The number of time I have ripped my soul apart over what could have been
Is higher than I can count
But is it really my fault
That the gods themselves
Have seen fit to manifest in you?

I would rather look upon your face
Than ever see the sun again

me.gs

I can feel myself slipping back into apathy
It's... interesting, to say the least,
Wondering how many times I can slip into apathy
And back out before I'm stuck
I wonder if this is nearing the point of no return
Half of me hopes not...
But the other half,
It simply
Doesn't
Care.

At least not anymore

me.gs

I cannot count it
How much I've almost grasped it
And it just -slip- away

me.gs

Spring has truly come
The birds are bursting forth in rapturous song,
welcoming the sun, once and truly
People are coming into the store in shorts,
Their pale legs stark
Against the dark brown tiles
And me,
I feel,
Calm.
At peace.
the long winter,
It is over,
The dark has retreated,
And the sun -
It is all that remains,
filling my heart with unprecedented joy

I haven't' felt this alive in so long
And all because of some sun and warmth.

me.gs

Better a death from lung cancer than a death from a broken heart

me.gs

The reason I don't talk much about you
Is that you make my heart glow so much I'm afraid to open my mouth
And let it spill out,
Spelling out my true feelings
Maybe I should learn sign language
That way nobody will know
And we can all continue on our way,
You, oblivious,
And me, burning brighter with every passing day

me.gs

A resting house, it
Has an ethereal touch
Full, but quiet... empty
Almost like a mausoleum

me.gs

On July 22nd, I wrote:
"And I know I won't get any gifts
But it sure would be nice
To have you on my birthday"

Silly, stupid girl
Don't you know
Wishes don't come true
And least they don't for you

me.gs

"It is also hard to write about a city we just moved to; it's not yet in our body"
This is because
Memories are stored in our body and tissues
This city hasn't hurt you yet
It knows you not

me.gs

I am weary.

My joints ache and crack and crunch and pop,
And my eyes droop,
                                   lower,
                                              lower,

F
   a
     l
      l
       i
        n
          g

I should like to lay flat next to you.
You'd heal me better than any balm or bandage.

me.gs

The sun beats down on the new leaves
The leaves,
They are:
Fresh,
Tiny,
Fragile,
And so green my eyes hurt to look at them
The world is exploding
Exploding with new life
And, here, witnessing it all,
Stand I,
A mere pawn in this game


The sky, bluer than the sea
The trees, greener than a jealous man,
The sun, brighter than the twinkle in your eyes
I can do nothing except sit here and witness it
And I couldn't care less

If this is all there was to life,
I would be quite content

me.gs

Music going,
Sun in my hair,
Drink in one hand,
Pen in the other.

What more could a girl
Ask for?

me.gs

"Perfect endings are best left to books and ballads anyways"

While I'd much like a perfect ending for you and I
I'd happily settle for a mediocre one,
Or even
one at all

I want you
In whatever way I can
Honestly,
I'm desperate
I'm an emaciated hound,
Begging for scraps at your table
But all I've gotten
Is a kick,
Leaving me hurt and more hungry than ever

I always seem to be starving,
You know
I wonder what it's be like to feel full

me.gs

I thought I had no more in me to write

I was wrong

The girl lives to write another day,
Broken, bloodied, bent,
But her heart still beats,
Even if it leaks out her soul

me.gs

I mean, sure, I'm not the best at math
And I don't always make all my shots
Sure, I forget things sometimes
(A lot)
But one thing I am good at
Is loving people who don't love me back
My life is just a
Series of Unfortunate Events
of the heart

...

I honestly don't know why I'm surprised anymore
I've given away my heart so many times
I'm surprised I still have it

me.gs

I just
Want to be
Yours
Only yours

I don't think my soul has ever
Craved something so
Much, because I just
Can't get my mind off
You and honestly, I
Love it, it's great but I
Just wish it was
Real and not all in my drug-addled
Mind.

me.gs

The silent function
Of a messed-up worker woman
Is god's one secret

me.gs

This is one of those nights
Where my soul cries out for someone else
Someone to hold
Someone to cry with
I just wish I had a home away from home
So I could curl up next to your heart
And listen to what it tells me,
Our legs interlocked and our hands in each others' hair
This is one of those nights.

me.gs

The empty hum of
The room in which I reside
Fills my soul with peace

me.gs

I was
So very sad
For so many years

And thinking back to then,
When I had a blanket of sadness over my
Life
I've-
I've come so far and done so much
And
I'm just,
I'm proud of myself for hanging on when-
When I truly didn't want to.

me.gs

The snow brings with it
A silence not heard in
Ages

me.gs

When I write
It's almost as if
I'm planting a garden
With mystery seeds
I have
No
Idea what I'll end up with

I start with a good first sentence
A seed, if you will
And I water it, nurture it,
Letting the words take me where they like

It doesn't always work
Sometimes I fizzle out and am left with a dead plant, brown and ugly
But
Other times,
I'm witness to a towering flower,
Bursting with color and life,
Details abounding

I am a simple garden writer,
Planting the words
With my ***** of a pen

me.gs

I'm taking your advice to see if it'll make me less sad

I just think it's really ironic that the reason I'm so sad is

You.

me.gs

You were
Right.

You are selfish.
Keeping my heart when yours was already gone from my
Grasp
Without me even knowing.

Letting my try to keep you,
Not even knowing it was
Too late.

Because you were already
Gone.

me.gs

Leap from the forest,
Over the trees,
Faster than the wolves,
Faster than the breeze!

Run, run, fast as you can,
No one can catch me,
Nobody can!

Running towards the sun,
Like I was shot from a gun!

(I don't even know what I'm running from.)

me.gs

Flowering buds
New life
Fresh scents
High heights
Good taste
Better smell
Happy here
Not in hell

me.gs

My focus has never been the best,
but
You've just shot it all to ****
How can I write an essay
When
You are three feet away from my lips
(It might as well be an eternity away)

me.gs

I have sutures up and down my body, inside and out
They're keeping me together while I heal
But they've been there a while
And I just want to know
How long will it take to heal?
I'm itching to be free of my confines
And live my life,
Without being afraid I'll rip open old wounds
And watch my happiness drain out of me

...Hopefully sooner rather than later

me.gs

I'm up much too late
And I think I tore my heart a bit

It's nice, though
The fuzziness that comes with it
Almost like I'm drunk
If I'm lucky,
Maybe I'll forget you

But your touches are like burns on my flesh,
And I cannot scrub them off,
No matter how hard I try

I either need stronger soap or stronger liquor
And I don't know which.

me.gs

A cloudy day, it seems
As though nothing in the world exists
Besides me, comfortable in my house
A sense of almost loneliness. but not
Quite

me.gs

Sometimes when I see you I can't even breathe
And I don't mean figuratively
Sometimes when I see you turn a corner it's like someone walked up to me and punched me in the gut and I just
Can't.
Breathe.
And sometimes when I see you I trip

I swear
You are a goddess
And I am not worthy

I have dreams about you, you know
Your eyes, your neck, your hands, all fluttering
Like a butterfly on the wind,
Flapping its wings to the beat of my heart

Delicate
But so angry that I'm scared
I don't know how to handle you
I'm sorry

me.gs

Little bits of my heart
Still belong to you
And I've never felt more betrayed
Than when my heart yearned for you today

me.gs

Dear Creator,
I thank you for this day
I thank you for the ones behind me,
And the ones before me
I thank you for the opportunities you have given me,
The ones you are giving me,
And the ones you will give me
I know what's behind me,
But I haven't the slightest clue what's in front
I can only hope you'll be there with me,
Taking in the good, the bad, and the ugly.

As it should be.

me.gs

The pounding of my heartbeat in my ears
It throbs like the beat of a song
Slow, slow,
Then fast,
So fast I couldn't dance to it even if I tried,
So fast I think my hear will explode
If I'm not careful
And as we all know,
One has to be careful with one's heart
Considering it runs our entire being,
One would think they wouldn't be so..
Fragile
Fragile as a newborn baby's skull,
Fragile like the glass in a china cabinet

That's life, though
Fragile, but beautiful
Maybe that's what makes it so pretty
The notion that,
At any moment,
It could all come crashing Down,
Crumbling like bones in the wind

me.gs

I don't want this to be over.
Please tell me this isn't over.

me.gs

I say your name like it's a *******
Prayer and I'm drowning and it's the Only thing that might save me

me.gs

With these words in my throat
And a pen in my hand
There's not much else to do,
Except
To spill it all out on here,
Hoping,
Wishing,
Wanting, dare I say,
To gain some semblance of understanding
Of myself

How ridiculous is it,
That I can't even figure myself out in my own head?
Maybe it's because there's too many thoughts flying around,
Pinging around my skull,
Clouding my thoughts

So the only way to understand it all,
Is to throw some of my **** on these pages
And hope some of it sticks

me.gs

Wanting to cry for a life I've never known.
Wanting to mourn connections I've never had.
Wanting to feel heartache over pain I've never felt.

Why is so much of my life skirting by the edges of human existence?
Wishing for, hoping for, wanting a life like others
So close to feeling fully human
But maybe I am Pinocchio

Almost, but not
Quite.

me.gs

The darkness seeps in
Enveloping me in black
I am so alone

me.gs

My body is a temple,
Wherein somebody defaced the walls,
Tore down the statues,
And ****** on the altars,
spraying black paint everywhere.
And - ah me!
I was overwhelmed by it all and I let it get to me, I did nothing.
Nothing at all, for the longest time

But one day, I had a glimmer of hope
And then I had two
And I had more and more
So I got up, and I cleaned my temple,
repaired it,
And - oh!
How it gleams in the sun, now

me.gs

I think the reason I like using pens
Is that
They offer a sense of finality
And it's harder to change what I said

And if I make a mistake,
Well,
That's fine by me
I'm not ashamed of my mistakes
I won't hide them
I am out there for the world to see,
Mistakes and all

me.gs

As the butterfly floats along the breeze,
I wonder what it thinks...
"What wonderful weather (or not) we have today"?
"Look at that flower. Wow"?
Who knows for certain
I suppose,
If you really want to know,
You'll have to ask the butterfly itself

me.gs

With branches overhanging me,
I feel cocooned in Mother Nature.

With stone beneath me,
My base and stance are strong.

And with the karsts before me,
I know I have so much to learn.

me.gs

Maybe if I listen to enough music the
Sadness
Will go away

me.gs

A lion may roar,
While the wind whispers,
And who can understand the leaves?

Nature creates a symphony...
It is up to you to find the beat.

me.gs

Can you unmoor me from these feeling?
The deep dark anchor-anger
Of powerlessness
To my own self

Of never being able
To escape the darkness completely
And breathe solely in the light

Everyone loves me for my strength, but
Can you love me for my weaknesses?

me.gs

I can only imagine
Your lips on mine,
Magic sparking on our tongues,
Heat flying from my body,
Getting closer than close

Two souls,
Coming together again.

One can only dream.

me.gs

Y do u h8 me
Did u ever like me to begin w/?
Where did i go wrong
Do u think i deserve this

me.gs

My own self-censors
Are the harshest gates I know
Nothing goes past without approval
And the things that are and aren’t permitted
Have been beaten into my brain
By the world
And then by me

So it’s no wonder
That sometimes
Nothing flows forth.

Dam.

me.gs

I find remnants of you everywhere I go,
Flashes of your eyes in the sky blue water,
Flashes of your hair in the sweet yellow grass...

There is no peace for me,
Here or anywhere.

me.gs