Do you ever feel like we are butterflies caught on seperate sides of the window?
Each one trying with fluttered desperation to break through that glass
Sometimes with an overwhelming feeling of hope that this too shall pass
The one on the outside trying desperatley to get in
waiting so patiently for things to change and a new life to begin
While the one on the inside trying so hard to get out
bottling everything in not wanting to scream and shout
Both with the dream of spreading their wings to fly
not really wanting things to change or say goodbye

I used to think I was special ;  now I know!!

I would try and hide from the horrors
and try to hide from the pain
but no matter how deep it is buried
the fact is the pain...it remains
The pain is still there every day
sometimes it is just hidden further away

I had to learn how to hide and how to retreat inside
Tried so many things to fill the emptiness the hole
So much hatred for a thief who stole so many innocent souls
Even though there are no scars on the outside to see
does not mean it did not happen to my sisters and me

thought I was to young to have a voice
to young to have a choice

Where there is darkness there is also light
Maybe some goodness can come of this after all
We can learn together how to come around that darkened wall
Our pain can produce a voice for all to hear
Make a stand.... speak up and listen with our ears

It’s a crisp October morning and it is perfect.
My son is nearby digging in the earth for bugs and searching for his new friend Bob the lizard.
I can hear my Boykin spaniel yelping and chasing squirrels in the woods. I am sweeping newly fallen leaves off my front porch and just enjoying all the sounds. The wind is slightly blowing and the sun is warming the dew on the grass. It is the kind of morning where everything seems wonderful even if for just this moment. I am going to fix me a cup of coffee and sit on the swing and enjoy it for just a moment more....❤️

You have me bewitched...weaved around some magic wicked spell
It's like my body is mine no more
You have brought this woman out of her shell

How did you know where to find me
How did you know you could do this to me
How did you know control would be relinquished so easily

You are *** in every breath, every beat, and every motion
You are all of this and more without commitment and void of any emotion

You are a fire within my wondrous sea
A great burning rush that consumes me

The silky flick and swirl of your tongue on my flesh
Has brought me this intense current of desire
Your touch has magnified all my senses in a warm liquid fire

Your lips are soft and searing on the inside of my thighs
Your ******* a teasing length on my leg waiting to comply

Gasping... my lips are licked and bit in a wordless plea for more
As you start exploring and teasing my throbbing aching core

My thighs are now split on both sides of your hips
My breast in your mouth caught between your teeth and your lips

Our bodies melded together..heated skin on skin
Do not know where your limbs end and mine begin

To be desired by you is such a gift beyond measure
The submissive in me aiming to please and always give you pleasure

I wish to go back to being little
back when things were fun
and just stayed simple
I may be getting older
but I refuse to grow up :)

Today...
I could buy a new dress
I could pretend to be a princess
or not
But I will love til I can love no more
and will always be more thankful
than I was the day before

Do I smell cake? Yessssssss!!!!

I was born to taste thee
as I kiss your lips and taste me

I was born to please you
just as long as you return the favor times two.

We were born to hunt and envelop the night all around
to get lost within each other then found.

We were born to fullfill our lust and desire and just be
eyes that devour one another and truly see

Nightgown still on....feet bare
Tangled mess of curly chocolate hair
Not a stitch of makeup on but that is when you say I look my best
Your knock this morning was a surprise I was not expecting a guest

Silly me, when you said  I am hungry I thought you meant for food
Till you came out from under the breakfast table and I got a better view
You play with the bow at the top of my gown
Then pull my arms up and then let it fall to the ground

You search out and make love to my mouth with exploring tongue
You drink thirstily as we both slip into oblivion
Your warm lips feast by licking and nibbling everything you can get to
I whisper in your ear I cannot wait to feel you inside me...every inch of you

An overwhelming necessity to have you RIGHT NOW comes over me
I yell out Don't stop, Please do not Stop as I begin to wiggle against you with my hips
You finally release the ache inside of me as you enter and part my lips

They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day
Cannot wait to see what lunch will bring my way :)

Broken mind Broken soul
lost and out of my control

Need appreciation and adoration
someone to step up and have maturation

Imprisoned by the pain
and lies you've told
Is there anything left to gain?

You were so perfect in my mind at one time
did not want anyone but you
but now I see a different side
Think I should find someone new

Your silence and your lack of care
means to me you were really never there

Just because I can do everything doesn't mean I wanna!

Awakening with your
beautiful words
I find a grateful heart <3

To feel close to you I now have to read your beautiful words
Then I imagine you saying them to me in a voice I once heard

I then wrap my arms around the air of emptiness
and try to remember our last kiss

You were all that I ever could or did want
Now lost to you my darkened eyes will forever haunt

You still are the music that plays ongoing in my heart
You awoken in me a melody even before my love for you did start

I relive all the memories of us together all the time
I know I will never see you again but I still revisit you in my mind

Will I ever get my fill of you or will you remain my lethal dose
I guess its plain to see I will be forever chasing your ghost

Time hasn't healed me of the pain
I will always remember his name

To feel close to him all I have now are his beautiful words
I imagine him saying them to me in a voice I once heard

He was all that I ever could or did want
Now lost to him my darkened eyes will forever haunt

He is still the music that plays ongoing in my heart
He awoken in me a melody before my love for him did start

I know he is lost to me but I still revisit him in my mind
I relive all the memories of us together all the time

I  try and remember our last conversation our last kiss
then wrap my arms around the air of emptiness

Time hasn't healed me of the pain
I will always remember his name

I guess its fair to say he will always remain my lethal dose
I will be forever chasing his ghost

Ah to see the world through the merriment
of a child's eye
To catch every lightening bug and see who can
make the best mud pies

To still believe in magic, fairy dust and
to make wishes on the first star
Blame someone else when cookies
go missing from the jar

To always have a sword in hand
so you can keep evil at bay
By remembering to ward off
the cooties while at play
Circle circle, dot dot
now I've had my cootie shot :)

To try and always be the first
to yell ~ SHOTGUN
To always wear my fast sneakers
so I can be the quickest one

To always remember the important things
Like when walking on the sidewalk....
Do not step on the cracks
unless you want to break your mom's back

Yes I have to be a grown up most of the time
Its good to know I can always revert in my mind
I also have Cayson to show me the way
To always remember how to pretend and just play

Oh to see everything as my son does see
Just brings out the very best in me!!!

With want me eyes he wraps my hair around his fist
He gives it a little tug bringing me closer to his wrist
My lips are warm and inviting
and already so long overdue
He starts off slow and soft
As I feel his breath on my lips
His tongue traces my bottom lip teasing
giving me a little nip
His sweet kisses cause a warm wave to take over me
As he heats me up from the inside
Slick with a need and burning
That only he can subside
He tweaks my ******* with his
fingers through my shirt
A sly smile forms as he starts *******
me thinking of his dessert
His mouth and tongue start kissing its way down
Tempting...Teasing...and Feasting
While I am just laying there
Trembling...Needing...and Pleading
Oh My ~ is all I could muster when his lips move
like a breeze over my thighs
Passion explodes as my will erodes
I revel in the sensation of being Conquered
And at the same time....*Conquering

With want me eyes he wraps my hair around his fist
He then give it a little tug bringing me closer to his wrist
My lips wet, warm and inviting and already so long overdue
He starts off slow and soft as I feel his breath on my lips
his tongue traces my bottom lip teasing...giving me a little nip
His sweet kisses cause a warm wave to take over me
As he heats me up from the inside
Slick with a need and burning that only he can subside
He tweaks my ******* with his fingers through my shirt
A sly smile forms as he starts ******* me thinking of his dessert
His mouth and tongue start kissing its way down
tempting...teasing...and feasting
While I am just laying there...
trembling...needing...and pleading
Oh My ~ is all I could muster when his lips move
like a breeze over my thighs
Passion explodes as my will erodes
I revel in the sensation of being Conquered
and at the same time....*Conquering

Again the dream creeps in....
It's a gray dreary day
The sky is crying just like every
one else there that I dare look at
Leaves are falling down dancing
In the wind until they land on the ground
I see a hole and dirt beside it
I hear someone talking a male's voice
but I cannot understand what
or who they are talking about
Then a chill sweeps over me
As a sudden realization about where
I am hits me as my sisters squeeze my hands
One on each side of me and I scream
out and say NOOOOO
Momma doesn't want to be all alone
A silent prayer is lost in the wind
As they lower the casket
I start to feel weighted down
and start slipping from
The grip of my sisters and my family
People are talking to me but it feels as
if I'm in a tunnel and they are a long way off
Then I feel dirt being thrown on me
I think this isn't right why am I in the hole
Momma cannot breathe
Now I cannot breathe
and then... I wake up

Warm summer spray
bare feet on dampened green
swaying the pain away

Some days I do not
want to wake up
the day just seems darker somehow
There is no particular reason
I am feeling down
I just am...

I have been trying to come up
with some explanation and cannot
maybe I am just tired
maybe I am PMSing
maybe I just need to get some

Whatever the reason
It is not like I can just snap
my fingers and get it over it
Like some people close
to me have suggested

What I really need
is someone to pull me
into their computer out there
and hug me and don't let me go
I want to stay for a bit with you
until I am not feeling so blue

I still talk to you even though you do not answer
it just makes me feel better
Days like today when I wished you a Happy Mothers Day
I sent it up through the air in hope that it reaches you
I also write to you in my poems in hopes that you read them
Time has made it easier on my heartache and not to feel
But this hole in my heart will never heal
The love I feel for you will never be gone
and the memories I have of you will always live on

Have you ever wondered if this world is the actual
hell we live in and if we are being tested
by how well we deal?
We are living in a place where pain, suffering,
and then ultimately death are of everyday existence
I understand that perception is everything here
and this world is an illusion generated by our perception
I am not trying to be a downer but the more I live
in this world the more I see it as a nightmare
that some days I just want to wake up from

This is not coming from my religious beliefs and I am
not saying that I am not grateful for everything I do have
Compared to a lot of other people in this world I do not
have it so bad and I know this.  This is coming from
a thought process I have been trying to come to terms with

Is there a bright light at the end of this very dark tunnel?
Of course we all have different journey's to take to get us
to that tunnel but while we are here our paths do cross from
time to time and we all have some of the same pains
sufferings and even death to overcome

My point is this...
We are all living in this hell together
Let's get through this hell together
This thought has become a shining
Ray of light in this dark
Find some comfort in this
and
Perhaps there is hope for us all

If you don’t want to really know
Then do not ask Granny
She will tell every little ailment
Every little story about what is
going on in her life. I used to be
embarrassed or irritated by it
But hey I was young and dumb.
Now I appreciate her honesty
She earned that right of telling
These stories and telling of what
ails her. She was an awesome mother
and grandmother who always gave
of herself to everyone.
I mean seriously...we are asking
How you doing? So why can’t she
really answer. I wish more people
were like this to tell you the truth.
Do not ask if you really
do not want to know.
I wish I could still ask her
How you doing Granny?
I would sit and listen for
hours if I needed to
I miss you Granny <3

The last time we spoke was just a lot of small talk
How you doing?  How are things?
There was so much more that I wanted to say
but did not...
Like, it was not an accident that I called you in the first place
That I miss hearing your voice and miss your beautiful words
I once had you captivated with all my southern charms
Now ~ do you ever think of me?
Do you ever dream of kissing me and having me in your arms?

Dream Lover come and see me this night
make love to me under the moons iridescent light
I want to look up and see your eyes
and stars staring down at me
At this moment no cares in the world
and no one around to hear or see
Floating in and out of a dream state of mind
Think I will just stay here awhile
where its easier to hide behind
Don't have to be dreaming to think of you
but in this dream world Ive created we can
be anyone we want and just play and do
If your half as good in the real world
as you are in my dreams than that's quite a lot
Too bad these dreams are all I got

You were born on Wednesday
Almost a year to the day
Since Mamma had passed away.....
Elizabeth Anne
Head full of dark brown curls
Just like your mother
My sister
It was my first time seeing a baby born
It was beautiful and a little disgusting
All at the same time
I may or may not have had to hold up
the wall for a brief moment or two :)
Just goes to show you something beautiful
did come out of this evil darkened world
A world so cruel as to take a mom
from three daughters who still needed her so
I was just eighteen and beginning my freedom
and you were just born and beginning your life

Dented and newly used
my heart is set on cruise
Winning
Grinning
Never gonna give up
because I refuse

My heart may be breaking
but it is not the end
Dealer count me back in
I am on the mend
I am on a comeback

I am done being afraid
I am done being saved
Do not need another setback
I am on a comeback

I believe in who I am
I'm better than I have been
I am not down and out
I have only just began

Thank you HP and fellow poets for this great honor!!! Sorry I am so late to the party but my 8 yr old boy hijacked my phone from me.

You are staring but what do you see
Looking my way but looking right through me

Your eyes were not like this before
But now just don't know you anymore

Can you not afford a fresh set of eyes?
Or do you like hiding behind the illusion you call a disguise

The silence is deafening and is hurting my ears
Would just give up but then would be wasted years

Sometimes this life feels like a revolving door
Pushing hard to get out but then life pushes more

Just so you know thick as steel this skin of mine
Your negativity bounces off…my world is fine!!

This journey I have been on has taken me to many places
some just being a state of being in my mind.
A few months ago the thought about turning forty terrified me
but here just recently I have been thinking about it differently.
Forty is no big deal and with it comes some perks I must say...
I no longer have to prove myself to anyone anymore ~ if you haven't liked me or anything I am about in the 39 years before I hit this number then odds are you still will not like me or anything I am about and I am okay with that.
I know who I am and what I want ~ I am a mother and a wife and I am a loyal friend for life. I am a daughter, a sister, a cousin and also a  niece and many many more. I like to be called a writer because that is what I am. I am a comedian at heart who loves to laugh and I am a nature lover who is a sucker for a good sunset.
I now do not worry about making friends ~ I do not have to think about going out and meeting the right kind of people or if this person likes me. I am already surrounded by the people who want to be a part of my life and have made it clear they want to be there.
So here is to me turning Fabulously Forty  ~ I am good with it and I am just thankful for being here!!

Gone is the day of the endless emerald sea
now its time for a kaleidoscope of color
raining down on me

He comes to me with  such a force
as if moving through a wall of fire

Things are definitley heating up I say
as he puts his fingers to my lips
but no words are needed right now
we can save those for another day

He grips my shoulders, spins me around
and pushes me up against the wall
Satiating his sudden appetite
by taking my mouth, my body, my all

He works those masterful hands
over my body with such a talented skill
can't help but succumb to them
can't help but to just bend unto his will

Surprised and stirred I return the heat
as my fingers dig into his hips
not wanting the moment to pass
this moment that started with such a fiery kiss

I have a lot of darkness in me
but I have goodness too
and I try to fight off
how much dark trickles through

When I feel the darkness
try to rear its ugly head
I submerge myself in water
to wash away all the dread

I can hear my heartbeat in the water
and it lets me know I am still alive
I try and block myself off
to what is slowly trying to thrive

I close my eyes to the darkened images
and close my mind off as well
I dare not speak of any horror
and retreat into my protective shell

I emerge from the water
when I start to feel repaired
then I shift my focus to other people
my thoughts are needed elsewhere

One would think that I got
This thing called life figured out...
But that would be wrong
I’ve been in this world for 43 years
And the only thing I’ve figured out
Is I haven’t figured anything out

Sometimes I think I would just float away
If my son wasn’t holding the strings
He grounds me in a good way
With all the light that he brings

Most days I can hold it together
Other days I want to float out to sea
Would anyone miss me?
Yeah some days I am just getting by
Other days...who knows? I can just lie

If someone pulled me from the inside out
Would they still like what they see?
Such things I hide behind
Are not always with intent to deceive
Do I have an intriguing mind?
Or better yet...
Do I have a beautiful heart?
Shouldn't these be the most important parts
I wear masks to disguise the pain
Underneath a river of lies fall down like rain
Should this river of lies drown me?
Or does it just make me grow
a thicker shell for all to see

Such warm inviting eyes
I see from across the room
As if they are calling out to me  
Pure joy in my heart and mind
Thinking was it like this all those
years ago when we were young and free
I wrap my arms around you so close
I can almost feel your long hair on me
Music plays softly in the background
I catch a glimpse of our reflection in the mirror
our bodies look as though one
Time seems to pass so slowly
It's as if our motion seems to bend
the very fabric of time and space
I whisper my goodbye  in your ear
Same day same time next week my dear
Oh how I just love to ride those carousels <3