Staring what do you see?
                               While looking right through me!

I have missed me
I have missed us
Things have not been the same
Maybe someone else is using our name

Some days it feels like we are hands on a clock
just going through all the motions
Other days we are never seen at all
Maybe its just our memory that answers the call

So I miss me
I miss us
Could there be anymore space between us
We are not the same
Maybe someone else is using our name

Is there still love between us
Could things go back to what they were before
Don't we deserve love too
Or do we love ourselves more

Oh how I miss me
I miss us
When we are not the same
For so long now
Someone's been using our name

Not even sure if our hearts work anymore
or if those parts have already died
Do we take a chance on love gone lost
Or just give up throw in the towel and hide

I still do miss me
As I do us
Will we ever be the same
We are trapped inside
Screaming out our name

It was not a mere coincidence that we met this I now know
People come into our life all the time and help shape who we are
He came into my life to help me feel again....

Here I am
Wanting with this body
Thinking with this brain
Feeling with this heart
Looking out through these eyes
Needing to kiss with these lips
Touch with these hands

and touch I do
I perform for him quite often
My sounds of overwhelming intoxication is what he loves to hear
and I love to please him

Looks like someone has got their groove back :)

Was just recently asked "How can you still smile when you are so stressed?"
Honestly, I think it is easy because I have learned to just laugh as a whole
Laugh at myself, at life, and just in general...it is good for the soul
Another way I deal with stress is the power of prayer
I know of ten people right now going through a harder time than me
So I pray for them and the people that I don't know or don't see
It helps to keep that focus off of me
The thing that helps me the most is the clarity I get with paper and pen
There is always a solution even if I do not see it right then
If I do not find a solution then I know I can at least make a good poem
                        
So laugh often, Pray when you can, and Write
You will feel better

Don't tell me I couldn't survive without you
You do not know the battles already won
and the fears I've already outgrew

I've gotten stronger now... not so naive
And would only be my choice to grant you any reprieve

No passing security, no breaches, and no keys
There are only alarms and pass-codes you need

My guard stands at the ready on the outside of my heart
Dressed in camouflage with a black-belt in all the martial arts

I only have to ask guard of my heart shall I let him pass
With his awareness he knows when to do kung fu on that ***

My heart is now my most prized possession
and my guard rarely takes breaks or any vacation
The battle not always won but always suffers deprivation

Hands of a new mother gently washing baby's little parts
A little hand clasps around her thumb and touches moms heart
An unconditional love that continues to grow at first glance
Brings new meaning to life makes you want to take a chance

Hands of a Lovers first melting touch
Not being able to breathe when it gets to be too much
Butterflies in the stomach and throwing all caution to the wind
Two innocent souls lost in the present and trying not to sin

Hands of a fighter who helped liberate our lands
Bringing countries together and starting a contraband
Hands of the men who were young and oh so brave
Friends and comrades who lost their lives and wound up in a grave

Hands of a writer, a painter, or jack of all trades
Blue collar living but these hands still need to get paid
Calloused strong hands and a hard working class
Got obligations and bills to try and outlast

Hands of a beautiful woman on her day wearing white
Ring on her finger from the love of her life
Hands that promise to love and cherish through all the years
Comfort those worries and help face all your fears

Hands weathered and touched by father time
No longer seeing your lovers hand...your partner in crime
True love that has gone to a much better place
But the hands remain tied and forever laced

I'm still waiting on my happily ever after so to speak
For my prince to rescue me and ride off into the sunset any day of the week...

Someone to love me for who I really am
to appreciate me and nudge me forward where they can
Someone to have that unconditional love and love me best
wrap their arms around me and lay all my worries to rest

Wonder how many frogs you have to kiss for it to be the one
may just start kissing girl frogs till then and have a little fun :D

It's your birthday and I so wish I could be there
but I am sending your birthday wish and kiss on a balloon full of hot air
The balloon goes straight up to heaven and it's from my heart
Cause that is where all the best wishes do start
Wishing you your happiest birthday yet ..
A birthday and person too special to ever forget
LOVE YOU MOM and HAPPY 60th!!!

Drop the top toy and watch it spin...spin...spinning
The world has somehow shifted now looking for the end or the beginning?
Tilts this way and you want to close your eyes
You keep them open and look all around
But can't seem to see your feet on the ground
The middle when it is balanced is when you should pay more attention
But you are so **** scared not knowing if its gonna go left or right
One thing for sure if the top does not turn then how will you learn
And I for one will never give up on that fight
Then it spins and tilts the other way
This is when you hold on so very tight
And when you also know that everything will be alright
Where ever the top toy lands
This is where you will make your stand!

Anxiety is hurting my sister right now she worries about everything even worries about worrying :) She is still undergoing treatment for her cancer and is just very emotional right now. I will let you in on a little secret.... I have bad anxiety too!!!  I have somehow been able to keep it in check though. We took a weekend trip just recently to see some family and it was very draining and very good all at the same time.  Keeping my sister's anxiety in check left me needing to see a chiropractor when we got back.  I am not complaining though because I think that is what helps me.

Focusing on my sister and other people hurting helps take the focus off of me.  This time of year is very ******* a lot of people. We worry about not having enough money.  We worry about all the activities and hustle and bustle.  Also we are so deeply saddened by the loss of loved ones and why there is an empty seat at the holiday table.  We are preoccupied this time of year and I just want to say STOP for just a moment and remember to breathe.  Try and take the focus off yourself by saying a little prayer for another person hurting. Even try to do something for another person if you can. It has helped me with my anxiety and perhaps it can help you too!! Everyone wants to be remembered and loved especially this time of year! ❤️ Merry Christmas to all my friends here at HP!!

No more little girl frightened
Trying to stay quiet as a mouse
No more frightened
In a place she once
Thought of as her house

No Lucy has found solace in one of God's
Most smallest creatures the ~ Lightning Bug
but it does not make this any less extraordinary

The lightning bug is unassuming in the daytime
but lights up with its own night light at night
The darkness brings out its best gift

Lucy is also a light in the dark
For she has overcome unfathomable pain
Her house is a shadowy womb of horror and crime
But that is a story for another time

This is a story of hope and of Lucy
Darkness has plagued her long enough
Lucy identifies with the little living being
and she needed something to believe in

The best way to get rid of all that scary darkness
Is to turn on the light
Lucy's new friend has shown her this
Now she is able to smile through the pain
Like sunshine in the rain

Early one morning in a small cafe
I wanted to disappear so I came here
With only a dollar to my name
The waitress was friendly and brought me some coffee
Thank goodness the refills were free
She didn't ask any questions just simple conversation
It is like she knew exactly what I did need
She brought me a plate of bacon before I could resist
Then smiled sweetly and said "this plate will never be missed"
This waitress made me believe in people again and humankind
All because of simple kindness and for giving me a moment of her time
To this day whenever I smell bacon cannot help think of her and smile :)

I awoke to the sounds of water...
He no doubt trying to absolve our sins from the night before.
As I sit up in bed and yawn I have a look around at the mess we made. Our clothes look like a trail that on a map would lead to where his bed is the x that marks the spot. I notice red splotchy mementos left on my skin from his goatee and cannot help to think back to the nights escapades. It still feels like his mouth is on my skin as I touch my fingertips to my lips and my ******* turn ***** as if it is all on once again.  I sigh and get up out of the bed and find his crumpled white work shirt on the floor. As I slip it on I hug myself in it and can still smell his delicious scent. As I stretch I think how good a cup of coffee would be right about now. As I start walking to the coffee *** I notice how sore my muscles are. I cannot help but to giggle to myself knowing he will love this information. Should I pretend there is no soreness or should I let him know his affect on me? As I slowly sip on my coffee I am thinking the latter....Every man deserves to know he hurt his woman so good!

I live in my head
I have my own room there
My own bed
Where I do my best thinking
Where I am most comfortable
It keeps me up most nights
Making to do lists and analyzing
conversations from days before
Daydreaming about everything
Some of the thoughts I have
are down right crazy
So crazy that it must not be me
there must be other people up there
and hell not just a room but a whole house
with several rooms and several conversations
I can envision it clearly
Sometimes I stay there for days
The lights are on
My shades are open
But no ones home
I do return to the real world and have
real conversations but seems like I
Always return to my head
Where I live
In my own room and my own bed

I listened to my inner voice....
When I was filled with fear, when I learned at a young age that real monsters do exist and they are not like the ones in any story book I ever read. The monsters stole away any normal childhood that I could of or should of had.  Pain muted my words from flowing and poisoned my thoughts into growing... this is why I trusted no one.  
At the time I had no other choice... when I was
really the only friend I could totally depend on and count on
I listened to my inner voice...


I listened to my heart...
When all I could hear was a pounding in my ears, when all around me was like a crazy chaotic whirlwind screeching like a barred owl that would then break apart into tiny pieces and sink into a cold abyss forgotten by the sea.  I couldn’t forget the grief as it was real and still inside me. There was a brokenness about me my
heart was fragile and it balanced on the tip of my own desperation
but still I listened to my heart...
          
I listened to the words...
Slowly but surely I was able to come out from that darkened sea and was finally able to try and heal me. Words became my saving grace. I learned to not have muted lips and could give myself a fighting chance. I was able to tear down some of those protective walls to try again to live only in this moment without the armor and the hesitation. Writing became my new love... together we became an inseparable piece of one existence...
I felt so much better after I listened to the words ....

I have missed me,
I’m just not the same,
Someone else must be using my name.

Some days I feel just like a pair of hands
As if I’m invisible, no-one sees me at all.
Other days I feel like a clock, ticking my life away,
Or perhaps a clouded crystal ball,
Stared at but not really seen.

I still miss me,
Still not the same,
Someone else must be using my name.

I don't think it’s in me to love you anymore,
I wish things could have been like before,
But I needed love too
I have my heart to restore.

So I miss me,
I’m still not the same,
Someone else must be using my name.

Walking alone, down memory lane,
Trying to find the traces of what’s left of me,
But I see someone I just don’t recognize,
Someone who’s no longer me.

Oh how I miss me,
When I’m not the same,
For so long someone’s been using my name.

Am I still intact inside,
Or have parts of me already died?
These gaping holes may be the parts I’ve lost
But I’ll repair my soul at any cost.

I miss me,
I’m just not the same,
Trapped inside,
And screaming my name.

Eyes that undress me and devour
and look upon me as a delicate flower

Lips that softly kiss and taste
greedily savoring my sweetness leaving not a trace

Hands that need no prompting or words
they just read my body and thoughts not heard

Arms wrapped tightly around me, skin on skin
making me feel loved on the outside as well as within

I watch as an older woman in a red flowery
dress holding yellow flowers looks out to the sea
Searching for the young man she fell
in love with at the ripe age of twenty three
He gave his life that day on the Normandy shore
on the sixth of June the year was forty-four
Every year this woman comes to the sea to remember
For when she said her marriage vows
she meant them to last to the end of her forever
She throws the yellow flowers out to the sea
Always grateful for the love they shared
and proud that he fell in the cause for the free

When I think of you and me
I think of a tree

Sometimes that tree is full
prosperous
beautiful
full of life
So full it reminds me of the stars
Where we sit on a blanket and count them
Where we think they are all ours

Sometimes that tree is empty
Each passing day
more leaves
fall to the ground
Until one day
all that is left is one
Saddened by what it has become

It is in the way that you
linger there
where
passion and pleasure meet
in liquid air

It is in the way your eyes
take me all in
the fever
ignites
like extracting a firing pin

It is in the way you
kiss me
flying, I soar
leaving a hunger on my lips
needing MORE

I refuse to give negativity
and hate any more of my time
Once given the power
it can take over your life and your mind
I start my day with thanks
and end my day with gratitude
My days are a struggle no more
because I changed my attitude
The world is scary right now
that is one thing we can all admit
So I focus on me and my little bit
and simply change the way I see it

She has her own star
Down on the boulevard
Where they all line up to see her
Welcome to her life
Welcome to her world
Her life did not go as planned
She thought the whole world was in her hands
She craves intimacy in the worst way
But has to settle for whatever the fellows are paying for that day
She parades around on her concrete stars perfumed and sprayed
Hopeful that someone will find her desirable rather than doubtful
Wears tons of makeup
Smokes two packs a day
She thinks the sooner she leaves this world the better
She had a plan she had a path
Before that monster stole her soul and caused her wrath
Now alcohol and drugs help numb her pain
Nothing but a ghost girl remains
The other girl shed herself just a pile of skin left on the floor
This new person is all anyone will see anymore
She does have a good heart
but rarely uses it
too many people have let her down
No one ever tries to see the person that she is
they never stop to hear her story
They say it's hard work to look that easy
Some may even call her ******
But not me

No need to be bitter
You were never mine to keep
I got to borrow you for awhile
While my soul was hurt and weak
You were sent to me
at a time I needed lifting up
A time when that one person
could not fill up my loving cup
It was as though my heart
had been placed on hold for a bit
Yet I was expected to go on without it
Just go on without any worries
after all... its only a heart

Let us give thanks for health and food, for family and friends and for us poets let us remember to always be grateful for paper and pen <3

The way you kiss me
Reveals to me the kind
of person you are
Don't just jab it in
Be soft and slow and sweet
Use a little less tongue at first
Tease me then bring on the heat
Let me set the pace
Then you follow my lead
Slow it down this is not a race
Taste me ~ Savor me
Marinade me in your mind
Think of me until we meet next time
We can keep it going trying
as many times as we can
if it's not right change it up
And just start again :)

Just bobbin along on lifes fabric ....
Hanging on by a thread it seems
when you ***** me with your needles I do bleed
Sometimes I feel like an alter is in store
other times maybe just a mend would endure.
Whatever the case this garment sure is binding
could use a little TLC and some unwinding

For Her
She looks in the mirror at herself
and smooths out a wrinkle on her waistline
Feeling pretty anxious about tonight
but also floating on cloud nine

She comes down the stairs
thinking don't fall now girl, please do not fall
Then she says to herself I got this
As she sees his face and suddenly feels ten feet tall

She loves to play dress up
and loves to please her man
So she puts on the little black dress
As all part of that strategic master plan


For Him
He looks at her and thinks wow so stunning
as she stops at the top of the stairs
For a moment he forgets to breathe
He forgets that he has to have air

As she comes down the stairs he watches her
and he knows she is waiting to see his first reaction
He hopes that she truly can see what he feels  
Way more than just any mere physical attraction

That little black dress is so hot
as it is hugging all those luscious curves
but the best thing about that little black dress
is watching it fall to the floor so he can worship her and serve

There was a time I didn't stop to smell the roses anymore
I just wanted to hide away from the world

He took my childhood
He took my trust
All because of his sick ******* of lust

It took me awhile to finally see
That he was to blame for the horrible, awful ...not me

Once I started cleaning out darkened cobwebs
and the craziness from my mind
Those roses started smelling sweeter and sweeter all the time
Despite all that evilness from him
I overcame and I am longer victim

He on the other hand I hear is not faring that well
Seems as though he has already cashed in that one way ticket to hell
He can never hurt me or anyone else for that matter ever again
He loses and ...I WIN

The word is so simple...
Why is it so complicated?

We all fall in love or lust many times and there should be times we will actually know the difference. I'm glad I am not still that shy girl who totally messed up her first kiss by sneezing on the poor fella. Now I consider myself to be **** for the most part and now able to tell my man what I want him to do to me with confidence.
Love comes in all forms and shapes and with that comes heart break. We can lose the love of our life or we can lose a loved one from death. The latter is the worst and it is where the heart cannot be repaired.  When my Mom died my heart broke into a million zillion different pieces and when I tried to fit them back together there were actual missing holes. When the love of our life is lost it does hurt but the pieces can still fit back together. The pieces might not fit back the same way but that is because something has changed. Perhaps this something is a change inside of us!  From now on my heart will be tethered to me that way it will not be given away so easily.

Just as I hear the music that plays from within
As soft as a distant whisper or breath
Your touch has been memorized upon my skin
Like a kiss lost upon the wind.

A duet of our souls colliding
That forms its very own tempo
Hitting all the rhythms and beats
On the scale from adagio to allegro

Coaxing forth the sweetest of melodies
My maestro skillfully playing my every part
Drawing his bow against the tightly wound strings
To the hidden notes of his music written within my heart

Harmonizing in our own lover's chorus
Our bodies singing to a crescendo building
Moans and sighs become the music before us
Then collapse exhausted, the performance ending

A serenade to all who wish to listen to our song
Faces without names, lost among the throngs
And just like the music restored my hope
My maestro saved me when he came along

Such is the music that has cleansed my soul
Reminding me of all that I so adore
And having been once again made whole
I can only hope that he grants me an encore

Beware of the thirteenth
landing on a Friday??

Nah....that's just bullhockey

The thirteenth has always been
lucky for me...
My sweet boy was born that day
for the world to see :)

Drawn to each other by some magnetic force
Someone else pulls the strings on this course
Two magnets attracting each other with a tight bond
Meeting any controversy with repellant and despond
This mysterious force drives us together night after night
Never ever fearing because its our preemptive right

He held himself with a somber sadness
His massive shoulders sagged to the floor
As if something at his center had just given up
Perhaps life dealt him a bad deck of cards
or perhaps he had just got some very bad news
That is when I noticed the picture at the table
Sitting at his right in his favorite corner booth
was an old picture of a very lovely woman
Come to find out later this was his beloved wife
They were married for 55 wonderful years
She passed away in 2009 but that did not stop him
He still dines with her every day
and kisses her picture every night
He talks to this picture like she is right there with him
Now that is true love my friends  <3   <3