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Jun 2018 · 112
one hundred and seventy
a mcvicar Jun 2018
leaves should fall in summer
the expectations of loved ones
have drowned so many
17.6.18
a mcvicar Jun 2018
i hide my shame
(a toxic way to deal with pain)
my wardrobe hides my drink
16.6.18
a mcvicar Jun 2018
another birthday cake
feet stuck to the club's oozy floor
legs entangled with legs
15.6.18
a mcvicar Jun 2018
happy birthday to me
the cake tasted like dry gin
and the finest gingerbread
14.6.18
Jun 2018 · 81
one hundred and sixty six
a mcvicar Jun 2018
i've missed the old me
but at the same time i never
want to go back again
13.6.18  /  hi
Jun 2018 · 526
one hundred and sixty five
a mcvicar Jun 2018
she sits next to me
she seems fine but i doubt it
on the Underground
12.6.18
Jun 2018 · 171
one hundred and sixty four
a mcvicar Jun 2018
"vicios" and vices
tightening around my tightrope head
i'm left with nothing new
11.6.18  /  vicios means bad habits in spanish
Jun 2018 · 158
one hundred and sixty three
a mcvicar Jun 2018
sweet and salty cigs
the low-key rising of bile
please go back to sleep
10.6.18
Jun 2018 · 153
one hundred and sixty two
a mcvicar Jun 2018
scarily, false alarm
he's fine and thriving once more
i'm easily scared
9.6.18
Jun 2018 · 478
one hundred and sixty one
a mcvicar Jun 2018
tired body, resist
tiresome lung cancer persists
please survive, grandpa
8.6.18
Jun 2018 · 187
one hundred and sixty
a mcvicar Jun 2018
i owe you NOTHING
even if you were relevant to me
you couldn't tie me to you
7.6.18  /  don't even try it
Jun 2018 · 178
one hundred and fifty nine
a mcvicar Jun 2018
i've been dripping again
letting droplets slip out my cracks
into buckets, below
6.6.18
Jun 2018 · 167
one hundred and fifty eight
a mcvicar Jun 2018
reject this and that
i wonder why i do this
picky with my sins
5.6.18
Jun 2018 · 288
one hundred and fifty seven
a mcvicar Jun 2018
roll the dice for me
i can be shy or the topper for
the best night of our lives
4.6.18  /  self-confidence looks good on you
Jun 2018 · 158
one hundred and fifty six
a mcvicar Jun 2018
trying on a dress
but this time, it's a lace set
lingerie & self-esteem
3.6.18  /  new identity
Jun 2018 · 252
one hundred anf fifty five
a mcvicar Jun 2018
spectrum of identity
fearless whispers of rebellion
flowers rain down on us
2.6.18  / HAPPY PRIDE MONTH
Jun 2018 · 166
one hundred and fifty four
a mcvicar Jun 2018
countdown to the *****
smoky burn in my nostrils
choke me 'til i sleep
1.6.18
May 2018 · 149
one hundred and fifty three
a mcvicar May 2018
did you hear the news?
inflation is so high now
it's hard to write a verse (or two)
31.5.18  /  the countdown commences
May 2018 · 221
one hundred and fifty two
a mcvicar May 2018
exhausting slow burn
of a newfound cigarette
surely, it'll last long
30.5.18
May 2018 · 144
one hundred and fifty one
a mcvicar May 2018
autodestruction
enabled for a comma
whiskey tastes like shame
29.5.18
May 2018 · 210
one hundred and fifty
a mcvicar May 2018
shades of magenta
the ultraviolence in a carpet
sweeping the edges away
28.5.18
May 2018 · 153
one hundred and forty nine
a mcvicar May 2018
i wonder at night:
do lights turn off of their own accord?
did they conquer, black hole?
27.5.18
May 2018 · 155
one hundred and forty eight
a mcvicar May 2018
blurry blinking click
time goes by like the ice melts
in a sweet & sour drink
26.5.18  /  i'm trying
May 2018 · 359
one hundred and forty seven
a mcvicar May 2018
behind my left eye
pain gathers like a massacre &
head hurts like it's not there
25.5.18
May 2018 · 157
one hundred and forty six
a mcvicar May 2018
don't come close, STAY AWAY!
i'll stick a knife in your throat
if you harm her again
24.5.18  /  a ball of rage
May 2018 · 127
one hundred and forty five
a mcvicar May 2018
the duality
both sides of a spectrum
the genre of it all
23.5.18
May 2018 · 110
one hundred and forty four
a mcvicar May 2018
dim the lights and
make everything tinier; why
do you still wear blue boots?
22.5.18
May 2018 · 163
one hundred and forty three
a mcvicar May 2018
smiles and shoulders
long ago in a faraway land
come and meet her again
21.5.18  /  sorry i'm so inactive, i'm fighting to come back
May 2018 · 140
one hundred annd forty two
a mcvicar May 2018
i'm ranting and squealing
the autopilot won't work
i hate all my words
20.5.18  /  i've ranted about this before. i'm sorry, i know it's unnecesary but i have to let it out.

so, i'm wiritng a book. it's a small one, 30 pages of my own poetry, and i've scraped it all again. i set myself a deadline, 11 days from now and i have nothing. i'm blank, again, and i hate everything i've written so far. i really don't want my brain's autopilot to write this book for me but i have to write something. it's meant to be a gift but... who knows? maybe the talent that everyone tells me i have is just water droplets on paper. i just spit out sometimes and people seem to like it... but what if people tell me  i'm good for the sake of a compliment but not in a critical way. 'cause you can't really say to someone, to their face, "hey, all your feelings on this piece of paper are written like ****. try again". *** am i supposed to do...


UPDATE: i have amazing friends and they've re-motivated me. dear god i love the werid bunch of people that have my back. thank you.
May 2018 · 111
one hundred and forty one
a mcvicar May 2018
do good times have to
come with the prize of fatigue?
i'll wake up early
19.5.18
May 2018 · 176
one hundred and forty
a mcvicar May 2018
flush me down the drain
sing to me words of despair
that bleed midnight blue ink
18.5.18  /  exhausted
a mcvicar May 2018
the world unlistens
and forgets trivial history lessons
when will we comprehend?
17.5.18
a mcvicar May 2018
back once more, dear home
i'm sorry i've been missing
for one, two, three... too long
16.5.18
a mcvicar May 2018
tide, ebbing away,
like the last straws i cling to
my willingness fades
15.5.18
May 2018 · 152
one hundred and thirty six
a mcvicar May 2018
one month to prepare
for a new front and description
a new twin sister


(join us)
14.5.18  /  bit creepy but it's one month until my birthday
May 2018 · 214
one hundred and thirty five
a mcvicar May 2018
melodies unfold
je chante mais je n'ai pas une voix
she'll still sing along
13.5.18
May 2018 · 197
ciento treinta y cuatro
a mcvicar May 2018
en la memoria;
quedas atrás como
pájaro en noria
12.5.18
a mcvicar May 2018
all this coffee does
is enhance the pins in my brain
but at least i won't think
11.5.18 / ouch
May 2018 · 145
one hundred and thirty two
a mcvicar May 2018
the oily endgame;
fish should breathe from air bubbles
not choke on them, like me
10.5.18
May 2018 · 155
one hundred and thirty one
a mcvicar May 2018
rainstorm coming quick:
expose eardrums and *******
to the brittle wind
9.5.18  /  talking freely of stupid taboos, like female ******, is electrifying
May 2018 · 115
one hundred and thirty
a mcvicar May 2018
oblivion waves back
heathens gather in the sand
basket cases make dunes
8.5.18
May 2018 · 153
ciento twenty neuf
a mcvicar May 2018
"algo diferente"
trying out buttons in my brain
"j'aime me métamorphoser"
7.5.18  /  i should play more with all the languages i know
a mcvicar May 2018
long car rides smell like
tranquil waters and warm sand
(not if i'm the driver)
6.5.18  /  i wanna learn how to drive
a mcvicar May 2018
i'll come back someday
in the meantime i'll protest
(the old and the new)
5.5.18  /  going to a rally with my grandpa because retirement wages in spain are dismal
May 2018 · 147
one hundred and twenty six
a mcvicar May 2018
greasy lipstick pizza
glamour, wine, dark red, lip blush
heart attacks on tumblr
4.5.18  /  dripping in finesse
May 2018 · 111
one hundred and twenty five
a mcvicar May 2018
i'm hotter than hell
when i grab at my own hair and
shake my ***, ha ha ha
3.5.18
May 2018 · 158
one hundred and twenty four
a mcvicar May 2018
hunter is hunted
i'm sorry, lost my essence
but i'm crawling back
2.5.18
a mcvicar May 2018
the most sick are so high;
what's the problem with letting someone
finally feel alive?
1.5.18
May 2018 · 149
one hundred and twenty two
a mcvicar May 2018
coursing through my lungs
purple lights dancing in your eyes
let's dance all night long
30.4.18
Apr 2018 · 174
one hundred and twenty one
a mcvicar Apr 2018
replacement of blues
jazz can definitely help
but i'm blueing, so shoo
29.4.18
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