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3.2k · Jan 2015
Brown Eyes // Blonde Hair
MD Jan 2015
In the summer of 2012
I loved a girl with brown eyes
And an obsession with
Everything bad for her

How could I expect her to save me
If she couldn't save herself?

In the beginning of 2015
I met a girl with blonde hair
And her only obsession
Was love

She had already saved herself
And I was healing

If I do end up
Loving this blonde haired girl
I swear it will be different

I will not attach my feelings
To each word she speaks to me
I will love in full

She doesn't smoke
She doesn't drink
But we get high off
Each other's laughter
And we get drunk on
Each other's words

If I do end up
Loving this blonde haired girl
I swear our love will be raw

To the girl with brown eyes;
I needed alcohol to love you

To the girl with blonde hair
And eyes wide like the ocean;
I will love you
Unconditionally
2.9k · Aug 2014
Untitled
MD Aug 2014
No matter how much I smoke
I'll never feel the euphoria I felt when I was with you
The nights turn to days
Turn to nights
And I'm losing my mind
To know how effortlessly you moved on
How you can **** someone without thinking of me
Or how you feel nothing when you see me
Did you ever feel anything?

You are so important and you don't even realize
How much I want to get to know you again
I want to see you laugh
I'll never get a second chance
MD Jan 2014
I know what I'm doing is wrong
But you left
And now I don't know where to turn
I'm sorry that I wasn't enough
The thought of you still burns
I didn't want things to turn out this way
But I took a wrong turn
And now I'm here
Giving myself to anyone
Who pretends to care
2.4k · Sep 2013
I'm tired of being alone
MD Sep 2013
I am at a constant war with myself
And it's not because I don't see myself
The way others see me
It's because I see myself
Exactly how others see me
When I talk to someone
I can see how obnoxious and intrusive
I am
But I do not have the power to stop myself
I try so ******* hard to hold on to people
Because I know that someday they're going to leave
And maybe I'm holding on too tight
Maybe I'm pushing them away unintentionally
But I just care so much about people
More than I care for my own self
I especially care about you
But you do not care about me
I am a real person
With valid feelings
And it's about **** time that someone
Actually gives a ****
About me
1.9k · Apr 2016
Group Therapy Introductions
MD Apr 2016
Hi, my name's Anorexia

That's not my birth name
But that's what people know me as -
The skeleton walking through the hallways
Emotionless eyes and burning wrists

Hi, my name's Anorexia

The girls ask me,
"How many calories did you eat this week?"
I rattle off the numbers
They think it's a game

Hi, my name's Anorexia

My favorite hobbies include:
Fainting
Heart palpitations
Hospital trips
And weekly blood drawings

Hi, my name's Anorexia

And im dying
1.9k · Sep 2013
2am
MD Sep 2013
2am
I am in love
With the 2am
Conversations
I have with a ghost
I whisper to the walls
Telling them to let me go
But they do not reply
They hold me tightly
Preparing me to attack
And this time
I'm not holding back
1.8k · Jan 2014
Obsession
MD Jan 2014
I've spent years
Trying to find romance
In the tragedy I swore was love
But there was no love
In that basement

There was obsession

I was madly in love
With the idea of being in love
I let it consume me
I spent a year trying to patch myself up
For nothing

There was no love
There was no wounds
But **** I swear

Sometimes I still feel the scars
1.8k · Aug 2013
Lips
MD Aug 2013
So I sat
With a cigarette hanging from my lips
Whispering for you to stay
Your lips smelled like alcohol
And your body was exhausted
Exhausted of me
Exhausted of life
So I let you go
But it was such a big mistake
I didn't know how much I would miss
Those pink alcoholic lips
1.7k · Feb 2014
Freedom?
MD Feb 2014
When I was growing up
My mother taught me
That America was a free country
And I could be as free as possible

Then you add in laws
And moralities
And eyes that stare you down
For expressing your opinion

This is not a free country
This is not a free world

If it was
Maybe I wouldn't feel so trapped
Inside my own skin
MD Jan 2014
Don't scream
The dark can't stay forever
Lay your head on me
I know your heart is severed

Don't cry
In the end you'll be okay
Let me carry some of your weight
I am here to stay

Don't worry my darlings
You don't need to weep
I am always here for you

Don't scream
Don't scream
Don't scream
1.1k · May 2014
Soulless
MD May 2014
I've been thinking too much of you
Your name starts a quake in my being
If I had a choice
I would remove my soul
Just so I could forget about you
I don't care
I don't care if every single ******* day
I feel the gentle vibration of the numbness
Spreading throughout my body
Just take my soul away
Take away all my memories
I want to start over
Please let me start over
1.0k · Sep 2013
Obsessed
MD Sep 2013
When I'm gone
Please don't cry
Because I've shown you my scars
I've reached out for your help
A thousand ******* times
But no one ever takes me seriously
When I say I'm sad
It's not normal
I get obsessed with my sadness
I let it overtake me
You are the only **** person
Who makes me feel sane
And you don't even
Want me around
971 · Feb 2015
2012
MD Feb 2015
that was the summer my mom quit her job. she had to stay home with me because i wouldn't stop crying and dripping blood on the carpet.

that was the summer i started smoking cigarettes because tobacco tasted better than the ghost of your lips on mine.

that was the summer i didn't leave my room. i was afraid to see the world. i was mostly afraid to see you again.

that was the summer my dad tried to unload his gun in my head. he said he did it out of love. i think he was scared.

that was the summer you broke my heart. you told me i was too difficult to love. it's been years since i've last held you but i still can't seem to forget the feeling of my hands on your waist.

that was the summer i wish i spent kissing you

that was the summer i wish you didn't leave.
921 · Dec 2014
Thank You
MD Dec 2014
I knew they didn't
Care about me
They only used me
For my body
But when it's late at night
And I'm drunk
With some guy on top of me
It felt like love

I gave myself to
Anyone
Who asked
I didn't love myself
I didn't really care

And I thought I
Was gone
I thought I
Was totally used up

But you walked
Into my life
And I didn't need
One night stands
With greasy 20 year old guys
And I didn't need
To fill my veins with drugs
To keep myself from
Remembering

You walked into my life
And you stayed
912 · Mar 2017
Phoenix
MD Mar 2017
your drunken lips,
my ***** tongue

remind me what it’s like to feel whole -
when there’s not a gaping void in my chest.

tell me i’m beautiful
only this time, you mean it.
881 · Feb 2015
Spring Is Coming
MD Feb 2015
I feel the world shifting
Beneath me
And I stop to feel
The wind brush against
My rose tinted cheeks
I let myself become engulfed
In the romance
That has settled in the ground
For a minute I forget where I am
Because every single bug and flower
Captivates my thoughts
I'm inhaling Spring
And I let out a sigh of relief -
Exhaling Winter
MD Feb 2014
You came at a time
When I was sure
I was all I had left

I'm scared
To let you in
So you can see
That nothing has changed
Since last year

I'm still stuck
In this cycle of sadness
I cannot seem to break through
The dark clouds above my head

You came back into my life
And you filled something
I was so positive would stay
Empty forever
MD Oct 2014
A girl about seven
Sits still - full of doom
It's 2 in the morning
And she's scared to leave her room

A ghostly girl with bad intentions
A skeleton made of gold
She filled the air with a cold infection
And let the people mold

They didn't believe her when she was small
So maybe now they'll listen
A ghost haunting the walls
Of a place she once called home
710 · Jul 2013
Lonely Routine
MD Jul 2013
Late at night
I lean over and caress you
I line your hips with my fingertips
I kiss your jawline
And reach for your soul
Late at night
I lean over
And realize I'm alone
708 · Oct 2013
Lovers I Have Watched
MD Oct 2013
It was miraculous
To watch such an intense love
Grow

Beginning as strangers
I saw as you both slowly
Became friends
There was a spark
In your friendship
That - I never doubted

It was around November
Perhaps December
When the snow began to fall
So did you guys
For each other

Now
I was still in love
With that girl with brown eyes
But she fancied a girl
With blonde hair
And a stunning mind

Spring began to appear
And I was watching
As you two
Bloomed
Alongside the flowers

It is now over a year
Since you girls first
Shook hands
I'm not sure what
You're feeling
But the spark
Has disappeared
708 · Apr 2014
Untitled
MD Apr 2014
Trying not to move
I laid still in my bed
There was an ache in my body
That was flowing from my head
I waited for your call
But it never came
I shut off the ******* phone
There was no one but me to blame
I held on too tight
I broke your fragile bones
I suffocated you with love
And you let out a silent groan
I heard every word
But I couldn't believe it was real
You wanted me to go
Did I just waste a year?
699 · Jul 2013
Drunken
MD Jul 2013
It's such a pity
That we spent so many drunken nights
Holding hands
And kissing each others scars
All for it
To come to a sudden hault
Because you met a girl
With not so many faults
MD Jan 2014
There is snow on the ground
Ice in my heart
And freezing winds that keep my soul cold

Nothing's ever consistent
The winters always vary

I'm freezing over
And I'm losing all my sanity

The cold is ruining my mind
Horrifying thoughts rush through my head

Sometimes I think I'd be better off in the warmth
Sometimes I think I'd be better off dead
693 · Sep 2013
Body Parts
MD Sep 2013
My head is filled with balloons
My flowers grow upside down
The trees are starting to sprout
In my legs
My toes are filled with chilled metal
The weigh me down
I'm glad I have my metal toes
Because sometimes the balloons in my head
Bring me much too high in the air
680 · Sep 2013
Sincere Apologies
MD Sep 2013
I wish I was awake
At 4am
So you don't have to be
Your own best friend

I know you aren't one for
Touching or being touched
But I want to cuddle
You up in a blanket
Make you hot chocolate
And keep you safe

I know you don't want anyone
To worry about you
But when we're crossing the street
I want grip your hand so tight
And make sure you cross safely

Thank you for kissing
My forehead
That day I cried
On your bathroom floor
And I'm sorry that
I'm not nearly as nice to you
As you are to me

I'm not good at expressing my
Emotions
But my writing will hopefully
Make up for it

You are the greatest friend
I've ever had
No one makes me as happy
As you do

I'm so ******* sorry
That you're sad
And that I'm not there
At 4am

Because I know how it feels to
Be the one
At 4am
Being her own best friend
654 · Jan 2014
six word story
MD Jan 2014
first kisses don't matter, only last.
651 · Sep 2013
Stressors
MD Sep 2013
There's just so many *******
Stressors
In this world
And when I'm with you
They all
Leave me
You are my security blanket
You are my fire on
A cold winter night
I know I'm annoying
And whiny and clingy
And just really ******* sad
But you keep me sane
Last night you promised to never leave me
Jesus Christ
I hope you don't get tired of
Me.
650 · May 2014
I Need Feminism
MD May 2014
i. because I spend hours thinking of what would be "safe" to wear
ii. because no matter how I dress, I'm still stuck with the fear of being attacked
iii. because I'm taught the way I dress causes ****, not rapists
iv. because I get told I have no self respect when I wear "revealing" clothing
v. because I'm taught to hold keys between my fingers when I walk alone
vi. because I'm tired of people telling me "I'm asking for it"
638 · Sep 2013
Fuck
MD Sep 2013
This in an apology letter
To anyone whose ever left me
Because I was too
Nosy
Obsessive
Clingy
I'm so ******* sorry
And I wish I could say that I've changed
And I wish I could say you can come back now
But I'm still the exact same
I wish someone could break down the wall of my obsession
And see that there's actually a person there
With feelings
A person who tries so hard to hold onto people
Because I know what it feels like when everyone leaves
This is an apology letter
To you
For not showing that my true intentions
Were not to annoy you
But to make sure you know
That I would always care about you
618 · Mar 2014
I'm the problem
MD Mar 2014
The source of my unhappiness
Does not begin with the things
That have gone wrong in my life
It begins with my need for attention
My need for everything to go right
I swear you could give me the world
And I'd ask for the galaxy
MD Feb 2015
Soon
I will be replacing the carpet in my room
Because I am tired of breaking
Each time I see
That ******* stain that you left

Soon
I'll be putting away that ping pong table
For the rest of my life
Because I can't stand to walk
Into my basement
And picture us under there
Talking
For hours

Soon
I'll throw away my wristband
From the water park we went to
In 2012
Because I cannot handle the tears
That come from sharing a bed with you

Soon
Every memory you left will be gone

And soon
I'll forget you
588 · Sep 2013
Cigarettes and Sex
MD Sep 2013
I want to whisper my secrets to you
In a silent smoke filled room
I want to kiss your neck
And watch as you
Inhale that ******* cigarette
MD May 2016
i woke up today thinking about almonds

on the bus to school i heard the crunching of their shell
breaking between the teeth of a chubby little girl
and i grasped at the corners of my binder
until my palms were dripping blood

my mouth watered to the thought of muffins in algebra

the teacher called on me and the kids laughed
when i didn't respond
but i'm sure they've never heard
such a shrill silence

i cried about pasta while my family ate dinner

my mom's eyes never looked so dull
as she asked me if it was her cooking i didn't like
and i cringed as she touched my shoulder
and told me i felt cold

i went to bed thinking about my weight

i peeled back the fat of my stomach
to see if there was any part of myself left
inside this hollow shell
i called a body

i blacked out tonight

i could hear my skull smash
against the white tiles of my bathroom floor
but you can't feel anything
when you're weightless
560 · Jan 2014
Make It Stop
MD Jan 2014
My eyelids keep closing
My head is waiting
For me to fall asleep
So I can dream about you
I don't want to sleep
I don't want to dream
The dreams I have of you
Often turn to nightmares
Once I wake up
And realize that
You aren't here beside me
I guess you never really were
559 · Sep 2013
Shit
MD Sep 2013
I tried to write a song about you
But no words could come out
I'm getting sick of getting high
And drunk with all my friends
And darling
I'm scared
And darling
I'm scarred
I don't want to be alone anymore
I don't want to feel this way
I told you I was moving on
But I wish you would stay
I'm getting tired
And the nights are getting longer
I wish that you would stay
Stay the night with me
I can make you feel whole again
I can kiss your scars
And I wish you would stay
554 · Aug 2013
Happiness Is Killing Me
MD Aug 2013
I want to go back to the time
When whiskey flamed my taste buds
When darkness was all I was
And all I had were cigarette butts
I want to go back
To the blackest of days
When all was wrong
And my thoughts were astray
546 · Oct 2013
It's Complicated
MD Oct 2013
Two years
Two ******* years
Crying-
Drowning in self pity

I am no longer
Willing to let the
Walls close in
Or to speak
To the ghosts

I have found
The sun
And it's bright
Oh it's brilliant

I do not fear
The unknown
Nor fear for hurting
Myself

I spent two years
Crying over myself
Crying because
The "right" people
Didn't care

But really
Who are the
"Right" people?

I was lost at sea
For so **** long
And I have the scars
To prove it

But I swam
To the shore
And laid on the
Beach
And found myself again
In the swaying
Of the waves
539 · Dec 2013
Talentless
MD Dec 2013
The only talent
I ever had
Was loving you
533 · Dec 2014
I Don't Need Your Pity
MD Dec 2014
It has been 919 days
Since you left

And I still cry when
You don't text back

It has been two years
Six months
And six days
Since I lost my muse

And it has been 6 days
Since I started writing
About someone new
MD Jan 2015
i. We set up a tent in your backyard and spent the night with the bugs. You told me you would love me forever. It’s been three years and you can’t even look at me. It should hurt to look at you, but it doesn’t, it brings back that night in your tent. The look of your face with that little flashlight swinging back and forth was enough to know I loved you.
ii. The first time we hung out together, when we were officially a couple, you sent me a text when you were walking beside me. It asked if you could hold my hand. I wish I would’ve read that text before we finished our walk. I’d give anything to get that text again.

iii. Do you remember the few days we spent at my grandmother’s house? Do you remember making promises to me in the middle of the night? You were so drunk, but I thought being drunk made you more honest. I guess I was wrong.

iv. You started doing drugs after we broke up. I started doing drugs too. I think you take them to have fun, I take them to forget your face for an hour or two. I don’t know if you even remember the shape of my face.

v. Do you remember the night when you wanted to **** yourself? It was midnight and I still came over to make sure you were okay. I spent the night holding you. I would still do that again, but you found other people to take my place.

vi. My mom warned me about boys who smoke and sag their pants, but never about a girl with brown eyes and a withering soul.

vii. You never want to talk to me anymore. I shouldn’t want to talk to you either, you put me through hell, I’m still trying to put out the flames. I cry sometimes because when I talk about you to my friends, I say each word with love. When you talk to your friends about me, each word spews hate out of your mouth.

viii. I’m trying to forget about you, but you gave me so much to remember. I’m sorry I can’t find a way to forget about you. I know you wish I’d leave, maybe someday I will.
528 · Jul 2013
Eternally
MD Jul 2013
Each time
I inhale you
You exhale me
You're starting to figure me out

Maybe I'm not
The evil you swore I was
But I am not
The greatness
I came off to be

I'm just a girl
Smoking my cigarettes
Listening to my music
Loving you eternally
MD Feb 2014
There's really nothing left to say
I wanted to fill every page with you
But you left before I could finish a paragraph
I spent years
Trying to finish the story
With you in every aspect
But I'm turning over the page
This love
Or whatever it was that we had
Is not a semicolon
There is nothing left to be written about you

I've found a new reason
To fill up the pages
Even if it's only
For a few chapters
520 · Jan 2014
if only i saw the signs
MD Jan 2014
I should have been watching
For all the simple signs
That you were not as invested in me
As I was
In you

It was all physical
Wasn't it?

I watched you fall asleep
Nearly every night
And how I wished you would dream of me
You never watched me sleep
You never asked about my dreams

I would kiss you
And sometimes you wouldn't
Kiss back

I wrote about you
All the time
But the only time you ever wrote about me
Was the text messages
At 3am
Telling me that I never meant
A single thing
To you

(You mean the world to me)
MD Dec 2013
This is not a dream
I am here
I exist
If I scream, people will help
My heart is beating
My soul has not withered away
Nothing is fine
But I'll be okay
501 · Jan 2014
Demons
MD Jan 2014
The monster inside me
Won't leave me alone
It controls all my thoughts
And has made me its home
I've tried drugs and to bleed
For awhile they'd work
But on my mind they would feed
In my heart they'd lurk
These demons won't go
No matter how I try
My self esteem's low
And this may be my last goodbye
486 · Sep 2013
Ghostly
MD Sep 2013
Sometimes my words don't make sense
Like when I try to explain
How I've been dead for 2 years
Or when I try to say
That lately I've been drowning
In a sea full of darkness
Talking has never been
One of my talents
So I keep quiet
I observe
I wait
I wonder
479 · Mar 2016
bullshit
MD Mar 2016
i blamed you
for the large scar on my wrist
and the way i can't
hear that dumb song
without crying

i blamed you
for ruining my life
and causing me
to push everyone
away

because it was easier
blaming you for everything

and i couldn't admit to myself
that i was the one
breaking my own heart

and sometimes
i find myself awake at night
wondering if i am the reason
you believe you're a bad person

did i cause those gashes
on your thighs

i'm sorry


i still love you
MD Dec 2013
When I was young
My mother would find
Creative ways to write back
To my letters to Santa

I didn't know it was her
Because when I went to bed
The cookies and milk were not touched
The carrot for the reindeer was still sitting there

When I was young
I believed that there were things
In this world that were not
Explainable
That there was some kind of
Magic

Around the age of 7
My friends started to tell me
That there is no Santa
That this was all a hoax
I believed them

I asked mother about it
She told me the truth

Suddenly
All the magic
That I ever believed in
Had disappeared

I realized
That life was not
Full of magic
Or beauty
But instead
Full of people
Always needing an explanation
For every thing

People on this dreaded planet
Have taken away
All senses of hope
And all the magic
That ever existed
(Did it ever exist?)
470 · Sep 2013
Red
MD Sep 2013
Red
Yelling
Items crashing on the floor
My house is a wreck
Is this really all I'm living for

I grab the blade
And find freedom in
A gentle red line

I'm not as ****** up
As I used to be
These red lines
Have seen worse days
448 · Mar 2015
To An Old Lover
MD Mar 2015
I knew one day you would leave
But I still couldn't have prepared myself
For the excruciating pain
That came from loving you

I recall nights spent in circles on my floor
With tears spilling from my eyes and wrists
I remember your face when you promised to stay
You seemed so sincere

Maybe you didn't mean for us to end that way
Maybe you thought we really would last forever
But I grew bitter
And you grew sicker
And the stitches that held us together
Began to rip from the seams

I tried to tell myself
That you would come back some day
That we would meet in a coffee shop
And know that losing touch was a mistake
But instead
I see you at parties
And through mutual friends
And I sleep in the same bed with you sometimes
But I'm not allowed to touch
Not allowed to kiss
Your body
So I sit on the edge of the bed
And listen to you breathe
You were always such a peaceful sleeper

I wish I would've known
That all the nights I spent bawling
And all the phone calls I'd make to you
Would not change the fact
That you don't love me
Anymore

So I feel like I should say sorry
For calling your mother at 3am
Just to see if she could get you to talk to me
I am sorry
For the nights I spent asking you
To come back
When I knew you didn't want to

I'm sorry
For bugging you
I'm sorry
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