Willingly
Wasting it
Your time and mine
The audacity
Making it
Harder to find
Someone real
Wants to feel
Not conceal their intentions
Or rather, unsure of them
Raise apprehensions
Just stay at home,
Be alone,
Drop the phone
For I’m not just some free trial period
Loaning
My heart out to harpies
Who really don’t care
Just aware that I’m their
Favorite game
Truth or dare

Excuses
Excuses
Make me
A reclusive
Reduced to
Expecting the worst
Kind of mutant
Aberrant
Outlander
Unwelcome
Across
The whole globe
Have I strove
To belong
And get lost
Concomitantly
Constantly
Claim contradictory
Opposite views
At least two
Sides are needed
But always the one
Whose mere presence is fleeting
And then there is me
‘Bout to go unresponsive
For by
Dead of night
Silences
I am haunted

Wow she impresses
Expresses the rest of my
Leftist adherence  
Attracted to intellect
Over appearance  
Reminds me my goddess’
Gift
An add diction
Her way with words  
Music
To my mute affliction
My silence
And shyness
Her science explores
Turning my peace and quiet
To poetry roars
With inquisitive cues
Intertextual clues
Complimentary muses
With which I infuse
Best attempts
To be tempted
To mention
Dimensions
With take it slow
Get to know her
First conventions

Move swiftly beyond you
Within you
Without
No idea what I’m doing
Or talking about
Probably look like a maniac
Flailing around
Think aloud
In a shroud
Of stentorian sound
To the pounding of drums
And the shrieking of strings
To the tweaking of twangs
Comes the spreading of wings
Sing a symphony
Harmlessly
Charm passerby
I exalt the high heavens
And earth deify
Still accepting she’s gone
But can’t comprehend why
Like the rest of this life
It goes on
Out of sight
And preserving its remnants
The reason I write

Really felt
Her presence lost
Her mark upon my heart
Embossed
No longer
Only cost
A fortune
Fell for some
Ungrateful urchin
Searching for a match
To spark
To compliment
My in the dark
I kept receding
Leaving home again
Withdrawn
One day she’s here
The next she’s gone
Confounding to no end
Despair
It hurts so much
I just don’t care
A page from her
Unwritten book
Not one more piece of me
She took

Can’t rely on a like
And a message
To smile
This find a wife life
Will get old
In a while
And already starting
To bore me
In normalcy
Promising prospects
Condemn me
Remorselessly
Playing the field
With my feelings
Exposed
Vulnerabilities
Shared
Should’ve kept them
Enclosed
In these letters to no one
Specifically reading
Intentions and purpose
To keep them from leaving

How much of a failure
I’ve been
I’ve become
Couldn’t stop any wars
I just hide
And I run
I can’t even have fun
Without substance abuse
All attempts to find love
Tie the knot
In a noose
And you think I’d be used to it
Now
After all
Of the times I’ve uplifted
Myself
Just to fall
In a discontent pit
No escaping it
Slip
Further down
More than ever
Before I have dwelled
And despite the implacable
Anger expelled
Can’t dispel the illusion
That things will get better
That I can be happy
Alone in forever