i'm back to my wheel of misfortune
the creepy man in the black suit is pointing at
    voyage.

all i ever wanted to do is leave
and it's not even romantic at this point
i hate it here and there's nothing holding me back
empty words that weigh as little as paper

not anymore
why am i always pretending?
i can't stand up in this tiny box of a house

screaming drills into your brain
leaving you frozen, it penetrates you.
but nothing you can actually do
will make you forget how you felt, yesterday night, paralyzed in the rain

black ink spots
spread
across her face.
as she pries them off
they become blurry
and they take over
the very face
she was
trying to save.

"kiss me hard before you go"
and leave your scent
dripping from my veins
as i stare at the unnamed door
you thought would fit your needs
talking about moral integrity
i'm reminded of the very entrance
you used as an exit
to leave me behind, shaking

the stars shone
twice in her eyes
and once in my nostrils

my sister is sick with the flu
and i feel sick without you
whoever "you" may be

skinny violence, never to fade
changing sequence
shifting shadows, piercing eyelids
at the water's embrace
        
no one is safe
come out, come out,
come out and play
just a microsecond, wait
fill me up with fuel hate

each freckle on her face reminds me of a different heartthrob;

the first him, i broke
the first her, i numbed
the other him, i begged to stay
the other her, i let go before it was too late


the familiar her, whom i am close to losing
the otherwordly him, who doesn't even know me
the exasperating her, whom i can't seem to fit into my own standards


finally, me.
each time
I cut
someone else
I also
engrave
them
onto
my
soul

i feel like i just ran a marathon on my own. like all my friends would cheer but they'd be too far away to throw me a water bottle, even though their cheers and my own prejudices & expectations rang in my ears and head like nothing i can even attempt to remember. my first stop was confusing... i really thought i had grown but i guess i'll have to wait to say the words until the door handle falls and reveals the measurements my ego left behind. and by the way, by the time you revved up your motorcycle i had decided i had little time to spare. a conviction i completely forgot the SECOND i realised all i really need is new things, shiny and shinier, brilliant ******* that can and will take me away from this stupid coca-cola brown monotony that i so wholeheartedly despise.
worst part is, i knew. even though i've told myself countless times that i wouldn't, that i shan't, make the same ******* mistakes i seem to find new languages to scream out the same stupid words.
every. single. time.
those who know me (and i mean REALLY know me, not like you claim to do with your ******* false sentiments and pity, mind you) know that i fear failure and hate disappointment above every single feeling any cells in my body can produce, above any chemical, above any drink. you've managed to upgrade the disappointment i felt in myself until i can't even see what i used to when i looked in a puddle.
"thank you".
you've been a total waste of my time.

hueles a madera;
a madera olvidada,
a madera podrida,
a madera vencida.

two strangers
stared
at each other

the light
seemed to focus
on everyone else
but somehow
their cat eyes met each other
in the dark

one stranger
stared at
two heartbeats
and sighed

new train station up ahead:
hold on to your bags.
desperate times call for desperate measures
and my zip-locks have failed me.
lately,
i've been feeling down (too)
down, train track height, down;
but the train drives fast and i ain't got time to dwell on what should've been.
i'm moving
free will discarded like a greasy paper bag:
use it once, leave it behind
forget all about it, it's done.
we're speeding together
you & i
travelling to the lands of the unknown
where, perhaps, i'll get to know you.
lay your soul down for me
the blanket is soft, i swear.
i hope we don't crash,
i hope we don't burn.

we're speeding together,
you & i
time's a blur.
we hope we won't get hurt
getting off this train
and leaving behind the world.

does it scare you
that they might leave
that you might go

and that you might not finish
your last wor