you whispered the empty promise of forever in my ear
and I drank it up,
let it fill my lonely soul

the persuasive ways of lust made me believe everything you said
and that we weren't going anywhere soon

but look where we are now
I haven’t heard your voice in months
and you seem content with your new life without me
without even the thought of me

you’ve taught me that
nothing
nothing
nothing
lasts forever

I want to stop
the fluttering in my stomach
whenever you walk in the room
and the ache in my chest
whenever you talk to her

because if you truly wanted me
(like I wish you did)
you would have gotten me
by now

I realize now
that this unrequited love
is going to stay
unrequited

let's eat breakfast first
before we fall to pieces
let us keep this peace

things always seem
to lose their meaning
through the words of
depressed and angst ridden teenagers
but this time
it's different, I swear
      you became an experienced poet,
                            making poetry out of my heart
(it was the most poetic thing I've ever seen)

with his flirty smiles,
charming words,
wandering eyes,
and broken promises,
he seems to have
mastered the art of
breaking hearts.
although his masterpiece
would have to be
kissing me once
then never again,
leaving me shattered
with the only remedy being
his heart.

he kidnapped my heart
like it was a scared little child
but soon returned it without ransom,
battered and bruised,
with a tone of disgust in his voice
and a distant look on his face.
I guess his greedy mind
got very bored,
very fast
with my broken little heart in his hands.

on the days
where you're still worlds away
and I can feel your absence everywhere,
even inbetween my bones,
I find salvation
in the thought of us even existing
in the same lifetime
and how lucky I am
to be able to love
someone as captivating as you

can you find me
a silver lining
cause all my life
they have been hidden away
in the darkest corners
of the night
far beyond my reach
and even far beyond yours

all this searching
led to me thinking that
perhaps I do not get a silver lining
maybe everything is meant to be
grey
grey
grey
and my searching
was for nothing

after all this time lost
with no reward
I have come back to you and
I have realized
I was misguided
this whole time
because you are my silver lining
you have always been a beacon
of sunshine and hope
on my dismal little life

I know I have spent
all my days and
all my nights
searching
for something that has been
beside me
all this time

and I swear
I could tear my rib cage to shreds
if it meant I'd finally feel something again
*(nothing's really felt like anything
since us)

take something ugly
        (you and me)
and turn it into something beautiful
                                      (us)

I don’t think I’ve ever believed in soul mates
that there’s a person out there whose heart beats only for mine

but then I met you

and you smiled that terrible smile
laughed that horrible laugh
and promised me the whole **** world

making me fall in love with
every
unpleasant
detail

I think you’ve taught me that soul mates really do exist

maybe the reason why
I can only write at night
is because that’s when we
were truly us
you first held me in your arms
and nervously kissed my lips
in the faint light of the stars
and now that you’re gone
the light of the stars
illuminates my will
to fill the hole you left
with anything I can
like words of my affection
for the boy that is no longer mine

today I know for sure
that I have pushed you out
and you are not in my heart
    (you are as far away as you can get from it)
but I am scared for tomorrow
and the day after
because you always have a way
of making it right back into
the middle of my heart
no matter how badly
I wish you weren't there

I would trade anything to have you say hello
because you’ve filled my thoughts
faster than anyone else ever has

I’ve fallen in love with your smile
and the way you simply are

I’d love to be yours
but you don’t even know my name

so I guess I’ll stick to stolen glances
and pretending it was meant to be
when I catch your eye

streetlights ignite
the darkness after nightfall
setting the shadows ablaze
and, all the while,
remain endlessly
unprecedented unattractive unappreciated and unnoticed
despite their best intentions
and unaltered loyalty to illuminate our nights

without them, nighttime wanderers
would be absorbed by the night
and not be seen til morning
they are the only guides left
when twilight swallows the adventurous whole

so this is a thank you
to the undervalued streetlights

it's almost scary how fast
we went from
us
to subway transfers littering my bedroom floor
from the night that everyone was there
but you

I can't let go of little pieces of paper
with your city
scribbled all over them
because all I have left
is memories of you
not
being
there

everyone always admires

the stars

and the rain


but what about

the sun

on those summer afternoons


where it’s just a little hot

but the breeze cools it down


where you don’t need a sweater

or a bucket for your sweat


where it's easy to be overflowing with joy

instead of complaints about being too hot or too cold


these are the times 
when life is truly lived


the perfect weather

for the perfect memories

kiss him while you still have the chance

kiss him
because his love will fade
with the summer heat

kiss him again
because his forevers
will turn into nevers

kiss him once more
because summer loves
only lead to winter heartbreaks

kiss him goodbye and never look back

I always saw myself
as a mere sunflower
in your world of roses
until the night we were lying in your basement
and you quietly admitted
you thought
sunflowers
were the most beautiful flower of them all

now I'm your sunflower
in a world of roses

I have a crush on a boy
who makes me angry
with everything he does

because everything he does
is without
the thought of me

while everything I do
is laced
and clogged with
the thought of him

I thought you might have felt it too
between all the stolen glances
and subtle brushing of our hands

maybe I'm wrong
and there was nothing there to feel
maybe I'm just a friend
and you talking to that new girl shouldn't bother me at all

but I know I felt something
I thought I was special
and that new girl
bothers me a lot more than it should

that glorious feeling
of seeing you search for me in a crowd
was quickly replaced
by the retched feeling
of seeing you be happy with someone who isn't me

you said that things were getting hard

and I couldn’t think of what to say
 to let you know what I was thinking

with the admittance of your struggle

it felt as though my heart had been ripped from my chest
and all the air had disappeared from my lungs
I wanted to fix you

to make you feel whole
 again
because that’s what you deserve
but I didn’t know how to tell you this

so I smiled sadly

as I usually do

and promised things would get better

so hopefully

you might be able to tell that all I want

is for you to be happy

I feel like I'm screaming into the emptiness
and no one
not even my own echo
is there to keep me sane
and hold me when
the darks get darker
and the pain won't fade

we didn't know each other
but the way he smiled at me made me feel like we did.
all teeth
and gums
and
warm
warm
warm.
i wondered if he could feel my heart
fly out of my chest
and land firmly
in his back pocket.

you shine so bright
that the weeds in my chest
grew towards you
and bloomed
into flowers
that couldn't be called
anything other than
love

i'm learning to be less of a thunderstorm

I think
I would spend
less time being sad
if I didn't fall in love
every time someone
treated me like
I was
worthy