When she laughs
I collapse
When she takes off my mask
I can’t ask any questions
Just in her muse bask
Hope it lasts
A next day
Though aware we are doomed
To be rock bottom bottles
In trauma entombed
Slip away with her
Maybe
To save me
Tonight
She inspires
These heartfelt emotions
I write
And induces a terror
Of never forever
Like no one I’ve ever
Yet met
And then severs
All ties from attachment
Like none of it mattered
Without even trying
She renders me shattered

What could be keeping her
Fingers from texting
A few simple words
It’s absurd
And most vexing
To know she does nothing
But sulk and consume
In her room
But entombs me
In silence and gloom
Then accompanies others
Who don’t really care
Who don’t hurt with her
Worthless
In death and despair
Just impairing her judgment
In mindless libations
Her self-delude,
Self-destruct,
Numbing sensations
Pretending it’s magic
And mystic
Depression
She is an addiction
A vice
An obsession
I can
Live without
Just afraid of her gone
Was it all
Really meaningless
Fiends all along
Just regretting
Embedding
Their secrets in song

Crazy girl
You’re so appealing
Hidden parts of me
Revealing
Stealing
Made to feel like dating
Kissing made
To feel like mating
Taking
Always taking more
You sound like peace
But speak like war
And contradict each word you say
Forget the day
And claim you’re gay
Or celibate
Embittered
Sick
Your honesty’s
Still full of ****
With or
Without you
I survive
And carry on
As dead inside
As sadly you will still
Remain
Without a home,
A heart,
A name

Becoming the madness incarnate
Unvarnished
I harness
The darkness
Undaunted
Still haunted
By tremors
Of traumas and dramas
Depicting my manifold
Soul-crushing ache
And I do
Like you feel it
And feel it
And break
Momentarily
Sorrow devours
Empowers my muse
Then depravity’s
Desolate desert
Ensues
And too long has its wanderlust
Rendered me
Barren
Refined and enriched
As a crude oil baron
No care in the world
My compassion is spent
Because every last love
Soon enough
Is lament
To extents only writing
Can offer reprieve
And with this
Elegy
Dead to me
Her I grieve

You doubt me
Forget
I am foremost
A writer
I struggle to speech
As you reach for the lighter
And right here contained
In this page
Is my rage
Is my pain,
Is my stage,
Is my rat in a cage
And I made this for you
When I can’t see your face
When you run
When you hide
And deny my embrace
Only pulling you closer
Not pulling you down
We both see rising seas
But your preference is drown
Where instead I would float
Though albeit, adrift
Even if
My last breath
Was bereft
Of your kiss

Resurgent desire
Still spreading like cancer
I feel its entire
Eternal no answer
To why can’t it be
She responds when I want,
Is my picturesque
In distress
In my dreams haunt
So romantically
Fantasies
More than a memory
There when I need
Her bemusing serenity
Verbally
Lyrically
Muted in mystery
All of it
Mine
Dispossessed
But promissory
Nor to control
Just to pass away time
Before down in a hole
Or some contract to sign

Writing for someone
That’s not even there
Still add songs to her list
That I may never share
When she goes unresponsive
Not sure if she’s conscious
And lately
It feels like she’s fading
For good
I just want to reach out
But not sure if I should
For she wouldn’t
So comparably  
In me delight
Does not seemingly care
What I’m doing tonight
And despite all I’ve done for her
Leaves me in lurches
Just pondering plummets
From summits and perches
Desertion
Dissociates
Intimate friends
From potentially more
Than beginnings and ends