You were everywhere.
You were in the books I read,
You were in the songs I listened,
You were in the poems I wrote,
And you were even with me—
in my head, in my veins.
Everywhere I go,
You’re with me.
It seems impossible,
To even breathe without you.
I need you like I need cigarette at 3am.
I need you like I need coffee at 5am.
And it’s like my heart bleeding,
Knowing you don’t need me.
I'm all empty,
left bleeding by you,
who swore to love me.
But for you, I’ll bleed myself *dry.

She was always the other woman, flowers in her hair, cascading down her back
freckles covering, porcelain skin, cupids bow, painted dark red, hair strawberry blonde
vintage fashion of Henry a la Pensée, envelope chemise, peignoir, blue iris mink fur
shoulders forward, rain splintering, bare legs, André Perugia shoe, one lost amidst the cobbles
favourite novel in arm, to read, as she contemplates her choice, Gertrude Stein; Fernhurst
oh how can one author write ones heart so articulately she thought so pensively, the other women
spring blossom blown away as a puff of pink smoke, a thief in the night, racing past the library
the winding stair case, the oh so fabulous and opulent parties, laughter and cocktails
the tower in sight, a beating of an empty heart, lovers lost, a baby once nurtured
taken, those back street black market abortion clinics, she'd never recovered
she shivered, the time was now, black streaks of mascara, tragedy, loss, pain
the tower was in reach, she gazed upwards, it was near to midnight,
perfect, she thought, the exact time she lost her sister off this same tower,
both plunging to their deaths, love broken, hearts kidnapped nowhere in sight
the game was about to begin, her happiness quashed, every hour, the motions run
dreaming of the afterlife, sedated by drink, she waited it out, effortlessly thinking,
what now,
with a kick of the last shoe, a stumble to the edge, she fell, like a graced angel in flight
devoured by the night.

© Sia Jane
--

“I too am convinced that life is dark, and at the same time I love life.”
Simone de Beauvoir

(1)
Just like that,
My heart fell into your hands.

(17)
Mid September,
Wild flowers bloomed
Deep within my soul.
The sun drowned in light,
The moon shone across the stars.

(76)
I finally realized
Why I walk on the street
Instead of the side walk
And why I stay up all night
Watching the stars
Instead of dreaming of the moon.
I loved how
You always finished my sentences,
And I love you t-

(119)
I counted all the stars
And I gave up
After 32.
I decided to dream of you
Instead of the moon.

(210)
His eyes lit up brighter than the galaxy
And I prayed that I was the only
Supernova in his eyes

(308)
Slowly
Day becomes night
And the clouds are covering the stars.
The moon doesn't exist in my dreams
Anymore.

(501)
Where have you been, good friend?
Why have you left me here
With no warning?
Why are the flowers
Unwatered?

(634)
He said he couldn't
Live without me
Yet somehow,
He's still breathing
And I'm drowning

(789)
You are in my heart
But I am not in yours

(901)
The wild flowers turned to weeds
As summer turned to fall.
2:31am
Crept closer to me

(1,105)
Time stands still
As you stand in front of me
Telling me lies.
Don't finish my sentences
Because I still love y-

(1,256)
Don't tell me that you love me
Because I knew you never did.
Stop lying
And let me free.
The flowers that grew in my soul
Have turned to dead weeds,
Suffocating my heart.

(1,427)
I counted all the stars
And only found two.

(1,581)
Maybe it's true-
Some people were meant to fall in love,
But not meant to be together.

(1,582)
The weeds are tangled,
The moon escaped from my heart.
I counted all the stars that I could find,
And only found one.
Maybe I should just move on from you.

She has the summertime sadness.
I just got winter time sadness.
She sat in the back of her own car.
Car I was told to drive by him.
He is the guy she sits with now,
Now is the time I want to die.
Dying could come so easily
Easy behind the wheel.
Wheels could take the wrong turn,
Turn down that icy road
Road that invites me so warm,
Warm with the smile of death.
Dead like the heart of my girl.
Girl in the back of the car.
Car whose stereo now howls
Howls Summertime Sadness.
Sadness is a state of mind,
Mind controls your body.
Body that wants her close,
Close enough that you can't touch her.
Her. She.
She will be the death of me.
My heart can't take the pain.
Pain I've never felt before
Before I sang that song with her.
Her. She. My Love.
Love will be the death of me.
I will die with, for, by love.
I will be the death of love.

The world is a Bersinski painting
The rain is a Plath poem
The night is a Fellini film
The day is a Bach cello Suite
Our love is a winter fable
Cold, warm and passing.

The stars are drips of milk
The wind is God breathing
The sky is a floating mirror
The grass is mother earth’s hair
Her ***** is the earth
Shapely, comely and nurturing

French roast coffee is the turning of pages
A scandalous book in a leather bound cover

The Snow outside is the harp strings strumming
Flaking specs falling lightly and patiently

The city is a never-ending waltz
The *** lives are directed by Bertolucci
The homeless vagrants are saints in rags
The People walking are sinners
Each a sphere within a sphere
A world within a world

The theaters are abandoned rib cages
The poets are Russian matryoshka dolls
The painters are lost children
The eyes are broken, stained glass
Your arms and body are home to me
Cradle me, soothe me and touch

Those words won’t do it this time
Sometimes the silence is what I need

And you with me, away from it all