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a mcvicar Mar 2018
black ink spots
spread
across her face.
as she pries them off
they become blurry
and they take over
the very face
she was
trying to save.
23.3.18
a mcvicar Dec 2017
i have yet to discover
if knowing that everything i do will surely be surpassed by others
reliefs me, in a way, like the ant finds comfort in its colony
or depresses me because i might never be good enough
28.12.17  /  18.30  /  don't mind me just having an existential crisis
a mcvicar Jan 2018
i am stuck here,
stuck in a metal door.
my feelings are numb and have been for quite a long time;
but i can see hers in the unruliness of her curls.
the madness in her eyes shines a light on the darkness in her mind.
she recoils
into herself
a ball of self-pity,
self-hatred
and explosions
of current emotions.

i am stuck here,
stuck in a metal door.
my feelings are numb and have been for quite a long time;
but i can guess his because he boasts about them.
he is staring into the patient's padded cell and claiming that he sleeps in one, too.
his hair is short, so i can't tell if it's messy, if he's lying,
yet i know that someone looking from the outside in has already escaped, he's already flying.


unlike me,
i'm simply trapped in a metal door.
9.1.18  /  00.30  /  the only privilege ghosts have is walking through walls.
don't joke about mental health if you haven't ever wanted to take your life.
a mcvicar Mar 2018
when have the weights on my shoulders
changed appearance, to humanoid forms
and why am i not able to pry them off
if they're only sinking me down
to spin me around
13.3.18
a mcvicar Feb 2018
"kiss me hard before you go"
and leave your scent
dripping from my veins
as i stare at the unnamed door
you thought would fit your needs
talking about moral integrity
i'm reminded of the very entrance
you used as an exit
to leave me behind, shaking
21.2.18  /  inspired by lana del rey's "summertime sadness"
a mcvicar Feb 2018
golden slumber,
wait for me.

come back,
come home,
check in and see.

no one knows
if you're actually gold
'cause maybe you're done for,
outdated and old.

you might not be golden at all.
i'm sorry,
it's just that i feel the loneliest
every september, during the fall.
inspired by the oh-so-talented dodie clark (@doddleoddle on all social media) and her cover of "golden slumbers" by the beatles. check it out here... it's so good https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qS4B18G1k0
a mcvicar Oct 2018
you look like you're trying to stare at yourself from afar
but from a broken mirror refracting dawn
or from a lover's embrace in your ungodly arms?
a mcvicar Apr 2019
as the hangman jumped
the rivers explode,
the music has stopped,
everyone just watched...
he's taking a leap
but the adrenaline's gone.
a mcvicar Feb 2018
de l'eau et d'huile;
nous étions les meilleures amies
mais non plus, c'est fini
20.2.18  /  j'ai appris à être toujours en changeant, cela fait la vie plus intéressant pour moi. ce haiku n'a aucune relation avec ma situation personelle, mais peut-être à l'avenir... je n'en veut pas
a mcvicar Jan 2018
back to school today
and it's a rainy day too
i like the second best
8.1.18  /  07.35  /  it's way too early to write anything better
a mcvicar Jan 2018
i count my bruises
every night before bed
they all look the same
18.1.18  /  15.48  /  team sports doesn't mean me giving my everything so you can just watch
a mcvicar Mar 2018
tale of two cities:
the north pole says i'm cold, but
Africa disagrees
21.3.18
a mcvicar Mar 2018
warm tea to warm me
starred city shines in my eyes
cold cup with warm me
26.3.18
a mcvicar Mar 2018
***** shaking
unquiet feet, tippy tap
all in black leather
28.3.18
a mcvicar Mar 2018
aloe and mango
mix as well as sweet chilli
or your back to a wall
22.3.18
a mcvicar Mar 2018
building homes would be
easier if people understood
what "family" means
27.3.18  / random thought
a mcvicar Mar 2018
the hills are alive
with the sound of cars trampling them
forgetting they're there
24.3.18
a mcvicar Mar 2018
went by in a blur
paper excuses, too many
lungs dehydrating
23.3.18
a mcvicar Jan 2018
lightest showers ever
it rained for half a second
but i witnessed it
11.1.18  /  15.08  /  it's the little things that manage change my mood from black to blue, the split-second where mother nature allowed herself a few tears
a mcvicar Jan 2018
i'm trembling so much;
my stage fright has gotten worse
since i heard them speak
15.1.18  /  13.31  / context: french oral exposition
a mcvicar Feb 2018
sleepy bedhead, rest.
life runs too fast for your legs
and no one cares, anyway...
19.2.18
a mcvicar Feb 2018
rainy announcement:
tomorrow is a day for
the brave to conquer
27.2.18
a mcvicar Feb 2018
my feet hurt so much
i've been standing in line forever
i'm waiting for you
23.2.18
a mcvicar Feb 2018
fear and loneliness
mixed themselves into my day
with hot chocolate
28.2.18
a mcvicar Feb 2018
***** glasses clink
spilling liquid everywhere.
whoops, she's half-empty
26.2.18
a mcvicar Feb 2018
not hungover, just
left hanging over your words:
an endless melody
25.2.18
a mcvicar Feb 2018
groggy eyelids droop.
heavy heads work overtime.
drink up, brain; spit it out.
22.2.18
a mcvicar Feb 2018
feeling worthless in
the face of unjust suffering
milk on cobra bites
21.2.18
a mcvicar Jan 2018
sitting under a slide
eating chemicals and gas
my best friend is cool
5.1.18  /  16.15  /  we're sitting under a slide in a kids' park. feeling calm.
a mcvicar Feb 2018
i wanted to write
something nice to please your eyes
there was nothing left
9.2.18
a mcvicar Feb 2018
scalding warmth, burn me
travel sickness won't exist
if you run away
17.2.18 /  (with me)
a mcvicar Feb 2018
blinking,  bleeping, blue
is how i feel when you drench
me, the blackest soot
14.2.18  /  happy saint valentine's day... tree yourself to some chocolate if you're feeling lonely
a mcvicar Feb 2018
massive giant walks
along all tiny creatures
careful: you'll squash them
13.2.18
a mcvicar Feb 2018
quiet day in bed
interrupted by voices;
they say i should rest
18.2.18
a mcvicar Feb 2018
don't think about how
your choices affect others.
don't leave me behind
10.2.18
a mcvicar Feb 2018
goopy bubbly mess
potion, take my strength away
always surrender
16.2.18
a mcvicar Feb 2018
apply pressure to
the vice around my forehead
want to see my brains?
15.2.18 / migraine
a mcvicar Feb 2018
a small child's tiny cars
speeding, tangling up your hair
i hate having a messy heart
12.2.18  /  it's all over the place
a mcvicar Feb 2018
unnamed guilt, my friend
not peccant, but always accused
thought i could handle blame
11.2.18
a mcvicar Jan 2018
forgot to write the daily haiku
four days into the new year
i'm already failing
4.1.18  /  22.49  /  whoopsies
a mcvicar Jan 2018
might be puberty;
but right now i just want to
hear you scream my name
14.1.16  /  19.57  /  yup
a mcvicar Jan 2018
children are playing
in circles around me
i am dressed in black
9.1.18  /  15.16  /  sitting on my stone bench, at my abandoned school
a mcvicar Jan 2018
i saw a tree that
reminded me of kurt cobain
wonder if he swung
19.1.18  /  13.27  /  there was this tree that reminded me of kurt cobain's hair. thoughts got pretty dark pretty quickly.
a mcvicar Mar 2018
not naming a loss;
you went away much too fast
i didn't even s...
29.3.18  /  my kitten was born dead...
a mcvicar Apr 2018
bullet cuts through dark
horses, and people scream twice.
terminal idiots.
6.4.18
a mcvicar Apr 2018
hot sauna, wet dreams.
the shame of thinking normal,
human thoughts (i see).
3.4.18
a mcvicar Apr 2018
back to black, green, blue
to stressing about nothing new
waiting for your tune
2.4.18
a mcvicar Apr 2018
come hide with me now.
under the blankets (no one
will look for us tonight)
7.4.18
a mcvicar Mar 2018
scatter biscuits now
all over my precious floor
and promise them smoke
30.3.18
a mcvicar Apr 2018
find validation
when putting unknown feeling into
other people's lives
5.4.18
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