Not sure if you ever noticed
I couldnt make eye contact with you
I could never match your gaze
Your eyes knew exactly what I knew

No one will ever have my name or face or fingerprint or ancestry or thoughts or vocabulary or experiences or memories or relationships and that’s like insanely beautiful, no?

I marched diligently towards my own demise
should’ve recognized the executioner eyes

I’m the saddest girl that ever lived
That’s why no one can match the love I give

I constructed myself too carefully
now I can’t find anyone who’s like me

When my brain won’t go to sleep
When my heart just feels too weak
When my sadness seems too deep
When my eyes begin to leak
......That’s when I turn to poetry

You can lead a fool to love but he’ll just leave you on the brink

I don’t need to navigate the highs and lows of others when I can cruise in the middle lane of my of my own highway.

My soul is a thousand years old
I carry the burdens and baggage of many lifetimes
I've loved and lost over centuries
And I wonder which life was the best of them all

Sometimes you just have to face the hard facts
I love someone who doesn’t love me back

For you in my book I broke every rule
Only to end up looking like a fool

I've spent my lifetime trying to prove magic was real. Wishing on stars and chasing nonexistent mermaids. As an adult I became disheartened and "logical" nevertheless secretly wishing it still to be true. I've realized magic is real. Magic is the connection between two people who can't stop smiling for two seconds around each other and have somehow found one another out of the 7 billion of us. It's what the french call je nais sai quoi. Its the instant connection and perfect banter that sets them apart from the rest. It's the sparkle in their eye, the reflection of that mysterious and unexplainable feeling manifested. It's the elusive feeling we spend our short time here chasing beyond all reason. Some call it fate but I call it magic.

I thought that you held the match strong enough to hold the spark
But you won't be the one finding my way out of the dark
It's not that I expect a pristine list of all your credentials
But it's a different kind of pain when you don't live up to your potential

On humanity I've given up hope
All I want is a kaleidoscope
To see through souls find what's real
Too many fake people who cannot feel

We’re not even a notch on a sun dial

So spin your web of lovely lies
They can no longer ensnare me
You think I’ll still believe them all
Don’t ever double dog dare me

I’m only on his mind
When he exhales his smoke
By the time he’s finished
I’m right back to revoked

Beholder of beauty
I wish I could find someone who sees what I see
But more importantly
I wish I could find someone who’d let me be me

Another flame, another burn
How come I never ever learn

It finally hit me like a ton of bricks
Our pieces are just never going to fit

As time went by and we both grew more old
Shorter conversations as you grew more cold
So I withdrew and that’s when I started to see
That what I once most wanted didn’t want me

Frozen in the same spot you left me years ago
If only Father Time wasn't irreversible

This isn’t a poem nor a prose
I just wanted everyone to know
That these couplets are simply practice
Until my muse becomes more active

I seek commonalities in strangers and fill in the gaps with whimsical fantasies constructed from my own flaws and insecurities and decipher their every word waiting for them to prove me otherwise the version I know is not accurate and I stay blindfolded yet true in my intentions

I hope your games were worth it
I hope that you played your best
Cuz you just lost at checkers
While I was playing chess

The dialogue will be different
The actors will not be the same
I can’t recreate what we had
Because it’d be a different play

I know I should be living in reality instead
but I prefer the memories inside my head

How many soul connections have you had? two, maybe three?
Fate isn’t as clandestine as she pretends to be

Never know how good you've got it
Til it is just a memory
Everythings temporary
If only eyes could foresee

I’ve been writing again which means my hearts been abused
Bleeding out the words until the pain becomes reduced

I looked at your picture today and felt nothing for the first time
Felt deeply gratifying yet hollow like a piece of me had died
It ached like nothing had before but still I somehow couldn’t cry
No matter how hard I tried all I managed was a relieved sigh

Over time love transmutes into hate somehow
Forced to use your name as a curse word now

I know that you are long gone
But I still sit by your grave
Mourning what once was
Wonder if you do the same

Ashes to ashes dust to dust
Love is shiny until it rusts
How can you ever learn to trust
When its real or if its lust

I’m doing it again
Thinking of how it went wrong
Dream of what it could’ve been
Before you said so long

Waiting on love, she better come soon
It's like squinting at the sun wishing for the moon

You know what they say about ghosts with unfinished business...they’ll always haunt you

You only want the surface level with me
But I don’t do superficiality

What you tend to forget
What escapes you
Is that I still exist
& I’m hurting too

I thought you were more like me
and I guess you thought the same
but we both missed the mark and
underestimated the game

You provided the spark with no oxygen
which only extinguished the flame
it burned brightly for awhile but
the final flickering ember died in vain

I made a bad decision
But you made it feel so good
You evoked things out of me
That nobody ever could

I can't keep trapping my feelings deep inside
It’s a force stronger than I that can't be denied

I sunk so deep I forgot who I am
but then I remembered and so I swam
...so I swam

How many tears can you cry
How many times can you try
How many years can you lie
How many deaths can you die

Our story is the worst movie I’ve ever seen
But the book oh the book is legendary

When I spoke from my heart it penetrated the soul
That's why all those girls have never filled your gaping hole

We grew together, we fused
disappearing act, once removed
We blossomed, we unfurled
But we were not meant for this world

He’s not on my timeline
He’s made it very clear
His thoughts aren’t linear
No weeks or months or years

Memories that will never be made
Guess it’s better to just let them fade...