words and numbers
                                                                      clash and
                                                           tumble
                   unsure of where
they're wanting to go
                              probably no where
                                              just wanting to get out
                       of here
                              - this brain
                                                               i don't want to be here
     i feel sorry for the letters
                                      numbers
                                      words
                                      poems

              stuck in this crazy place
  it's a maze
           i hope they find the exit
                              without too much harm

i'm not suicidal, but
         if a truck was about to hit me
         i wouldn't scream
i don't have a death wish, but
         if i was stuck underwater
         i wouldn't struggle
i don't want to die, but
         if someone had a gun barrel at my head
         i wouldn't beg to live
                          i'd smile

but i'm not 'okay' enough to ask

i didn't eat enough today
      no, i'm not anorexic
  or starving myself
               i just forgot to eat enough
                        it didn't occur to me until now
    as my stomach clenches in pain
           but i didn't need food
   until you left

i don't know if it has anything to do with
     what i do
                           but all my friends seem to be
             in different stages of brokenness
from shattered
     to splintered
     to destructed
     to cracked
                                          is it something i do?
                                 i love them all, and i'll forever be there for them
                                   but even, when i first meet them, and think
"hey you're an alright person"
              by the time i'm really close to them
            they're broken or beginning to break
                   and i'll always help them
but sometimes
i wonder if it might be me
who forces them to break

my body has shut down
    i move and function
                    but my brain is nothing
         mush with no substance
   i can't hold together
                        the glue isn't strong enough
i'm not strong enough
         without you
                           you're the filling
   the once missing pieces
                      now you're gone
                              and i'm falling apart again
             please
i'll pick up your pieces
     if you put me together again

between friendship
                acquaintances
                love
                hate
                enemies
                ?

rustling leaves whisper love poems
               into the listening ears of lonely poets
                                            no one knows what has become of the
                      truth anymore
         its lost with the real lies of fake people
                                                hearts break more often than love is found
                                           young funerals are more common than real love
  heart-ship and hard-ship
            wrestle in common puddles throughout winter
                             lights flicker out as a parents yell at their teenager/s
             for simple things that they once knew how to do
a teenager fights back, forever scared of them and what might happen
                                             families tear apart like shredded documents of marriage certificates
                two young lovers fumble with clothing in the dark
                             trying to find some bliss in the world
where every happy memory is ripped from them
                                                     a child screams when they realize they've lost their mother
          in a once bright, now terrifying supermarket
                                  flowers blossom only to wilt again

.                                                                ­                  though there are people
      who are accepting of everyone's looks
                              everyone knows it's the self esteem that causes people
to believe that they're not pretty enough              (sorry this is directed at females)
              because there has been a combined effort
                                                     of the "faceless" because
you can't blame any one person
                                 for pushing perfection
                                                      ­            it is many unnamed people, millions
           but
   even if everyone stopped believing
in such thing as "perfection"
                                 it'll always be there, because people want to be better
they want to improve their looks
          for someone, or something
                                                       ­                      when really
                              it's their mindset
                                                  there is no perfection
                    no imperfection
                                         because everyone
                              can't all be the same
                                                            ­                                                and why would it matter?
                                                                ­                                       everyone has different tastes
                                                          ­                                                        everyone finds different attractiveness
                                         so there is never a way
                                                             ­                              to be perfect
                                                         ­                for everyone
                its the nameless
        and the faceless
that pushes the belief
  that perfection
           is real

run in the rain with me
dance in the leaves with me
    play in the snow with me
      lay in the grass with me*

  we'd be cute
in all seasons
                                ^_^

:
- steady rain
- howling wind
- slight creaks of our bed
- taps of my keyboard
- your chuckle
- our cat's claws on the floorboards
- a boiling kettle
- swirling coffee in a mug
- toast popping up
- soft click of our bedroom door
- clinking dishes
- your heartbeat
- pattering feet
- running water
- your breathing

my friends;
they don't know what my poetry knows
my poetry is always with me
              stuck in the corners of my mind
                     wanting to escape my heart
my poetry
is a direct link
to my mind
           heart
         secrets
                               *"shhh no one knows"
                         "please don't tell"

i had to go outside
                  bare feet
           pajamas on at 1:55pm
and stand in the rain
              to remind myself
i'm alive
                          not all my senses are dead
                 because i can feel it falling onto me

i'm waiting
                                     for you to walk in the door
                           wrap your arm around my waist
                 kiss the skin below my ear on my neck
                     and whisper to me that you love me

its never going to happen
yet i still
                         wait and expect
                                  and then get too disappointed
                                            when you never walk in

some people say
                      how there are so many
teenagers who are just "pathetic"
       they have "depression"
         they "self harm"
                                                     because they want "attention"
                                     of course they ****** well do
                         they're sick of no one caring
                         they're sick of no one knowing
                         they're sick of people hurting them
                         they're sick of society
                         they're sick of family/friends
                         they're sick of it
so no wonder
they hurt
its not because
                         they're weak its because
                    society is harsher
                    society is the killer
                    society, with it's expectations
                                                 uncaring expectations

THATS WHY TEENAGERS CAN'T HANDLE IT
BECAUSE SOCIETY IS DOING IT
AND NO ONE, CAN STOP SOCIETY

"poems" i've written in a week
                 -wow i'm self absorbed-

.                                        can you at least
                                         pretend to care?

the depressed
the hurt
the lonely
the one in pain
                                   when did i turn this way?
                                   why?