Did you really think
Making it
Finding it
Easy
Just comes to you naturally
Gifted from god
But remember
You’re out here
Exposing the fraud
Not applauding the fake
Till you make it
Free trade
See right through
The duplicitous
Profit charade
Under guises
Devising
Their statement of mission
Proselytization
New world
Imposition
Of ordered
Conforming
Adhere
And obey
I remain the untamed
Feral dog day
Astray

Self-induced ego boost
Write me a line
Reassure me
I’m meant to be
Flawed by design
Not deficiency,
Defect,
Disorder,
Distortion
Of problems unsolved
And blown out of proportion
Too often with me
I get tangled in dread
Inundated with angst
And then wish I was dead
So remind me
Alive
Still has reason to care
And apparently
Still
To keep dreaming
Will dare

If it comes to
The crumbs
Boring holes into boxes
And slipping away
Undetected
Then toxins
Are all it will take
To be rid of me
Finally
Just like the vermin
Exterminate
Quietly

Was I somebody
Or somebody’s pawn?
Just a piece in a game
Making moves
Moving on
Now it’s gone
Either way
The potential career
The commute,
The computing
White collar veneer
The appearance of wealth,
Status boost,
Middle class
Just delusions of grandeur’s
Next vanity mask
But I wanted it
Fond of its
Ease and convenience
So much I romanticized
Crowning achievements
Would seamlessly
Elevate me
To positions
Where fullest potential
Ambitions
Envisioned
Perfection expected
Realistically proven
But failure again
Pens the bitter conclusion

Does everyone
Wandering in
My direction
Provide me a reason
For more self-reflection
A lesson,
A reason,
Was this meant to be
Fail to see
How it all happens
Naturally

Failure still clings to me
Brings me
Downtrodden
By a deluge of self-pity
Patterns am sodden
Like just when I’ve nearly
Transcended the summit
I slip and instead
Into rock bottom
Plummet
Come climbing again
Under breath
Mutter curses
The boulder I roll up the *****
Is these verses
Reversals of fortune
Are my second nature
Ingratiated
To the ill omen stranger  
Familiar has it become
Plotting
And scheming
Untimely demises
Of childish dreaming
Refusing to let me
Succeed,
Persevere
I fear all I will ever
Amount to
Is clear
Just a good for not
Spot
On forgotten,
Unknown,
Unfulfilled,
Unaccomplished,
And dying alone

Searching for
Edification
Relation
Not only
Have so much in common
Elation
I guarantee you and I
Aren’t so similar
Maybe I’m salt
And you taste more like vinegar
But
Just because
They go great
When together
Does not mean they should be
Tongue-tipping forever