I know I should be living in reality instead
but I prefer the memories inside my head

I couldn’t comprehend
I couldn’t let go
I couldn’t understand
But now I know.
....Now I know.

I suppose we all grieve in our own way
I guess big hearts stay broken, don’t they?

Everyday around sunset, a tiny reflection of the window appears on the wall. My cat obsesses over it and stares at in the most peculiar way. After observing him do this daily for some time, I began to let my mind wander. I began to see this illusional window as a portal to another dimension. I began to think this shrinking light was the perfect metaphor of my life. This fleeting window, a mirage that somehow cleared the fog in my mind. An ideal escape to another world. An ephemeral glimmer of hope that briefly eases all of life's unanswered questions. An omen that in some alternate universe we are living the way we should be, unburdened and free.

I couldn't fit into your world
but you camouflaged in mine
Now you are nowhere to be found
but I still feel intertwined

Avoiding interaction
Dying for a distraction
A chemical reaction
Equals fatal attraction

I’ve always used books as my crutch to escape. I see now how careless that was. I thought imagination was imperative to a creative mind but it has taken a dark turn in my adulthood. I will always search and dream for things that are not real. Inconceivable things I’ve read about and cultivated over the years. Things that are found only in between pages. I have neglected reality for temporary pleasure and now pain is what I receive.

I am ruined. Spoiled. A dreamer now.

Our movie was my favorite
but the ending made me cry
the characters were not killed
but the love between them died

Ignore the elephant in the room
Hoping you acknowledge it soon
All this time I always thought it was you
But you broke me because you were broken too

I have the same premonition over and over again
"How many poems were about him?" I respond, "All of them."

I was searching for myself
A journey for my lost soul
When I felt drawn to something
And fell into your black hole
Attracted to dark matter
How could I ever resist
Who knew that getting so lost
Would be the right catalyst

Couldn’t live with the butterflies anymore so I killed them with a gun
And every time you reappear I have to ****** them one by one

You know what they say about ghosts with unfinished business...they’ll always haunt you

I thought that I wanted to be deep
But stuck at the bottom of this well
No one to help me out on my feet
My own personal version of hell

You played every bit the part of preacher
Hope you burn for your lies callous creature
Nailed yourself to the cross, here's your crown of thorns
You know what they say about women scorned
I wish I never tried to keep you alive
cuz you were right - you're dead inside

Another flame, another burn
How come I never ever learn

Poetry is like a deep well
Which your soul leaks ink from

I never thought low of you but now I do
Everything that happened I wish I could undo

Someday I’ll be just ashes & a memory

Go find your soulmate
And not your twin flame
One will give you love
One mirrors your pain

I've done a lot of regrettable things in my short stint on earth but boy you take the cake

Can’t stop the heart from breaking
But what oh what can ease the aching?

I’m doing it again
Thinking of how it went wrong
Dream of what it could’ve been
Before you said so long

Embedded deep inside my brain
Transparent memory windowpanes
I can see them but I cannot feel
It’s just the past, it wasn’t real

Will we ever intersect
When our lines run parallel
At the point of infinity
Where only time will tell

Suppose I’ve been postponing my healing
Guess I procrastinate even with pain
Suppose to forget all our memories
Guess it’s war between my heart and my brain

Memories dance on the back of my eyelids like projector scenes
I never get to see you but at least you're in my dreams

I was thinking to myself how there’s no measure for pain
Then I realized there are people who leave cracks and veins  
But every once in awhile someone leaves a fault line
It’s unfortunately a flaw in the human design

And I stood still
While the world spun on without me
And I stayed lost
Because no one ever found me

When you hold it all in
When you can’t say goodbye
Thats when it just festers
& ***** you up inside

Love holds you at gunpoint
Intentionally pulls the trigger
Hides the bullet casings
And wonders why you’re gun shy

Anyone can marry their high school sweetheart. Don't try to sell me on your watered down version of a fairy tale. Like it's some sort of an accomplishment, locking yourself in a dark room and pretending there isn't an entire world out there. That's like painting with only one color the rest of your life. I want to experience first hand every aspect the rainbow has to offer. I want to know how red and yellow make me feel. I want to try green on for a summer. I want to be absolutely sure that orange isn't for me. I want to find just the right version of blue. I'll spend the rest of my life searching the depths of the earth for deep violet if it means I'll never settle for the first color I tried on. By the time you realize you're over red, I'll be well on my way to indigo horizons.

Full of regret, wishing that I could undo
Every decision that ever led me to you

They scream of my tragedies
Conceal my strategies  
They captivate and seem to say
Look for too long you'll be swept away

Everything is routine now. You get lost going through the motions. You wake up, you brush your teeth, you drive to work. You find yourself seeking temporary solace in the mundane moments. Your daily coffee. A customers compliment. A coworkers joke. You answer emails and engage in at least a few brief human interactions. You sit in traffic, you make dinner, you shower. You do some household chores and you maybe get to indulge in a tv show. You most likely have a vice but it is probably losing its allure by now. You maybe get a vacation once a year. Is this just adulthood or is this the rat race of life? How can I maximize my happiness? Where is all the joy? Where are my flashback “movie moments”?

One thing I know is I will never get that feeling back
No one has ever touched the bottom of my soul like that

I'm just a lone wanderer
On the long way home
No matter where I settle
My heart will always roam

Red flags you ignore, wave a white one in its place
Just to help you escape once more
From time and space
It's all just background noise when in lovers embrace
One by one memories of you I will erase

How many soul connections have you had? two, maybe three?
Fate isn’t as clandestine as she pretends to be

We grew together, we fused
disappearing act, once removed
We blossomed, we unfurled
But we were not meant for this world

You're too diluted, no ones Cupid
Sometimes reckless, always stupid
Never catch on til it's too late, out of touch you cannot demonstrate
How to love and how to feel, need something more need something real
Cut your losses burn your bridges, you mustn't start what you can't finish
Don't you judge, don't be ruthless before you muster up courage to do this
Open the window close the door, your heart is dormant asleep on the floor
Shake the dust off shove it inside it's meant to break to make you feel alive

I take pictures of clouds I make wishes on trees I appreciate honey, the hard work of the bees
I smile at the sun and I embrace the rain that trickles down in patterns on window panes
I laugh with the birds I gaze at the stars and wonder if they know what life exists on Mars
I admire the universe and all of her wonders
She only creates masterpieces, never a blunder

I thought you were more like me
and I guess you thought the same
but we both missed the mark and
underestimated the game

You provided the spark with no oxygen
which only extinguished the flame
it burned brightly for awhile but
the final flickering ember died in vain

Boys fall in love with me for the words I spew
If you read a hundred books you might pick up a few
Made me feel self conscious about the way I talked
and wonder if my hips swayed enough when I walked
wished they'd appreciate me for the stuff inside
Cuz when it comes down to it I'd rather die
Then bare my soul to someone I barely knew
I don't rest my head at night because of you
You crawled inside of me, we traded brains
Your voice echoes on repeat, slowly drives me insane
All the others only admired the shell
when you left it cut deep, I still wish you well
Blocked numbers so you don't pick up the call
You were my best mistake, no love lost at all
If only suicides were reversible....
Cuz then at least you'd love me at my funeral

I hate who I pretend to be
I always hide the real me
Caught off guard when you stole the key
Set all my inner demons free

You plant ur seeds & disappear
Time again, year after year
But now that you’re no longer here
Loneliness I do not fear

When you just can't turn the page
because it was your favorite chapter
It’s hard to see the future
when there's no happily ever after

Beware trespassers her rivers run deep
Your life on the line shes playing for keeps
A valuable mind and insightful heart
she'll put you together then rip you apart
She reads your thoughts, she visits your dreams
But "Nothing is ever as good as it seems"
Run faster before she catches up & you fall
The devil's on your tail & she has you enthralled
She will take your soul and steal your last breath
Your life is now hers, the sacrifice - your death

Note to self: Sometimes a paper cut can penetrate the deepest of all