Unvarnished
Full force of her nature
Have I learned to harness
And won’t soon submit
To her profligate
Enemies
Taking her vengeance
To weather extremities
When their atrocities
Go unrepentant
All in
Her empyrean
I am transcendent

Insist I must join
Then cajole me to coin
The new terms
Of my sanctity
Yours to purloin
To purportedly
Read
What goes on in my mind
Is for me to decide
Not derided by others
For even among
Trusted friends
I discover
The silence is tension
Is failure to mention
My unwelcome thoughts
Of complete apprehension

You’d think
I’d run out of ideas
To keep writing
Exhaust the last fume
Of creative igniting
But come gloom and doom
Through the roles
I’m reprising
The constant
Invariable
Is revising
Disguising no longer
What made me this way
It’s as natural to me
As a child at play
Its intricacy
Formed
By simplicity’s
Hand
And it’s guided along
By emotion’s command
Yet unplanned
Like a pregnancy
In love conceived
And reflected upon
Like a widow bereaved
When I once again leave,
Venture on,
Bid adieu
To the words overdue
For the few I write you

Still writing
The sorrow incarnate
Foremost
I’ve been dead to the world
For so long
I’m a ghost
And forlorn
Only shores
Of serenity
Mourn  
Though reborn
In the storm
Of asunder
Am torn
Into equal parts
Heartened
And darkened
By day
So alive
But inside
I’m comprised of decay
Not astray
Anymore
Not afraid
To endure
But the horror
Of losing her
My Nevermore