Mayah Seals

Mayah Seals Sep 2014

Jump or drown
My blood-curdling screams echo in the quiet breeze
That blows over cotton fields and through peach trees
Frozen in in a lake of despair
Why am I here? Why am I here?
To jump or drown the water sneers

Filled with hollowness
Full of emptiness
The peak of my sin is you
I cannot hide from my feelings so true
That sink me in a muddy brew
With the creatures of darkness that on my skin they chew
And I look into their eyes that whisper jump or drown, it’s up to you

Frosted forever. Do you care?
Frozen in the southern air
On a lake in the boat we both share
That tumbles and rolls on the still waters, so fair.
While the wind whips through my fiery hair
You fall gracefully to the waters as, in my eyes you stare
The water fills your lungs and you struggle for air
Jump or drown you scream in your stare
I choose to drown and be with you down there

Mayah Seals Sep 2014

Unknown

A piece of my soul has fallen down
Deep down into the depths of the unknown
And I have fallen ill of a broken heart
A feeling so unknown, it controls all the aspects of my life
A life I have whole-heartedly given to you
How it happened?
I know not the answer to this question that troubles me so
All I know is that my love is unconditional and irrevocable
And full of pain
Why do you hurt me so much?
Why do you keep coming back to put another crack in my heart?
The real question is: why do I keep letting you?
Yet, I know this answer
You love is infectious
Poisonous
It runs in my bloodstream
Flows into my heart
And kills it slowly with your addicting drugs
A poison that seeps out of every crack and crevice
Out of every pore
And it is painful
Trust me
It’s like acid that erodes diamond
It eats my skin
My flesh
My bone
While you stand there
Watching
A sadistic grin across your gorgeous face
The face that I fell for in the first place
With the evergreen eyes
The full pink lips
The olive complexion that turns pink when you’re embarrassed
A very beautiful face
With a very ugly beast inside
Do you feed off my pain?
It figures.
My masochism is the reason we have lasted so long
One last glimpse before my heart ceases to beat
And I become unknown once more

Mayah Seals Sep 2014

How It Feels To Be Left

A body now hollowed
Parties in the dark
Pills are swallowed
A quickened heart
Dilated pupils
Crank sweat
*** smoke
Two bodies on the bed
Cigarettes litter the ashtray
Bottles litter the room
Hiding for days
From me or from you?
Everyone has left
Broken their promises to stay
Now, my body is broken
And my insides gone astray
There's nothing left to do
In this world of hate
So, I'll swallow these pills
And drink the pain away

Mayah Seals Aug 2014

Under My Skin

Bone, muscle, and tendon
Then love, hate, and redemption
An emotional roller coaster
A broken bridge
A few memories we have all hid
A lost word
A forgotten phrase
Time we have lost
And lessons we have gained
A secret, a story
A little bit of gory
But, most importantly
What no one can see
Under my skin
Deep in my heart
That is where you will find the real me

Mayah Seals Apr 2014

Your Love Is My Drug

Will you hold my hand as I cry out your name
Or walk away with your head held in shame
I found your love to be my drug
That kills my body as it shoots through my veins
Through my veins to my heart
From my heart to my brain
Until I am completely yours; consumed by your game
Swallowed up by your words
Memorized by your touch
God, I could never get enough
But, now that your love has withered me
And I am just a dried up husk
You've taken to the world alone
And left me in your dust

Mayah Seals Apr 2014

Four Fears

One.
The blade across my scarred skin
Dull and rusted
It a long ago friend I fear to see
But everyone keeps tempting me
The glances, the words, the whispered phrases
They play through my ears like broken music none can bear
But bear it, I must
For I fear the blade with its ****** rust

Two.
Athazagoraphobia
Drowning in a room of people
Alone and forgotten
I struggle for air as I sit alone
Wondering what I have done to be cast out on my own
Like a boulder, the depression weighs on on me
Why can't you see!?
I fear, my dear, you have forgotten me

Three.
A white face and a black cloak
A skeletal hand around my throat
A laugh that chills my weary being
And endless pits that stare at me
Your hands are acid as you carry me to Hell
While no one can hear my stangled yell
Not a thing, but a person, alas
I fear, yet crave, Death's burning grasp

Four.
The ****** hands taunt me
And her hollow gaze holds me
This undead girl is Hell itself
Placed her to torture me
Not a day goes by without her presence
Nor a thought through my head without her acceptance
She controls everything I see
Cuts me and laughs as I bleed
Yet, no one understands when I plead and plead
For, you see, my greatest fear is me

#depression #sadness #fears

Mayah Seals Mar 2014

White Walls

The walls
The white walls
The white walls that wall me in and never let me leave
Closer. Tighter. Smaller.
The walls grow close around me until the only thing inside is....me
No air.
No words.
I cannot breathe
I should not, could not, will not leave
These white walls are a part of me
A part so distant, yet so near
A part that counts my falling tears
Oh, white walls, white walls
The product of my greatest fear