your love is too tainted
[by the memory of a boy
who will never be more
than a memory]
to give anybody else.

there are some mornings
when I feel the weight of my hair
pulling my head down

when I can feel gravity
pulling down the subway when we cross the
bridge between Castle Frank and Broadview

there are some mornings
I don't think I can get out of bed
because the world is too real

the empty space between me
and my fingers is filled with blankets
and the meniscus of my eyelids
is curved up instead of away

I fell
into an ocean
of bed sheets
desperately trying
to drown myself.

But instead
I met with
your overpowering
smell.

So I held
my breath
and suffocated
instead.

Vulnerability is crying in public on the bus ride home,
trying desperately to avoid the wandering eyes
only to end up sitting beside a fellow apartment tenant.
Vulnerability is crying hard in front of a (stranger),
only to see them again.
-- that uncontrollable nakedness
Vulnerability is getting your rose-tinted glasses forcefully ripped off your face, exposed,
for what we truly are:
-- human

                                   *-lf-

I took the first step
Today

Telling myself
I don't need you
To be happy

Because I see you smiling
With your friends
And other girls
While I'm all alone
Dying inside

But then it hit me

I'm better than this
And I don't need
An *******
Of a guy
To make me feel
Like maybe I can continue
Living

Because I feel like dying
21/7
And I don't need you
To be the one
Making me go
Closer to the edge

Instead of trying to
Save me.

-e.w.

And if i choose you
id be choosing the type of happiness
that comes with the cost of pain
but id choose you forever
again, again and again

Today
You asked me if I ever
Regretted
Any of the lame,
Crazy stuff that we did

I looked at me
I looked at you
Peering behind
Your concrete walls
And told you

That I
Am not one for regrets,
Don't dwell
On the shattered remains of

What could have been
What should have been
What would have been

That I
Meant every word I said
Meant every word silence uttered
Loved you before my words
Ever ignited a spark in
Your ice cold heart

That you,
Were worth it,
Worth it all

That we,
Were draped with gasoline
We burned like veldfires
Turning everything we
Touched to ash
That they had to call
The fire department

That
The kiss that haunts me
Day and night
The urge to embrace you
Every minute of the hour
The crave for your fiery skin
That burns my fingertips
Each time I caress you
That the hole you left
The scars that are written
On my heart
And each tear I shed
Doesn't compound to regret

You were worth it,
Worth it all

Jezebel has sunflower eyes
That sparkle when she laughs
She took a drive out nowhere
Without a destination
Or a map
She took a trip to nowhere
Then laughed and laughed and laughed
So tell me have you seen her
Have you seen those sparkling eyes
With a paisley dress and suntanned skin and her lips that spout out lies
Cause I know I saw her drive off
Saw her drive right off the edge
But once I heard her laughter
I knew that she was dead