Two shots fired. Pop, pop Everything slows.
I can feel my heartbeat throughout my entire body, everywhere, right down to my toes.

Tell me, have you seen a bullet penetrate the skin? Rip through flesh?
I hope for your sake that your answer is no. One push and one release. Crimson liquid. Flowing fast So bright, so fresh.

Smell the iron. Its scent: rich and thick.
How would I describe it consistency? Slick.

The wind blows through my stale hair.
My breaths are tight as I adjust to the new weight.
When did I last eat?
who knows...
I feel my stomach,
I don't even have to **** in
to feel my ribs
and other inner things.
These pants used to be tight
but look they're baggy,
a sign of accomplishment.
Look at me
I'm looking frail
I feel so skinny
I feel so beautiful.
The hungrier I am
the happier I am,
the more I feel one day
I will be okay to look at.

My body tells me to eat,
eat everything in sight
keep eating
and once you're full
eat some more
and more
even when you're burst
and your innards trail the floor,
it's best to keep eating,
even when you hate the taste.

It's always on my mind,
the hunger never stops,
so as long as I feel hungry,
I'll sew my mouth shut so
maybe one day it will end.

The hungrier I am,
the happier I am.
No one will ever call me fat again
they'll never say I'm ugly,
I'll never cry again
so long as I don't look in that mirror.
Because today,
I feel so skinny,
I'm starving and ill
but it's okay because I'm getting pretty.
I threw up that
and I threw up this
but it's okay because I'm getting pretty.
I either eat everything
or eat nothing at all,
all or nothing
my brain won't accept anything else.

But it's okay because
I can't remember when I last ate,
and I feel my ribs
and I'm skinny and-
I look in the mirror
and I'm still so fat.
So I'll sit down and cry
and workout some more.
Tempted to take a grater
and peel the fat off layer by layer.
Because fat isn't pretty,
and skinny is.

I crave your touch
I crave your teeth
I long for the voice
that doesn't match your age.

Leather,
thick musk,
your tempting stare,
should you leave bruises
I wouldn't care

I've been told I'm sick
heard you are too,
Could you love the broken
as much as I do?

You're just a fantasy
wish you were standing here next to me,
oh sweet calamity,
you are just a fantasy.

I think about you,
too often for my own good.
You invade my mind
and debilitate  me

Glorious
magnanimous
unspeakable things

I want you to kiss me
during war
while I hold you close

Thinking thoughts about you
when I'm floating in the Yuba Blue

oh sweet calamity,
you are just a fantasy.

wish you were here,
wish you were breathin' down my neck
-tight grip-
rough touch-
chains and leather
fantasies together

too many long nights
with you in my head
impossible
unfathomable
unimaginable
just a, simple, fantasy.

I think you look really nice
too bad for me
I'm afraid your heart's made of ice
as your Ex-Wife would say
you'd never look my way
for the world is cruel
to girls as young as me.

I am nothing but a ghost
standing guard
waiting for you to relieve me from this post
you'd never love me
eye contact would set me free
imagine a world of we...
a silly little fantasy.

Down on my knees
crying out please
I'd swallow
I'd beg
I'd cut off my leg
just to hear you say my name,

just to hear you say my name...

just to feel your touch...

you are just a fantasy
held up on a pedestal
for the poor to see

oh what would life be like
if I were not so young
and you were not much older,
for the world is cruel
to girls as young as me...
would you notice me?
probably
pass over me...

what a silly little fantasy.

Wouldn't it be nice.
If we died side by side.
Holding hands,
Your head next to mine.
Our ribs crushed together,
From a truck that hit us on the side.

Wouldn't it be nice
If they cremated us side by side
In the funeral pyre we built
With the heat of our own love.
Burning in a pit,
'Til we're charred and black inside.

Wouldn't it be nice
If they threw our ashes to the sea
Off a cliff,
Floating to the breeze.
Without a care,
Just like you and me.

Wouldn't it be nice,
If our souls drifted together.
Towards oblivion,
Hand-in-hand we'll leap.
Let's gravitate from this world,
Alone at last, just you and me.

in dire situations
the crowd is staring
when they're really not
it's a hallucination
a mere illusion
you're sweating
in all of this godforsaken confusion
and in disbelief
you tell yourself
it's life or death-

but in reality, it's really not that bad
you're over-thinking
it doesn't matter
an intense, ephemeral feeling
will be over very soon

in life
you cannot always be successful
therefore
you must strive to do so as frequently as possible
and when you reach the penultimate of happiness and bliss
you must do your utmost not to let it slip away