I think about you at night
And wonder what you're doing
Do you think of me?
Am I the one you're pursuing?

Sometimes I feel it's real
Sometimes I think it's not
Although my heart's all in
I feel yours can't be bought

Not with my tenderness
Not with my affection
It's not supposed to be bought
I'm just dying for your attention

Maybe I mean something
Maybe I don't at all
But you are something special
And it's hard not to fall

I fall for your soul
And your perfect heart
I feel the need for you
And I never want to part

You've got me on lock
I am under your spell
My love travels deep
And with that I'm compelled

Compelled to adore you
Forced to want you
And until I can have you
I'll continue to chase you

I wonder if people make nice
Just for their own personal gain
Why don't you talk?
Why won't you break the ice?
It's not always my decision
To put a stop to this friction
There must be a way around
The things that have kept us bound
Bound away
I feel insecure
Kind of like a prisoner
Stuck in between
Being nice and being mean
I guess only time will tell
Whether this will end well

I have this thing, you see
I'm overweight
In this big body
It cripples me from doing the things I enjoy
Like swimming
Like fashion
Like running
Like the many things I imagine
Going to the beach
Having hot ***
Time just passes by
And I sit here with regret
I haven't spent my almost 22 years
Doing things I enjoy
Instead
I've been fearful
Scared of judgment
Scared of wandering eyes
Don't look at me
What you see are lies
I wish my body
Reflected how I am
On the inside
That's all that matters, right?
Not really
That's another lie
My weight cripples me
And I let it
I need someone to believe in me
So I can shed it
Is anybody out there?
Do you even care?
Perhaps I'll be fat forever

I'm finished
I'm done
There's nothing left inside of me
I have not won

I've lost
Everything
I'm tired of giving my love
And then getting
Nothing

Why can't I just be normal
Feel normal
Look normal

Then maybe I could be happy
But no
Just let me be

The unexpected happened tonight
I had to open up
And come out with the truth

I told you
And we were both flustered
But we remained
For the most part
Calm

Although I shed some tears
I was reminded of the greatness
That we once were
That we still are

You were my first everything
My first love
My first constant
My first pillar of strength
Someone I could rely on
For anything

But, things happen
And people change
And we didn't last
Romantically
But we did last
As best friends

However
Along the way
I fell in love with someone else
But he was the person
That was off limits
Because of the relationship that you two have
Brothers

How awful of he and I
To, in a way, betray you
But we can't help our feelings
And where things have led
It just happened
There's nothing more to be said

You and I
We are always mature
We are getting through this
That is for sure
I never want to lose you
You'll always be important to me
You'll always be my first
If I lost you
That would be the worst

So thank you
For being so understanding
And for letting us explore
This new love
Us three have always been a team
We will continue to be a team
Together through thick and thin
That way, we always win

I kind of really hate you
Sometimes I try to convince myself that I don't
But nah
I think I do
You're so cold
And so rude
Not sure how you live like that
Every day with so much hate
Holding onto grudges
Holding onto the past
Like it's the only thing you have

You need a talking to
You think you're so smart
And so well rounded
But you honestly know nothing
You're not even grounded
Thinking you can do as you please
And say everything you think
C'mon, put a filter on that mouth
Not everyone values your opinion
After all, you're still a child
Dependent upon others
Maybe when you can hold your own
And make a name for yourself
Can you then walk around like you
Own the place
But until then, shut up
Life isn't a race
Life isn't a game
Grow the **** up
You stupid *****

It's your birthday today
The big 2-2
Too bad I can't even celebrate with you

You were always the older one
The wiser one
The stronger one
It should have been you that survived the test of life
Now I am here, trying to figure out the meaning of all of this
Will I ever?

It's your birthday today
So I'll light some candles
And sip on a drink
It's almost too much to handle
I can't even think
Only about you
And how you're not with me
Wanting you around
That would set me free
But no
I'm so young
And have so much life left to live
Without you
Hopefully I can do it
I don't think so
But the thought of you
And our love that never died
Somehow gets me through
This life

On the other side
That's where we'll meet
It'll be a beautiful thing
Catching up on a love seat

Dear Best Friend,
Not a day goes by that I don't think of you
Not a day goes by that I'm not affected by the loss of you
You were everything to me
My confidant
My best friend
My rock
My right hand
My soul mate
My lover
Not a day goes by where I don't think "what if"
Not a day goes by where all of the memories and times we shared cross my mind
Not a day goes by where I wish those times we could multiply
Not a day goes by that I don't think of the possibilities our love once possessed
Not a day goes by where I'm not somewhat filled with regret
What if I could have saved you
From your evil addiction
The addiction which took your life
Away from me
Away from everyone
You were supposed to live long
We were supposed to do so many things together
Now I am left in the dark
Wondering if I'll ever recover
Losing you is the hardest thing I'll ever have to deal with
Losing you is something I'll never understand
You'll always have a special place in my heart
And I know you'd want me to be happy
But sometimes I get so angry
I just want you with me
I miss you

It's honestly hard for me to breathe
When I'm not around you
I sit in my seat
And fidget the day through

When we have errands to run
And things to do
It isn't fun
Unless I'm with you

I think about you constantly
Wanting to express myself
What you mean to me
Is something grand all by itself

You mean the world to me
And so much more
You're everything I dream
We have lots of happiness in store

I use up any and every excuse
To come see you and talk with you
Everything about you is my muse
You're the thing I'm most attached to

You intoxicate me
With your wet kisses
You turn me into a druggie
Your flavor is delicious

You're out of this world
You're from another planet
I love being your girl
Your love is mine
No one else can have it

I hate not being around you
I could talk with you for hours
Just lay around
And feel you near
Your breaths
They're something I feel and hear
Feel them under my hands
As your stomach moves up and down
The warmth of our bodies
Radiates heat
The tension rises
A sheet of love overcomes us
The silence is overridden
With this feeling of lust
And heavy desire
Our love is a must
It takes us higher
Spending every day with you
Is my ultimate joy
This will last forever
This can't come to an end
It'll work out
Because we started out
As best friends

I feel like such a pest
I want to focus on you
And forget all the rest
Now that we're on this new level
Curiosity ignites in me
In your love, I want to revel
I can barely sit still
Or even think straight
Want to fulfill your will
Want to take you on a date
Holding your hand
And touching your body
My breaths flutter
You are such a hottie