i'm afraid to say that i will no longer be posting my poetry, at least for a long while. i feel like my need to write, my inspiration to write, and my purpose of writing isn't really there anymore. even though i write new material every day, i still don't feel encouraged nor inspired enough to post it, and for personal reasons at that. it has absolutely nothing to do with the hello poetry community. you all have been wonderful and i'm really thankful to have read such amazing poems come from you all, and i am grateful for all of the feedback you all have given me. i'm just at a point in my life where i am trying to stay away from certain things. i feel like my poetry is somewhat pointless now, and i'm feeling discouraged in many areas of my life. so, until next time, i won't be posting anymore. i will be getting on here and there just to read what you all post, because i enjoy it so much. but other than that, you won't be seeing much of me anymore. thanks again for all the support.
love,
me.

It’s sad how we always argue
Over misunderstandings
Do you know why I got upset?
Because you left me wondering
Whether or not you wanted me around
That time you stopped talking to me
For no apparent reason
So I lashed out
I gave up
Even though I will never truly
Give up this fight
I went away
I thought you wanted it that way
Then I got sad
And upset because how I understood it
Was that you didn’t care
To speak to me
Or care that
I wasn’t around
I’m not perfect
Not as perfect as you
But I thought my love could be enough
I loved you with every fiber of my soul
And I always will
You can hate me
And think I’m horrible
You can regret me
And wish for my nonexistence
But I am happily in love with you
Even though you’re not happily in love with me
And thoughts of you in my mind
Never fail to make me smile
I think of all the good you are
And how much I enjoy every bit of it
I think back on the time
When we were happy with each other
And that’s how I plan on remembering you
Because the fights
And the exchange of mean words
Doesn’t reflect how we truly feel
At least for me
It just proves that we care

I would rather die
Than live a life
Without you

I know I've made mistakes
And said some things I didn't mean
But I am just human
And that doesn't define me
What defines me is that I always fought for you
And tried to make things right
I aim to please
And strive to be positive
But I was always brought down
By your need to be negative
The things I do right
Are always under appreciated
And the wrong turns I make
Are the things you zoom in on
So what is the point
In trying to make you happy
When there is always something wrong
And when me and my efforts
Are never enough

She told me you're a cheater
But I already knew
I see through all your lies
And that's something you can't undo

You say you're with someone
Then you say you're not
It's always a different story
That really can't be bought

I'm a fool because I'm well aware
Yet I give in because I'm weak for you
I try to forget and maybe believe
That you could perhaps love me too

Your actions speak much louder than your words
Even if you say all the right things
But proving them is what matters
Proving them is what true love brings

You never prove it

He kisses
The salty tears away
Completely
Loves me right

I have the best of friends
The kind that can watch me cry
And hear me complain
About my so called "problems"
Which in the grand scheme of things
Probably aren't that big of a deal
But in that moment of weakness
My true friends are there for me
Always caring, always loving
They give me hope
Hope that used to be tainted
By fake people
People who lie and cheat
People who use me
For what?
Just to let me go?
Time after time
I never knew what the point was
But those are people
I wish to no longer speak to
What I do wish for
Is eternal happiness
For my friends
For my family
Who truly love me for me
They see my extreme flaws
They accept my heart
And its ridiculous emotions
They accept my mind
And its crazy assumptions
They know that I am a lover
They know I am not a fighter
They cherish me
And I cherish them
They hate those
That hurt me
That ruin me
And that is something
That they do for me
They get angry
To see me so hurt
And that is why
They are my real friends

The more you get to know someone
The more you realize
That you never really knew them
In the first place
What does it matter
If you can see their face
That doesn’t hold much meaning
When it comes to friendship
What significance does a picture hold
When you can’t even watch
That person’s life unfold
What does it matter
If you can say a bunch of words
That doesn’t mean much
If their voice is unheard
Friendship is about being there
Being there in the flesh
Getting to hang out
And see if your personalities mesh
Distance separates many people
Yet a real relationship
Can still be formed
But only if
The right precautions are met
They talk throughout the day
They’re honest and truthful
About everything, in every way
They talk on the phone
Comforting the longing
Making it feel like home
Real friends are real people
It takes real work and effort
To create something that isn’t feeble
From now on
I’m only interested
In focusing on the relationships
That I know can withstand
A lifetime

i get really sad
and somewhat heartbroken
when i think of all the things
that i don't know about you
i don't know where you go
or what you do
it may seem weird
that i would want to know
all of the little things
like what you eat
and when you go to bed
and what you do with your day
but i guess that's what love is
i'm interested in everything
that i could possibly know
it ***** that most of you
is kept so private
i would share anything with you
i guess you have to protect yourself
but i'll tell you right now
i'm not dangerous
and i love you enough
to where i would never
want to harm you
or use anything against you
no matter what
i wouldn't dare think of it
i just want to know you
thick and thin
through and through
i feel like i'm shown one person
and the rest of the world
the real world
is shown something else
i want to experience who you truly are
not just some part of you
or some held off
piece of you
i want all of you
i want to know everything you think
everything you say
and everything you do
i want you
one hundred percent
i want to know all the secrets
that you don't share with anyone else
i want to know all the different parts of you
the dark ones and deep ones
that only come out at night
the light and funny ones
that come out on a good day
the hard working and dedicated ones
that come out when you are focused
i want to see it all
because i love you
and to think i don't know all there is to know
rips me in two

Hours go by
Even days
Weeks
And I'm still thinking
The same horrible thoughts

i have always read people
like i read a book
i have always known people
like i know the palm of my hand
i can smell *******
from a mile away
it's unfortunate
because this day in age
everybody is a liar
nobody is real
and everybody seems to lie
about how they feel
they do it to either
watch their own back
and not seem like a horrible person
or because they are a coward
either way
there are very few out there
that are trustworthy
and i don't think
i know any

You're not hung up on me
You're hung up on her
Jealous of her lover
Meanwhile
I'm jealous of the measly air you breath
Much less everyone who has ever
Laid eyes on you

I had to change my name on here because someone in my real life kept finding my poetry and reading it despite me kindly asking them to respect my privacy. My poems are my deepest and most personal thoughts. I write for me, in order to get my emotions out. It is an outlet for me. I don't necessarily want my friends and family seeing what I have to say. I appreciate all of the poets here and love the feedback from you all, so please don't think Peyton went away. She is just Mela now. Carmela is my grandmother's name:)

Things that are the most precious
Are worth waiting for
And I'd wait a thousand years
For you

I'm not sure why people love *** so much
Maybe I haven't had the right partners
Maybe I'm too insecure to enjoy it
That's most likely my problem
Or maybe it's just overrated
Every time I'm in bed
Attempting to crawl out of my shell
And give pleasure to my lover
I just want it to be over
I'm so preoccupied with being ashamed of myself
And embarrassed
Obviously I'm my own worst enemy
But *** isn't that enjoyable for me
I only like to give
I rarely allow myself to receive
I guess everyone else out there
Is having enough *** for me

you tried to convince me
that she was bad
but i know the real her
and you're just a stranger
i'll never trust you
not ever again
you used me
just to draw out
a pointless feud
with someone else
i hope you never
get over your jealousy
she's way better than you
in every way
you may have the spotlight
but that doesn't mean ****
when in the dark
you're alone
wallowing in the fact
that you use everyone in your path
my heart will always belong
to the one who got it first
you can't just pretend to love me
i can see through your lies
i will always belong to her
and it's you i'll forever despise
for trying to take me away
from someone i'll always want
but you failed

we always seemed to have fought
every other day
i don't know if it was because
we were doing something wrong
or because we just really care
our last fight
wasn't like the others
it was more extreme
we said some things
we probably didn't mean
i feel so unwelcome now
like you don't want me around
i feel like i always break your heart
and by hurting you
i break mine too
it was never my intention
i've just been so confused
normally we talk things out
but this time around
you said i needed to think
think about what i want
and it hasn't been that long
but i'm already beginning to miss you
our talks were so fun
we would go back and forth immediately
it was something i told you
i always appreciated
i hope you've been thinking about me too
i really miss how caring you were
and sweet
i don't think we will be
what we used to be
but i still want to be your friend
at least
maybe you can't do that
i'm sorry my heart is stuck in another place
but i will never forget
the potential that we once had

My cause of death won't be
A physical ailment
I won't have a heart attack
I won't get heart disease
I won't be plagued with cancer
I won't die of old age

The cause of my death will be
The fact that I give all of myself
I stop whatever it is I'm doing
To help those around me
I listen to and advise my friends
I assist my family
While no one does that for me
I am left alone 99% of the time

The cause of my death will be
The fact that I must internalize
Whatever emotions I feel
Because nobody understands
How deeply they go
They judge me and find me crazy
There is no one out there
Who is as equally emotionally strung
I am alone

The cause of my death will be
The fact that when I get sick
Or when I am hospitalized
Like I was earlier this month
No one seems to think it's a big deal
My mother doesn't pay much mind
Not even the one I'm in love with
Said one word to me
I was alone

The cause of my death will be
The fact that I don't see hope for the future
I see ignorance all around me
I see laziness and poverty
I don't see any opportunities
For me to get out of this place
I am wandering aimlessly
And alone

The cause of my death will be
The fact that I hate myself
For allowing my heart and my soul
To break as they both have
I am hypersensitive
I feel abandoned
I am weak and fragile
Even in a crowd of people
I always feel alone

No, I will not die from something physical
I will die from a broken heart

i'm such an impatient person
it stems from my insecurities
but that's no excuse
i treat my friends like they don't exist
ignoring their calls
and their invitations
rarely do i ever socialize
i treat my supposed lovers
like they're nothing
it's as if they don't matter to me
like i don't care if i lose them
what is wrong with me?
for someone who was once so selfless
it would appear to an outsider as though
i'm the most selfish person
making everything about me
comparing myself to others
acting like my struggle is worse
i would never want to hang around
someone like me
i'm impossible to deal with
impossible to please
i hate myself
so i hate the world around me

Rejection is so normal for me. I've come to terms with the fact that I'll be alone forever. And it doesn't even bother me. I'm used to being independent and on my own. I'm used to not needing validation from anyone. I've become numb to the sorrow that I'm careless with my every day. My once pained muscle of a beating heart is now like a black rock, immune to anything thrown its way. The feeling of loving someone that doesn't love me back used to make my stomach drop and my heart sink, but then I reminded myself of how I already knew I wasn't lovable.

It is so hard to cope
With the loss of you
You treated me
Like I was priceless
As if I were a true queen
Your words, care, and affection
Ran through me
Like blood runs through my veins
And now that you are absent
It is as though
I'm lifeless
Nothing sustaining my body
No person or thing
Can make my heart beat again
No experience
Can ignite the passion in my soul
As you used to do
There is no one as intellectual as you
My mind is under stimulated
Since I lost you
I've been living on auto pilot
Living a lie of a life
Not reaching my goals
Or even attempting them
A permanent state of apathy and indifference
Towards what the world has to offer
To me, there's nothing without you
I can't move on from what we wanted to be
What we wanted to accomplish
Together as a unit
And now that death
Has separated us
I don't have much of a purpose
Anymore
Other than to have faith and hope
In the idea that there is an afterlife
And that I may get to see you
On the other side

I'm not very attracted
To those who're easy
Those who go out
And act like they're so hot
Like what they do
Doesn't matter
As if there are
No consequences
I can get to know you
And love how you are
Love how you look
Walk and talk
But if you do that
With everyone
That crosses your path
You're no longer that special
Nor are you unique
You're not a person
Worth treasuring
It's a shame
People don't realize
Every choice
Makes a difference
When it comes to
Building one's character

She puts thoughts
Into my head
She says you're a liar
A cheater
She says you'll never
Accept me
For who I truly am
She calls me an idiot
For giving you
More chances
I don't believe her
When she says you don't
Love me
But after a while
I think of our
History
And start to wonder
If it's all true
And now
I am frightened
Because in the end
I'll most likely
Be left
By myself

I want to marry you
And see your pretty face
Every morning when I wake up
And go to sleep
I want to provide for you
Take care of you
Be your shoulder to cry on
When you weep
I want to do domestic things
Like make you meals
And take you out
I even want your babies
To raise and watch bloom
Into beauties
Just like you
I not only want to partake
In new and exciting adventures
But all those things too
Because I love you
Inside and out
I want my one life
My whole life
To be lived with you
Every experience
Fun and dull
I want you there
To kiss you
Whenever I please
Make love to you
Every day
In every way
You're an epic
Love of mine
I hope that you will be
For the rest of time

I miss you
When you're asleep
Alone in your bed
I wish you could rest
In my arms
I'd hold you so close
Right near my heart
Where you belong
With me
We can be
Eternally happy
You light up my life
Now let me light up yours
You're the fire
Ignited in my soul
We're just getting started
We have a lot more to go
On this adventure together
We'll always feel in love
No matter what the weather

I would say a lot of things
But then I risk looking stupid
I think of how I could tell you
All I feel for you in my heart
I guess only five words
Can really suffice
I'm in love with you