Sometimes I can't help but day dream
I sit and think about spending time with you
I imagine myself driving you around
Taking you out on dates
I picture in my mind all the laughs
And deep conversations that would be shared
I create scenarios in my mind
Where we try new things together
Explore and experiment
You bring out a certain side of me
I'm always envisioning you with me
All I can see myself doing
Is giving you what you want and need
It's especially bitter
And sweet
How I wonder what kissing you would be like
All I ever want
Is your lips against mine
Getting to spend time with you
And share joyful memories
Is what I dream about
Not only in the night
But during the day as well

I'll smoke this cigarette
And think of you
My one regret
Wish I could forget
One day I will
And that'll be a sad day for you

I wish I could hate you
And get rid of all these feelings
I wish I'd never met you
All it does is make me crazy
I'm an obsessed freak
I wish I didn't care at all
And that you never crossed my mind
Rather than constantly be
My number one thought
It torments my brain
I don't understand where my feelings stem from
You're not even in my life
Not even a little bit
So why do I always find myself
Sitting around thinking about only you
It's really not fair
I pray every day that these feelings may one day fade
It only cause me heartache and pain
I've never felt so emotionally dissatisfied in my life
It will be a miracle if this ever leaves me
But miracles can happen, right?
I just want to reverse back time
And never even learn your name
But I guess things happen for a reason
Now I'll never be the same

I truly think
I'm weak enough
To always crawl back to you
It wouldn't take much
Not much at all
I'd be on my hands and knees
Ready to please
You'll always be the one
My heart truly desires
Your love takes me to
Another level, much higher
When I think of beauty
I think of your face
I hate what has been done to me
Caught in this love trap
Forever

Sometimes I forget
The way my heart raced rapidly
Or the way my stomach turned
Sometimes I forget
The way I couldn't do anything
Or go anywhere
Without thinking of you
Or talking to you
Nor did I want to
I didn't want any second
To be spent apart
Sometimes I forget
No matter what time of day
Dawn, afternoon, night
We would get so wrapped up
In each other, in the lust of it all
And completely give in
To a time of sin
It was so blissful
I felt it, it was so strong
Sometimes I forget
How much you'd need me
And how much I'd need you
There was such a yearning
And longing between us
You were my oxygen
My drug of choice
Sometimes I forget
The smile on my face
That would never leave
Everyone would wonder
Who or what
I was so wrapped up in
Little did they know
It was someone I loved
More than I had loved before
And these are the reasons why
It's impossible to ever forget you
You're always in my heart
Always occupying my mind
The presence of you
Will always linger
You were a part of me
And you forever will be

I bombard people with my deep emotions
It turns them off
Well excuse me
I didn't know you were the boss

You're too shallow for me anyway
Don't appreciate me?
I guess love is not your forte

Thunder and lightning
In my bed
It's shining
Through my windows
Then the wind blows
I hear the storm
In my bed
It's warm
Flash flood
Wet mud
Deer on the lawn
Let out a yawn
In my bed
Pillow over my head
The storm yells
Floods away yesterday
A new day comes
The rain drop hums
My mind focuses on the sound
My eyes start to close
In a deep sleep, I drift
I'll wake up
Tomorrow is a gift

I understand that what I did was a little unorthodox, to say the least.
But whenever I looked into your eyes and saw all the pain bottled inside
The only thing I would allow myself to do, day in and day out, was try and fill those eyes with happiness
And I did
It's too bad I no longer can
If I had it my way
I'd make you happy
Every day

I hate emotional attachment
It scares me
They grab my heart and ****** it

I feel out of control
And I get sad
Without them, I don't even feel whole

This burden is too much
I can't play these games
It's confusing and I misjudge

My love's the greatest thing I give
I hand it out so freely
But then they steal it and I can't live

I must step back in my life
And regain control of my heart
On my own, I can see the light

Right now, I'm in the dark
Overshadowed by the fake emotion
Take it back, I'd rather be apart

Nothing is worse
Than giving yourself
Wholeheartedly
And getting nothing in return
I think I'll stop now
And just feel the burn
I'll get over it eventually
And then I'll start to see
Who's actually there for me

I didn't think my love for you could get any bigger
I didn't think my love for you could grow any quicker

I didn't think just one second without you would make me miss you
I didn't think just one second with you would make me want you

I didn't think that during the night I would have such a longing
I didn't think that during the night I would come to you crawling

I didn't think I would need you as much as I need air
I didn't think I would need you and have so much care

I didn't think that you would cast such a spell over me
I didn't think that by being with you we'd find the key

The key to happiness
The key to freedom
The key to endless romance
The key to our love kingdom

Everyone is as fake
As a plastic face
I'm not

I'm done with the games
I'm done with the lies
I'm done being something convenient
For your pretty little eyes

I'm done believing what you say
I'm done buying all of your ****
I'm done not feeling loved by you
Not even a tiny bit

I'm done wasting time
I'm done being used
I'm done being on the back burner
Left feeling nothing but abused

I'm done trying so hard
I'm done thinking we will be okay
I'm done thinking I have a chance
This game is not something I want to play

And so as hard as it is
I'm done wanting you
I'm done loving you
You'll be sorry when one day you wake up
And you can't breathe
Because what you did to me
Caused me to leave

Oh, my love
How can I begin to express
What you are to me
You're my rock, my strength
The most considerate of companions
I think about you non-stop
It's become a daily routine
Your eyes tell a story
They show how deep your love goes
I know you are true
That's why I confide in you
You don't lie to me
You treat me like a human being
But more so
You treat me like a queen
And you are my king
We live happily
In the kingdom of our love
Forever in the castle
We built together
Our foundation has no cracks
Because what we have
Is based on true love
Not some game

I never knew that my
Deepest
Darkest
And dirtiest sin
Would attract someone so new
And so kind
Who knew
That someone could view my actions
In a different light
Calling it romantic
And selfless
I am suddenly understood
And it's such a nice surprise
To make a new friend
Or more
With someone
Who seems to genuinely
Want, care, and need me

I had to change my name on here because someone in my real life kept finding my poetry and reading it despite me kindly asking them to respect my privacy. My poems are my deepest and most personal thoughts. I write for me, in order to get my emotions out. It is an outlet for me. I don't necessarily want my friends and family seeing what I have to say. I appreciate all of the poets here and love the feedback from you all, so please don't think Peyton went away. She is just Mela now. Carmela is my grandmother's name:)

If only you knew
About all the secrets
Your sister so sneakily
Hides from you
Like the ones she has
About me

***** and red bull
Allow me to forget
How you don't love me
But it only provides
Temporary relief

Tu silencio
Es mejor
Que tus mentiras
Ya me cansé
De ti
Y como tiras
Mi corazón
A la tierra
No aguanto
Nada más
De tus
Juegos de la mente
No quiero saber
Nada más
Sobre ti y la gente
Con quien
Estás
Quitate
De mi vida
Nunca quiero
Oir de ti
Por nuevo

You taste like **** and beer
Oddly, I like it
Probably because it reminds me
Of your tainted soul
Which is the very reason
Why I love you so

I don't often look in the mirror
I'm not pretty, rather ugly
I'm not in shape, pretty fat
I don't like what I see
So how could anyone else like it
Every time I look in the mirror
I'm reminded of why I'm not chosen
Why I'm not loved romantically
It's my looks

I have these feelings I want to purge
But then I have to fight the urge
Because I might make myself a fool
And that really wouldn't be cool

Sometimes I'm so drawn to you
It's hard to stop and know what to do
I get confused and the signals are mixed
But I am selfish and want my next fix

It's like I'm a drug addict
Always searching, I'm a fanatic
Do anything to get in your head
Do anything to get in your bed

Is it bad that I feel this way?
Is it bad that I want you to stay?
Talk with me forever
Let's be together, I have your pleasure
In my hands
Just like you have my heart
In yours

He's off work today
Maybe we will get to hang
I'm waiting for his text
I'm waiting for his call
But what if it never gets here
What if not at all

I'm feeling optimistic
Because I usually over think
But sometimes his mental illness
Comes back and reality shrinks

One day he's like this
One day he's like that
But one thing's for certain
He'd  never stab my back

Even though his heart is closed
And his walls are up
Somehow I always get a peak
I guess it's just good luck

I know he loves me
But thinks he can't have me
All because of someone else
Why is this happening

Maybe time is all we need

I'm afraid that...
No other man will treat me like you did
No other man will make me feel appreciated

I'm afraid that...
No other man will say to me the sweet things
Sweet and sincere, your words, they gave me wings

I'm afraid that...
Without your love, I'll always suffer
In this crazy world, I'll find no other lover

I'm afraid that...
No other man will want me with as much passion
No other man will look at me with such attraction

I'm afraid that...
I'll never find "the one" for as long as my days
Can't believe it was you who left us here in a daze

I'm afraid that...
My confusion and sadness will never part from me
And that I'll always live my life so angrily

I'm afraid that...
My one true soulmate has passed on
And I'm here remembering our times all alone

I'm afraid that...
No other man will be able to stitch up my heart
The way you did, it was like a form of art

I hope to see you on the other side
Till then I will just pass my time
Staring at the sun
Staring at the moon
You'll always be my number one
Visit me in my dreams soon

I die inside
When I think of how much I want to love him
But I'm stuck loving you instead