caught,
eyes dragging, slowly
against the tug of another curious gaze
hanging on until the very corners –
where it’s almost painful to strain so hard  –
hoping to feel that small stabbing,
in the chest,
of shared experience
         – Humanity, that is;


until the tension breaks
and the emptiness in the unseen space between:
cold and unknown again.

This is the shorter edited version of our story. It tells you the facts, but it doesn't tell you the why. It leaves a lot of blanks that you can fill in, so it could be about your own highschool experience. If you want to  know our story, read the unedited version.*

There were five of us.
Freshman who grew up to be seniors

There was the oldest, the skinny one
He was tall and awkward

He was so quiet and shy
He only texted

He was uncorrupted
He was a lover

Then there was the Latino
Amazing athletic talent

A great friend
Funny as hell

Romantic and gentle
Loyal and patient

Next came the little one
Obedient and but passionate

Younger than everyone
Guileless and enchanting

In love with the latino
The most bendable, changeable one

Also there was the clown
Everyone’s friend, no one’s best friend

Wannabe family man
Strangely perceptive

Always smiling
Ladies’ man

And then there was me.
Full of surprises

Loud, rebellious, crazy
Fearless, childish

Independent and devoted
Steady and never-changing, slightly judgmental

That was us.
We were all connected, but also independent

The boys fought
Mostly over the little one

Then we fell apart.
We’re almost unrecognizable

The tall one, the oldest
Got his first girlfriend

He befriended so many girls
But secretly was dreaming of the little one

He’s leading his brother
And he doesn’t even know it

The latino is mostly the same
He doesn’t fight as much

But he never got over the little one
Now he just gets admirers

He’ll grow out of high school
He already knows how to do life

The little one got so lost along the way
But I decided to stick around cuz she’s my best friend

She’s already taking college classes
She’s working with children

Now she’s planning her life
But she doesn’t seem happy

The clown found himself friendless
He made a lot of dumb mistakes

He still hangs around
He parties and smokes

To hell with being good
At least he’s accepted his fate

And I’m lost too
I don’t party or drink or smoke or have ***

But I’m losing my religion
Bad things have happened to me

I’m no better than my friends
I’m sad I’m no longer special

And so we’re lost
Some are on the mend

But we made it through high school
We got so messed up along the way though

I drive home listening to Queen
The clown showed me that one song

And I cry because we are the champions

Do you see that space
On the right side of my bed
That empty, lonely space?
I left it there for you  
Along with the expectant pillow
Perfectly plush, puffed up
No imprint of a head
Because you have yet to lay yours on it.

Do you see my bed
As half empty or
As half full?
Either way it is at half
Of its true potential
Will you fill this bed full?

Contrary to popular belief
The right side of my bed
Is not provacative
Although it is inviting
My cool bed sheet
Beckons with
Whispers of innocence
Not to take and be taken
But to have and to hold
Just warm embraces
To keep out the cold
Nothing more.

Do you see the light
In my window
Will it help you
Find your way
A north star to guide you
Over so you may stay
Will you find your way over
Through the moonless night?

Can you hear me
Whispering your name?
And when I say the word
Love
Do you know I am
Saying your name?  

Will forces of what you call luck
Forces of what I call destiny
Make you see;
The empty space
With the puffed up pillow
The innocently half full bed
To have and to hold in and
The light that shines for you
In my window
Will it make you hear
Me whisper your name and love
all the same?

(I can almost see you laying next to me,
your outline throught the veil of the dark
and I can almost smell your musk
and I can almost hear you softly breathing,
your heart beat in tune with mine)

Will you come over
Fill the empty space
Softly press your
Head on my pillow
So that it will remember your shape
Will you fill the bed but
Keep it innocent by only
Filling it with an embrace
Will you have and hold me
Will I have and hold you too?

Will you climb
Through my window
Turning off the light
As you come
For it will have served its purpose
Will we both whisper love
and each other's name
All the same?
Be it luck or destiny
Will I find you next to me
To have and to hold
To fill that space?

They amputated
Your thighs off my hips.
As far as I'm concerned
They are all surgeons.  All of them.

They dismantled us
Each from the other.
As far as I'm concerned
They are all engineers.  All of them.

A pity.  We were such a good
And loving invention.
An aeroplane made from a man and wife.
Wings and everything.
We hovered a little above the earth.

We even flew a little.

The cheese-mites asked how the cheese got there,
And warmly debated the matter;
The Orthodox said that it came from the air,
And the Heretics said from the platter.
They argued it long and they argued it strong,
And I hear they are arguing now;
But of all the choice spirits who lived in the cheese,
Not one of them thought of a cow.

I wore my clothes today
My clothes
That one greenish sweater
with all the holes

I might as well be
an atheist or a Clemson fan
crimes comparable
to wearing vans

In South Carolina
you follow the rules
unless it comes
to racism and *****

Don’t you dare look like you tried
It’s sports chic
and southern tide

You better have an excuse
for choosing to be you
“I had to wear this dress,
it’s laundry day”

If you ask me
why I’m dressed a certain way
I’ll probably just respond
“*******”

Free the tormented soul
that lives within me.
Free the monster so that
I may sunder its anger
and find my way to its
heart to ease the pain
and suffering of the
tormented soul.
Allowing me control
before its to late.