I'm always lonely
but never alone
I live in a house
but is it my home

I sit in this room
day after day
hiding from changes
only I can make

Waiting and hoping
chained myself up
locked by illusions
can't set myself free

Where is the jailer
I thought it was me
trapped by delusions
forgotten the key

Afraid of if not
Consumed by what if
Wanting to change
but how to begin

When I'm at the edge of sleep
that's when things come to me
lines of prose, parts of story
I force myself to stay in bed
While the words run 'round my head
Shouting for my attention
I plead and beg them to remain
Till the morning, in my brain
It never fails, I fall asleep
Dreaming dreams of wondrous things
People and places I've never been
When I wake and dreams are fading
I look for the words I asked to stay
But much like dreams, they fade away

look in my face, stare in my soul
it's tattered and it's stained
but see its vibrant glow
look in my eyes they're not empty holes
they watch the world around me
in them secrets are told
look a bit deeper don't be afraid
look and see my wonders
look and see what has been made

I exist
in the quiet moments
I wait
When you don't speak
I live
to hear the sound of your voice

I exist
in anticipation of your touch
I wait
to feel the softness of your skin
I live
When our bodies meet

I exist
to breathe your scent
I wait
to be near to you
I live
when I smell you on my skin

I exist
to brush my lips against your skin
I wait
to explore you with my lips
I live
when I taste  you on my lips

Silence speaks
if you stop to listen
it tells a story
if you are quiet
in the moments between
the spoken words
made rich with meaning
by what's unsaid
silence tells a story
that words try to hide

my life is ellipses
a series of pauses
periods of time
where nothing is
where I exist
waiting in spaces
void of action
filled by racing thought
suspended waiting
I am ...

the insanity
consuming me
confusing me
ultimately
losing me
who I am
I refuse to be
my careless
thoughts
bruising me
deluding me
using me
in the end
forgetting me
and it's ok
it is the way
it's supposed to be