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Emily Oct 2013
I sit around wanting you all day
Even when I'm sitting next to you
I feel like it's not enough
I want my hands on you
I want to be kissing you
All the time
But I ruin us
Why do I always feel so uneasy?
Why do I let my mind get the best of me?
I overthink every second of every day
And it destroys me
Along with everything around me
I dig my relationships
Into the ground
With all of my thoughts
They don't hold any truth
Yet I still find myself believing them
Why can't I just accept reality as it is
Accept that someone loves me
Accept that someone wants me
Accept myself as I am
But I cannot
I am full of self loathing
And I fear it'll never go away
I've come to terms with the fact
That alone I'll always stay
Wrote this in 5 minutes as I sit next to him. Literally having the worst day.

© Peyton 2013
Emily Oct 2013
I'm finished
I'm done
There's nothing left inside of me
I have not won

I've lost
Everything
I'm tired of giving my love
And then getting
Nothing

Why can't I just be normal
Feel normal
Look normal

Then maybe I could be happy
But no
Just let me be
Not okay this morning.

© Peyton 2013
Emily Oct 2013
I bombard people with my deep emotions
It turns them off
Well excuse me
I didn't know you were the boss

You're too shallow for me anyway
Don't appreciate me?
I guess love is not your forte
© Peyton 2013
Emily Oct 2013
Our relationship confuses me
We're back and forth
And it's hard to see
When this will start
When this will end
Are you my lover
Or just my best friend?
© Peyton 2013
Emily Oct 2013
Our relationship is so complicated
But it's anything but overrated
The love we share is concrete
No other feeling can compete

We make each other so happy
Together we form an army
That can withstand all adversity
We go about our love assertively

We don't want to hide
Or get over our pride
We want everyone to see
That our love sets us free

We've held back for so long
Always thinking our love was wrong
But now we're able to express
This beautiful relationship we possess

I truly feel like we're made for each other
I truly feel like you're my number one lover
Without you, I'd go crazy
You clear my mind when it gets all hazy

To have that peace and pleasure
Gives me contentment that I can't measure
Never stop giving your love, angel
Because to you, I'll always be faithful
© Peyton 2013
Emily Oct 2013
The unexpected happened tonight
I had to open up
And come out with the truth

I told you
And we were both flustered
But we remained
For the most part
Calm

Although I shed some tears
I was reminded of the greatness
That we once were
That we still are

You were my first everything
My first love
My first constant
My first pillar of strength
Someone I could rely on
For anything

But, things happen
And people change
And we didn't last
Romantically
But we did last
As best friends

However
Along the way
I fell in love with someone else
But he was the person
That was off limits
Because of the relationship that you two have
Brothers

How awful of he and I
To, in a way, betray you
But we can't help our feelings
And where things have led
It just happened
There's nothing more to be said

You and I
We are always mature
We are getting through this
That is for sure
I never want to lose you
You'll always be important to me
You'll always be my first
If I lost you
That would be the worst

So thank you
For being so understanding
And for letting us explore
This new love
Us three have always been a team
We will continue to be a team
Together through thick and thin
That way, we always win
A really personal piece. D&B;, my best friends, fraternal twins. A friendly gang for the past 6, almost 7, years. Can't live without either of them. Thank you God for blessing me with such wonderful and beautiful relationships. Forever grateful.

© Peyton 2013
Emily Oct 2013
My stomach hurts
Going throughout my day
Like nothing is on my mind

I get high
And try to busy myself
Doing little things
While the time passes by

But in any moment alone
My mind reverts back
To earlier days
Before my enormous
Fault
Came crashing down upon me

But I always knew
That in a certain amount of time
I'd be exposed
Me, myself, and my crime
I wrote this a while ago, honestly. And things kind of changed for me, so I didn't post it. I just re-read it... It is still somewhat relevant.

© Peyton 2013
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