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 Sep 2015 Melisa
Kill me slowly
i'm just a clam in the ocean.

a mere muscle.

walking around with a smile permanently engraved on my exoskeleton,
a smile can hide so many things.
including a life time of lies
including the things he did to you
the things they said

i'm just a little itty bitty thing against these waves, against this world.

a little pinprick,

a dot on your map

so tiny
i don't even matter
to the spectrum of everything....

but I like to pretend I do,
play make believe
as
they throw me against the rocks,
and try to break me
i tell myself i matter
that I'm part of the chain reaction that is called life
that i, being so tiny, can make a difference..

but logic gets the best of me
time and time again
and the waves don't stop
whispering.
they either speak too quietly  
or all at once
either way there words always end up crashing against each other


i don't understand what i need to do

i don't understand what my purpose is and no one else can tell me.

im just a mere muscle
with two shells for eyelids to seal in my saline tears
i am only a clam, and these are only waves.
so I seal myself shut,
let the barnacles grow over my lips
and choke on
the
  words
in
    my
salty
    mouth.
fighting negative thoughts
is like trying to tread water in an ocean storm.
 Jun 2015 Melisa
Kill me slowly
i've detached myself from everyone
all my friends
all my family
they
don't seem to understand why I'm not happy
but happiness isn't something you buy, it isn't something that get with a side of mashed potatoes or pork chops
its a lifestyle.. A life style that every part of me ******* yearns for
i can't be happy here
looking at all your sad faces
all your self pity
i have enough of my own

all i have to say anymore is *******
to every single friend i have ever had that didn't even care enough to ask me if i was okay
*******
mom for leaving me
******* Josh, for ******* me over
**** this world
******* all , thank you.
 Apr 2015 Melisa
AJ
I don't know anymore,
Even the biggest waves crash.
 Feb 2015 Melisa
Kill me slowly
you aren't who i thought you were
and maybe that's what hurts the most.
vous êtes un ami de merde
(it means you're a ****** friend in French)
and i want you to know that
and so what if someday you're famous
so what if you dance
because in the end?
who's going to be there..?
not the girl you gossiped with between classes, not the boy you flirted with and are dating for the next week..
please tell me
what happens when your bones grow too old to dance?
who will be there to love you when your body doesn't move like it use too?
who's going to care?

So dear ****** friend, I want you to know one thing
instead of sticking around and just letting you hurt me again
I'm moving on
and if we meet again  
excuse my French
but
please remember

mal être mieux la prochaine fois autour de.



(I'll be better the next time around)
My words are tough
and French is the language of love

tough love
 Sep 2014 Melisa
AJ
1.) Out of the one thousand and ninety-nine days that you were mine, I only regret three of them. The day Brian ***** me on that pool table, the day your dad moved back to Italy and I didn't come over, and the day you put yourself into this hellish suicide coma.
2.) If truth or dare turned two little girls into temporary lesbians, than so be it. Honestly, nothing ever tasted sweeter than you on that night on the bathroom counter at Tim's.
3.) I will grow up to be incredibly cultured all because of you. I learned to look outside the social norm after our late night dates on the roof. Getting high in your lap as you read me poetry, and played me Damien Rice's The Professor & La Fille Danse on repeat was more than enough.
4.) I always thought you were tradition and I was your French Revolution. But now I'm seeing that I was the revolution, and you were the revelation.
5.) You could not sing a single god ****** note. But the only thing I want to hear is your squeaky voice serenading me with our song right now. I promise I won't be annoyed, just finish chorus with me one more  ******* time.
6.) I would have helped you get to your father. I would have helped you. I would have set your mother on fire to avoid this.
7.) I threw up when I got sams phone call about what you had done. And then I screamed at him for an hour.
8.) I won't ask how could you do this to me, because right now I want to do it to you.
9.) Thank you for punching Brian, and I'm sorry you got fired, and I'm sorry your dad left, and I'm sorry your mom hit you, and I'm sorry that I could not kidnap you and bring you to our own private island in the middle of no wear.
10.) You showed me what star you'd become when you died, and told me that if I wished on it you would do your best. I know absolutely nothing about astrology and constellations. But your star is the one thing I find faster than the moon in every night sky.
11.) The last sip of every bottle of ***** I will ever have, will always taste like the last kiss we shared.
I don't know.
I just found out that you died on Sunday.
You took the right combination
Of pills this time.
And that feels wrong,
Because your favorite day was Tuesday.
And your mother didn't even allow
An Obituary in the paper.
And sam and I will never forgive ourselves,
For destroying all you photos.
I have none left to remember you by.

But I found your star in the sky tonight.
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