Struggled to find
My identity
Finally
Had an idea,
An assessment
Decidedly
Knew who I was
So I thought
And proclaimed
Unto others was proud
To be known,
To be named
But ashamed,
Unassured
I too often became
And now every day hence
I am just not the same
Human ego
Or entity
Subject to change
Conscious mind soul
Embodying
Products of influence
Just an ad space
Personhood
Discontinuous

What could becoming
Approaching me
Changing me
Ask me ten years ago
Where would the day begin?
Never my answer
In offices spacing
Or running down PCH
Shorelines embracing
The end in its infinite
Solitude version
My pen in its diffident
Strokes of subversion
Immersion in worlds
Of colossal
Impossible
Postulates
Posterity
As unstoppable
Once I can find
The best way I can lead
A brief day in the sun
Then in shadows recede

No more distractions,
Attachments,
Compassions
Could match with
Some matches
Of ashes fall down
But they wouldn’t be her
And by her am still bound
And I just can’t imagine
A million and one
Beauty pageants
Don’t have it
They wouldn’t be fun
Couldn’t temper the zealot
The way that she could
Center me to expel it
In ways to be good
More conducive to us
And the rest of the world
Could erode into dust
If I must go on bearing
The lust of love lost
Like two names in a heart
In a tree trunk embossed
There was just the implicit
Please stay what I need
Feed addictions
And drink
Until it’s time to breed

Lucid
And sooner
Or later
Asleep
Even seated
Don’t need
Anymore to count sheep
And in keeping persistent
With daily routines
Only break from the norm
In my wildest dreams
Meaning reckless abandon,
Spontaneous whim
Don’t decide where I go
Just define who I’ve been
Should a day in the life
Include new and exciting
It seldom finds time
To explain it in writing
So as a professional
Aspirant
Strive
Not to make it a living
But why I’m alive

Trapped in the trip this time
Don’t let me out
I don’t want it to end
So don’t make me return
To where everything’s dead
Go on bending dimensions
As all becomes art
And interpreting
Doesn’t demand
I be smart
Just enlivened,
Enlightened,
My senses are heightened
By shifting-shape-shadows
No longer I’m frightened
Ignite as the music
Incites me to fervor
Incoming in waves
Ride the wake
Like a surfer
And wide awake
Snake through the slugs
In my way
On my blades,
In my grooves,
Just a child at play

Better be barely
By breath
Breaking out
For that death
Do us part stuff
I’m just not about
But take heart in awareness
You occupy thoughts
Of less savory urges
Are more often fraught
With a lot
Of traumatic
Explosives and omens
The ghosts of my past
Have so cryptically spoken
And though not
Initially
What I envisioned
We still come together
Like head-on collision
And into it full speed ahead
Would I go
If on your end
The fender bends
Backwards
To show
A committed
Emitted
Fuel standard
Machine
For I’m just a pollutant
Still tryna’ come clean

Come back when you’re ready
To let me stare into you
Baring my soul
Sharing I am so
Into you
Gladly could carry on
Days unrequited
Accustomed,
I’ve learned
The best love’s
Undecided
Or certain
It’s only been felt
Unsurpassed
So we close ourselves off
And compare and contrast
Just enough
To convince ourselves
It could be fun
But commitments
To prior engagements
Become
What the one
For ostensibly
Everyone
Finds
A devotion
To never could try
Other kinds