I cringe behind
That boulder in the river
And all goes
Too fast
Too fast
The rest of me is in
Full floating mode
Aghast to see
This girl
Resisting
This girl
And how she
Self-consciously
Laughs

💙

Something inside is beating louder, louder still. Hands fingers legs toes already spread as wide as possible and tense of knowing. Spread out and connected, less than a beat from-

This creature is just about to send a vigorous beat out - send it outward - crash - everything that it had acquired
everything out, accumulated within the vibrance of
this
beat
in unbending blazing green beams of fast light -
light that goes through - that does not even know any kind of barrier nor reflection - this light does not need to think to plan to manage - this light is send out to be
something so strong there are no words -

You do not need to fear it though. You do not need to fear it.
It is for you. To be where you are, it sings.
It sings, whirrs, with no mercy.

You think of vines of ivy and something else. Of the light,
traveling where ever it likes. Unapologetically.

Something wet licking
my belly button
makes me send
a cascade
of joyous
light waves out
into where you have dwelled
the cradle of dark space,
my Dear -
I'd love
to see your face

Last night I saw
The earth's blueprint
On the moon's pale face
Looking back at me

A soft
pale-skinned child playing-
always wanting to play
always did in the past-
with the grounded kid
the one with such euphoric
nature

The two of them
oddly
know each other better than
anyone else does

And yet they
hardly meet

The old Villa creaks under your careful steps. You know each nook and cranny, each dark, friendly and not so friendly corner. The wood and marble staircase spirals up like a reminiscent Chinese dragon, half asleep but moving. The chandelier - once crystal-clear and almost arrogant in its sparkling shine - now hangs from the high ceiling, unsure and slightly insecure about its own value. The doorknob under your warm hand feels irritatingly cold but familiar. You walk into what you know will be the hardest room for you. The room that you have avoided all this time but that, now, moves itself into your presence and you know, because you feel it, you cannot avoid it any longer. You don’t have to, either.
You turn the ****, and with a soft push the door gives in. One step, and you are in the room. You smell it, dusty childhood smell;
you know this, oh you know this, immediately. Yellow paper before you, crumpled school books, old toys, all of it - you remember
all of this.
You stand still for a moment. Half inside the room, half ready to leap backwards and shut the door again. You take a breath,
gathering your courage, your stability.
Then you experience a surging feeling, a wave-like movement that both comes towards you and seems to be oozing out of you, seeps from right out of your body, your chest. For a moment you have to close your eyes; it is too much.
Then,
in a powerful second inhale, you drink it all up, all of it, surrender
to all of this
understand
suddenly
with a magnificent pain and hot compassion, a lighting strike, that
all of it
until here
was necessary
made sense
makes sense
That you are all of this and more
and more
So much more.
Your lungs hold this breath, hold it for a timeless moment
before you, with utmost decisiveness and finality, open your eyes again
in slow-motion
facing
one last time
all of it

Saluting every single cherished item

Before you let
this
breath


out


and let everything

explode before your eyes

every structure


You lower your eyes


take a mental bow and step

back


And another step

You see



everything being lifted, moved around


unbound


explode in the air, into a million particles that are free to dance now


The things

the staircase the door the


room



the house



open


~


Somewhere at the shore, in white sand, a figure wakes up, stretching and shifting, squinting at the sparkling rays of sunlight reflected from the soft ocean waves. A naked, peaceful figure. The beach is as good as any place, and from here it begins.

A vague memory is welling up to the surface - vague, and yet engraved with care and absolute clarity;
there were certain things waiting here for a while.

A few meters away in the shade of the pine trees, there -

The figure gets up, a smile growing to full radiance. Naked feet starting to walk towards those trees, towards

Towards

Everything til here was like a story. A story that unfolded, backwards, until now
until now
until
Now
You grabbed
The pen and started
To write it
Truly
Write it
Yourself



You look up from the screen
You know
This is it

This

Is it

He takes you
By the hand swirling
You around in a delicious
Semi-circle

And you will never
Break your legs, dear
You will never
Break your legs

You are
Made to dance
Made yourself so as
To dance and not fall

Don't worry, dear
cause
The water

Is always

With you

You cast your eyes down and I see your eyelashes, black and white, alternately gracing the see-through skin. You are in a state of such vulnerability that I do not even want to tell you, dare to tell you,
how beautiful you look from here, how your -
How you amaze me just by sitting like this,
so obviously ashamed of the closeness and with what is materialising
in the air, so thick we could slice it, and probably do so -
I think too much, still.
And you probably hear me thinking, not the thoughts though.
But I let a bit of the time pass, just like this, looking at you
because I cannot not be looking;
you averting your gaze, exuding what I feel to be just one
little
beat away from connecting.
I will wait a bit more, but I will not walk further away from here.
For I already see your left hand twitching a little, relaxing
just a tiny bit, getting ready to actually stretch out - and it makes
my stomach and throat and chest tighten in a rebellious sort of maybe-it’ll-be-too-much - so yes, it is me, too. It is me who is making the air thick, and my breathing heavy.
A sense of foreboding so palpable.
So I’ll wait.

Sending a chain of
charged words
to get you out of your stupor
they aim
directly
at spots underneath your skin
vibrating all out
and up
that stuck to you
and made you slow in pace
and stagnant -

A shot of that
which makes
the water float