I must admit,
I am missing you right now,
Though not in a sad manner.
Just a...
Nostalgic one

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Were that I could hold you in my arms right now,
I think the field of stars overhead would align.
All would right again, and
Ah!
The moon itself would shine brighter,
For Us.

But
Ah!
You are so many miles from me,
And though you are in my heart,
I do not know if I am in yours.

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YOU'RE A MESS OF CONTRADICTIONS
AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO

How am I supposed to like you
When you **** me around,
Like a stupid little marionette doll?
I can't say no.
Is this love?
Powerlessness?

I don't think so,
But
I
Just
Don't
Know

**** me, I don't know

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I'm just a stupid, silly girl
Who doesn't know how or when
To keep her feelings in check

My smile is so fragile
I'm surprised I haven't shattered my teeth yet
With how much I clench my jaw

And my back, oh,
How it aches
From picking others up all the time,
But,
Never being offered the courtesy back
(Maybe that's what happens when you're six foot one and 175 pounds)

Maybe I should've been a short girl
Sometimes I think people forget I'm
A Real Person
And that I have feelings and thoughts too
I don't just play basketball and fix others

I think I'm just in need of someone
Who will actually see me
And return my love
And know that I'm more than how I look and say I am

I'm just tired, you know?
And my back hurts.

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Car crash social life
No fire extinguisher
And now we're all dead

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It may only be ten PM
But it sure as hell feels like three in the morning
Thinking about you,
Writing about you,
Stuck on you...

Sounds about right

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The soothing wave-like rhythm of the beat
Washes over me,
Syncing with the air particles from the fan,
Fitting me into the universe once more.

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I  see the rocks outside my window,
A wall of impenetrable stone.

The water falls from the clouds and rushes down the rocks,
Hitting leaves on the way.

The tropical green leaves contrast with the earthy black stone...
Beauty comes in many colors, sounds, and is not always what one thinks it to be.

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I feel that my writing is becoming...
Stilted
Out of control
Frantic
And I don't mean to blame you or anything
But it's all your fault
I can't get you out of my ******* head
Everywhere I look, there you are
In reach, but I can't touch you
Honestly though,
I don't mind from this
If I die from this,
I'm sure it will be the sweetest torture
Maybe I'm something of a *******
Or is that just called falling in love?
I'm not quite sure

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Such fleeting moments
Can cast such powerful emotions

Will we ever meet again?

I sure hope so.

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I would live the nights since then
A hundred times over
If only I could feel your arms around me one last time,
And taste your lips,
Even through our bitter tears.

But then again,
"One last time"
Has an air of finality about it
That I do not like

I hope our orbits cross again
And if they do,
I hope it's with an air of
Finality.

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I think it's me that breaks my heart,
Not other people

So instead of doing something about it,
I'm
Going to sit here and
Smoke cigarettes

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Creaky
Old
House

Needs grease in its joints

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My
Forehead is on fire, dear
Though I have not a fever
My brain is just hot with images of you, dear
And I know not where to start
From your smiley eyes
To your nonexistant lies
You're perfect -
Just for me

And what I wouldn't give, dear
For a chance to belong to
You

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Windswept snow on barren plains,
Nothing lives here.

A mess of concrete and dirt, poorly-kept grass and weeds.

But my eyes alight on a snow crystal;
Perfect and frozen in time.

I should take notes.

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It hasn't rained in so long

And as I hear the pitter-patter
On my roof

I can just imagine the
Heavy droplets falling,
Water rushing,
Nourishing the new plants

Life-giving water
Raining from the heavens

I am so thankful

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All I can do
Is lay in bed and think of you.

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My eyes are tired
My head hurts
My back aches
But my heart...
My heart is ripped,
Jagged edges showing.
Wooden splinters embedded in its flesh,
And it's all
Because of you
Psychedelic love songs take me away,
And I'll still be thinking of you

As always

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They say
Genius and insanity are two sides of the same coin
I wonder what I am
I'm not calling myself a genius
Because if I was...
I wouldn't be falling for you

I suppose that makes me insane,
Falling for something I'll never hold,
Like the Sun for the Moon

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Oh heck
I think I tripped on your adorable smile
Because I just started falling
And I cannot stop

This is not good
Not at all,
No sirree

But, oh,
Your lips are more inviting
Than a dip in the lake during summer
And your off-key comments, they
Make me sigh like a besotted school girl

I guess there's not much I can do
I may as well let myself fall
Because if my heart's anything like my brain
It'll be too stubborn to stop pursuing what it wants
Like a barking dog pulling on a leash,
It's dragging me,
Unwillingly,
forward

Might as well enjoy the scenery

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Without you I am lonely

My insides sit heavy in me
And I cannot bring myself to be happy.

How can I be happy when you are so many
Miles
From my heart?

And how can I be joyful when there is no laugh like yours to rebound in the corners of my tragically empty skull?

I turn into a bit of a husk with you, you see.

I need your love to fill me up.

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I can already feel you fading from my mind,
Gone
With
The
Wind

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Sometimes I feel
As if I'm drowning
Drowning in my feelings for you
And I seem to have forgotten how to swim
And I have no life jacket
So it's up to me
To paddle my way through this ****
But god, do I wish I had help

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I suppose I should sleep now
But how am I supposed to keep from drifting
When you're my anchor
I suppose I'll just float in this sea of nightmares
Nightmares of not holding you
And maybe that sounds dramatic
But it'd be smooth sailing with you in my arms
Straight on towards the North Star

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You,
You so pious,
You ruined my relationship with God for me.
You soured me
(Like spoiled milk)
to the point
That I can no longer get any joy from my Creator.

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I love that your phone backgrounds are quotes, and not people
Because you seem like the type
To chant mantras at yourself in the mirror every morn
And I can't help but see that as utterly adorable,
Yet as showing your determination, too
To not give up,
To keep going, no matter what
I see it a lot, that determination
In school,
In sports,
And,
Quite honestly,
It's my favorite thing about you
So keep on keepin' on
And look forward to your future
Because I think you'll go far.

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You hold needles,
Tiny sharp skewers
Pick pick picking away

A thousand lances over time
**** the strongest of animals

And you just won’t back down.

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I look out the window

Blue skies

The song I hear draws my mind to you and...
I look back to the window -
Grey clouds.

Why must the sky match my mood?

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I'm sinking in an ocean but I don't know what it's called

My question is
Why do I want to know where I'm going to drown?

I'm breathing in nothing but your scent and **** I need air
But I don't think anyone's ever Died So Happy
And I mean I'm Really Quite Content

So, my dear,
Keep on keepin' on
And I'll continue on my way,
With nothing to guide me but a broken heart and an even more broken compass

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I can't fall for you

I have the worst habit
Of falling for the wrong people
At the wrong time
And I will do everything in my power
To make sure that doesn't happen

Because
I can't fall for you
I will not go through that pain
Not again
I didn't learn the first time I fell for someone
Or the second
Or the third
So I swear on my soul
I will not go through that again

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I'm not afraid of the dark
Anymore

Have I conquered the darkness in me?
Or just accepted it?

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Ah -
I wish you could see these stars,
Twinkling so sweetly in the night overhead

And the frogs, they
Be little,
But their chorus makes up for it

Synergy

Maybe the music is reflecting off the sky,
A magnifying glass for the light of the night

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The snow sits softly on the trees,
A pure and
Pleasant sight.

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Too busy for
Love?
I-
I never thought I'd say that about myself.

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I think the reason that I so loathe wearing socks
Is because
How am I supposed to feel:
The wool carpet on my feet, scratching like 30 grit sandpaper,
Or the way grass bends under my toes,
And the sharp pain of stepping on a rock,
If my feet are cushioned and suffocated?
I hate sweaty toes more than I hate vegetables,
And yet...
Here I am,
Every day,
Socks on, shoes tied,
Feet sweaty and almost lifeless
And all because of the lack of life under my heels

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I don't even know what to say
Sometimes you're all I think about
And I feel that you're the only other person in this ******* world
Other times I couldn't give a **** about you
It's so confusing when your heart doesn't know who-what it wants
Because
I can't face my feelings
I can't hide from them
And that is worse than loving someone you can't

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I want to run my hands down the highways of your body
And I want to find all the back roads nobody else knew existed
And maybe
Just maybe
You'll let me heal the car crashes on your skin
And dry the rivers falling from your eyes
I can clear the storm clouds in your head

Because all my maps point to you, dear
And I'd love a chance
To drive my way into your heart

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The tremors are constant,
Whether I shake or not.

My heart undulates its rhythm,
A constant alert system turning on and off.

I feel my hackles raise,
Searching for a fight.

But there's nothing.

It's just me

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I find remnants of you everywhere I go,
Flashes of your eyes in the sky blue water,
Flashes of your hair in the sweet yellow grass...

There is no peace for me,
Here or anywhere.

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We're just friends
I mean,
sure,
Maybe I wanna kiss her when she wakes
Up
And maybe I wanna make her breakfast
And drag my fingers across her skin
And kiss her freckles, all of them
But
We're just
FRIENDS

.

Rule Number One:
Never Fall For a Straight Girl

Broken that rule
How many times now?

I should know better

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Little bits of my heart
Still belong to you
And I've never felt more betrayed
Than when my heart yearned for you today

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You seem to be stuck on my brain
Because
It's hard to take a test
When all I can think about
Is your head between my legs
And I can't focus on my homework
When I can practically feel your fingers drawing lines down my body
And I don't even know concentration
When all my mind see
Is you underneath me
Whispering prayers
Because, ****
What we could make is magic
It's all I can think about

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I think everything would be better with you
If I missed the bus, I could crawl into your arms
While I wait for everyone to wake up,
We could think and talk and eat
I could make you soup and tea while you put your head on my shoulder

However,
You are conspicuously gone,
And this soup tastes of longing and bitterness

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You draw past me, stopping my breath in my chest.

I feel the quakes as you float closer,
Every cell in my body drifting towards you and
Sinking
At the same time.

I want to grab your wrist
But where do I begin?
I don't even know who I am anymore.

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Would you have me twist myself more?
How must I
Think to be

I thought this life was mine,
And yet

They ask me to be beholden

I can't be who you want,
Nice and polite and quiet

And since we can't keep to ourselves,
I might as well let you down easy

You can go **** yourself

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"We are the sum of our past experiences"
If this is true,
Then:
You are where I picked up my walk
You are the source of my jokes
You are the wave I use
You are how I write my 4's
You are how I stretch after a long nap
You are the way that I sing,
Low, Whispery, rasping away at the song

But soon I fear I'll forget you all
And with you, the things you taught me
So question is,
Who will I be then?

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The darkness seeps in
Enveloping me in black
I am so alone

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We may not talk a lot,
But I just want you to know,
That you are,
Always
Tucked away in the back of my heart
In a small, cozy room,
With a fireplace and a comfy armchair

You and safe and happy in my heart
I can only hope you are like that out of it

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Indelible images left on my heart
Tattooed there by the needles of broken love
And the only way to remove them
Is lasering that image off by forgetting
And it will be painful
And it will take a long time
But they will leave your mind
And those tattoos, those memories that you thought would be there forever,
Will just ...fade away,
Not with a bang,
But with a whimper
So much for "Till The End of Time"

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I always find myself reaching, but
Despite my large frame I can never clear the gap

Gnarled knuckles, groping
But not blindly.
I know desperately what I want

If you could see how I felt
I would cut a most unusual figure,
Back bent and twisted as I limp on,
Hands shaking
As I struggle to carry this great weight.

But there is no rest for me

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