suddenly, the weight on my footsteps feels butter-like light.

i feel like i just ran a marathon on my own. like all my friends would cheer but they'd be too far away to throw me a water bottle, even though their cheers and my own prejudices & expectations rang in my ears and head like nothing i can even attempt to remember. my first stop was confusing... i really thought i had grown but i guess i'll have to wait to say the words until the door handle falls and reveals the measurements my ego left behind. and by the way, by the time you revved up your motorcycle i had decided i had little time to spare. a conviction i completely forgot the SECOND i realised all i really need is new things, shiny and shinier, brilliant ******* that can and will take me away from this stupid coca-cola brown monotony that i so wholeheartedly despise.
worst part is, i knew. even though i've told myself countless times that i wouldn't, that i shan't, make the same ******* mistakes i seem to find new languages to scream out the same stupid words.
every. single. time.
those who know me (and i mean REALLY know me, not like you claim to do with your ******* false sentiments and pity, mind you) know that i fear failure and hate disappointment above every single feeling any cells in my body can produce, above any chemical, above any drink. you've managed to upgrade the disappointment i felt in myself until i can't even see what i used to when i looked in a puddle.
"thank you".
you've been a total waste of my time.

progress always looks tiny
until you turn back and stare at it, dead in the eye

the luxurious life of the uninterrupted
the riches of feeling unaware
the knowing nothing will ever go wrong
and the fever of holding in my mouth friendly hair

so you'll spite me for using my words to express myself
for exaggerating in the name of beautiful poetry
that rhymes like wind chimes
and sounds like fresh mint to the human mind.

but honestly, honey,
i thought you knew me well enough by now
to know that my style and pen are overwhelmingly enthusiastic
in the pursuit of my daily pick of what human nature can gift me.




believe me, baby, it's what i do.
and i'm not sorry at all if that bothers you.

i know you don't want to hurt me
but baby,
sometimes you do

can't pronounce "low" without knowing what writing without words feels like

stop blaming your humane pain on a rose's thorns.
you knew you could get hurt so you should have been careful. forget your own overdone clichés... it's not the rose's fault, you were too blind at the time to see it or too busy shifting vision from side to side in an attempt to get someone's best angle, their angelic fake face.

i resent that all i've written about
has your name
and i promised i wouldn't give
this part of me away

it's funny how i feared you giving up yourself completely to him and how empty you'd feel once he abandoned you and now you're pulling away and i can feel all the memories dying in my head. it's ironic how all my fears revolved around you but i'm the one feeling empty after another fruitless relationship seems to be ending and i'm left AGAIN with voices in my head saying "you shouldn't have", because i know i shouldn't have made exceptions to the one rule i swore would be mine.

but if he gets to apologize and if you get to forget everything and forgive, then i get another chance to say NEVER AGAIN.

ahora ven y me explicas
el frío que hace en mi puta casa.

i am left astounded
in your unexplained absence.
in the holes in my face
left by your own eyes when they fade.
no more opening up to people
and no more giving everything away,
no more knocking down walls for
those who wouldn't even open a door anyway.

i'm tired of sleeping
because my blankets can't fulfill any of
    my needs
but i'm tired when i wake
because i just can't seem to stop the ache
that lives permanently
    in my teeth