streetlights ignite
the darkness after nightfall
setting the shadows ablaze
and, all the while,
remain endlessly
unprecedented unattractive unappreciated and unnoticed
despite their best intentions
and unaltered loyalty to illuminate our nights

without them, nighttime wanderers
would be absorbed by the night
and not be seen til morning
they are the only guides left
when twilight swallows the adventurous whole

so this is a thank you
to the undervalued streetlights

I'm tired of only being able to write
about love and heartache

I want to grow
and expand
and mature

I want to learn
about the world
and all that it holds

I want to be my own person
away from the infactuation
and obsession

I want
to be
m o r e

today I know for sure
that I have pushed you out
and you are not in my heart
    (you are as far away as you can get from it)
but I am scared for tomorrow
and the day after
because you always have a way
of making it right back into
the middle of my heart
no matter how badly
I wish you weren't there

when you brush past me in the hall
I no longer feel it
when you brush through my sight
I no longer see it
when you brush through my thoughts
I no longer want it
when you brush through my life
I no longer care at all

can you find me
a silver lining
cause all my life
they have been hidden away
in the darkest corners
of the night
far beyond my reach
and even far beyond yours

all this searching
led to me thinking that
perhaps I do not get a silver lining
maybe everything is meant to be
grey
grey
grey
and my searching
was for nothing

after all this time lost
with no reward
I have come back to you and
I have realized
I was misguided
this whole time
because you are my silver lining
you have always been a beacon
of sunshine and hope
on my dismal little life

I know I have spent
all my days and
all my nights
searching
for something that has been
beside me
all this time

I want to stop
the fluttering in my stomach
whenever you walk in the room
and the ache in my chest
whenever you talk to her

because if you truly wanted me
(like I wish you did)
you would have gotten me
by now

I realize now
that this unrequited love
is going to stay
unrequited

I have a crush on a boy
who makes me angry
with everything he does

because everything he does
is without
the thought of me

while everything I do
is laced
and clogged with
the thought of him

I'd cut you out if I could
but then again
I can't
I could never do that
cause the thing about you
is that no matter how many times
I shatter my own heart
it always mends itself
at the sight
of your smile

you whispered the empty promise of forever in my ear
and I drank it up,
let it fill my lonely soul

the persuasive ways of lust made me believe everything you said
and that we weren't going anywhere soon

but look where we are now
I haven’t heard your voice in months
and you seem content with your new life without me
without even the thought of me

you’ve taught me that
nothing
nothing
nothing
lasts forever

I wish there was a way
to know you're in the good old days
before they're over

because I always take good things for granted
then regret it
when they're gone
and wish for nothing other
than to have those good times back

I think
I would spend
less time being sad
if I didn't fall in love
every time someone
treated me like
I was
worthy

dear you,
everything I
write
think
say
is addressed to you
but you'll never read this
cause you'll never care
so
I love you
I love you
I love you
from,
me

I thought you might have felt it too
between all the stolen glances
and subtle brushing of our hands

maybe I'm wrong
and there was nothing there to feel
maybe I'm just a friend
and you talking to that new girl shouldn't bother me at all

but I know I felt something
I thought I was special
and that new girl
bothers me a lot more than it should

that glorious feeling
of seeing you search for me in a crowd
was quickly replaced
by the retched feeling
of seeing you be happy with someone who isn't me

let's eat breakfast first
before we fall to pieces
let us keep this peace

after months
of being the only one to say
I miss you
it's getting to the point
where I'm not sure
I even miss you
anymore

everyone always admires

the stars

and the rain


but what about

the sun

on those summer afternoons


where it’s just a little hot

but the breeze cools it down


where you don’t need a sweater

or a bucket for your sweat


where it's easy to be overflowing with joy

instead of complaints about being too hot or too cold


these are the times 
when life is truly lived


the perfect weather

for the perfect memories

sometimes I feel like you don’t deserve
all my words
all my time
or all my love
the way I’ve so easily given them to you
but then I remember
you were my first
and we had it pretty good
even though you broke my heart
you were still the best thing to ever happen to me

you said that things were getting hard

and I couldn’t think of what to say
 to let you know what I was thinking

with the admittance of your struggle

it felt as though my heart had been ripped from my chest
and all the air had disappeared from my lungs
I wanted to fix you

to make you feel whole
 again
because that’s what you deserve
but I didn’t know how to tell you this

so I smiled sadly

as I usually do

and promised things would get better

so hopefully

you might be able to tell that all I want

is for you to be happy

maybe the reason why
I can only write at night
is because that’s when we
were truly us
you first held me in your arms
and nervously kissed my lips
in the faint light of the stars
and now that you’re gone
the light of the stars
illuminates my will
to fill the hole you left
with anything I can
like words of my affection
for the boy that is no longer mine

I would trade anything to have you say hello
because you’ve filled my thoughts
faster than anyone else ever has

I’ve fallen in love with your smile
and the way you simply are

I’d love to be yours
but you don’t even know my name

so I guess I’ll stick to stolen glances
and pretending it was meant to be
when I catch your eye