no                                                          
i've changed    
my mind              
it comforts me more now                          
because i know                                                  
that when i plunge                                                            
into its                                                                                          
depths                                        

i wont                  
have to come back  
to a place            
i have to call "home"

loneliness presses
to fill the emptiness
of a broken heart
as anger fills the gaps
only to remind oneself
that they're alone
tears slip down the
face of an "angel"
as they beg
for their place
in heaven

i need you
right now
here
cradled in my arms
or you holding me
i don't know
i don't care
but i know
i need you
you understand
mostly

i was unable to sleep last night              
everything was too loud
clocks ticked                                                  
fans whirred                                    
these noises were
amplified
by the night      

though the noises were pounding
loud                                  
obnoxious          
they weren't loud enough                        
to quieten the thoughts in my head.


they spun              
dancers are beautiful by themselves          
but together
with no obvious rhythm      
and with so many
they crash                  
bump              
and disturb
the dancers surrounding them      

they spun uncontrollably fast
chaos playing their part too            
only stopping      a short      time to catch their breath

hours later they begin to tire          
become stif and jerky in their movements                    

a wind begins to blow    
softly and swiftly moving past the dancers                
with a sudden serge of power  
it speeds up                              
whips around                  

the dancers get carried along with it
turning and swirling faster and faster        
their rough grace returns  

the dancers spin away faster with the wind on their back
whirring like little spin tops                
in and around each other

in no time                
a wind storm has been created    
powerful and ruthless
destroying everything            
but those dancing
thoughts

=                                          
some of the things
i feel right now
i have no effort
to live

dull my eyes
as I slide into a room
glance for exists
windows and doors
my feet never fully
leave the ground anymore
I know I won't fly
that is until the light
is completely gone
if my hands shake
anxiety levels double
look down, hide face
it's okay no one cares anyway
tears fall none the less
I'm tired

a flame tickles
heats and lights
a little fire
is enough
to scare                
the darkness away
and keep warm
too much fire  
get carried away
sparks fly
things burn
the heat increases
too much heat
yet it seems
pleasant                        
for a while
until it burns
scolds
and hurts
until it burns out
uses everything
and turns
into ashes
a pile
of black

you're the kind of person        
who gives me tummy tickles  
making me shy and uncertain
yet                                                            
so happy
i could walk
on stars
or play                          
in the                          
softest cloud                          
you give me
"tummy tickles"
every time
we talk      

hehe                  
*[blushing]

emotionally challenged
im telling you more than i should
yet nothing important
i dont want to get stuck

dope me up to my eyeballs
maybe then they'll be pretty

you look so beautiful in the morning                        
you're mostly vulnerable    
yet not fragile                  
just unhidden                                                         ­                                     
there's no guarded look                              
there's no armbands covering you            
there's no mask                                              
it's just you
nothing to hide,
and love...                  
you're *beautiful

winter:                                                                      ­        
frozen crystal diamonds sparkling in
     the morning sun                    
dew wet cobwebs
strung between trees              
blue glass clear skies        
crisp fresh air

scarves and gloves        
socks and blankets
and,                                              
you                                      
i got you in
winter    

it made winter              
beautiful for me      

winter is no longer drab and cold        
when you're holding my hand

so don't let go

first theres nothing
a little sting,
maybe its recovering from the shock
then slowly
blood starts to well
small droplets
sitting above the cut
as it drips
theres still little pain
you've dried the blood
washed it away
cleaned yourself up
then the pain hits
it burns

hold me down
watch me struggle
and wait for me to die
you'll be the death of me
if i wasn't already dead enough