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2.7k · Jan 2019
warmth in psychology
a mcvicar Jan 2019
soft words and their way of making people sing
lull me like a sweet tune in this chimney, in this place
in my head, slurring over and over until lines would draw up triangles of sleepy infant "jeux",
  circles of faded fantasies would come to life and pray,
  plus rectangles and cornucopias filled with fun and livelier days.
clouds of droopy golden light drip over our heads as we both lay
in soft blankets made out of my personal handmade Heaven's embrace
lush silk pillows under our overweight, over-bearing, strongly fastened necks
  'cause they hold Atlas' weight and the answers for today.
the cycle ends for another shortened day...
the air seems rich with the smell of freshly-made pancakes.
little troll walking down the stairs with a new spring in her step.
lean into the chocolatey sweetness of a mother's oven-like haze,
close your eyes and wonder
if you'll ever feel the same.
distinct memories like these hold the most childlike tenderness in the world, sometimes your own vulnerability is worth being thought of when revisiting memories like mine.
1.6k · Jan 2018
something she'd say
a mcvicar Jan 2018
cigarettes will **** you
and pills will make you try
the ***** will make me miss you
and your pictures will make me cry
21.1.18  /  14.25  / something i'd say if at the very least i could love you
1.5k · Dec 2017
this isn't me
a mcvicar Dec 2017
if you really cared
about me
about anyone
at all

if you really care
about my well being
about anything that isn't yours

all you have to do
is read my poetry.
me;
because i have shared it with you
but it flew right past.
you;
as if it didn't matter at all
26.12.17  /  23.54  /  make me shut up
1.2k · Mar 2018
haiku; seventy five
a mcvicar Mar 2018
rub my eyes and say
everything will be okay
(oh, pink lemonade)
16.3.18
1.2k · Apr 2019
on behalf of us humans
a mcvicar Apr 2019
in the surveillance of our story, 850 seconds perhaps, in glorified memory,
little jews open their eyes amongst the flaming sculptural spire
and the third of her name, Jerusalem, (is it him?)
(artistic was her surname)
unfortunately, her ID, consumed by torch & flame (.........)
another mourning, another brown, & soggy & tasteless ******* day
in which to despair at the state of her very purposeful Occidental ways
surrounded by fake patriotism & fourteenths & sevens & May
contrast the Marseillaise's rightful sudden death
     [ violet haze ]
the saddened by the tragedy
have more to lose at stake
Al'Aqsa, Notre Dame, you deserved so much better
a mcvicar Dec 2017
her body;

i refuse to compare it to another 60's                                      
                      ­                                   cliché.
she's not a movie, not a painting.
not a flower.
not a galaxy.

she's unique enough
to be called
         a
            river
                   of
                       her
                             own

because her body is made from the same matter clouds are made of.
mountains, oceans, fields cannot compare, to the pretty girl
with the curves
that could drown you
or make you
                              float


away, she is nicotine,
she is the balloon that guided my dreams
she leaves and i do too
wherever she goes i will follow.
a quest to look for the very strengh that belongs in the core of her eyes.

if she could only see
the way she looks to me.
you are valid, you are beautiful, you are deserving of love and appreciation.
a mcvicar Dec 2017
we are merely humanoid paper dolls.

counterparts straddling each other's hips;
while our breaths intertwined
and formed a beautiful canopy above where we slept that night.
21.12.17  /  10.58  / lust as a sin is stupid.
855 · Apr 2019
pretentious artistic flow
a mcvicar Apr 2019
as the sun comes rushing in
through the cracks in the window, with a Matisse-like sheen,
a witch ponders over her natural, self-made enemy;
her trees are topsy turvy,
her entrails are unfurling.
as she careens into arms unfolding,
her breath mist was captured by Rodin
make art of what scares you
833 · Jul 2018
two hundred and thirteen
a mcvicar Jul 2018
countdown continues
the algae have me wary
of strangers to welcome
29.7.18
a mcvicar Dec 2017
i have not yet found a book that called it something other than cutting ties;

but in my head it is simply removing the paper band aids that connect me to other people, what i do best.

the city lights blink at me with the intensity of one looking to the person that abandoned them
in the face of these people, all I'm able to do is bow my head
and
surrender.
20.12.17  /  19.08  /  I have never been the hero, I'm just good at pretending.
767 · Jan 2018
women
a mcvicar Jan 2018
are an entire army on their own.

depending on which side of the mirror you look at us from,
we are beautiful in an ethereal way
and dangerous like the steel that won't be bent
         to fit
         your
         stupid
         box.
9.1.18  /  15.22  /  we are strong, we are beautiful and we will overcome those who think otherwise.
736 · Dec 2018
338
a mcvicar Dec 2018
338
fascism cries in agony
shake your fists, punch them where it hurts
no pity left for cavemen
3.12.18  /  on the rise of fascists where i live. it's depressing that we're still having to protest over fascism being legal and DEFENDED like it can be compared to any other political point of view in 2018. i'm not sorry at all, your political beliefs and opinions are valid until they become the oppression of another human being, by then you've lost all of my respect. no tolerance for fascism here, don't @ me
707 · Apr 2019
foreshadowing, gone cubist
a mcvicar Apr 2019
if the hand outline has been emptied,
i'll say sorry in advance.
call the emergency mind-repair system
(please never ever call me back).
quiet down the thoughts now,
if seems your time has come:
to be cast into oblivion
with the rest of the mortal ones.
661 · Dec 2018
350
a mcvicar Dec 2018
350
i need inspiration
someone make me fall for them
someone come and share my bed
15.12.18
629 · Dec 2017
almost naked
a mcvicar Dec 2017
i'm back in my spot
but it's not mine anymore.
people have read me
people have temporarily glanced into the duvet that covered
my breathing
so no one hears it, no one sees
what's really going on within me.

once i trust myself to give her a peek
i'm worried she will never see me, again
amongst the trees i am tiny
and unseen
and unclean

i do not know how much longer i can take this weight on my bare back
i do not have the answers that reside in my core
my centre is soft and i'm no different

we all are.
futile.
14.12.17  /  15.08  / my favourite log in the forest
621 · Jan 2018
child's play
a mcvicar Jan 2018
first; tie a knot,
for the ones you've cut,
the ones that fell down,
the ones that you've lost.

second; build a bridge,
skinny mistake,
burn them all down,
without feeling a thing.

third; circle the bridge
in a long piece of rope,
pray that it doesn't snap
on account of the smoke.

fourth; under the bridge and pull,
now tighten it up, it's easy to do,
now your noose is as tight
as your shoe.

fifth, at last, the final step; tuck your shoelaces into your shoe,
'cause tripping ain't fun
when you fall and break your arm
or maybe your heart, or one, or two.
12.1.18  /  15.19  / no comment
552 · Nov 2018
298
a mcvicar Nov 2018
298
i'm so late & i'm so lost
a laberynth of daisies
pop out of my skull
23.10.18
532 · Jul 2018
one hundred and ninety two
a mcvicar Jul 2018
lipstick on my fingers
i hate my own decision
but i'm like whatever
9.7.18
523 · Jan 2019
there's an ear missing
a mcvicar Jan 2019
yellow vases shan't hold Montmartre coffee nor goldilocks no more,
brilliant sunshine wrapped around thy hair, unmoving in this unending fall.
yellow paint and quivering ink-eating, masking something for sure:
just make this bread, add spicy Dijon must-dust for show.
eat it all up, absinthe's place in your heart and soul,
toxic waste in your yellowish carnation, oozing out lemon holes.
will he really swallow the missing piece of his own (...)?
was he really the type to ponder & slaughter the only thing that he truly owned?
502 · Mar 2018
haiku; eighty six
a mcvicar Mar 2018
building homes would be
easier if people understood
what "family" means
27.3.18  / random thought
488 · Jun 2018
one hundred and sixty five
a mcvicar Jun 2018
she sits next to me
she seems fine but i doubt it
on the Underground
12.6.18
458 · May 2019
31 days to go
a mcvicar May 2019
if living will just mean waiting in line at infinite supermarkets
i renounce my human mortal right,
while the longer the waiting gets, i cannot comprehend
and the future seems so far away, untouchable by a mortal's haze
we are all left gawking, dumbfounded, restless in the last lampshade
mosquitoes on the wall
"stop waiting for life to begin with" will be carved on my marble tombstone
a mcvicar Dec 2017
i have bared my skin
to the people closest to me
for the first time in forever

as i expected
my ribs were
          too sharp
and poked
those who stood next to me


i find my ribs beautiful when they are covered with skin
not so much when they're laid bare for people to see
17.12.17  /  21.00  /  and still then i should've said more, exhausted, exhausted, i can't deal with this anymore. i just want help i just need someone to **** it up like i do, why can no one tell me what i would tell myself. i wanted to share my poetry but it all turned black and im blind, guide me, i can't see. can i fight on my own?
439 · Jun 2018
one hundred and sixty one
a mcvicar Jun 2018
tired body, resist
tiresome lung cancer persists
please survive, grandpa
8.6.18
437 · Dec 2017
i don't know
a mcvicar Dec 2017
it rose


slowly at first
as i took it in and marveled in its beauty, it changed
metamorphosis, they called it
heard the wind through the leaves in my back garden way before you noticed the storm coming


and then it was graceful
beautiful
everything i ever needed compressed into one tiny experience
am i reduced to only this?

if so, i am  
                  tiny (and
                                   meaningless)

have you ever
felt
tiny
whilst staring at the stars
2 AM rants in your brain told you to learn and watch and learn and listen

i guess i was too busy looking at them
and i didn't notice us crashing down

but the sun came up
and i may not have slept at all, but i sure as hell could see what would happen

so i stared, waiting for beauty, waiting for tragic endings to come, to define me, to become me
like i was in a movie

and in the end
all it did was burn
15.12.17  /  15.11  /  in a doubtful place
424 · Jan 2018
estrella
a mcvicar Jan 2018
it came unexpectedly,
it always does.


my father, head bowed in submission,
the heavy weight of survivor's guilt seemed to be ageing him;
pulling him towards the very end she was consumed by,
before my very eyes.

i could've sworn he looked like a black angel.
death himself would have stopped and recognised a fellow spirit,
specially when he bent down and kissed her on the forehead.

as his face flickered, all i felt was doubt.
one of his faces stared me down, challenging.
who is this man?
unrecognizable brethren, kin made out of corrosive copper.
double-faced, double-timed, double-edge razor sharp blade.

his wings parted slightly, metaphorically.
they couldn't fit in the room so they expanded until we were floating in the abyss:
him, her, me (a witness) plus dozens of mute worshippers.

in the end, we left her behind.
said our goodbyes, and visited her again but she was gone....
materialistic prices reduced to ashes, just like her.
nothing more than a memory.
nothing less for those of us who remember what her carnal facade held.


now we sit, because in reality we didn't even move in the first place.
i guess i should've seen it coming, the warnings were there...
my first funeral.


as we exited the church,
my hand hadn't even left the wooden wormhole when she whispered

                      "there will be another."
1.1.18  /  20.18  /  entered a contest with this poem on allpoetry.com; dedicated to my great-aunt, one of the kindest women I have ever known who sadly passed away yesterday.
415 · Feb 2018
pessimism
a mcvicar Feb 2018
(tw: this is really pessimistic and sad.  unfortunately i see the world this way.)

                                 ~~~

soulmates don't exist, they never have and they never will be. our currently overpopulated planet spits random people in our faces and our overcrowded, desperate, feeble minds struggle to claw at them with all the intensity in our nonexistant soul. we cling to people we see ourselves reflected in, but how can we not feel understood when every single human being is exactly the same as we are? the eternal fight to "stand out", to be "unique" acts like the devil's advocate by screaming (in our faces) that we're all identical and obnoxiously ignorant in the face of a cold, uncaring universe.

soulmates don't exist. we are desperate to feel companionship in this messed up place because we are fully aware of how lonely we really are, even if the majority of YOU choose to discard your knowledge and "follow your heart". wake up. we are specs of nothing who, by some chance, float amongst other specs of absolute nothingness. and the worst part is, we feel so entitled to a soul that we swear love and all other feelings do exist, while the person that represents our physical needs laughs and reminds us that in the end we succumb to all that is natural. natural, not like the fabricated romance or the force-imposed darkness that resides in every single one of us. the one we recognize when staring into someone else's mind. the one we choose to ignore, but kills us daily. the one we forget other people have when we project our despair and expectations created by false idols on other people, and foolishly call it love.
soulmates don't exist
22.2.18
a mcvicar Dec 2017
i am angry
at myself and her
for being cold and not understanding
for being superficial and not understanding

this is my soul
can you not understand
this is what i call home

have you not realised
there           is             no               one                    here      

anywhere but here

she is taking you
away from me
and this is all i have
please don't leave me

angry and resentful

appears to be my everyday
but you have crossed a line
crossed the line
the only one i thought you would respect
without me having to ask you to

please

let              me                breathe
14.12.17  /  21.38  /  fiery pit in my stomach tied itself into a knot and now i can't breathe
395 · Feb 2018
golden slumbers
a mcvicar Feb 2018
golden slumber,
wait for me.

come back,
come home,
check in and see.

no one knows
if you're actually gold
'cause maybe you're done for,
outdated and old.

you might not be golden at all.
i'm sorry,
it's just that i feel the loneliest
every september, during the fall.
inspired by the oh-so-talented dodie clark (@doddleoddle on all social media) and her cover of "golden slumbers" by the beatles. check it out here... it's so good https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5qS4B18G1k0
377 · Jan 2019
360
a mcvicar Jan 2019
360
christmastime
could be jolly and holly
cold wind round our necks
25.12.18
367 · Jan 2018
bucketlist
a mcvicar Jan 2018
• to stop giving away the very things that i need

if my agonizing stomach is empty
i should be putting food in it
instead of baking cupcakes for      
                               everyone else.
i am hungry for something
i haven't witnessed anyone give away,
throw away,
erase my pain.
10.1.18  /  11.27  /  enough's enough
a mcvicar Dec 2017
"no one needs me"
i realised and therefore screamed

i know the people closest to me heard it.
after all they were standing mere inches away from me,
hiding behind a green screen.

just like that they ignored
me

and turned around;
set their gazes on their screen and continued living their lives as if i hadn't thrown a bottle,
with a message,
at their heads.
29.12.17  /  12.01  /  you lose the battle to your brain if you start believing you are on your one... i can't hold on much longer.
359 · Mar 2018
emilia
a mcvicar Mar 2018
she
has shape-shifted
and switched sides many times,
kind of similar to the way water bursts
when placed into the tiniest of containers.
and she
has learned
because the ounces of liquid once lost
came back to haunt her.
still, she hears their voices in her nightmares:
"you're soon to evaporate,
water never really does change".
she
has shivered.
she has spent time in solitary, all those years
staring out to the world that laughed at her tears,
droplets of pure water mixed with ichor,
of blood mixed with sweet, sweet liquor.

but you
have started
to discover the wonders this world holds,
the secrets the water covered
(just like her, she always hid)
oh. please. no.
so you
must never give in
to the pull that turned me into water in the first place
you must remain strong,
a hurricane and a glass of lemonade
cannot compare to honey
mixed in with all of your thoughts.
because you
have been made
with the same razor edges your baby blanket was woven out of
and that is
surely
the most memorable thing about you.
14.3.18  //  this one's for you em. i once stood where you are now, and i've learned to just accept my quirks, because they're, well, mine. i wrote this hoping it would remind you that who you are is valid, and beautiful.
358 · Dec 2017
chaotic return
a mcvicar Dec 2017
my break has officially broken me

i though i needed to spit it all out
to say everything
to satisfy the tiny man sitting on my shoulder

alas, i was wrong
26.12.17  /  00.48  / all i need to do to fix everything is push the words back to the bottom of my throat but I have already let them all out and everything is worse now, im sorry.
356 · Dec 2017
opinion
a mcvicar Dec 2017
he stood on his empty,
cheap soap box
and proclaimed, proudly:
"poetry is for the writers, not for the readers"

sorry, but i disagree.
see the way that you have
connected with me
through nine simple words
and provoked enough thoughts to fill entire encyclopedias with the eternal dilemma of the human soul.

no, i don't agree;
for i write for myself
but i also write for thee.
28.12.17  /  18.14  / (so you can notice me)

inspired by: https://hellopoetry.com/poem/2280918/poetry-is/ (Jonathan Sawyer)
350 · Feb 2018
ocean eyes
a mcvicar Feb 2018
maybe
we talk about
falling in love with someone's eyes
because
their eyes are
the key to finding what their souls hide
3.2.18
345 · Dec 2017
breathtaking toxic waste
a mcvicar Dec 2017
they told me they could see the sky reflected in my eyes
but they forgot that i always carry a mirror for contemplation
and i could see it, clearly,

you can see the reflection in my eyes
but their words made me think of beautiful sunsets or shimmering dawn

in my eyes, the sky looked like sulfur
22.12.17  /  18.22  / finding my inspiration once again
336 · Mar 2018
on the subject of hubris
a mcvicar Mar 2018
Hubris (from ancient Greek ὕβρις) describes a personality quality of extreme or foolish pride or dangerous overconfidence, often in combination with arrogance.

                           ~~~

on the subject of paper thin strings
i'm tied, we're tied, you're tired
of being ******* to posts made out of stainless, painless steel.
ironically trying to sing your problems to the ashtray,
unironically trying to run, run, run away...
this post weighs me down
spins me around a thousand million times
until we forget that we've been dancing by ourselves for quite a while,
because there's never been another princess like me
except she wears the same crown every other princess does,
and she still sits at the bottom of the stairs and cries every night;
no white unicorn, no black dove.
but to all the princesses that wear top hats or silken kitten ears
you too are paper thin and water thick.
our strings are all the same:
Zeus himself saw to them being made of underfed dreams,
un-photosynthetic flowers that grew out of expectations in some genie's head.
so, where's your conclusion?
we all suffer from hubris.
we all survived the tsunami just to die in the ship wreckage
and suffocate in the debris.
we're all weak, and meekly making our ways along
              these stupid paper thin strings
attached to a post made out of
              stainless, painless steel
4.3.18
329 · Dec 2017
bathtub boogies
a mcvicar Dec 2017
the beginning of the new me came,
shape-shifting curiosity that not only killed my cat
but also my best friend.

he was a boy,
i was a drunk girl that texted him "i love you" whilst lying in a bathtub with
another girl

and i swear we weren't kissing
we didn't even hold hands
but that night i slept next to her and i knew

the fire that resides in the pit of my stomach had only burned like that
for a millisecond
whilst i was kissing him
and holding her.

it didn't end perfectly for us, but i was her first girl and she was mine
even though love decided to pass our door that morning, we still had lust
yet it wasn't enough

and i haven't forgotten
the way strands of her hair felt tangled up
with my *****-ridden tongue
29.12.17  /  01.18  /  so I just joined allpoetry.com and i entered a contest with this (the theme was homosexual relationships) and i don't really like the site because it looks ugly and I've grown used to hepo now and my little "audience". anyway, if any of you upload on there too, add me and let's be friends ^^
319 · Dec 2017
metaphorical cage
a mcvicar Dec 2017
i put something behind me.

or at least i thought i did;
because when i turned around,
with the intention of sticking my finger out,
i suddenly realized
that my throwing needed more practice
and that all i was putting behind me was
weighing down my back.

as i slowly exhale, they fall in front of me, ready to be picked up again.
23.12.17  /  16.32  /  i hate writer's block, but i read someone's poem and one single verse inspired this one. thank you, i guess.
314 · May 2018
one hundred and forty seven
a mcvicar May 2018
behind my left eye
pain gathers like a massacre &
head hurts like it's not there
25.5.18
313 · Dec 2017
same fucking circle
a mcvicar Dec 2017
as a piece fell out and almost made me choke on it
another one clicked into place

where does all this resentment come from
and why can't it just leave me
alone
          like everyone else did
26.12.17  /  23.50  /  im so tired of spiralling, crawling back out and falling in before i can even catch my breath
303 · Jan 2018
inspirational quote
a mcvicar Jan 2018
that's what they said.

immediately,
my mind closed the hatch
that i use
to peek, from time to time,
at the world around me.

silence followed
and my thoughts screamed loudly,
deafening in the stock-still void:
"but what if the only thing my voice is telling me to do is shut up?"
8.1.18  /  21.21  /  inspired by this quote: "listen to your own voice, your own soul. too many people listen to the noise of the world instead of listening instead of themselves"
299 · Mar 2019
it runs in the family
a mcvicar Mar 2019
stripey girlie lost in the woods
trees fall behind you but your feet are now roots
Daphne's magick won't come running to save you
because, stripey girlie, you are too lost in your boots

pointing at little birds' tiny nests of tiny houses
hearing, not listening, to their creative social outlet
incorporating the spark into your very own eyelashes
seeing the world through another's survival handle

hear the roaring of the forest's floor as it breaks under your toes
crumble into nothingness and girlie'll be thought of no more
stripey girlie, pointy girlie, it was all your fault
'cause you couldn't hide your chip (from another machine) no more
286 · Apr 2019
it's like menstruating
a mcvicar Apr 2019
a girl, laying down
on her stone cold bed
listens to quiet tappity taps
on the pastry roof over her head

she likes to dream, to conquer (and scream)
like in three girls & a cig walking,
she likes to stop, to think, to see
but her watch's-a-tickity-tocking

the compass of 16 brown cats' feet
are keeping her company, after all,
she lies in bed and dreams about
her neighbourhood flooding with blood
284 · Mar 2018
haiku; seventy seven
a mcvicar Mar 2018
together, warm feet.
thinking about nothing but
we're warming the sheets
18.3.18  /  yup
282 · Jan 2018
haiku; seventeen
a mcvicar Jan 2018
stop laughing at me;
you ridicule me so much
i feel really worthless
17.1.18  /  15.19  /  you know the educational system is ****** up when all teachers do is make you feel like ****
280 · Jul 2018
one hundred and ninety
a mcvicar Jul 2018
i wonder if i'll drown
twelve inches under the ocean
i'm merely at the door
7.7.18  /  scuba is an acronym. i'm going diving.
279 · Jan 2018
newfound taste
a mcvicar Jan 2018
your strongest finger is stroking
the chords on your guitar
but your voice is struggling to
keep up with the melodies
your agile fingers have no trouble creating,
so i burst into song:
the pressure relieved the second i opened my mouth.

how can two strangers complement each other so well
when i can't even look into your eyes properly?

  all that is left is feral passion.
15.1.18  /  13.36  /  i don't even know who you are
a mcvicar Mar 2019
the crystal palace by Paxton shatters
and with them, our pots&pans clatter

all clothed in black
all ready to knick-knack the lumberjack
not one body, hair, eyes; unknown
one body, one mind, one goal, one soul,
one damsel, three-headed, five traumas & a million foes
we are one and we are all
we’ll stay silenced, thus shout no more

abandon the tight hold of gravity
believe me, all of us are sacred-to-be
tied for forests, trees interrupt my fantasy
my high school lagoon reflects
what we’ve been craving so badly
we are strong if we are all
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