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I'm trying
so hard
to be human
and that
is where I
keep falling
down. It hurts.
I want to see the good in people
but keep seeing this badness sequestered in myself.

We all die in the end
anyways.
I'm sorry I couldn't make you a father
I guess that wasn't in Gods plan for us
I want nothing more then to have a family with you
Trying so hard but our dream doesn't come true
I know you would be an amazing dad
But no matter what I am so happy I have you
In my life
Always and forever
And maybe someday
Our dreams will come true
Been married over 7 years and still haven't been able to get pregnant. I carry that guilt everyday that I couldn't make my husband a father. It's very tough holding on to guilt.
Magic is not an illusion, it's a mouthful of music
you chew and keep chewing 'til the world starts moving
and the rain that plagued you plays see through
When the bruised ozone loosens then opens to reveal
a sky scholars thought disproven, look through it
It's there you'll find your feet even if your head
feels like an anchor sinking in concrete
I can only bend these words so much before
they or I break but that wont stop me from
abusing the pressure points I'm trying to make
I'd swallow a thousand pills so long as they looked
like you and never would I puke no matter the pain
even if I felt Death's embrace pull my name
I don't know what I need, but if I did
I'd crawl like a dog through the dirt to its feet
and beg for mercy, just keep me from the brink
I don't want to think
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