A young girl playing
recklessly
in the fire
orange lashes curl
unburned
while everything stands
to her aid

It's too much
of a stretch by now
to pretend to not see and not
be as powerful as you are and you'll
peacefully drop it

🌺

Clench clench clench
Kid
I begin to feel again
It is
An empty fear

This is the infant biting
a juicy lemon slice for the first time
life and all
its scandalous craziness rushing
into a hilarious expression
that seems to say,
this is life I'll
buy it

Nothing is an option anymore everything
dull as if
not yet in sunlight not in darkness everything
is not as it was and it was never as it is
now
you are
bored
and you can feel it
like thick air melting without
room
to go
you can smell it like you smelled roses before
you can
touch
it like you would touch silk or leather only that
this touch
is reminiscent of nothing that you need to dig deeper for
deeper
and this
boredom
blocks every attempt to do so
to dig
deeper
for feelings

Forever eighteen?
U r kiddin', right!?
Come on *****
**** that switch -

       Turn off that light
So that we can ...

               Make love.

all memory melts -  
like ice -
into a sea of water
never look twice
you read
the signals right

On the couch right next
To me so close that
Our knees touch but far enough
To not kiss.

Coke and tea and coffee
Do not make a perfect
Basis for us getting
More courageous.

But that's ok and even
More - it is quite good.

For ages have I not felt
This comfortable.

When she stands at the stove she
wears her sleeves rolled up
and eyes that look may see
the tiny faded numbers

Her grey hair braided
and pinned-up
her skin just slightly wrinkled

In slumbers I have seen it all again
in fragments

Her eyes do never rest upon
those numbers
anymore

They've grown into her life as much
as daughter, son, and second daughter have.

*Sometimes, at night, I feel cold iron
touch my arms and legs
I don't know why

Amidst it all the girl
slips her small hand into
the lion's mouth
between
his teeth
and has the head
calm down

Some clouds
Rest blue
Screams aloud
Terror forbids
Never ask who.

A shadow of a shadow of a shadow casts
His long dark head
across my feet
And floods the floor.

But with a wink I shoot
A ray of light along the ground
That creeps toward his shape and slams the door.

The darkness shrieks
And grows a little weaker;
and as it starts to part I feel
My nose does bleed
My hands do shake until -
Eager to run -
I lift a  shaking leg

Now suddenly the shadow moves;
It moves toward the curtain
Spreads  out ten thin long lines to reach the spot
But fails
And stumbles back

The two of us
Keep fighting for a while
I carry his grey marks under my skin

My shins are stripy black
He lost an eye.

Eventually the sun
Shows its bald head
And my friend starts to fade;

Smaller and smaller he becomes
And quiet
Then, with a simple single beat
He leaves;

No shady warrior
No riot

And he leaves me behind.

Breathe

Shame does not come from
The things you have done.

It comes from your thoughts.

No shame
No regret

You are free to dive in and fully trust
In everything.

Two beds chairs
plastic floor sterile
clinic place this is
me too
in anxiety and sad
and playing
table football

the water rolls over my back
and pushes
my shoulders
inch by inch
into my spine

for years i haven t felt the rain
wash all my walls away

today the water soaks
its way right through my coat and clothes
into my bones
and flesh

first waves of panic float
my throat tightens

then i remember
and i talk to you.

If you don't love yourself
I'll seek thee
And rush down into you
Because it hurts
It hurts
From
Every
Pore-
Just like the same
To me.

She twirls twirls twirls along the piano edge and sings I’m a sinner sinner sinner Baby
Oh you all are mere beginners if you
stick to the words

And not even the
raw dark
ledge of the abyss could harm her

Today I feel like
maybe
everything's going to be
okay
again

You watch
in silent amazement from
where you stand
in the middle
as time completely
rearranges itself
before your very eyes

An open field
cold     dark     grey

tracks
that lead towards a certain end;

A face that
lacks emotion,
he spits,
walks on,

     and with a crooked smile rolls up his sleeve -

No fear; no obvious grief;
just silent     fading numbers.

Lighting

                   strikes

never

                     twice

Feel my lungs

                         they are so hot

Wrap me up

                        touch
                             that
                                spot.

She hears too many voices
stands in stupor
hand reaching up
and in that pose
is frozen

chosen not to trust
her inner voice
the only one that counts

and so she stands a while-
hand up and clinging
to the tree
eyes fixed upon
the apple-
when

a sudden breeze
brushes her face and makes her
blink
enough to interrupt the flow of
fear and guilt and shame
enough to plant into her ear
the humming sound
of color
enough to make her spirit sink
into her hand and
make
her
grab
the fruit

Pollute her not
it hums
and leave her

retrieve your rightful place
my love
and munch away
your apple.

If they were all my children I'd say
you have done well
til here
shake off the doubt
If they were all
my children
I'd say
I'm kind of proud
of you -
She
to all her children
never withholds
her trust
never does anything to truly harm
she sees you
rattling
and thus becomes
evermore calm
so as to maybe catch you
in mid-fall
soothing
the challenge
you imposed on yourself

SHUT-
Shut Up
Mother
Shut Up
Sister
Shut Up Sister
Shut up All ya-

Wiser, wiser, wiser
all of YOU.
All?

And Me,
here.
The youngest. Always the Youngest.

But unwise?
Unwise?

Just the opposite.
Just
the
opposite.

God
Look it s already light out
And i am
Still drunk

Loads of
Almost fun *** stories

No worries though
No worries.

Coming through again for
what seems a very deep night
the voice
of your Heart
accepting fear and all of fear's
what ifs with a knowing conspiratorial smile

What shall I add?

                My heart is wide and big

In coldest times I saw

I may rely
       On my best friends.

You tell me you're
here
but I cannot find much peace and quiet and
confidence
I seem to be
unable
to settle into it
and sad impatient
restless

A trembling breath
in the cold night
and the little cloud that forms
in the cold air-

And then
for a long second
nothing-

Before-
in a BLAST and WHIRL of sound crashing
of bright light
flooding in-
it dawns on you-

The only thing
the
ONLY
thing
you ever have to do
is

be
Yourself.

We are even;

A scar for a scar
A heart for a heart
I put yours in a jar
You won t part, love!

A smile for raised eyebrows
A dream for a chat
My blood flows, kid
We ll both feel bad
In the end.

The end for our start
Hold! All systems go
We are not so smart, love
Our hearts won t know
Where to start or to end,

Give me your hand, sweet
Let us go.