My trauma, my pain molded & shaped me
Without them this version would cease to be

So spin your web of lovely lies
They can no longer ensnare me
You think I’ll still believe them all
Don’t ever double dog dare me

Don't seek solace in the dark
Don't be afraid of the light
Don't squander all of your days
Waiting for the black of night

I’m the saddest girl that ever lived
That’s why no one can match the love I give

For you in my book I broke every rule
Only to end up looking like a fool

I don’t need to navigate the highs and lows of others when I can cruise in the middle lane of my of my own highway.

I marched diligently towards my own demise
should’ve recognized the executioner eyes

I know you can’t live in the past but I was happy there
When time’s always racing against you the rules are unfair

No one will ever have my name or face or fingerprint or ancestry or thoughts or vocabulary or experiences or memories or relationships and that’s like insanely beautiful, no?

Sometimes you just have to face the hard facts
I love someone who doesn’t love me back

I’m only on his mind
When he exhales his smoke
By the time he’s finished
I’m right back to revoked

I looked at your picture today and felt nothing for the first time
Felt deeply gratifying yet hollow like a piece of me had died
It ached like nothing had before but still I somehow couldn’t cry
No matter how hard I tried all I managed was a relieved sigh

Ashes to ashes dust to dust
Love is shiny until it rusts
How can you ever learn to trust
When its real or if its lust

My soul is a thousand years old
I carry the burdens and baggage of many lifetimes
I've loved and lost over centuries
And I wonder which life was the best of them all

As time went by and we both grew more old
Shorter conversations as you grew more cold
So I withdrew and that’s when I started to see
That what I once most wanted didn’t want me

I know I should be living in reality instead
but I prefer the memories inside my head

This isn’t a poem nor a prose
I just wanted everyone to know
That these couplets are simply practice
Until my muse becomes more active

Never know how good you've got it
Til it is just a memory
Everythings temporary
If only eyes could foresee

It finally hit me like a ton of bricks
Our pieces are just never going to fit

I hope your games were worth it
I hope that you played your best
Cuz you just lost at checkers
While I was playing chess

You can lead a fool to love but he’ll just leave you on the brink

Frozen in the same spot you left me years ago
If only Father Time wasn't irreversible

I thought that you held the match strong enough to hold the spark
But you won't be the one finding my way out of the dark
It's not that I expect a pristine list of all your credentials
But it's a different kind of pain when you don't live up to your potential

Over time love transmutes into hate somehow
Forced to use your name as a curse word now

We’re not even a notch on a sun dial

I sunk so deep I forgot who I am
but then I remembered and so I swam
...so I swam

On humanity I've given up hope
All I want is a kaleidoscope
To see through souls find what's real
Too many fake people who cannot feel

I've spent my lifetime trying to prove magic was real. Wishing on stars and chasing nonexistent mermaids. As an adult I became disheartened and "logical" nevertheless secretly wishing it still to be true. I've realized magic is real. Magic is the connection between two people who can't stop smiling for two seconds around each other and have somehow found one another out of the 7 billion of us. It's what the french call je nais sai quoi. Its the instant connection and perfect banter that sets them apart from the rest. It's the sparkle in their eye, the reflection of that mysterious and unexplainable feeling manifested. It's the elusive feeling we spend our short time here chasing beyond all reason. Some call it fate but I call it magic.

How many soul connections have you had? two, maybe three?
Fate isn’t as clandestine as she pretends to be

Memories that will never be made
Guess it’s better to just let them fade...

Another flame, another burn
How come I never ever learn

You only want the surface level with me
But I don’t do superficiality

I know that you are long gone
But I still sit by your grave
Mourning what once was
Wonder if you do the same

You know what they say about ghosts with unfinished business...they’ll always haunt you

I made a bad decision
But you made it feel so good
You evoked things out of me
That nobody ever could

Beholder of beauty
I wish I could find someone who sees what I see
But more importantly
I wish I could find someone who’d let me be me

He’s not on my timeline
He’s made it very clear
His thoughts aren’t linear
No weeks or months or years

I can't keep trapping my feelings deep inside
It’s a force stronger than I that can't be denied

The dialogue will be different
The actors will not be the same
I can’t recreate what we had
Because it’d be a different play

I seek commonalities in strangers and fill in the gaps with whimsical fantasies constructed from my own flaws and insecurities and decipher their every word waiting for them to prove me otherwise the version I know is not accurate and I stay blindfolded yet true in my intentions

When you hold it all in
When you can’t say goodbye
Thats when it just festers
& ***** you up inside

What you tend to forget
What escapes you
Is that I still exist
& I’m hurting too

Our story is the worst movie I’ve ever seen
But the book oh the book is legendary

Rewrite the script
Rehire the cast
Because this run
Wasn’t meant to last

How many full moons have I tried to let go
When I flow you ebb and when I ebb you flow

I thought you were more like me
and I guess you thought the same
but we both missed the mark and
underestimated the game

Were you a reprieve
Were you just a fake
Were you real love
Or my worst mistake

You don’t know my dreams, my hopes, my fears.
The way I take my coffee or the songs that drown my tears.
You don’t understand the way people have ****** me over or you wouldn’t have done the same.
You don’t realize how bad I need someone to vent to or the way I hate my name.
You don’t know the way my demons torture me and what I stay up all night thinking.
You don’t know my regrets or my favorite book or how to keep me from sinking.

Sometimes when all feels gloomy
Sometimes when you're filled with doubt
All you need is some introspect
And time to figure it all out

Was that version the real you?
Or just what you wanted me to see
Was it all just a role you played
Who you thought I wanted you to be