I just looked at our truck
And then up at the sky
And *******,
I could not think of anything else
Besides you and me,
Laying in the bed of it,
Blankets and pillows surrounding us,
As we stare at the stars above.
A gentle summer breeze washes over us,
And I  swear,
I can hear my heartbeat thudding,
As we nestle closer,
To keep out the chill of the evening.

If only you knew how I felt.
If only it wasn't the dead of winter

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I never realize it till it's dark
But I am so ****** up
Am I so proud that it kills me to ask for help?
Am I so proud that when someone offers to buy me something -
I'll say no without a second thought, even
If it was something I desperately wanted?
I can barely ask for help on something as simple as a math problem.
I didn't tell my closest friend about my depression -
I didn't want to bother her with my problems,
Even though she had depression too,
And knew exactly what I was going through

Look -
My point is,
I need someone.
Someone to take care of me,
Even when I'm too proud for my own good

Someone,
Anyone.
I just want someone to see through my *******

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A lone, mournful loon
Oh, how it cries, how it cries!
But why does it cry?

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Just
Being in your arms
Would make me feel better than
And soup or medicine
Could

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One day,
I wish to
Exist as
Simply and peacefully as
The trees.

Tall, proud, noble, beautiful.
Sure of who I am,
And sure of my life.

Sure of who I am,
And sure of who I'll be.

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See the secret to expectations
Is to not have any
That way,
You'll either be pleasantly surprised
Or...
Nothing.
You expected nothing,
You got nothing,
You got what you expected

I need to work on that, still
...
Not getting my hopes up
I need to learn that hopes and expectations are the same thing

Happy ******* birthday to me.

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Everything's simpler in the early morning sun
...Less worries, no troubles,
Nothing but you and the rising sun,
Casting its sleepy glow over the trees and water

The flowers are dancing to the beat of the wind
And the coolness of the night,
It's leaving quietly,
With grace and simple love
To welcome in the coming heat like a familiar lover

I am struck by the symbiosis of nature
Everything works together,
Familiar with all that will come
Doing a dance invented millenia ago

And here am I,
In the thick of it all,
Blundering my way through life
All the while wishing I had half the grace of the swaying leaves

I wish I could dance,
But sadly I possess the grace of a baby duck,
Still Learning To Walk

Maybe the roses and ferns can teach me their dance
It seems quite nice.

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I  see the rocks outside my window,
A wall of impenetrable stone.

The water falls from the clouds and rushes down the rocks,
Hitting leaves on the way.

The tropical green leaves contrast with the earthy black stone...
Beauty comes in many colors, sounds, and is not always what one thinks it to be.

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The worst thing in the world
Is when you want to take away someone's pain,
And indeed,
You'd give anything to be able to
But you can't.
So there you sit,
Heart bleeding along with theirs,
Trembling hands and achy head
Wishing for - hoping, wanting,
More than anything,
To help them.
But
You
Can't

I'm sorry I can't help
I would if I could

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I've got dreams
You've got dreams
We've all got dreams
So how are you going to achieve those dreams
If you're not even alive?
I want you to live
I want to witness your dream come alive
And I hope you'll do the same for me

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Scrubbing your locker combo
From my
Skin
Don't want to
Remember you, nope
I didn't want it to end like
This
But I knew it would

Me, walking away with a chunk torn from my soul,
And you, sobbing while your heart breaks
As you desperately
Try to stop me from leaving
But you're so young
And since I'm the older one
I suppose that
I have to do the best thing for us

I'm so sorry
I never wanted to break your heart.

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I think love is like a fire
It can warm you,
Shine light in the dark,
But it can also
Consume you,
Hurt you,
Swallow you up
So you'd best be careful,
And guard your heart
Or else you'll get burned
And want to cut it out,
Nothing left but pain and ashes

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Missed opportunities are, perhaps,
what haunts me the most
Just thinking about how different things could be,
If I had done one thing differently

I hate regrets,
And I torture myself with What Could Have Been

It's like being sucker punched with brass knuckles
And it makes me nauseous

I hate regrets.

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I can't fall for you

I have the worst habit
Of falling for the wrong people
At the wrong time
And I will do everything in my power
To make sure that doesn't happen

Because
I can't fall for you
I will not go through that pain
Not again
I didn't learn the first time I fell for someone
Or the second
Or the third
So I swear on my soul
I will not go through that again

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It's early in the morning
(Or maybe late at night)
And still I'm awake and alert
(Not because I have a fright)
The clock is ticking and tocking
(I wish it would just turn back)
I'm sitting in my bed, alone
(It almost makes me laugh)
I wish I was sitting with you
(Oh, a girl has dreams)
But I know that dreams do not come true
(If they did I'd **** light beams)
And I do not wish to be alone
(Yet, here I sit)
But I know wishes will get me nowhere
(Oh, but if they did...)
So I sit here and think of you
(Naturally)

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Ah-
I am sad
And it's all because of you

You hate me and you don't even know it.

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The sunlight dances off the water,
Playfully carousing on the overhanging branches

How lucky we are,
To have something bring us light, life, and love
Every day.

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You might have it beat,
Though.

The sun can't hope
To
Compare to your beauty,
And radiance.

Pure and simple.
You are nothing but goodness.

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I want to hike mountains with you
And kiss you on the top of cliffs


Let us be far away
From here,
My dear

And live gently in the sun

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The branches form an arch over me,
And I am protected overhead as I journey along this path.
What beautiful cover, indeed!

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I think perhaps you are a daffodil,
A Hardy creature
Blooming before the rest of us even poke up our heads
Beautiful,
Radiant.
Like a little sun.

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How long Must I Wait?
To have you in my arms again,
Touching places only we know?

Deprived of air,
Deprived of water,
Deprived of food...

No, it is something worse.
Those do not measure up
To being deprived of you.

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Underneath the stand of cedars,
Leaf litter clothes the ground

When a foot touches down,
It is nestled in leaves and needles.

The silence of the ground
Magnifies the volume of the wind.

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Bitterroot in my mouth,
Thinking of you.
I remember when thoughts of you filled my mouth with sweet sugar,
But there is none of that here now.

How could you?

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To me, it seems,
The loveliest people
Always wear sadness the best
They've been through the worst of it
So even if they can't fix themselves
They can at least stop you from breaking

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The sun on the ice blinds me
The light is too much to bear

And the wind,
How it chills my bones!

It races through the trees,
Crashing, hollering,
Whipping them about

It is supposedly spring,
And yet...

It all sounds quite dead.

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You look like the most beautiful painting I could never make,
Like the best poem I could never write,
And you look so perfect that it just steals all my words and I am left
Speechless
Because how could I ever hope to be worthy enough to have someone like you?
If I'm a candle, you're a star
If I'm a rainstorm, you're a tsunami
And I'm a tree, you're the whole ******* forest.

I think the saddest thing is that you don't
even know
How utterly breathtaking you are,
How perfect you are to me
If you saw yourself the way I saw you,
You'd glitter brighter than the frost on my windows
In the morning sun

I haven't fallen this hard for someone in so long.

It *****, because you'll never know.

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The more you travel,
The bigger your worldview gets,
And your heart as well.

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It has been more than a year
More than a year since I fell for you

And it has been almost a year
Almost a year that I stopped falling

Months have passed since I last dreamt
Dreaming of your lips on mine

But a part of me still loves you
A part that will never go away

And you may not have been my first
And you won't be my only
But you will always be my love

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A nervous energy fills my body
Anticipating, perhaps,
What I'll have to do in short time,
Dodging, flying,
Flinging, kicking,
Myself all over the field
I've done this many times before,
With the sleepy morning sun in my eyes,
Or warming my back with its rays,
In a quiet moment,
I can see the dust motes floating through the air
They give the game,
Almost,
An ethereal quality
As if the shouting and noises
Are nothing more than ghosts from games past,
And us, the players,
Are simply floating along in teh ether,
Looking for something

Regardless,
The game is coming,
And I,
I am ready

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God, I hate people.
People are so ******* horrible
They're so ******* cruel

But, **** it all,
People are a drug I can't quit

So noble,
Full of hope, love, inspiration...

People are paradoxes of the worst kind
And **** it all,
I can't quit them

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God I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry I'm sorry
God I could write pages pages pages pages pages of apologies but what ******* good would they do because they won't make you change your mind and come back to me, ****, PLEASE, I'm so sorry I never meant for them to happen I'll take back every single thing I wrote I'll burn it ALL I PROMISE JUST PLEASE TALK TO ME

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One more night without you by my side
One more night in a cold, cold bed


I just want to curl up in your heart
And sleep the day away

I can just imagine the scent of your skin
And the heat of your neck


Soft whispers into your collarbones,
And softer touches on your ribs

A heady scent surrounding me:
You, you, only you



Just one night is all I ask.

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Pine tree tops
Adorned with little cones -crowns-
The jewel of the heavens,
Brown and prickly

Beauty comes in many forms
It's a shame we don't always see it.

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I loathe writing poems on the computer
It's so... impersonal
With pen, it's so much more intimate
You can really get a better image of the writer at the time they wrote the poem
And, ah!
The swoop of the pen,
The way the ink trails across the paper,
It's a seduction unlike any other

And I love it so.
So, if the day comes that I can no longer write,
Just **** me,
Cause I'm already dead

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What we are here for
We are never born with it
Instead, we must search for it

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Bitter, bleeding rocks fill my mouth.
I have so much that I want to say,
But nothing comes out.

The harsh truth,
Known by us both,
Will never be spoken.

How cowardly of us.

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My room smells like springtime and I've never felt more alive

It smells like melting snow,
The first chirp of birds,
Heavy, brown earth peeking up at the sun,
Patchy grass that's finally breathing,
A shy Sun that wants to spread warmth,
And hope.

Hope that It Will Get Better
And we will Make It So

I feel I'm coming alive with the trees

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Just once
I wish I could fall in love with
Myself

Too much time I'd spend mooning over
Myself
Wistful sighs,
Heavy staring,
Heavier heart

I just want to know how I'd look
If I fell for
Myself

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Great Determination is needed for life,
Going on even when you want to give up and waste away,
Even when your lungs are rotting and poisoning your body and poisoning your mind and very being
You Must Continue
And if you do
You will get to the Core
Burning bright with love
And You Will See -
Life -
For all that it is,
Rich red blossoms in the dead of winter,
Beautiful, hot kisses on dead lips, giving life
And all you need
is Great Determination

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Soft summer breezes
Floating in through the windows,
Cool my heated skin.

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When I was little,
When my dad would tuck me in,
He'd say,
"Good night, sweet dreams, see you in the morning"
And I'd say it back

Recently I've been thinking
And what I've realized is
The only sweet dreams I'll be having
Will be about
You

Every night before I go to bed
I hope you visit me in my sleep
I think you could turn my worst nightmares
Into my best dreams

One can only hope.

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I'm sinking in an ocean but I don't know what it's called

My question is
Why do I want to know where I'm going to drown?

I'm breathing in nothing but your scent and **** I need air
But I don't think anyone's ever Died So Happy
And I mean I'm Really Quite Content

So, my dear,
Keep on keepin' on
And I'll continue on my way,
With nothing to guide me but a broken heart and an even more broken compass

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Standing high in the trees,
I am
Untouchable

One with the branches and bark
Smelling of sap and needles

If only I could just...

Melt into the wood
And
Be done with all this

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I know a lot of words
24,500, approximately
(I took a test)
And what the test said was this:
"Only say yes
To a word
If you know the definition"
And, well,
I,
I know a lot of words, truly,
I do.
But...
Not a lot of definitions
Words are feelings for me,
Movements, gestures, sounds, colors,
Nerve endings firing, muscles tightening,
Pictures.

I don't know definitions of words
I just feel them in my gut
Maybe that's why I write so bad
I feel, I don't
Think

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My heart rent in two,
Cloudy days, nothing but blue
In my head.

You left,
And you informed me much too late.

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You walk with Strength,
And the sun shining out of your eyes
If only we could all be that
Sure

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I never thought that being happy meant I'd have to be so
****
Miserable

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One foot in the future,
One foot in the past

I sit and wonder what the last
Moment here I will have,
As I am pulled back and forth between future and
Past

I feel as though I’m ready,
Yet I wonder if I am

What will this calm bring?

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I can feel myself slipping back into apathy
It's... interesting, to say the least,
Wondering how many times I can slip into apathy
And back out before I'm stuck
I wonder if this is nearing the point of no return
Half of me hopes not...
But the other half,
It simply
Doesn't
Care.

At least not anymore

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