I want to write about your face
the roundness of your cheeks
the lovely color of your eyes
how they seem to hypnotize me
I wonder if you'd laugh to hear
I love the shape of your nose
I fantasize about your lips
what it'd be like to kiss
and I know I'd not stop there
I'd run my fingers through your hair
how much I love that fiery flair
trail kisses down along your face
breathing in your lovely scent
gentle kisses on your nape
I know these thoughts I shouldn't share
I can't help, can't hide what's there

I wish that I could explain
the feeling that flashes through me
when I know you're out there
like a mirage in the desert heat
but real, I know you're real
a picture of your face
a word to take its place
your name out there in the world
my heart beats faster and I smile
I feel so light, and yet so solid
like I could fly, above it all
but I will walk these roads
a while longer, knowing down
one path or another, you
wait smiling, lovely wonder

Staring at a spot on the floor
I want to stop thinking
but that's always the problem
my head's never empty
What if, what if, perhaps and maybe
endlessly circle, driving me crazy
in my mind I see a door
it's flung wide open, I want
to try and close that passage
its hinges are rusty
its weight defies belief
held by false hope
no stranger to feeling
wanting relief
Hope, always hope
twined all together
A rope made of hope
I find disgust with myself
with the way that I feel
it's all in my head
I'll never be real

I feel as though
I am cursed
The words they come
they do their worst

I speak my mind
I speak my heart
I should know better
Than to start

I should just accept
the way things are
I have no feathers
to fly so far

To reach for
the sun or moon
I am a fool
the hope is doomed

I'll never realize
or accept
To reach for the light
Is asking to burn

Try and Try
over and again
It's who I am
I play the fool

Sitting in darkness
dreaming of light
waiting for morning
but it's just become night

hours are passing
no moon over head
straining to hear but
the only sounds
echo in my head

The velvety blackness
no hint of the stars
the ground beneath me
both cold and hard
it seems like forever

Sitting in darkness
forgetting the light
waiting for meaning
has it always been night

In dreams I kiss you
our lips meet
melting into one
fierce, hungry
ravenous with need
two rhythms joining
a symphony of sensation
flesh melding into bliss
this and more
starts with a kiss

Sometimes I wish
I could unlearn
what it means to be me
to wake up and find
a stranger in my skin
someone who was
better able to hide
what they think and feel
not spout out emotion
it's depth like the ocean
instead able to deal out
the cruelty that is given
to return it gladly
but I am who I am
and I'll take what you give
while the waters grow cold

I am but a man
a one flawed at that
jealousy rears its head
roaring through me
crashing its way through
reason and rationale
a cacophony of sound
the phantom pounding
of insubstantial waters
like all storms this too
shall pass and calm
will come again

Love
is heat

rushing through
my veins
like fire

roaring
raging
radiant
resplendent

unrelenting
understood
­
reborn

by
love.

her beauty shines
from behind tortured eyes
secret torments that she hides
despite the way she often feels
with a joyful spirit she is filled
she throws her joy out to the world
it floats about like dandelion seeds
her joy finds fertile ground
and from her joy new joy is found

Thunder crashes and shakes the sky,
Torrents of rain hide the world.
Lightning flashes and blinds the eye.

Thunder crashes and shakes the sky,
I feel at peace and wonder why.
Sudden release, relief unfurled.

Thunder crashes and shakes the sky,
Torrents of rain hide the world.

I had a dream
it was you
we talked about a game
lines of text

The dream so real
elated by contact, digital
ephemeral emotion
painful self deception

I wake
eyes open
a moment of confusion
left longing for
my digital delusion

As I sit here waiting
Inside my head debating
My self worth
Or lack there of

Questioning and hating
The reasons I am patient
Turmoil and self doubt
I am good enough
or am I

These thoughts I have
Racing, chasing through
Wanting, needing
Seeking the truth
Is it love that I feel
or just a self delusion

Dreaming and creating
Words of truth and of lies
losing sight of what is real
what I've felt or what I feel

Restless sleep and lucid dreams
screaming things I'll never say
self imposed silence
it's better this way

I'm always lonely
but never alone
I live in a house
but is it my home

I sit in this room
day after day
hiding from changes
only I can make

Waiting and hoping
chained myself up
locked by illusions
can't set myself free

Where is the jailer
I thought it was me
trapped by delusions
forgotten the key

Afraid of if not
Consumed by what if
Wanting to change
but how to begin

When I'm at the edge of sleep
that's when things come to me
lines of prose, parts of story
I force myself to stay in bed
While the words run 'round my head
Shouting for my attention
I plead and beg them to remain
Till the morning, in my brain
It never fails, I fall asleep
Dreaming dreams of wondrous things
People and places I've never been
When I wake and dreams are fading
I look for the words I asked to stay
But much like dreams, they fade away

look in my face, stare in my soul
it's tattered and it's stained
but see its vibrant glow
look in my eyes they're not empty holes
they watch the world around me
in them secrets are told
look a bit deeper don't be afraid
look and see my wonders
look and see what has been made

I exist
in the quiet moments
I wait
When you don't speak
I live
to hear the sound of your voice

I exist
in anticipation of your touch
I wait
to feel the softness of your skin
I live
When our bodies meet

I exist
to breathe your scent
I wait
to be near to you
I live
when I smell you on my skin

I exist
to brush my lips against your skin
I wait
to explore you with my lips
I live
when I taste  you on my lips

Silence speaks
if you stop to listen
it tells a story
if you are quiet
in the moments between
the spoken words
made rich with meaning
by what's unsaid
silence tells a story
that words try to hide

my life is ellipses
a series of pauses
periods of time
where nothing is
where I exist
waiting in spaces
void of action
filled by racing thought
suspended waiting
I am ...

the insanity
consuming me
confusing me
ultimately
losing me
who I am
I refuse to be
my careless
thoughts
bruising me
deluding me
using me
in the end
forgetting me
and it's ok
it is the way
it's supposed to be

Driving and thinking
pondering possibilities
five days of silence
seems an eternity

wanting and needing
deliberate delusions
unheeding of reality
some things I can't let be

wondering and wandering
feeling foolish
a familiar aching
my heart won't stop dreaming

sleeping and awake
incandescent illusions
drowning in the imaginary
frozen by what is reality

known and unknown
avoiding asking
it's sometimes better
to let it all go

writing and pleading
withering words
some how elusive
unable to capture deeper meaning

hopes are wishes and dreams
bright balloons that carry
us over oily black
oceans of despair, rivers and streams

islands of light
covered with jungles
made of possibilities and dreams
some things aren't what they seem

in the center there is a spring
it tells us many things
sometimes it gives us proof
if we're brave enough to face the truth

we seek ourselves
in every day things
hide our heads in mysteries
blind to what we've seen

In the end it's hard
to be who we really are
to take the pain, face the truth
how we win, or how we lose

I don't tell the world
about my feelings
or hopes or dreams
what does the world care

I don't tell the stars
my wants and worries
most are dead
before their light gets here

I don't cry my tears into a river
thinking it will make it into the sea
and if I did it wouldn't matter
it wouldn't remember me

Instead I have this bottle
buried deep inside my chest
I stuff it full of pain and anger
push it all away from me

and as this bottle grows in size
I feel a hole in me
I'll find a way to stuff it up
pretend perhaps it isn't there
and like the world I won't care

It's like being thirsty
and so I drink
I drink and drink
Each liquid different than
the one before
Still I drink, I drink
still more
I roll the liquid
over my tongue
and find it's not
it's not the right one
I take a sip
a slurp, a deeper draught
it's all for nothing
it's all for naught
I reach again for
what I yearn
but will I ever
ever learn
I long to taste
taste one more time
the blissful richness
to make it mine
again I know
who am I to kid
I'd go back
again, and again
and still again

Silence is hard when
you want to speak
to fill the void
even if the words
aren't heard
not sounds but text

How I want to explain
since you came into my life
how I feel like it's good to be me
and you open me to possibilities

How I want to understand
your need for silence, and do
but how it's hard to speak
when it's not you to hear

I start to write then stop
I start to dial then stop
my mind keeps writing
my mind keeps dialing

I feel your absence
like a weight
pulling me to the ground
caving in my chest

Like most other things
this is a lesson
to be patient
to find meaning
in a heart beat
in a single breath

I breathe and wait
the clouds will pass
the sun will shine
I'll feel the warmth
upon my face

but you're a writer
she said to me
as if my being able
by dumb luck, or innate ability
to string, like ducks in a row
words that seemed to work
in a line
made me better
better able to describe
the indescribable
It's harder to explain
to describe the things that
are close to you, mean the most
to you
the things that most move you
that make your heart beat
faster, stronger make you want to live
so much longer
make moments into eternities
Oh surely I know that
when so moved, I can
spout and pour from my lips
or finger tips, streams of words
pretty some, perhaps
and even close to the mark, by chance
firing into the dark
it often feels as though
I have failed in my goal
the words that come
the feelings they evoke
like the after image
of a flash bulb
a reflection, of a ghost
of what the words mean
or what you mean to me

I throw my words
into the wind
and wait for them
to return again

I shout my need
into a storm
away from my lips
my words are torn

I whisper my desire
into grey banks of fog
languidly the words escape
and silently again I wait

I sit in silence on a hill
the words I had
have all fled
yet, still they run
through my head

conversations in my head
words I've spoken
words left unsaid
monologue, dialogue
susurration through my mind

doubt and inaction
curiosity about reactions
if I said, or if I didn't
would your answers
be much different

echoing voices
through my skull
is reality real at all
questioning my motives
if I should fly or fall

voices and music
no quiet moments
silence unwelcome
moments of song
entwined by their voices

thoughts of doing
held back by fear
bickering voices, offering choices
do this thing or that one
still no clear winner

back to the beginning
or is it the middle
life spins around
we all live in riddles