I never realize it till it's dark
But I am so ****** up
Am I so proud that it kills me to ask for help?
Am I so proud that when someone offers to buy me something -
I'll say no without a second thought, even
If it was something I desperately wanted?
I can barely ask for help on something as simple as a math problem.
I didn't tell my closest friend about my depression -
I didn't want to bother her with my problems,
Even though she had depression too,
And knew exactly what I was going through

Look -
My point is,
I need someone.
Someone to take care of me,
Even when I'm too proud for my own good

Someone,
Anyone.
I just want someone to see through my *******

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Everything's simpler in the early morning sun
...Less worries, no troubles,
Nothing but you and the rising sun,
Casting its sleepy glow over the trees and water

The flowers are dancing to the beat of the wind
And the coolness of the night,
It's leaving quietly,
With grace and simple love
To welcome in the coming heat like a familiar lover

I am struck by the symbiosis of nature
Everything works together,
Familiar with all that will come
Doing a dance invented millenia ago

And here am I,
In the thick of it all,
Blundering my way through life
All the while wishing I had half the grace of the swaying leaves

I wish I could dance,
But sadly I possess the grace of a baby duck,
Still Learning To Walk

Maybe the roses and ferns can teach me their dance
It seems quite nice.

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"Perfect endings are best left to books and ballads anyways"

While I'd much like a perfect ending for you and I
I'd happily settle for a mediocre one,
Or even
one at all

I want you
In whatever way I can
Honestly,
I'm desperate
I'm an emaciated hound,
Begging for scraps at your table
But all I've gotten
Is a kick,
Leaving me hurt and more hungry than ever

I always seem to be starving,
You know
I wonder what it's be like to feel full

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I know a lot of words
24,500, approximately
(I took a test)
And what the test said was this:
"Only say yes
To a word
If you know the definition"
And, well,
I,
I know a lot of words, truly,
I do.
But...
Not a lot of definitions
Words are feelings for me,
Movements, gestures, sounds, colors,
Nerve endings firing, muscles tightening,
Pictures.

I don't know definitions of words
I just feel them in my gut
Maybe that's why I write so bad
I feel, I don't
Think

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I'm just a stupid, silly girl
Who doesn't know how or when
To keep her feelings in check

My smile is so fragile
I'm surprised I haven't shattered my teeth yet
With how much I clench my jaw

And my back, oh,
How it aches
From picking others up all the time,
But,
Never being offered the courtesy back
(Maybe that's what happens when you're six foot one and 175 pounds)

Maybe I should've been a short girl
Sometimes I think people forget I'm
A Real Person
And that I have feelings and thoughts too
I don't just play basketball and fix others

I think I'm just in need of someone
Who will actually see me
And return my love
And know that I'm more than how I look and say I am

I'm just tired, you know?
And my back hurts.

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We're just friends
I mean,
sure,
Maybe I wanna kiss her when she wakes
Up
And maybe I wanna make her breakfast
And drag my fingers across her skin
And kiss her freckles, all of them
But
We're just
FRIENDS

.

Rule Number One:
Never Fall For a Straight Girl

Broken that rule
How many times now?

I should know better

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They say you fall in love an average of eight times
Before you find one that
sticks
I'm only seventeen years old
And I'm on my way to my fifth
So my question is this
Does it count
If they never loved you back?
Or even knew?
Because,
At this rate,
I'm gonna find one that sticks
And they'll never even know
So,
If that's really true,
Then I'd like to turn off my heart,
Please.
It's really quite unhelpful
And I don't want it anymore

Please

I'm begging you

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