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and ruffling turkey feathers!

An innocent A1 miss steak kin kith
once, a former main lion resident
living social where Tigress and Euphrates
converge and pool into Lake Wobegone  
necessitate extensible claws
to CAPTCHA unsuspecting top notch praise
omnipresent among cat skills
hidden from public scrutiny
iz cow herd vegetarian boar
hoof faux whatever reason explore
ring beak homing hootie and the blowfish
foo fighting beastie boy

regarding akin getting turned into transgender
goo goo doll, who doth
newt practice, what he/she preaches
nevertheless please befriend me
a (goofball - gipper generic and gallant
aging baby boomer and
long haired pencil necked geek i.e.) your
truly audacious, efficacious,
judicious, and perspicacious
wordsmith, who though married
thwarts egg gone eye zing hen pecking
courtesy unnamed ruler of roost.

Mystery man battens down amply spacious
(think webbed wide wolf gang proof)
lot for free roaming chickens,
who as little chicks respond courtesy peep
so cute, I vowed to become vegetarian
disassembled cramped coop hatches,
though impossible mission
to swear off being craving meat
even if juiced a braised animal morsel
whets appetite of carnivore

so... call me galore
re: us hypocritical plant dependent chap,
this honest to dog omnivore – more
accurately said buzzfeeding primate -
**** sapiens, he whelk hams
adieu after quick bonjour
hears ear splitting donkey hote tee mockery
analogous feat cheering despondent eeyore
nudging deaf finning stubbornness quite a chore
to motivate Jenny, she finally relents

and distills mine genuine goodness
qua gentle prodding unable to ignore,
especially sensing favorite treat
which carrot and stick ruse admits transgression,
and slyness teasing out desired objective,
similar to wily, totally tubular quirky logophile
employing double entendres,
now wonders wherefore
whether thou art still
game to read remaining adore

hub bull poetry of mine
understandable if ye deplore
such tongue in cheek
atrocious, egregious, ingenious, opprobrious...,
(just shy violating ethical core
**** regarding straying)
against dietary herbivore
rudimentary eel lamb ants
(chocolate covered my dear Watson)
boot fault in the starfish...por

favor mice elf can
oxe plain twittering like plover
with reasonable rhyme for sure
don't get doggy dimples in bunch
cause to skewer me but... but before...
sending killing squad to slaughter -
this puppy, aye kindly honour
my wish and don
me noggin with pompadour
as fetching drag queen

torpedo sized *****
squirting parti-color
milk as self defense mechanism
averting casus belli, thus
amidst melee I abhor
find self on horns of dilemma
life story of this poor
cooked goose flambé
caught between rock and trapdoor
special cannibal Buddha delight

where madding crowd
chants "send him back"
accursed unconscionable roar
ring anger, but lurch for eats,
an impulsive reflex courtesy extempore
rain nee yes unforgivable poor
craven impulse to up peas hunger
uncontrollably craving regarding carnivore
pang additionally not further injure
ring innocent animals plus more
to this fishy tail than
meats the Wawa birdseye.
Immeasurable maturation profoundly
transformed thy Shana Punim
within whose corporeal femininity
gravitas resonates and doth hum
whose unbelievable transition, now
follows the beat of her own drum

approximately four years ago,
thee second and youngest born
daughter didst squawk and crow
aforementioned fledging eagerly,
instinctively, and naturally clamoring ergo
summoning unbendable biological

propensity to grow
which, she recognized
to this papa, a regular Joe
who realized, he did not know,
the painful necessity Brexiting

"FAKE" moors whar
family cows did low
aforementioned hyperbolic fabrication,
albeit this poe
whit did cavalierly usurp license to show,

(within the third eye blind mind's)
pace of autonomy a father cannot slow
as call of the wild for kinder
(progeny) chomps at figurative bit lest...
regret (like this papa), she will

like an albatross around her neck,
thus our twittering youngest
offspring experienced beck,
and call (declaration) of independence
from being shielded
(more so sunken) within dreck,
an abysmal living situation

(with me and the missus),
whose own respective impetus
to get away from hen peck
king parents, which crimped,
cost, and castrated, or effect
similar stunted growth on mine
body, mind and spirit thereof

until ultimatums got hurled at me
extremely unpleasant twee
mend us vitriolic bile lashed out hee
ping loathsome spittle at this free

****** sole Harris son, who overstayed,
and wore out welcome Matt, now re
vile ling forsaken opportunities
forever leaving my mental, psychological
social, et cetera state to atrophy!
Information superhighway bumper to binary bumper.
Stark contrast versus deserted macadam thoroughfares.
Magnification rendered visualization coronavirus
alias covid 19 courtesy electron microscopy plus

sundry computer technology yours truly (popeye
Olive Garden variety generic layman) breathtakingly
held spellbound, née utterly transfixed vibrant
spectacular design regarding inexplicable dynamic
forces wrought creation (albeit - alluringly beautifully

charming, deceptively eminently fascinating, and
globularly highly intriguing biochemical cellular
denizens - indubitably jackknifing kindred livingsocial
man/womankind now outstripping Buffy the vampire

(weakened immunity system of the down) slayer
kickstarting pandemic induces **** sapiens to
experience extravagant fancy feast humble pie
(just desserts) necessitate quarantine to minimize
transmission, whereby (Gogol Ling) dead souls

agonizingly writhe within purgatory tests mine
Unitarian/nonestablishmentarian credo, never with
me wildest imagination intimating detrimental fatal
impact avast swath terra firmae, aye attest dominant

primate species, not necessarily lost cause, nor
civilization and discontents forsaken, but buzz
feeding foretaste (think while leg propped atop desk -
armageddon), of end times nonetheless triggering
linkedin helter skelter, wrenching economy (globally

webbed) doleful Lake Woebegone citizens haphazardly
remaining approximately six feet between another
human beings scrabbling, scrambling, scrimping, saving
international decree obligating painstaking handwashing

absolute zero socialization (comprising no more than ten
people), said groupon crowdsource commingling verboten,
yes tis moost ideal for solitary fellow (me barely a Yogi)
yabba dabbling playing online solitaire, chess, listening
to deep sleep music, meditating, reading, and/or writing.
analogous to expending precious Air Supply
embellishing, modifying, revising, et cetera
a poem crafted about fourteen months ago.

I take stock and revisit good ole days of yore
quite conscious undeclared state of war
prevails within body (Electric
Light Orchestra) of troubadour,
whereby creative juices did perforce pour
forth as if sung by one man koor;
now he haply seated at his Macbook Pro
today April 29th, 2022
accompanied with Christopher Robin,
Winnie the Pooh, and Eeyore.

Since January thirteenth of this year
(two thousand and twenty two),
yours truly suddenly feels
long in the tooth, i.e. auld,
he whose decrepit body and
gnarled hands ice cold
senility and senescence doled
rigor mortis virtuous vice grip extolled
coronavirus (COVID-19) motherlode
courtesy geomorphology dynamism fold
analogous to discovered vein of mined gold

grim reaper with scythe doth silently infold
(in Old English, scythe spelled siðe)
ore yonder church bell knolled
anonymous beat nickles less,  
dime a dozen, day late
and dollar short sexagenarian
dropped out of Culture Club
(any strong resemblance between said poet
whose Grateful Dead head lolled,
and once living person purely coincidental)
death and decay, I lichen to mold
meself finally nill and void nolde
of unwanted excessive fleshy flab
scant personal possessions outsold
to highest bidder polled.

Dead weatherbeaten and fatigued soul
with absolute zero regret
no longer being alive,
immortality impossible mission to connive,
especially when endurance and stamina
took kamikaze nose dive
formerly earthlinked buzzfeeding
desiccated honeycomb hive

in tandem with former anxiety riddled psyche
need no longer worry
his existence perfect example
how hardship did misthrive
death be not proud penultimate quest
since adolescence (think anorexia nervosa)
he did (unsuccessfully) strive.

At long last... Beatle browed
Beastie Boys attained Nirvana
routing hellish existential crisis
courtesy Earth, Wind And Fire
rendered null and void celibate Journey
knight in shining armor
forever staind and tarnished
compliments verboten extramarital whoopie.

Herewith I forthwith take poetic license
linkedin to long line
of Mamas and the Papas
whose music died
when Passenger(s) violently perished
courtesy flaming inferno
analogous to Le(a)d Zeppelin 129
christened Hindenburg.

Along similar blurred lines
foo fighter manned ****** temple pilot
Jefferson Airplane qua Starship
gracefully and slickly
deliberately maneuvered sic
Crash Test Dummies
immediately annihilated upon impact
smack dab into Puddle Of Mudd,
yet lo and behold as a Foreigner
and Survivor yours truly eluded Dire Straits.

Oz suppose during whirlwind Kansas tour,
while snatching forty winks
in toto working out Kinks,
I experienced revelation
regarding divine creator - Egypt me
never securing life, liberty
and pursuit of happiness
elusive weltanschauung as understanding,

the mysterious Sphinx,
yes essentially zilch joie de vivre
minus high jinks
aptly summarizes mein kampf methinks
my life and hard times
whereby vitriol pelted me
courtesy those rat finks.

Nihilistic zeitgeist
apocalyptic outlook sacrificed
no redemption no matter
how figuratively purposelessness sliced
unlike mum man crucified Jesus Christ.
Rangifer tarandus kept
this deep sleeper awake
cavorting, deer ring
escapade haint fake
dreamt only a smattering while

Santa did shimmy and shake
with **...**...**...
no worry mate - everything's jake
resonating resembling thus Spake
Zarathustra jollity did quake.

Yours truly (i.e, me)
awoke with rapture
forty hooves with
four "toes" on each foot
surreptitiously, soundlessly, and simply
did invisibly bore
I noiselessly swore
sizable wrapped holiday box

with duct tape to secure
merchandise found thee missus
(Abby) excitedly tore
painstakingly, neatly, and lovingly
my feeble protest she did ignore
(think lame gesticulations)
ah... lo and behold goodies galore

unable to deter impetuous more
or less analogous to child like roar
ring with giddy excitement
December twenty fifth,
could not await opening your
linkedin holiday deliverance
including Trader Joe's gift card

to "fake" Monseigneur
Matthew Scott with dogspeed
to wish thee (Andy, Ansley,
Marley - if by ghost of chance...)
plus other kith and kin) bonjour,
and joyful new year, whence two score
orbitz will find me
newly minted centenarian, argh... your

brother not yet ready to explore
afterlife, which grave kismet unavoidable,
courtesy grim reaper conquistador
though... even now no fear arises,
when permanent sleep shall nevermore
witness generalized (anticipatory)
anxiety cease to perdure,
which bouts of panic

running rampant near winded seen yore
citizen banker (me) disgruntled
as if possessed by maniacal führer
running me rampantly ragged das
exhausting emotional furor
takes (and/or took) toll, I deplore
and decry lifelong psychological struggle

germinating while in utero,
when my nonexistence
no bigger than a spore
biological vagaries manifestation
nine months before
set figurative deoxynucleic acid
blueprint stage permanently

etched to the core
every cell sporting mutation
begetting, coding, dunning ensure
ring subsequent generations
oft times pondering,
whence final breath of relief
will signal time to scatter ashes
buzzfeeding boughs of sycamore.
Written ~ December
two thousand seventeen
in case ye dear reader possess
an eye extremely keen
nonetheless just by happenstance
courtesy this human bean  
counter, who also happens
tubby garden variety alien.

Panoply of mystical elements of holly day style
breathe prez sense frostily exhaled aired
per millennia athwart
(this terrestrial spaceship planet Earth)
two plus seventeen carousel rides resonated
veritable pantheon of pagan rituals
and quirky superstitions lit
(akin to a lit Christmas tree)

starry eyed imagination
as catalyst viz **** Sapiens
furrowed stern brow of forehead
aft stemmed whilst Santa oft puzzling
(allocating suitable gifts)
inducing him to tug thought generating beard
pondering, whence agents provocateurs
receive just desserts

fueled hodge podge, mish mashed, helter skelter
eclectic December twenty fifth
encompassing tens of thousands previous generations
bred despacito fixtures via paganism,
Manichaeism, Jainism, et cetera
ancient brutish credos, ethos, faiths
brewed nebulous concoction
within mindset of early mankind

loose confection, confederation, conglomeration
indiscriminately torquing, vetting, whetting
disparate constituent beliefs
contagion wrought spirit paradigm
inculcating oral tradition Madonna and child
occupying high chair
whereat superstitions birthed patchwork
comprising divergent ensemble heralding

tender petsmart impact, where world wide web populated
with sacrificial pacification sans deity
via oblation, immolation, flagellation appeasing *******
borrow wing, vis a vis amalgamated viz Roman sol invictus
wrought fiery brimstone tempting those who dared
assert contrary fledgling jambalaya outlook
provoking regally supreme sacerdotal wiseman
punishing opposing incorporating

novel modus operandi explaining sacrilegious worship
such heretics pitched headlong
into fiendish frothing furnace
forcing obeisance toward primitive popular
identified, honored, glorified father figure
expressing devotion re:
decking the halls of the mountain king,
whence boughs of Juniper sprigs contriving wreaths

sanctifying twisted brambles via sprinkling angel dust
(actually cremated remains of malefactors
stripped of habiliments) during bleak winter
unwittingly interweaving nascent (futuristic)
formally codified bona fied religions
unknowingly, tacitly, silently rendering
quintessential premises obliging
layperson to foreswear locally rooted secular treatises

trounced, trumpeted unction voided
wishy washy antithetical blind faith coalescing edicts
over course of time became established
Greco-Roman imposed group think
disallowing cynics,
diametrically emerging fanatics, skeptics
who (if he/she did not recant
recalcitrant reccommended recourse

faced torture amidst throng of madding crowd
as entertainment and forewarning gall
asper those who held steadfast dissimilar views
taught since birth, when citizenry reared
as just a little drummer boy/ girl pipsqueak
taught to stay the course (sans straight and true)
bound without freedom to express contrary aspects
of ways and whyfores, which accepted traditions
controlled each green day

and silent night, wherefore unimaginable ogres
lined straying hip cats
eventually ensnared within warpath,
whence law of the land lend scimitar to smite
any mortal man, woman or child with flaming torches
licking the heretical body electric,
while defiant individuals
left to burn into decimated
charcoal blackened, ashen corpse.
Thy eldest daughter Eden Liat
treasured more'n a pearl
(otherwise known as Rapunzel)...
donated cut hair to charity - you go girl,
ha, whereat your fine brunette locks of love

will be repurposed into wigs for kids,
and perhaps even don kepi
of trumpeting Bullwinkle, his Sciuridae
friend named Rocket J. Squirrel,
and/or his nemesis Natasha Fatale.

Kudos to thee savvy
twenty three plus year old offspring
voluntarily unwittingly hood
amazingly gracefully support
exhausting, flagging, grueling...
stricken young spirits and bring
joie de vivre during
treatment and convalescence

of challenging treatment ailing,
perhaps hoop fully nipping
terminal illness in bud
beaten into remission,
whereby family, friends medical staff sing
ode to joy cherishing
nothing short of a blessing.

Said sensible, smart and
stalwart inadvertent mentor,
a splendidly mirthful and mindful lass
yes, tis biased opinion, quite a
truckload of abilities she did amass
even fending bullies who tried to harass
attractive petite proportionate physique
confident smile shown back

courtesy looking glass
and papa cognizant,
how her art of humbleness
helped her succeed as top class
high achiever at Harriton High School,
especially acing rigorous
International Baccalaureate (IB)
(worldwide, nonprofit education program

plus even when just a little girl
attending Belmont Elementary
promise of success,
my feeble accomplishments
"star student" did quickly surpass
with flying colors earned free pass
concomitantly acquiring invisible

magic ring, and carpet made of brass
the latter powered by
Walt Whitman wrought leaves of grass
at University of Pennsylvania
earning stripes as Ivy League graduate
freelance activist while completing
internship linkedin with
University of California.

Spellbound birth father
internally rejoices ta deum,
we knew e'er since Eden Liat
healthy growing fetus within the womb
whip smart progeny
undoubtedly healthy unbridled maturation,
I vicariously exalt storied accomplishments

accrediting and applauding
every iota offspring earned
blood, sweat and tears
created deafening sonic boom,
and where infinitesimal blazing saddle
burned blinding trajectory
catching eminent potential groom.
Mein kampf fraught re:
emotionally/psychologically challenged
impossible mission to cope
compared to classmates, I felt like a dope
and entertained escapist fantasies,
whereby Miss Rainbow
(sixth grade student teacher),
though robbing the cat's cradle,
she would abscond with me,
a shy skinny little boy
and we would elope
to a make believe edenic world
of blessedness, harmony, peacefulness...
yanking me out from
self made subterranean
hermetically sealed vault
analogous to being locked into
Plato's allegory of the caves,
this ascetic at shadows didst *****
subsequently...lifelessly dangling
at the end of his figurative rope.

Deep within the bowels of the Earth
immensely distant from the sheltering sky
amidst a thick fog enveloped landscape
with here and there a projected
craggy, derelict chasm
precipitously crooked
rocky claws pointing toward
an infinitely wide yawning abyss
dwelt kindred spirits
comprising a Soul Asylum,
where The Grateful Dead (albeit marked
via weathered tombstones)
hermetically sealed
once vibrant corporeal mortals
betook their eternal slumber.

One among their number
included a swiftly styled harried recluse,
who sported long straggly hair
bushy eyebrows shielding cold eyes of steel
scraggly bearded clammy chin
in tandem with a hairy body,
which when alive (long time ago)
upheld upon unshod feet a severely

hunchbacked ******
within dense pitch-black terrain
(Mother Nature enlisting
a menagerie of life forms
accustomed to hellish environment)
awash with unrecognizable
alien sights and sounds
mollycoddling bewitching warlocks,

mailer daemons, trolling trojan horses
imps of the pervert The Chieftains, fiery
long and fostered Golems,
who called underworld
their private demesne
also alluded to Marcy's playground
holding hostage Alice in Chains
Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles,

The Beastie Boys,
The Human League, and
Village People a Crowded House
emitting wisps of ethereal matter
appearing like a small medium at large
chatbot twittering, snapping, flickering
indeed joyus minions
exalting piety good and plenti.

Prone ounce sing proud purgatory
promoting protean phantasmagoria
hideous hulu hoop dancing holograms
highly distorted grotesque
silent screaming sinister banshees
slithering across escarpment.

Echoing from one end
of the universe to the other
putting to shame the initial big bang
ranking as a mere whimper
that original primordial blast
which cosmological exploits
generated heavenly sphere instantaneously
comparison viz Krakatoa times Googleplex
essentially reduced to insignificance
albeit on the analogous tinker toy

premised conjectures of brilliant minds
that could only gander feeble educated guesses
asper extraordinary natural phenomena
mortal mankind could never approximate
as belligerent threats
punctuated via nuclear warfare
merely rates as a flickr amidst
uber kindle jump/kick starting,
pinteresting snap chatting
tinder blinks, extinguishes,
snuffs out one lowly
Beatle browed bipedal simian.
158 · Dec 2018
Random Acts Of Kindness
Random Acts Of Kindness
(alternately titled “How art thou dear reader?”)

(Inexplicably triggers domino effect
and doth indirect
lee send favorable
     ripples vibrantly unchecked.)
vagaries of an uncertain
     today or tomorrow
     excites this scribe,
     with a whim

analogous to sensational leitmotifs
     introducing note worthy
     composition melody,
     and/or lyric with vim
and vivacity, particularly
     to avoid behavior
     being predicable, and also
     (more importantly for)

     to partake of the vast trim
ming of life, (not just those
     reserved for holiday time),
     where every day provides
     an opportunity, no matter slim,
and/or fat chance to bring,
     (or deliver a smile)
     via friendly gesture accompanied

     with a kind word
     such as "hello,"
cuz no cost involved being friendly
     to a self absorbed passersby
     alighting, and enabling
stark contrast day, sans
     gloom and doom uttering,
     an innocuously neutral

     greeting to bring
a dollop of good
     day (not simply,
     those festive occasions
     (mainly and most
     optimally, favorably,
     and conveniently during)
Thanksgiving, and/or Christmas,

     but any given evening
no matter the season if only to fling,
(albeit verbally) one or more glee
full spontaneous vocalization -
     (USDA NON GMO,
     gluten and monosodiumglutimate free)
surprising yourself (myself

     in this case) voluntarily prithee
boost interpersonal
     social awkwardness,
     perhaps even offering
     to lend a helping hand re
guarding circumstance,
     where an individual
     might be contending

     with something obviously
beastly, heavy, and/or
     unwieldy to manage
despite the outcome, where
     no response
     might be forthcoming,
maybe experiencing feeling
snubbed without letting
     air of indifference
     (from recipient) sting!
Commencement writing this poem
began December 24th: 08:04:03 PM
ended December 24th: 09:23:17 PM.

Soon Auld Lang Syne
sung bidding goodbye
adieu two thousand nineteen
uttered from every gal and guy
transfixing living mortals
with good cheer well nigh,
while awesome pyrotechnics
light up night sky.

All across world wide web
hope springs eternal
rocking and rolling creatures
woke out their hibernal
phase, where new year
rings optimism jockeys
to thwart diabolical, infernal
offal, venal... bare beer bellies
race with full bladders
elbowing way to nearest ******.

Infinitesimal metaphorical eye blink
yet,... utopian wishes
transcending personal resolutions,
while champagne glasses clink
***** legitimated, liberated

to quaff another drink
who knows mankind, and
all species may become extinct
climate change if anthropomorphized...,
a party spoiler rat fink
aye bet same phenomena,

that also caused human missing link
wild hypothesis, I admit
yours truly did misthink
merely speculating as
fingers spuriously plink

MacBook keyboard
upon completion, I will uplink
rhyme without reason,
than succumb to zeeland,
where dreams conjured courtesy
rapid eye movement lidded wink.

Though veritable stranger
to thee dear reader,
I read dull admit,
nonetheless hope ya summon true grit
threading thru maze of life adhering
to credos, dogma, ethics... mostly legit
yet take to the streets
if necessary and ABSOLUTELY vote
if prior to election day,

ye complete eighteenth orbit
cuz, commander in chief,
he will not concede nor quit
power monger loathe
to relinquish presidency
grounding country into
Grade A s*¡t
(use your imagination, and
sure call this mister a twit.

All joking aside,
yours truly wishes ye well
write and share, cuz
no doubt you got lots to tell
plus the writing process

cathartic, fantastic, therapeutic
to express concerns, emotions,
far out predictions... eke quell
or greater than mine,
an ordinary garden variety fell
**...**...**... within Schwenksville I dwell.
(alternatively named last poetic endeavor for 2019
issuing out cerebral petrified complex edifice fount
wobbling as hood winking ornament mount).

Speedily rushed to intensive care unit
courtesy Brinks armored  truck
Citizens Bank emergency crew
monied staff got no luck
after electronic wires connected

vital signs needle painfully stuck
showed absolute zero change
according to Huck
Finn - whose hushed tones
only audible and

understandable to famed,
feted, and fistbumped woodchuck
Punxsutawney Phil, his
off season gig include sporting
as security detail retired formerly

legendary ice hockey player
pearly whites doubled as stick
indestructible teeth hard
as steel no matter
smacked hard with puck.

Aforementioned metaphorical
add verse city
totally (tubular) ludicrous ditty
predicated upon itty bitty
financial resources faintly analogous to

meek and bumbling man
named Walter Mitty
me haint one to wallow and seek pity
only trying to buck up spirits
(think) lamely trying tubby witty.

Dirt poor penniless Joe Schmoe
more times than not finds
himself steeped within financial woe
linkedin to 2009 Hyundai Sonata toe
tilly, regularly, predictably... status quo,
one major malfunction after another no
way could adequate funds

be scraped together for I know
newer pre owned vehicle
would be dogsend,
versus panhandling hobo,
who scratches out lame poetry ergo
not long past me prime,
still able, eager, ready and
willing to secure a bow,

and make an arrow escape,
perhaps within eco
friendly intentional community,
where resources shared
among pseudo family
rather than scrimp and scrape

alone along boulevard
of broken dreams
loathing begging for alms
as arms loosely drape
analogous to overripe grape
cluster hanging toward the ground.
especially bombardment of online scare tactics
courtesy fiendish insidious loathsome sinister oafs
rubbing their hands at aggrieved party;
punch drunk cyber thieves ecstatic
acquiring by hook and/or crook
sought after precious, priceless, and proverbial data
after loosed ransomware forces capitulation.

yours truly naïveté found him aghast
when some fly by night virtual ruffians cost
him a pretty penny, more so total cents
minus sensibility stole pride without prejudice
(to the tune of $598.99) embossed
upon his psychological state
such temerity ye possibly evinced,
he recently poetically glossed.

the sonsabitches running amuck across
webbed wide world
obviously regard innocent victims as dross
acquiring cachet among fellow den of thieves
at expense of those miscreants
inflicting unnecessary suffering,
their unscrupulous, nefarious, and gregarious
predatory ways and means gross
negligence of inadequate punishment
regarding criminal behavior
of course impossible mission
to trace internet route
hacked out by faceless, nameless, xyz
brazen foo fighting interlopers
physical location nets absolute zero
results, where well their guarded identity
kept under wraps.

even being ever so mindful to steer clear
(by at least a bajillion miles)
of websites designated unsecure my worst fear
as pertains to getting snagged
by self taught sophisticated mutineers interfere
with enjoying plethora of resources
available at the mere touch of keystroke
or two, or three, or four...
forced into a horrible nightmare scenario
where rival hooligans
best macabre creation of Stephen King
namely high flying plane story
featuring more'n one beastie boy langolier;

they rank as medium-sized globular creatures
consisting almost entirely
of a huge sharp-toothed maw
described as "time keepers" and inhabit
a temporal realm
usually unreachable by human senses,
to which non-living matter drifts
into as linear timeline
advances from present to future.

above fictional creation
share similar destructive trait
with said actual accursed
demonic evil incarnate
species of inhuman nasty brutes
purveyors of malware to the highest bidders
indiscriminately kindle linkedin
dudes and "dudette" or "dudess,"
the female reference
for bro out of parlance
friend finder applications to overhear
albeit telepathically establish racketeer.

even if unilingual wordsmith
writer of this reasonable rhyme
possessed wherewithal to infiltrate
countless electronic hubs
constituting the realm
of cosmic consciousness
(peopled with gamut
of pinteresting opportunistic folks
some similar to one garden variety
hybridized **** sapien,
whose genealogical lineage
actually considerably expanded

when eldest sister of mine
in conjunction with first cousin
thru paternal branch
enlisted collective information
accessible thru 23andMe
allowing, enabling, and providing
insight into our family tree),
he would feel disinclined
to wreak havoc
plunging headlong into accounts
clouding domain of other's binary province.
Attorney General William
Barr black marker in hand
kept promise to censor vital
details of Mueller Report
swift as Usain Bolt candidly,
grandly, lustrously, roundly

youthfully blocked out more
rapid than an elegant eland
vibrantly, regally, magically,
and gracefully skirts borderland
which favored topography
constitutes grassland or woodland,

far more pleasing to observe,
than reading adulterated brand
of aforementioned compilation,
distillation, edification, fortification
zeroing questionable activity
upon head of trumpeting brigand,

whose arrivistic, bombastic, caustic,
demonic, electric broadband
outsize ego still convinces
me, thee commander in chief
delegated one or more chargehand
perhaps while delighting as

gourmand savoring chateaubriand,
where his best buddies imagined
themselves in seventh heaven cloudland
every so often taking siesta sans repast
or golfing with grisly handicapped clubhand
non verbally communicating,

in viz sub bully taking a peas zing
cues from presidential high command,
which coterie (i.e. den of thieves)
manipulated social media with nefarious,
insidious, deleterious, et cetera
analogous to "FAKE" contraband,

maybe even milking innocent cowhand
unwittingly planting GMO electronic
bugs amidst future bovine fodder cropland
to allow, enable, and jackknife demand
that moost every eligible voter tricked

induced by virtual reality dreamland
with sinister motive for thee "Apprentice"
rule his kingdom, and expand,
realm asper Medieval days
declaring himself chieftain of fatherland
and/ or North American motherland

where naysayers guillotined
by uncontested firebrand,
who without provocation
very likely bomb into Stone Age
formerly edenic, lush, verdant
geography into flatland

rendered hostile, poisonous and uninhabitable
nonetheless radiating for miles with gangland
forced labor tilling barren, desolate, fissured
landscape erecting unsightly grand
standing room only (cause he know Shylock)

terrain (reign) vast highland
manor as poobah, and husband
to his only heiress, the former
a kooky monster from foggy bottom marshland.
Yours truly does readily confess
the following poem crafted more or less
approximately a year ago,
when coronavirus (COVID-19)
wrought havoc creating global mess
when panic against collective temple did press
a feeling of melancholy and world-weariness.

Along luscious green acres banks steep grade
(in close proximity to
Petticoat Junction) naturemade
Perkiomen Valley watershed,
verdant landscape displayed
yours truly, (a garden variety
proto human) arrayed

solely donning birthday suit,
whose fifty plus shades hair gone grayed,
i.e. one infinitesimal measly mortal
whiles away hours, laid
back days of his life as
the world wide web turns
comprising second decade

of twenty first century
civilization, where
coronavirus veritably waylaid
furlough afflicts populations feeling betrayed
entire fabric **** sapiens staid
threadbare existence now best describes
chock full of endemic ennui proliferates,

where vast majority of people afraid
to leave their houses lest COVID-19 played
greater havoc, whereby society already upended
unemployment factor at record high since...
Great depression witnessed
courtesy somber parade,
ninety years ago benchmarked

from May 11, 2021,
an invisible oppressed heaviness weighed
down the madding crowds
aghast how stock market trade
hit rock bottom making paupers,
ill fate clobbered breadwinners
circumstance none could evade

October 29, 1929 haint no charade,
when Black Tuesday hit Wall Street
bitta bing bitta bang bitta played
bitty bitty chitty chitty bang bang
linkedin with irrational exuberance portrayed
American economy supine splayed
versus March 11, 2020 characterized
coronavirus outbreak as pandemic

by the WHO subsequently signaling
Trump cited "fake news" and not dismayed
to expedite drastic measures
none would impede golf nor Mar-a-Lago
leisure him sipping lemonade
acid test tee zing 'bout quaffing electric kool-aid
without getting his doggy dimples in a bunch

he grudgingly complied and obeyed
purveyors (governors) and Anthony Fauci
complete United States government shutdown
approximately mid/late March 2020
which undertaking generated brisk business
grim reaper experienced
(still does) protracted heyday.
In steed of ye
     mounting your stock
key high horse,
     perhaps named Rock
Key, and head off...lock

stock and barrel,
     who knows where,
     now lemme seat chew wait
ma self, and quickly knock
out quick mention about

     hour (meaning everybody
     within the wide world),
     and their webbed
     warp and woof weave
courtesy of Father Time

analogously to a ****
key hunkering down
     aiming tubby first
     crossing finish line
     at races, afterwards celebrate

     with social feted outing, while
     scheduling proctologist appointment,
et cetera, sans squeezing
     late radio talk ad hoc
meeting, an

     extemporaneous yet timely
     lesson indirectly related
to bird *******, i.e. migrating
     fast as Glock
     pistol can shoot, essentially

sound (garden) resembling
     joyus honking flock
of seagulls heading
Southside Johnny
     and Asbury Jukes,

     and on Tortoise -
     to sea dock
side of the moon
     Pink Floyd attired as Teenage
     Mutant Ninja Turtle,
    
     whose schedule Nsync
     with YES men hosting
     showtime merely minutes away...
remember ring that char existence
     enslaved to thee a bomb

     been nibble atomic clock,
which device uses an electron
transition frequency went
sallying forth in
     the microwave tent,

experiencing optical radiation pent
up ether, or ultra
     violet region meant
for electromagnetic fervent
active spectrum, or Palestra event

of atoms comprising
     Adam and the Ants
     (as well all other matter)
     linkedin to frequency standard for
     timekeeping Strunk and White
     element of style.
For Hard Cold Cash

This small medium at large
kibitzer did appear
more brash (albeit) poetically,
and insinuate with soft pedal blare
perhaps at the expense of dare
ring to losing followers, this crash
test dummies star performer
did not mean to ensnare,

perhaps hypnotically tugged
heartstrings with his flair
analogous to birds eye glare
ruffling tail feathers of
a frosty buoy **** gull (hare
reed) loon seething with hormonal
secretion and the brink to engineer
foolproof mating elaborate fanfare,

when bytes of my obviously clear
expression to succor minted heir
to a fortune (courtesy
anonymous philanthropist), now leer
re: asper point blank plea
for wads of moolah, but mere
lee issuing agitation where
substantial outlay to repair

(passenger side rear)
brake assembly, the automotive
technician espied situation where,
abrasion and erosion clear
as day, which critical assessment
warranted me to declare
an immediate affirmative
decision, which near
broke ma stainless steel piggy bank

to tune of six hundred bucks - hair
reed, an understatement, almost near
lee six months to the day, a prior reap
pair cost similar dollar figure,
which even at present
found yours truly still in despair,
then only to experience,
sans "FAKE" foreseer

(as ordained by Oracle
of Delphi) despite prayer
for me to vouchsafe share
ring at least one daily
compliment to the missus - neh veer

being privy (during our
twenty second plus year)
of whetted bull
lust stick missile exchanges, there
came shortfall of forced favorable blare
ring of said utterenced, thus superstition
an ugly head didst rear.
Thank dog, and cat,
     no pet tee filed - late fee
incurred from this
     sole heir, matted son
     Avenue of Harris communique
to his youngest sister
     busy as a queen bee,
her name mentioned

     backwards solely for
     wry ming sense – re:
garding Dunning-Harris Shari:
Not there need not
     be any clear cut,
     nor cloudy total
     reason to bolster wee
kind fortitude to write

an email (albeit
     with my characteristic
     trademark rhyme) to in vite
my own impetus to dash
     off a friendly hello
     in a gentle
effort to unite
sibling camaraderie,

     whether this
     material in question
profound or trite
with no pro noun
     sub bull adverbial,
     or adjectival intent,
and of course nada spite,
this exercise to compose,

     whatever occurs within
mum mind quite
     likely to concern
     general circumstances,
rather than touch upon
     any single plight
since, an easily educated guess
     can paint (no Norman

     Rockwell) framed palette,
     (sans dystopian
     picture) outright
and despite whatever hardship,
     with curtain call on this
     November 11th, 2018 night,
a flickr ring, instagram, and
     kickstarter motive might

be fulfilling tummy,
     that ever so quickly
     the dimming light
(when the scythe lint
     covered grim reaper)
perhaps attired as
     21st century LGBT knight,
the latter once

     sip pawn a time...,
     now he iz a
     messenger simply bear
ring pleasant tidings,
     and also an effort
     to express, how
ye didst (aunt still do) care
(uncle Andy as well)

     for Shana Punim,
     who on a do able dare
to be doted upon, and offered
     to go here, there,
     and everywhere
experiencing a gamut of
     eye opening globe trotting
     (Watch out Harlem

     basketball Boyz to men) hair
reed tailored, and swiftly styled
     educational adventures
     adding learning and zest
to life, liberty, and purrs
     suit of feline doth wrest
good development
     of character to in vest

patterning herself after
     exemplary guardians
     sometimes you might
     be feeling beat,
     when embarking upon
     latest electric kool aid acid test,
nonetheless, this
     missive of gratitude,

     where thee darling daughter
     doth conquer one quest
after another (principally attributed
     to thee, who NEVER protest
obligations, but
     launch with confidence,

     whether feathering
     the Gadshill nest,
or...furthering education keeping
     body, mind, and spirit
     sharpened as best
Yukon Mount attain.
Mystification prevails stupefying yours truly
befuddled, he blindly stumbles along rocky
pathway illusory impediments strewn helter
skelter intangible obstructions hinder access
psychological barricades effective impasse

detains, deters, detours manhood maturation
manumission manifestation materialization
linkedin, when permanent submission arises
beckoning corporeal leaden entity into avast
eternal realm, where material disintegration

promises venerable salvation releasing angst
strummed plucked fretful existence denied
utmost exploration sequestered soul hermit
tickly sealed courtesy custom made NON-
GMO supercalifragilous expialidocious

airtight, vacuum sealed with trademarked
matts scott good housekeeping approval
lifetime achievement award maintaining
quasi pristine mint like condition afford
double (FREE for the taking) full refund

if dissatisfied with stutt...tut...tut tearing
functionality, yet batteries NOT required
and assembly unnecessary, but maximum
remaining life usage, asper garden variety
mutant requires preservation within sterile

bubble, lest exposure to human contact are
rouse dormant (latent) propensity breeding
biologically pre programmed predilection
to propagate species, this despite low libido
level, thus Memorial sale steal (actually no

expiration coincides with natural longevity)
slight depreciation before cessation arises,
which I project - little less than half life of
ordinary Earthling, whose quixotic, poetic,

ecologic, plus conscientious ethos promises
greater fulfillment, sans spirit, mind, and
body versus being addicted, hypnotized, or
tranquilized by latest technologic contraption,
boot cyber surfing mendicant surrenders self.

Yours truly beckons angel of mercy
or effective altruist to please intercede.

Though predominantly skeptical
concerning divine intervention...
crushing desperation grinds heavily
kickstarting, mortgaging, pummeling
ripsnorting, unraveling, ar...wresting...
sense and sensibility...annihilating

joie de vivre exceeding Herculean powers
to defy overbearing blitzkrieg,
luftwaffe pounding psyche
wickedly, unbearably suffocating,
helplessly choking
impossibility to gasp

even one breath
lifesource within ******
dry as a bone,
hence desperation beseeching
salvation to triumph
over mailer daemon adversity

wildly analogous to aerialist
readily clasped linkedin
clenching tight teammate's hands
thwarting being pitched
feather head over tar heels,
whereby yours truly

grasps empty air
spiralling untethered from gravity
lost in space
scanning distant heavens
to espy prayerful rescue
courtesy winged warrior

benevolent endearing joyous
miraculous celestial being
rendering genuine ambition
to mend figurative fences,
with kith and kin,
where orneriness (mine) cleft

delicate whirled wide webbing,
thus me metaphorically dangling
bandied to and fro
hither and yon
free falling unmoored
grudgingly surrendering

mine mortality nsync
with manifest destiny
regarding death be not proud
of all corporeal entities
temporarily suspending atheism
in limbo where faith no more

steady Rock of Gibraltar
(though steeply entrenched)
peering skyward gleaning any hint
to perceive inimitable

otherworldly gifted helpmate
to usher deliverance, viz exaltations
experiencing unbridled affinity
toward kith and kin.
Though psyche sundered and cleft,
sans like Earth bereft of moon
with wrack and ruin
please don't ask how I am doin,
especially after natural automotive
wear and tear
found anguish brew'n,
no matter yours truly know win,

there haint no benefit in getting
fit tubby tied emotional state strewn,
yet quite impossible to shuck off,
NOT being affected aghast by loon
nut tick raging
(like an angry red bull)
growing foreboding, looming
large, and grow'n like...June

shadows of late afternoon
madly - swelling the
inside of my head
like a hot air balloon
until...my noggin
feels ready to explode
aside from such lacerating
peace of mind, I reck ****

this chap feels great and aware,
perhaps the silver lining
extant within bare
lee able to cheer
hip...hip...hip hooray,
an unconquerable drear
re: heaviness weighs
down clapping e'er

ambition to relish pickle
yar welcoming more'n a fair
weather friend, though
tis natural inclination to gear
us sin muss
elf within hermetically
sealed within hare
sized rabbit hole, a lair

only large enough
for me, though um...mare
reed man, I don't
want anybody near
just a treasure trove of
multi denominational prayer
books, no matter not
exceptionally religious

just maybe...a rare
salvation (reed deliverance as
lucky sweepstakes winner)
delivered by some
body named Alistair
relieving torturous vice grip tear
ring inside mine wear
re: soul perhaps...for a year.
Nsync with variations on a theme:
of drool worthy Reuben Sandwich
(consisting of corned beef,
Swiss cheese, sauerkraut,
Russian dressing between slices
of rye bread that is grilled
until the bread is crispy
and the cheese melts)
various and sundry
pseudo lurid fictitious escapades
mostly I did merrily wet
an appetite for consummation
whet madness aye ever did dream.

The missus personal trappings
strewn helter skelter
after a hard day's night
every perilous step fraught
with danger field analogous
riding as passenger
with death cab for cutie
'course thy quasi
bohemian rhapsodic Queen
of denial feigns ignorance

attributes hazardous condition
linkedin with accident prone
little lord Fauntleroy's
double doppelganger, me
trumpeting pet husband,
her unrequited germane Liebchen
willing to risk life and limb
doting hand and foot
as proper husbandly duties.

He (ahem... me) exhibits drama
whimsically visiting slapstick pantomime,
especially pretending to remove sneakers
pulling with all my feeble strength
off little feet of wife
half-heartedly struggling,
(stringent rule of shoe game)
lamely denouncing marriage
nevertheless conveying jollity
regarding marital entrapment
er... rather unbridled wedded bliss
constituting fits and starts enduring
about two and a half dozen years.

I reciprocated amorousness,
whether toward MaryAnne,
(his long ago coldly dismissed
sagacious enchanting first paramour,
(half a dozen years my senior),
sported webbed wide whirled toes,
whose astrological forecast
accurately predicted promising
acquaintanceship/relationship – tanked

potential sage rubber soul mates
(two plus score years ago -
gone to naught),
which latter aforementioned
delightfully humble lass
decried he fomented
incessant emotional grief,
he cruelly (albeit unwittingly)
doled out nothing

but lackluster lovelessness
attributed to identical
astrological zodiac signs (Capricorn)
(matter of fact shared same birth date
January 13th - six years age difference)
and similar flat wide thumb
stubborn misconstrued perception,
whereby fancy free and footloose
selfish nasty short brute nevertheless
deemed himself undeserving of love - humph!

Addeneum: Approximately
four plus decades
re: one quarter century after
aforementioned baptismal initiation
love stricken paroxysm
forty fifth president of United States
took (i.e. plagiarized) many pages courtesy,
cruel playbook authored
by Matthew Scott Harris,

who left trail of heartbroken sage woman
commander in chief deliberately stoked,
née sparked long
simmering, smoldering, and stewing
long fostering white supremacist altercation
fiendishly igniting racial conflagration
exploding during late spring 2020.

No matter no child left behind kibitzing
(yours truly as boy plucked petals
off daisy reciting "she loves me,"
"she loves me not"...
cupid loosed an arrow
into boyhood neighborhood sweetheart

she innocently bespoke
"I wanna marry you,"
when uttered courtesy Sherry Jones,
a little girl who lived
approximately three doors down
along cul-de-sac within Apple Valley
perpendicular to Lantern Lane,
or more age apropos,

when young gallivanting
purported vestal ****** ladies
nonverbally signalled
libidinal proclamations of emancipation,
as demurely expressed
lest unlucky (chaste into)
precocious ******* proclivity
suffered the punishment
of being buried alive.

Now back to present day,
when our old geezer,
the prototype garden variety
male of present poem -
any resemblance between general referenced
funny good fella and
living persons purely coincidental.

He (yours truly) easily qualified as
overly cocky whippersnapper,
i.e. young feisty buck
and/or Casanova wannabe
experienced bit torrent
hormonal secretions gushed
particularly in close proximity
wherein wafted pheromones -
think a waif faring ingénue.

As evident and quite obvious,
I fabricate (prevaricating
my signature trademark)
rather than stating bland reality stark,
yet will plainly explain issue
in summary essential rhyme
without reason constitutes
nothing more spectacular than
garden variety generic pockmark
excised pustule ofttimes hallmark
of teenage/ pubescent pimply benchmark.
Hypnagogic spell immediately cast
overpowering drug induced state fast
overcome even those who just woke
prolonged narcotic effect could last
bajillion years (hyperbole to wake
any lil lulled reader) superfast.

Before he/she succumbs without blame
impossible mission monseigneur or dame
to break loose against buttressed bed frame
magnetic pull overpowers
superman/woman and/or lame
nope, I can't rattle off any specific name
only no man, woman, nor child can tame
overpowering urge greater than whatshername?

Ja Sleeping Beauty, or similar
facsimile thereof within eye blink
shutters lids with soundless clink
quite elementary ma rinky ****
poem, but would ya expect me,

an arrogant, defiant, haughty,
career punster who doth hoodwink
matt er of fact Scott
**** trumpeting ratfink,
meanwhile, I will not let thee think,
lest ye become mettle some as hot zinc.

And what thwart my feeble
attempt to bewitch and beguile
quite aware ye probably ready
to spew glippy glop gloopy bile
spurring lifesaving recourse
insane asylum, cuz bedlam

forces thee to dial,
and splutter exhibiting harried style
swiftly tailored demeanor
hooping I get just desserts,
and be condemned at trial
within interim and meanwhile...

Yours truly will exalt inside
unit b44 downing
one after another
B52 eventually died
(jettisoning these lovely bones)
at least say to himself,

while gratefully dead, he tried
to curry lunacy, (albeit harmless)
across the the web, world wide
reading experience this
letterman being your lucky charm guide
into outer limits of twilight zone
ha... ha... ha... no place for ye

to run and hide,
which bolsters me prejudice and pride
without sense and/or sensibility
(think Jane Austen),
whose ghost would chide,
one twenty first century wordsmith,
who seeks a bartered bride

hmm, maybe someone allied
i.e. linkedin with AllPoetry,Cosmofunnel
FaceBook, MyPoeticSide,
PoetrySoup, Prose, All Poetry,
Hello Poetry, Tumblr...
I even roll out welcome Matt
for thyself tug get shanghaied.
Most of my iv + Lix spittle existence
found me figuratively
(primarily academically, emotionally,
psychologically, sexually, socially...) adrift,
and malfunctioning blinker
analogous to a boat
without courtesy picture
an appalling Cap'n Ahab
ankh caws away!

aimlessly bobbing - treading water
analogous to drowning sailor akin
to a besotted drinker
just out of rest to be
rescued by Mister Rinker

sea ming lee without
any hook, line and sinker
despite being gifted with
an above average thinker
from without, where two
myopic ocular
orbs did winker.

All thru academia
just barely passing grades
metaphorically suffered from anemia,
and at my nadir,
thy prepubescent psyche
plummeted lovely bones
into grave state,

sans anorexia minus bulimia
mental health also linkedin
shot thru through with
healthy dose of dysthymia
cap (tinned em man hint mettle)
kept awake with insomnia
peppering cerebral
cortex with monomania
buzzfeeding earthlinked somnambulant

zombified condition
with a burning
desire toward pyromania
(nearly burned down the house
at 324 Level Road)
nsync with unmanageable
raging (red dee
and bull lush) testosterone
spawning satyromania

the above particularly
accentuated, and cresting
with accursed triskaidekaphobia
most agonizing, when
orbitz around Earth
accompanied by 756 full moons)
demarcated ten plus three
on a Friday the thirteenth,
according to Gregorian Calendar,

hence death be not proud
(originally titled
a fourteen-line poem,
or sonnet, by English poet
John Donne, one leading figure
in the metaphysical poets group
of seventeenth-century English literature)

sought after utopia
pleading, longing, and hooping
if I Willoughby
able to sprinkle
cremated ashes across Xenia.
audiological "second" associated with ordinary soundlessness

Second of time not decided arbitrarily, but...

Under International System of Units,
the second currently defined as
duration of 9,192,631,770 periods
of radiation corresponding to transition

between two hyperfine
levels of ground
state of caesium-133
atom at temperature
of 0 degrees Kelvin.

Even if deaf and/or
blind Impossible Mission
to escape incessant
atomic elementary coalition
my dear Watson,
through rigorous erudition
pursuant, predicated,

postulated, plotted, pinpointed...,
whereby basic interval
of time engineered fruition
jarring inquisitiveness regarding
yours truly intuition
one body moving thru space
and time till manumision.

Upon mortality liberation comprising me
molecular constituent parts will thus free
repurposing (reincarnation higglety pigglety)
without preserving jammed consciousness, ye
might beg to differ,
yet that precept re:
guarding retaining awareness

previous life thee
less prominent poetic
intent to squander ably
(slight bias, I aver)
precious minutes agree
gated intuiting the
invisibility of ethereal me:
deem (or quantification

thereof) measuring je
nais sais quois (extent
of French words known
to yours truly), whose
lofty ambition key
ying focus, how
every moment allocated

into base unit to run
of the mill by the floss see
George Eliot (Mary
Ann Evans) garden variety,
generic **** sapien,
(no matter differentiation sets E
shove us apart).

Inescapable maddening
march to maximize
potential choice to exercise
fulfillment, or nurse regret
case in point I surmise

extensive disappointment,
though Matthew Scott tries
to separate the figurative
wheat from the chaff and vies
to distill some semblance

of value, cuz he doth realize,
how tempus fugit defies
longing to go back
to the future as he espies

countless reasons that qualifies
as his life left unlived no surprise
since aforementioned sentiment
mentioned, in tandem with
self destructive behavior I despise.
(alternately titled  GENESIS RESPLENDENT)

No matter the calendrical/official onset of vernal equinox takes places Tuesday, Mar 19, 2024 and transpires until Thursday, Jun 20, 2024, an intimation sensed (predicated on above average temperatures for February 21st, 2024) that season of blooming plants will override any assertion of Old Man Winter.

The ideal, general, ethereal ability of corporeal (once arboreal) beings to adduce, contemplate and exhaust gray inner knobby matter oft times finds this clothed apish chap entertaining gamesome insight. How did this, that or another thought spring forth per mine consciousness? This conjecture might be a shrunken modus operandi how life began, which query mankind scrunched brow throughout **** Sapiens history did contemplate. Origin of life ascribed to the big bang, but then the question begged what preceded that cosmic event, which question came crashing into inquisitive mind of yours truly (me) after reading  a book titled Angels and Demons by Dan Brown; He also wrote the Da Vinci Code, and The Lost Symbol among other book titles.

This veritable stranger sends
what he hopes you consider to be
a most pleasant unexpected note
to thee unknown reader
allowing further discourse
(communication) a boot...
footwear ourselves, and
maybe fledgling acquaintanceship
will positively resonate akin to a magic flute,
whereby digital life jackets
donned in virtual ******* up petsmart boat
perhaps if weather inclement,

an additional slick trojan raincoat
doned to help stay dry
until destination reached
perhaps landing upon a north Carolina island
resembling this hill Billy goat
(christened Beverly),
whence springs germ of sum re: idea
takes root exhibiting
potential valance lives strong
when juiced sta stp away
from ma cheaply tricked
supertramp violating
tender tinder and tumblr
ova vulnerable shoot.

To search for source that gives rise
enabling **** sapiens to think
this ace of spades heart felt,
(albeit diamond in the rough poet)
digs shallow sometimes
force fool lee with light club
to emulate spelunker easing
into ***** of Gaia,
or shine laser focus into chasm
teetering on the brink
hunting down gamesome

elusive dodging idea sunkist,
dogged catlike whimsy
doth elusively, and we silly out pace
yet hi yam ready with
whorled wide net to capture alive
agile rat scorpion fink unseen
quiet as mouse notion
gives this hardy laurel
a divine run for his money
quite a chase - bank king analogously
viz monkey and weasel

scurrying thru microcosmic burrow
of cerebral size manhattan
skyscrapers at a blink quarry
arising whim of mine
vanishes without a trace quick
as mental cogs & wheels
generated riveting link,
perch ants connected
to previous pondering
within cranial place, or appear
as some random
non-sequitur conscious kink

distracting ability to latch onto
awesome fleeting mind space
inducing minor frustration at lack of ability
dag nabbit (albeit painlessly) steely zinc
shimmering insight cognizant
ability likened to ode Grecian urn vase frieze
depicting close captcha
thought process cold playing life
spans shorter than a wink
via third eye of providence
of this comfortably numb,

yellow brick walled
beatle browed face,
whereat he espies verdant
pastoral themes that billow and flow
across terra firma hallowed ground
sanctimonious from immaculate
mother Earth conception
synchronized in a symphony with terrestrial
fauna and flora which life forms abound
via natural laboratory qua nature,
especially at seasonal dawn of spring tide
where multitudinous existence can be found

carving out a figurative zoological niche
in a kaleidoscope of colors and sounds galore
idyllic melodic musical sounds
artist palette of rainbow blended sights,
which twin manifestations
of restorative and natural calm
assuage auditory and visual
sense and sensibility pleasures respectively
serve as psychic balm against global threat
of life, liberty and happiness triage psalm
rampant in the form

of diabolical deliberate deeds
bred in the soil of deep rooted hatred
kudzu resistance asphyxiates human camaraderie
democratic state attacked with no qualm
malicious and terroristic plot methodical map
blueprint leaves catastrophic trail of red
dire dystopian prognostications
constitute doomsday scenario
no rocket surgeon
nor brain scientist mentality requisite
grave misfortune writ large for all life!
Extant autobiography devoid
of livingsocial, I berate
whatsapp pining now resultant
outcome coping poorly did create
courtesy, sans avast kindled
linkedin self denigrate

predicated series of unfortunate
events buzzfeeding ill fate
capital one after another pinterest
newpages writers block did generate
countless blank pages interspersed
with scrawled sentences untrained great

fully dreadful bully heavable
box scarred tortured letters humiliate
head arabesques twisted abc's...
...xyz's, a field day for graphoanalyst,
wrought cribbed hand did obviously illustrate
chicken scratch inferiority complex intimate

lee evinced worthlessness, intimidate
dead visibly withdrawn frightened
undersized lad meek nasality intonate
head out button nose invalidate
ding any professed parental love
adopted, believed, coaxed...

hermetically sealed inviolate
coda sustaining purposelessness
reinforced silence no matter irate,
when glared, jeered, mocked,...
defenseless scapegoat remained isolate
internalizing harassment groveling

bowed boy smarting as hectoring did lacerate
quotidian repeated bajillion times
hence, where death could liberate
academic, demonic, horrific struggle,
now unable to shuck off residual
emotional fallout thru poems literate

attempt to expunge counterproductive
thoughts smoldering like kindling
gray matter festered toxicity did marinate
skool of hard knocks did matriculate
pharmacological cornucopia doth mitigate
in tandem with therapy delivers soul asylum,
a theme yours truly often doth narrate.
Steady rain swirled, pooled,
and eddied around rolled
up pant legs skinny ankles, which
immediately felt cold
before undertow willingly

steadily, and nimbly pulled this former
ace swimmer into watery fold
quelling, relinquishing, and taking
my hard won mettle of gold
earned early in primetime, now

at last...preemptive quiescent salvation
sluiced into unbarred
Davy Jones's locker hold
all me eager life possessions
long since donated and/or sold,

thus the final countdown
found yours truly submerged
for no rhyme, nor reason told
as I blissfully headed into the webbed
wide woebegone watery wold,

of course said dreamy forevermore
hoary idyll mere
reverie of this stevedore
"FAKE," & figuratively, hypothetically,
and imaginatively furthermore,

yaws true well lee washed away
in briny deep pull lore
ably tipped, gypped,
and drowned ma poor
body electric far from shore,

soaking wet tha top n bot hum
'o me soggy mossy noggin,
wharf fanta seas no longer
will eyes explore
waterlogged optima gills, this papa

wet tin his every pore,
this March 21st, 2019
(ewe could Hermes faintly
bleating after mighty roar)
of ocean riptide off back

offload mein kampf bon jure,
buffer dis future
papa gets tubby old,
and senile, who would
bean imposing chore,

asper deux marriageable
daughters tubby saddled,
reined in upon, and
bridled to endure

caretaking role asper,
this former stevedore
whose existence also spent
teaching many a bore from Bangalore!
157 · Oct 2020
Time zips by at lightspeed
Before scant opportunity
to make amends totally tubular slips away,
I (one generic doubting thomas)
reach out across cyberspace without delay
jumpstarting and kickstarting reflections
linkedin with fifty plus shades of gray
snapchatting and twittering
do you know the way to San Jose?

A random destination
I imaginatively mosey
lackadaisical bridging divide to Oakland,
whereby poor excuse for papa doth pray
ye will accept mine attempt

to mend figurative fences - slay
the beast of burden oy vey
once for all under woes
to paternal parent who cares -
singing yippie yie yay!

Impossible mission to banish and  
vanish woes that didst zap
thee when yours truly (delinquent dada)
fictitious and/or transgressions
he doggedly, cruelly, and blithely
years gone by did yap

pained fallout across precious progeny
alienation doth still wrap
hermetically sealed darling daughters
none other than yours truly fell prey
to his self made abominable trap

scheming adulterous liaisons
just barely avoiding marital mishap
though irrevocable psychological fallout
heavily impacted metaphorical didst kneecap
father/daughter relationships annihilated
with ear splitting emotional thunderclap,

thus only apology offered accursed philandering
soiling restitution, whereby
reparations forever swallowed
into a figurative (bay sic) wide
gulf course teed off handicap.

No matter probable (understandable) aversion ye
experienced toward lame casanova wannabe
unfaithfulness tarnished potential virtue thee
need never invite papa
into your confidentiality prithee

regarding filial rapport with Zayda
(my father) forgiveness key
as I too grieve since grim reaper will emcee,
when labored breathing ceases and Boycie
joins grateful dead.

Awareness pronounced inevitably his passing will
(does) sadden heart and soul of indomitable gal
regarding said lass, (who brusquely reciprocates)
possessing academic energetic,
italic opportunistic skill

cuz, I recognize
no vibrant rapport exists between us,
nor could or would I impose
to beget profound sharing when nil,
née nonexistent bond prevails

never knowing mine dad's mein kampf,
a moost bitter pill,
hence quite so many decades in future
when basic life functions analogous to uphill
battle, grandpa Matthew Scott
witnesses rigor mortis, which sets mine
once upon a time washboard abdomen
into matted, flaccid, and bloated flesh
as if drowned in the Schuylkill.
Understandable... the sensible
(three ringed circuitous) logic
to trumpet necessity
each individual moost heed
bedecking, cloaking donning,
ludicrous interloper ****** covering,
(I prefer sporting
latest custom made
invisible máscaras faciales),
when commingling amidst madding crowd,

nevertheless coronavirus (COVID-19)
makes laughingstock kickstarting
maniacal paranoid testing yapping
authoritarians blabber ceaselessly
bleak household pandemic
plagues (sear ring)
robust human specimen,
hence yours truly,
a feckless (gibbon) primate
breathes sigh of relief,

why? cuz he counts himself insignificant
absolute zero worth
versus microscopic prickly orb
aging long haired pencil neck geek
best beat hasty retreat
to his man cave
not necessarily avoiding microbial denizen,
yet any potential suffering
scouting out troubadour woefully
jackknifed inept hideaway

availed no choice
rolls out Harris tweed Scottish matt
courtesy minuscule germ man
greeting me with gotcha!,
I willingly surrender
the only thing at stake iz my life,
which would immediately
ebb fate (mine),
automatically buzzfeed chap
offer no chance
for symbiotic relationship

as pathogens indeed choreograph
(***** deed done dirt cheap)
loft hilly doth waft
through cellular skeins comprising
garden variety/ generic gent
herewith essentially crafting
his poetic epitaph
before onset disables,
disallows, and disvalues
one humble, intelligent, jesting

kindhearted, literate, modest
nincompoop aimlessly adrift
within Brownian movement
(**** sapiens random motions
viewed miles skyhigh)
ostentatious, piteous, querulous,
ridiculous, superfluous, et cetera,
thus forward donations
and/or pledge
(I promise you -

swear to dog
portion of me ashes)
to favorite charity
and will hoop to visit thee as repurposed
noun, verb, adjective, adverb, pronoun,
preposition, conjunction, interjection,
numeral, article, or determiner...
As told once upon time helloo
from me matt chew
most previous poem ugh goo,
viz freak accident found ninety
degree angled desk corner (ewe
might not bull heave)

rammed, impaled, fricasseed
smack dab skew
whirred spitting out
fluid on rotisserie
preparatory for stew
right side rib cage

quite agonizing boo boo
intermittent pain analogous
to dull stabbing
finds yours truly nsync with moo
wing cow word le lion hoo
ping to schedule medical appointment

come thee morrow,
this klutz he did brew,
or maybe ghastly conspiracy
courtesy Spiro Agnew
hmm... possibly global warming
ha... puff... imagine dragon

retracting dagger type,
claws, and opening jaws of steel
eyeing thyself as main course on menu
damning self, aye packed
especially when standing askew
(hunched over tying laces re: shoe)

struck by poison arrow unleashed
no Inca ling how
indigenous people of Peru
found their way linkedin
with this Yahoo,
he swiftly strayed

outside Gulliver's travels
into good n plenti boulevard
of broken dreams
essentially, one direction avenue
mixed within gibberish goulash stew
wing conglomeration

******* courtesy "fake" parvenue
he haint goat noah idea nary a blues clue
for aforementioned stream
of consciousness and drew
whatever came to his mind - toodle loo.

Adieu... from mister Magoo
Offspring between close family members
not biologically fit nor ablest
even if direct immediate relations
consider themselves best
buddies, emotionally intimate, and offload
heavy matters weighing down

on their respective figurative chest,
cuz lurking within brethren and cistern genes,
and/or chromosomes dwell deadliest
nastiest, and weakest link undermining
searingly robust reproductive human stock,
thru molecular hijacking gungho extremest

right wing trumpeting malefactor breeding
distilling, fomenting, et cetera the faintest
self destructive invisible agents provocateurs
dredging existentially faultiest
predispositions, and vulnerabilities
compromising in utero body electric,

asper offspring saddled with funniest
itsy bitsy teenie ****** yellow Polka dot bikini
donned flesh impossible to remove,
which surgery could imperil and render feeblest
unto Caesar, an ides of march, sans flimsiest
excuse for a successor

to the royal porcelain throne,
which progeny could exhibit the frailest
constitution, and possibly appear as freakiest
looking hominid this side of Schwenksville
with napped hair most frizziest
affixed to a beanpole gangliest

androgynous cisgender metasexual
being description also including geekiest,
not to mention ghastliest
simple minded looking gruesomest
human being, who presents grimmest

prospects quite dim tubby happiest
bellowing soul since...******
came back in vogue when polar vortex
ushered necessity to bed with kindliest
people professing unconditional love.
Saturday, December 21 Military Time 2319

(According to website:
https://earthsky.org/astronomy-
essentials/everything-you-need-
to-know-december-solstice.)

Hark the herald angels sing
yea, only one hundred ten days,
I started counting until spring
as proclaimed courtesy
yours truly, a fellow Earthling.
Mine tolerance to endure
brutally cold weather quite plain

decreases in direct proportion
as orbitz around El Sol increase,
hence subsequent heft to weather
old man winter doth wane,
no matter majority mein kampf birthdays
lived hashtagged Southeastern
Montgomery, Pennsylvanian.

Climate change slated
to ratchet up temperatures,
thus quaint Currier
and Ives existence dated,
whereby relics portraying
old man winter curated
within (ironically enough)
climate controlled and heavily gated
surveilled environment freighted

replete with trappings created,
back in the day when bomb cyclones
nsync with polar vortex precipitated,
where global warming naysayers skated
on thin ice ignoring strong voice dictated

by diminutive Swedish
activist Greta Thunberg severely castigated
passive grownups, said
slip o' lass generated
cult like following despite

her petite, yet enervated
larger than life presence, especially venerated
by young people cohort, who felt infuriated
unheeded apocalyptic warnings
inadvertently kickstarted,
motivated, and promulgated
green revolution proudly designated
government, née said youth
zealously, vociferously, righteously,

opportunistically arrogated
take charge attitude
(think) wartime economy escalated
forcing drastic paradigm shift
diminishing nightmare demise calculated
to reign death and destruction,
nonetheless untolled cruelty
permanently and wantonly eradicated
multitudinous swaths of life forms.
No matter scant details recalled upon
arising from slumber, this even though
submerged into deep unconscious - (as
ifmine being plunged bajillion miles
subterranean catacombs) thoroughly
saturated with inaccessible facets of my
person then **** – like a magic dragon!

Every last detail vanishes without a trace,
whence each eyelid slowly opens (never
jarred out sleep) - only my own Circadian
clock determines when (no idea how) body
electric (temporary property of mortal
christened Matthew Scott Harris) returns
yours truly to state of consciousness, or

thee closest approximation thereof, where
by sense and sense and sensibility minus
pride and prejudice immediately severed,
no longer linked tin (analogous to Internet
Error Code 404 - page not found) finds me
straining with might of Hercules - all in vain,
yet lingering drowsiness (torpor still main

training strong toehold) dissipates ever so
slowly, thus rendering ability impossible to
cogitate - quite helpful when reading or write
ting, and when cerebral clarity becomes
manifest...nary a whisper recollected, when
mean drama exploded within pitted cranial
fifty plus shades of gray matter parameters

suddenly vibrant rattletrap quiescence, a
proxy armistice snatching at lightspeed any
recollection rendering sleepyhead (non talking)
befuddled, confused, dazed... numbskull pre
vented (even with proper clearance) access to
top secrete, potential mutinous, juicy fruit
confidential data, which necessitates one

bushy eyed and bright tailed primate to scratch
his noggin with futility although well rested
fitful without ways nor means to dredge up
sunken treasures briefly uncovered during
stretch of time hide nave **** did blink, none
zee less..., an enjoyable shuteye state of being -
allowing, enabling, and providing short lived
respite bearing down as if trying to shrug off atlas!
157 · Sep 2018
Bartender Oh Bartender –
Drinks Heron Me
(a stout rendition of Captain Oh Captain)

Mine eyes espy the glory
     per ending of another work day doth
     beckon Baily's Irish Creme
with Absolut certainty that
     Fireball named Brandy
     the Patron Crown
     Royal abets dream
quest proof positive

     to expunge stressful Boss
     distilling cooked Grey Goose gleam
with nary blue clue how  
     ceaseless toiling efforts
     play within lager corporation scheme
assigning exemplary
     skills and talents within
appears ******* up losing team.

No exit out this grueling
     twenty first century
     rat trap where by Scotch
     chief en gin air
except to drawn displeasure
     and wallow in sorrows
     downing *****, or
     house brand beer

despite drunken state
     erodes axons and synapses
     snap like chattering
     false teeth of broken gear
quickly cause tenuous
     grasp on queasy reality,
     sanity, and tenacity
     rent asunder and tear

Now that work day done
     at long last, not a moment
     to tally date with
     Jack Daniels to delay
this linkedin conga line wants
     to wash away sounds
     of barked orders *** bling – may
king me insides

     writh with anger
as if type cast in diabolical
     formidable, horrible play
whereby each active
     scene increases assistance
     for Johnny Walker to glide and sashay.
Argh, how those last remaining
     minutes to escape hubbub

     ticks away at pace of a snail
to these myopic eyes,
     which suspect manager
     surreptitiously turns
     back clock hands male
lush hiss lee deliberately
     toys with sanity, thus seek counsel
     from Jimmy Beam without fail

when super tramping head honcho
will cease cheap trick
     renouncing cruel act ale
ling me without sh malt s, Hops,
     skips and jumps inebriation
     welcomes me rendering taps
receding thoughts being bound, cramped,
     and emulsified in

     dark cubicle Schnapps
as if invisible taut cord
     tears into virtual tatters
     and life of Wry lee loosed *****
from shredded material trailing
     a tail that rivals tales of Aesop's.
That ambler liquid
     of gods soothes palate and tongue

     helps tubby dee
     sensitized comfortably numb
feeling settles within
     thine body electric
     dulling the senses with
     heavy eye lids plum
met to close shut tight
     riding wave of ecstasy,

     reflecting about dad and late mum,
though come morrow, a hang over
     with ascension sensation
     akin to Günter Grass
     loud banging his tin drum.
Upon rising sober with total amnesia
     sans pandering  buffoon
realizing fallacious gimcrackery,
    
while ensconced fermented cocoon
***** hound tippled top dog
     quickly reminded yours truly
     how I goon
off the rails, perhaps, cuz of living
     within a trackless caboose
     sized wife named June.
********
Poet script:

An out of character bon mot
to defy anyone trying
     to stereotype my verbose thick plot
poetic dry (humor) rot.

The Smoker You Drink, the Player You Get
came to this teetotaler, racking his noggin you bet.
Hence...I brought you Harvey off the wall banger...

“In wine there is wisdom, in beer there is Freedom,
in water there is bacteria."
Extant latent forcefields transcend
across avast panoply multitudinous biosphere
scads of diverse living entities
innately born with
inherent capacity to care
embedded within cellular

pith and marrow,
sans plethora of unlike those
pesky conniving Facebook organisms,
the former declare
affinity, not only
each among their

own divergent species,
(but even among
disparate dissimilar cohabitants
on planet Earth genetically embedded
with unique potential to engineer
unprecedented feats encompassing

inexplicable ability to forge fair
lee sharing recognized quintessential
pronounced emotive displays clear,
lee offering, kindling... robust amity
legion between distinctly
obviously, and glare

ringly different life forms
unlike themselves, here
roll ding an unheeded object lesson
for **** sapiens, hell bent
somehow inexplicably bound by
dominant, important, omnipotent...

(of course except for this gent,
ha, who strives to be selflessly attendant),
and yes undoubtedly
other people cogent
against trumpeting xenophobic fervent
rants particularly against

migrants, who spent
blood, sweat and tears
forced into poverty
and misery, asper Native Americans
with deliberate intent

at genocide hundreds
of years ago (AND still)
today bedraggled indigenous
grievous national and global event,
where power hungry exploit powerless,
the latter kept bound by belligerent

hot headed racist, narcissistic,
misogynistic, egotistic...
"FAKE" prez steaming vehement
diatribes lambasting decent
folks, his oozing rabid hate doctrine
obvious enemy of freedom, versus

patriotic stalwarts, growing voice of cohorts,
who love Lady Liberty
ready to die and foment
revolution if necessary against REAL agent
provocateurs such avaricious cupidity I lament!
with Barb Black née Beebee
to help set the ghost
of little ***** Brandt free
(a non German, but germane fellow  
courtesy Craigslist classified
personals of mine invitee
she replied, I took liberty
to Google her first and last name,
and risked calling mentioning,
she qualified as lucky nominee
meaning yours truly hanker
for a barenaked lady
to indulge libidinal ******* spree,
(ahem - no pun intended)
in layman's terms to make whoopie!

Years ago, an outing
with paramour went awry
lower gastrointestinal system
of the down did not comply
dear reader let these lines hopefully edify
and entertain courtesy
garden variety generic guy,
who strives to tickle your fancy
to jollify cause yours truly
tries humor that's no lie
and if receptive

to give feedback please notify
author of these words
who in actuality
counts himself a private-eye.
Picture the opening scene
Cumberland Farms -
in Coatesville, Pennsylvania,
the paramour and I purchase lunch;
she bought the two
Italian hoagies and drinks,
one for me and the other for her.

Upon arriving back
at boudoir place of courtesan,
we inherently, immediately,
got down to monkey business;
each of us carefully unwrapped
our respective submarine;
Between mouthfuls of deli meat and cheese,
(the latter a substance that triggered
nascent irritable bowel syndrome),
I suppressed grimaces of abdominal agony,
which ****** contortions overrode attempts
at non verbal foreplay.

The rapid fire acting power of dairy product
moved bowels of mine faster than
The quick brown fox jumps over the lazy dog.

Despite frequent record breaking
sprints to the bathroom
nothing would forsake golden opportunity
to indulge philandering bacchanalian adultery.

****** ******* the farthest
thought in my mind,
yet I ignored queasiness,
and feigned interest,
no matter intuition
vis a vis gurgly tummy
signaled warning against
engaging in frolicsome escapade,
nevertheless Casanova wannabe
succumbed to arrange himself
in concert with his mistress
two times the ninth highest prime number.

Woody pecker of mine
(a fine specimen male ***** she
highly touted, praised, and notated
courtesy the woman, whose presence
I honorably graced)
perhaps interpreted and intimated
as a fervent desire to rut
(despite lady of the night
having undergone tubal ligation
years before our initial close encounters

of the illicit kind took place
at Evansburg Park,
where after at least
a decade of being celibate,
I experienced premature *******
and soiled my underwear,
which super seminal glue
seals a stronger bond than
another tried and true
rigged with mortise and tenon.

A mortise and tenon joint connects
two pieces of wood or other material.

Woodworkers around the world used it
for thousands of years
to join pieces of wood,
mainly when the adjoining pieces
connect at right angles.
Mortise and tenon joints count as strong
and stable joints used in many projects.

Now lemme loop back
to aforementioned plight
to sorry state of affairs
that found me plagued
with an overactive
internal **** sphincter (IAS)
and external **** sphincter (EAS);

The internal **** sphincter (IAS)
forms the innermost muscular layer
of the **** canal and is a continuation
of the circular muscle of the ******
and ends with a pronounced rounded edge
1 to 1.5 cm caudal to the dentate line
and slightly cranial to the terminus
of the external **** sphincter (EAS).
An Autumn like day (August 28th, 2021)
found me and the missus venturing
along unfamiliar roads.

Said spouse manned wheel of automobile
courting entering land of the lost,
nevertheless experiencing zest
she drove as I determined,
whether we went north, south, east or west

her purposefulness deliberately linkedin
delving off course to test
comfort level, interestingly enough
not experiencing feeling over stressed
possibly because place names
(an abridged version follows)
Green Lane, Perkiomenville,
Sumneytown, Upper Salford,
and Zieglerville somewhat familiar,
thus any uneasiness
(straying off the beaten path)

got put to rest
regarding moseying along
our spontaneous quest,
cuz I trend toward anxiety
(and most likely
would suddenly turn gray)
at prospect of trekking into
hinterlands not many miles
away from the place
the two of us call home.

Joyriding not something we
(meaning said married couple in question)
indulge since cost of fuel thee
cannot deny nearly cost an arm and leg
as one who drives regularly can see
the folly spewing gasoline exhaust
tooling around within 2009 Hyundai Sonata
for no rhyme nor reason unnecessarily re:
leasing gasoline exhaust pollutants

into the atmosphere whereby eco police
unlikely accept me to cop a plea
one garden variety ******
a bloke who strives to exalt glee
crafting poems, and reading as well
ranking his significance no higher than flea
common name for the order Siphonaptera,
dear unknown aforementioned comparison
ye might not agree.
Particularly pronounce abscess,
when rites of spring accursedness
prevails, asper testament, sans swell
scored psychological achiness
recording minecrafted history,

viz secreting acridness
permeates profusely predicated puberty,
akin to ambling au naturale adulteress
plethora plush plumage plus perfume
presage prickly profuse inauspicious pre/

post pubescent and adult affectlessness
propensity poisons primary predilection
pummeling poking pillorying
perpetual purgatory with aggressiveness.

Now translated into bumpy
layman's/woman's terms, aye
communicate, albeit stylishly campy
adhering, colluding, and choppily try
trending without trademark obfuscation,
nonetheless, a feeble
attempt might still defy,

an honest to dog ambition to express
how blooming in the dales less
sons glee aware, how lovers press
lips close together, when yours truly
shuttered himself in bedroom
of boyhood home to cope with stress

thus denying, depriving,
and destroying bone
a fied hankering,
asper this pooch hood doth hone
ache, never to experience puppy love
til pooch later in life,
when he became at present

male version, sans crone
revisiting, reliving, and
reflecting being alone
without ever touching, savoring,
and rubbing smooth cheekbone
of a lass - see, this thy reason
Matthew Scott doth bemoan

observing young bucks,
who liberate kickstarter jangling hormone
he oozes with envy those whippersnappers
gathering rosebuds while they may intone

enjoyment, qua the vitality, virility, and victory
before youth fleetingly passes versus millstone
weighing heavier with each passing year
before the grim reaper doth phone!
156 · Dec 2018
au revoir North Pole
courtesy global warming
temperatures humid,
hot and hazy air
on par with temperature of Zaire
extreme heat advisory
issued for North Pole, where

Santa Claus and the missus
must needs be critically aware
to chuck (and/or shuck)
heavy outfit, and ride
buck naked bare
plus hydrate regularly

(as well quench
thirst of reindeer)
which magically sprout
dorsal fins doubling up
as aqua wear
powering sleigh, qua

state of the art air
row dynamically built
water borne chair
re: yet (chariot) care
fully, expertly, and favorably
designed to surf (ohm my dear)

amp pull size current
without the least bit of fear
of course gift stack
     of gift wrapped surprises
with waterproof papier
mache material just
  
     in case venerably beaded
tight as a tin drum Corvair
like sea worthy craft
doth not (thank yours truly)
unwittingly capsize nowhere
in sight of, not near

the birthplace Edvard Grieg
renown for Peer
Gynt, or far from the hall
of the mountain king,
thus Saint Nick
nonetheless cheer

ring his dis spear
reddit head lee leer
re, querulous,
and pessimistic hare
reed, but (to para
     sympathetic whims
  
     of this writer)
on a wing and prayer
finds, no harm done
   to the animals during
     making of this SPCA approved
video script, whereby;

     Dasher, Dancer, Prancer,
     *****, Comet, Cupid,
     Donner, Blitzen, and Rudolf tear
ring (at the flutter
     shy speed of light), thru
     treacherous waters (mainly

     so this poet can
     add a bit of
drama) exhibit flair
to outflank Poseidon (adventure),
and in nick of

time whip mere
rack yule esse lee to deliver
     seasons greetings
i.e. Christmas good cheer!
After lounging in bed until
late morning/early afternoon
we (the missus and I) felt restless
as garden variety buffoon
or think chrysalis itching

to escape encased within cocoon
nevertheless, she mustered hubby
long since retired dragoon
late morning/early after light
clothing he must post haste festoon
he protested against testing

comfort zone merely donning galloon
his self conscious morphology
declaimed repeating honeymoon
embarrassing circumstance,
when caricature artist accentuated

pitiful spindle shanks published
front page see national lampoon
most recent issue or possibly
toothpick legs ought be printed June
a boot six days hence excluding

counting Memorial Day 2020
whereby barenaked ladies
(spouse included) unwittingly ironically,
farcically, and comically forced
skinny dipping under full moon

after newly bride & groom
pledged troth unwittingly nudist beach
entered momentarily devoid
of swimmers, who suddenly at noon
witnessed madding crowd
momentarily oblivious to laughingstock,

one after another burst out guffawing
(at my expense) at picayune
sorry/lame excuse for male
adult **** sapiens peculiar physique
courtesy anorexia nervosa

(when thirteen years old), I caused ruin
permanently stunting psychological
and physical characteristics,
for better part of existence
(mein kampf) uttered lamentable tune.

Absolute zero self worth (the
big goose egg) matter of fact will
state being earnest and frank
going on walk thru Schwenksville
thought person in every
passing vehicle (quite brisk traffic) rill

lee mocked appearance when
espying long haired pencil neck
geek fortunately blessed with
few gray strands deliberately colored via quill
to ad some convincing heft
to boyish good looks, though mill
stone metaphor linkedin with

living little approaching over hill
soon petering into becoming old
and senile, nope never got fill
of teenage romance, I started
dating during early twenties
deterrents to integrate among

including sounding think duckbill
nasal honking, and even hot spell
temps spiking high eighties/
low nineties dressed head
to foot ready for big chill,
especially cuz dehydration less likely.
The latter classified as a voivode
(prince) of Wallachia
(part of modern Romania).
Surrounded by enemies
that included the Hungarians,
the Ottomans, his younger brother,
and Walachian nobility,
Vlad employed extremely
cruel gruesome measures
to inspire fear in those
who opposed him.

He earned his nickname
by impaling his enemies on stakes.

No argument Vladimir Vladimirovich Putin
equals and invariably
will outrank Vlad the Impaler
the second son of Vlad Dracul
who became ruler of Wallachia in 1436.

Impossible mission to comprehend
propensity exhibiting characteristics
linkedin as impish, hellish, ghoulish... fiend
whereby pathological pretensions
besotted (punch drunk with delight)
to incinerate, eradicate, annihilate,
essentially to deplorably,
heinously, loathingly... interblend

all manner of atrocious, deleterious,
insidious, opprobrious, vicious... lend
ding his own vainglorious
trademark to offend
**** sapiens who strive toward
repairing ruptures versus to rend
usurpation of life, liberty
and continuity of civilization to upend.

Worst nightmare scenario
unfolding before our collective eyes
Ukraine suffers blitzkrieg
Russian soldiers devastatingly
carpet bomb major metropolitan areas
civilian population suffers
major loss of innocent lives
linkedin with accompanied
psychological fallout, especially affecting
babies, children and youth.

All commands issued by autocratic monster
probably housed within secure bunker,
meanwhile countless thousands
or millions of battle fatigued people hunker
among ruins gingerly negotiating
their way thru rubble analogous to spelunker.

Though yours truly
removed (think physically),
where chaos and pandemonium
run amuck and terror unruly,
overt rampant upheaval
plagues long established
generations of Slavic peoples,
this commonplace American
vicariously experiences grief

when tragedy viewed
online and/or television
heart wrenching images
also evoke anger being
linkedin to most abominable,
horrible, reprehensible, creatures
that roamed the terrestrial firma
since time immemorial.

Major war crimes against humanity
necessitate urgent punishment,
if in fact such a global entity
exists to condemn and convict
the uncontestable tyrant,
yet never in the annals
of twenty first century
geopolitical webbed zeitgeist
did self anointed totalitarian sovereign
access nuclear weapons
to obliterate great swaths
of fellow Earthlings.
Imagine if ye will
earlier one blustery February sixteenth
two thousand twenty one,
yours truly experienced atypical thrill
perusing pages of heavily laden word book
marking where I leave off reading
courtesy no frills inked quill
(sold to yours truly courtesy original
big bird on his deathbed)

plus jotting down page number
so mundane effort to marry me interest
with me lingua franca (English language)
neither void nor nill
aforementioned laborious literary task
persevered despite forgoing
eating and sleeping might ****
(reading every last word)

hoop ping diligence improves vocabulary
making me maxillary stronger
no matter chronological years
considered smidgen whipping
over third scored Sam Hill
Earth orbitz around nearest star
traveling at (pun one mach two)

warp speed amidst escadrille
whereby accompanying aircraft
eventually zooms into Brazil
housing disproportionate Amazon
rainforest biome encompassing
6.7 million square kilometers and shared
by eight countries.

Even before (the square root of 3844)
years ago exiting the womb
Logophile mine self anointed
nom figuratively feathery de plume
no matter mine cranium
ready to explode ka-boom
I continue to parlay mental energy

like some garden variety harum scarum
and jam additional minutiae
(at thee expense not preserving sanity)
despite very limited (maximum) headroom
to decrease hydranencephaly
the whole hare brain scheme
rigged up with shunted
(think chutes and ladders) flume.

One definite lament
until death doth do me proud
constitutes deficient intelligence
genetically (father) endowed
imbibing cerebral thirst for knowledge
constitutes the lack of photographic memory
nsync with fifty plus shades of gray matter
ofttimes smoldering like dark storm cloud
to retain information I read aloud.

Quite an exciting
(seat of pants) life I did asseverate
less to impress any anonymous reader,
whose interest I did pique and captivate
versus (verses crafted) more so to delineate
quirky passion (couched as poetic endeavor)
inexplicable how to formulate
though no justification be given
hoop fully only kudos to generate.
ah jest wanna boomerang back into the womb

No matter birth canal
long since got breached,
countless scores of years
I quickly grew
impossible mission to plunge
(think Nestea commercial)
headfirst back into utero,
haint got any got any
handy dandy blues clue,

nonetheless said wish
I broach to you,
whether ye reside in Baku
Guangzhou
Kalamazoo
Kathmandu
Peru
Thimphu
Timbuktu.

Sudden­ pang roared awake
nsync like blazing saddles
hot enough to sizzle steak
torpid, humid, and
arrid extra dry to take
breath away analogous vacuumed
courtesy fire breathing dragon
chilling parched scales in great lake
already this doubting

Thomas doth hanker
for global warming yore
less than six months ago
(geesh for goodness sake,
when Earth did bake
triple digit temperatures
no thirst could slake,

thus intravenous feeding
in tandem with trach
still inadequate to brake
yours truly did pine... for chill
against dehydration, ah only to wake,
when came the morrow,
where Jack and Jill
sweat buckets, this

before they climbed uphill
akin to madding crowd
clamoring, thirsting, gulping...
every last drop
essentially emptying ****
immense reservoir spill
futilely swilling parched lips till...

Old cranks shrugged off
exceptionally hot weather, and did scoff
younger generation's creature comforts
old geezers recalled
back in the day
as laddies and Tom boy

lassies did slough
no trespassing signs
skinny dipping after they shuck off
clothes giddily swinging
atop highest bough
playing hooky averse

learning would ever payoff
pitying other kids in school
former gathering rosebuds...
around lunchtime hunger
relishing stealing stroganoff
under nose of Mister Groff,

one former German World War II,
who colluded with American "boys"
despite heavily decorated luftwaffe
and posthumously honored
Veterans day getting last laugh!
One insignificant, infinitesimal
incomprehensibleness cosmic speck,
who doth readily confess
swallowed within

infinite cosmic wormhole, nonetheless,
he feels mind boggled, fascinated,
transfixed... helpless to express
following concept suddenly
gripping his feeble mental compass.

I haint never gonna get
smart enough to understand
supposedly how universe
under contract to expand
subscribers embracing divine
intervention ascribe to invisible hand
cosmographical phenomena defies

garden variety **** sapien
understanding schema so grand
feeble analogy whereby
Neanderthal apt to understand
lingual mechanics predicated
I grammatically, markedly, pointedly...
exclaim with ampersand.

No particular reason nor rhyme
prompted contemplation
Einsteinian/ Stephen
Hawking concepts sublime

defy one average guy
way past his prime
ideal, optimal, universal... time
to fortify i.e. cognitive ability
brewing, immersing, steeping... gray matter

within astrophysicist clime,
now punishing ignorance mime
limited aptitude climb
stymied best taught during childhood

undoubtedly education pioneer - Haim
Ginott speculate would even
advocate buzzfeeding fetus
with intelligent boosting enzyme.

I chomp at the metaphorical bridled bit
and chafe not being genius like Trump pit
ing president (gag me with a spoon),
and lemme don pith helm mitt
this crash test dummy, whit
no shadow of doubt ready to quit

human race if said nitwit
nabs 20/20 election twit
tilling, spindling, mutilating,
fondling... constitutional sacred writ
issuing dynastic emperor gambit
hastening cremated ashes (mine)

launched into distant orbit
bajillion light years
careering, hopscotching, zipping
eventually reincarnated into runny Babbit
ironically enslaved for profit
blindly obedient dagnabbit,

indentured as intergalactic caddy
fired while under probation as apprentice
up Paul ling lee forced to exit
Sartre's stage door left sporting
embarrassing MAGA prison outfit
hustled away courtesy
as laughingstock exhibit.

Thus, I helm ship of state into black void
alone within cosmos, yes...overjoyed!
induces idyllic reverie
delight evoking similar surge,
when skirting, and eluding
fidelity defining the marital law
on par with courting in flagrante delicto.

After reading about
Greek goddess of love
fancy notion woke whereof
warmth suffused me
snug as fingers fitted into glove
subsequent laissez faire attitude
welcomed salvation, overstimulation,
labialization, impenetration,
fornication, and consummation from above.

Hands folded prayer
like to beseech thee
to abduct me with
no cause to up braid
natural temptation found
feral, gonadal, and hormonal paroxysm
commanding, fueling, inducing longing
from divinely devoted dada
sacred marital covenant
he twice blithely disobeyed
willingly surrendering quintessential
******* manifestation to nymph.

Earthbound Olympian of love,
now dwells amidst thee
willing submissive subject
teasingly surrendering himself,
whose psyche frayed
mossy secluded glade,
a natural bed of soft earthy, downy
canopied bride awaiting
me with said lovely paramour to get laid,
and maybe nine months later,
a baby will resemble

thee dear milkmaid,
then whence we return
to our Land O’ Lakes chalet
homage will be paid
in which human guise
undressed as barenaked lady inamorato
doles secrets regarding
amorous Lumineers trade
witnessed libidinal upgrade
into ****** dreamland such
heartfelt desire impossible mission
for amorousness to be weighed.

Victuals to satiate
pleasures of flesh,
especially erogenous zone
administered courtesy female
I wanna name Yvonne
this imaginary mistress
singing seductive tone
thru this private line,
but no other phone
triggering mine little rolling stone
to generate primal sounds
vis a vis masturbatory moan
inducing groin seams
of pants extreme groan
toward pocketing sixty-nine
without any lovely bone.

A copious amount of adoration
suffuses entire body of this man
her, whose gentle and kind embrace
promises to be eternal plan
as made mention in the Bible,
Quran, or Torah millennia ago rattan,
whose healthy libido
will probably outlive me life span.

Royal carpet treatment awaits me
each and every day
as the differences between myself
and august dweller on high
establish a bounty and glory
of compassion to roll in the hay
atop bodacious, delicious, felicitous
fantasy asks me to lie
imbibing succulent *****
O zone hemisphere erupts
highly charged atmosphere
akin to an eternal month o May
taking spirit soaring thousands
of miles of feet in the sky.

Upon hearing sweet nothings
nobody else can hear
affecting heavy breathing
indicated by nostril
that imperceptibly flare
a sheer grin of joy lights up
my countenance ear to ear
despite the impish quarks
of this divine being so dear
as journey to inxs of nirvana
induced ******* (er...
prematurely) whispered clear
from being buck-naked bare.

while ******* hallucination
at my male member does yank
key mud hood dill,
where reality doth usually tank
with muss elf feeling *****
sans figurative or real shaft shank
quite the opposite
with a wife acidly rank
she frequently pulls
my hair as a childish prank
knowing full well that action
turns my mood sour as a crank
I would escape,
but no amount of money
can equal priceless prostatic fluid
in the seminal piggy bank.

Other times, her karma roars
into a tempest with a rage
lashing out like a half-crazed maniac
loosed upon global stage
on account of silent battles
we regularly wage.

I admit my own fair share
of peculiar traits
which only to private confidences
t'will now relate
keep on the q-t (i.e. quiet)
lest spouse doth berate.

Chief among these oddities comprise
lower gastrointestinal perturbations
issuing from the a$$
which prompt innumerable outbursts of gas
ranging from quiet puff to a noisy, windy pass.

After usage of toilet
with a bowel movement
large enough to sink a sub
wash ****** residue from my behind
with a hose attached to the tub.

This couple resembles Frankenstein
and his bride – argh what a pair
she taunts when I shower,
clean the rest of my body including hair
dry follicles shaking head
after applying hair dryer
back & forth side-to-side
through the air.

There you now know foibles
and unusual personal ways
uttering that such antics how she plays
like netted in a one-man fraternity
undergoing constant haze
pelting this poor soul
with scraps of food, she flays
until these covered with
thick pasty gloppy glaze
as verboten entrees
now laugh till you fall over
and remain in stitches for days.
My motto comprises to exalt in this moment rather than delude myself with any grandiose illusions.

PREFACE: PREPARE TO SET ASIDE A PARTIAL ETERNITY
TO PERUSE THE CONTENTS OF THE FOLLOWING MESSAGE.

Ohm my...volt a mort...
coalescence of coaxed friendship
analogous to miarculous birth
whoa there lovely reader,
no doubt without resistance,
your smile can generate
amp pull power to light up earth
noah matter this totally tubular stranger
unknown to thee as Adam,
evokes an aura, charisma, enigma,
patina, persona...wis spurs this note
to kindle courtesy tinder warm
fine companionable individual connection
exuding sheepish mirth
per intuiting your wool e worth.

I enjoy making accessible, convincible,
evincible, gullible, intelligible,
kissable invoking comments
perhaps on account oof a cerebral dent
though many respondents rage at this gent
sans his playful wordiness leant
only genuine acquaintanceship meant,
and their valuable time spent
to decipher my gibberish,
which binary logorrhea might rent
asunder unsuspecting cyber surfer
evicted out the human league

since possessing propensity
for presenting ambitious, burdenous,
conspicuous, disadventurous, onerous,
and tremendous cerebral task
necessitating hours decrypting
blurb subsequently forcing
whatever gender appended recipient
to an anonymous he/she,  
forsaking their precious time
maybe even unwittingly affecting individual
impacting his/her employment
ending result they/them live in a tent.

This poet knows a mew lion
ranges of feline artful dodging cat skills,
(especially when cavorting among comedians
associated and linkedin with Borscht Belt - ha)
concocting incomprehensible confusing trills.

Some of these claws pickling skills include maintaining mouse sized dignity muttering cheeses crust (while under fire from Stuart little), kibitzing, nibbling on self crafted bon mots, and rubbing dead giveaway crumbs (from double entendres) using all faux paux into thy maw paw cent less whole foods masticating mouth, where commestibles enter without choppers.

Sanguine at one hundred minus thirty six, or two squared + three squared + four squared + five squared + square root of one hundred = an apt and pithy phrase to matt's matrix labyrinth best characterized as a twisted maze (along a boulevard of broken dreams) lodged deeply inside this dutiful dada shackled to an endless role of scullion, but silently gesticulated for salvation.

This spruced up fun guy (and not unduly coy -- see) pines for friendship to cure nostrum from domestic plight i.e. living like a caged rat in cell bite size state.

Just a spoonful of sugar (hummed to that classic mary poppins melody) will most definitely help this medicine go down.

Mine current existence like a modern Henry David Thoreau.

After perusing this rambling prose (from mine being psyche feeling walled in), you might judge this personal struggle more on a par with Oliver Twist.

I sincerely seek salient gallant wings (with or without dish pan hands) to take this humble human being who can (ha) bring a fairy tale ending to my Cinderfella patterned existence.

Away I want to soar no matter such fantasy a fool's paradise.

An extra ticket to paradise (actually four powerball tickets bought today – September 7th, 2023 for that reason) just needs to be made manifest, and thee could be a boon, balm, salve, and tonic plus receive preferential treatment to travel in tandem with one stranger in a strange land.

Only upon surrendering to a deep and peaceful boss ah nova heavy metal sleep, (which dream state will take place soon) does the fictional world (within the wide wedded web of this wayward thinking wanderer) take hold and serve up a brief hiatus to a life devoid of contentment.

This amateur baker would cook up a souffle or rhubarb ken pie if willingly processed from mine own personal lake woebegone awash with raw bits of flotsam and jetsam and empty boxes of powdered milk biscuits, the one with big blue stains on the outside.

San sol invictus served ancient civilizations as their com-stock load.

Like a modern day icarus this wedded warbler mulls the possibility of finding a real live likeness of what constitutes a hologram of his mythic muse, who exudes able bodied confidence donning every filament.

Keep on dreaming cyber buddy, an anonymous reader might think, telepathically communicate or even communicate via email, which idealism goads me to broadcast the following fanciful (and perhaps not so far fetched) feasible find among the frequent purveyors of this website.

The vague nebulous barely perceptible kernel of a fictional account per my own conjured up vision (as pertains to what might comprise a companionable buddy to me) could conceivable materialize into an actual arch de triumphant revelation once landing this wistful nugget of an idea into the conscious of unconscious mind of an unknown galivanting fellow writer, who just by a fluke (of the worm holes populating the universe) finds themself piqued with curiosity about me.

Not a whit of information yet exists about this dabbler of prose, who envisions himself in seventh heaven (no matter he in truth really admits to espousing an atheistic outlook on the cosmos), where fickle finger of fate (usually the middle one raised by an obstreperous onlooker) ideally finds me all in the family within human species able to articulate in a civilly (disobedient) and democratic manner emotions, ideas, sentiments and thoughts with an unpretentious air of sophistication.

Said **** sapien (meaning balsamic scented hominid) would also possess a cosmopolitan demeanor, yet clear of all any modest knotty suaveness, but also able, eager, ready and willing to allow, enable and provide quite an ability to get into an amazing tangle of literary profundity.

This older fellow seriously believes he got borne in an in apropos century and revels in another illusory consideration - aside from trying to summon forth a living gal of flesh and bone from this overactive imagination maybe an accompanying bipedal hominid within medium of time travelling.

Frequent farcical notions flit to and fro inside the biggest *** ***** triggering bonafide premature ejaculations of bonhomie. Case in point hair with not an immensely large head.

This wordsmith would feel at home if transported to the renaissance or medieval ages, or more recently that war between the north and south.

If hedging bets with yours truly being a reincarnated union soldier of yore, you no doubt already can infer, where thy political and more pertinently national federation of me as singularity amidst webbed wide world would get cast.

Okay, the original aim of (what many might hashtag as yahoo) really wishes to explore make believe world, and just maybe ***** inquisitive online browser, who although she might not be seeking male relationship just by happenstance or circumstance experiences some inexplicable necessity to reply.

In the event should lady luck liberate yours truly would be like a divine guiding star, I know best to tamp down any precipitous illusions of grandeur, but would let the natural course of familiarity usher the chap a roan of sacredness to be cherished for however short or long such a friendship might endure.

Oh yes, an ongoing (specifically offline) interaction motivates this doubting thomas fool hardy spurious posting to be ransacked with absolutely total consent in an effort to be plucked from this (utterly difficult to describe) morass of contemptuous husbandry discontent with self, yet consideration to stay faithfully married with wife (since July 25th, 1996) would be a moderately strong consideration.

So, now with a zing
or an unexpected
gold plated invitation after yodeling
hoop ye kin be a yang 2 me yin
Asia step into the digital xing
via summit da fall low wing
written *** jest byte ting
tongue in cheek unsure if phone will ring
in an effort to hear pleasant,
yet discordant musical ka -- ching
for cherished pennies, nickels, dimes,
et cetera from heaven to bring.
For preservation, salvation,
and veneration, though with hold
ding temptation two mike
pence sieve lee clear,
to immoral majority mold
toot hoods, (those bajillion
Americans unanimously polled)
did want me to broadcast, communicate,

and declare, sans mock cut up fold
drawl migrant accent,
(no matter I'm getting old),
nonetheless Ivana trumpet from Taj Mahal
straight to Mar-A-Lago) all told,
plus thank commensurate Republicans
(past or present), who extolled,
an invisible grandiose fire walled

barricade (donning, enclosing,
and fortifying) against Carl mauled
din lookalike hackers,
despite one sporting "FAKE"
hook nosed, hunchbacked
donned with torn (Turin) shawled,
shrouded, and disguised vagrant, indigent,
double chinned agent – bald

(except for being bewigged),
viz flowing locks of "FAKE" gold
in toe with Amazon heavily funded
unbridled trailing retinue
chanting appellation Matthew
Scott Harris alias Oswald),
no matter said faux
renegade twittering lobbyists

flock (like lemmings) within his fold,
and will happily, laughably parody
any vigilantes spot on cold,
what with his bugs
bunny eyed (What's up Doc)
intent reader rabbit stare,
that doth playfully scold
any Bare Ladies *******

linkedin, NOT nsync
with netiquette politesse mold
dinned communication, (asper
my pork chopped message
higglety pigglety divulged)
obeying tacit gold
din rule to hoodwink public, nonetheless
lemme exemplify, how

Democrats plan to hold
world web hostage
by secret Ransomware sold,
thru dark web bitcoin blockchain trolled
to collude with "crooked Hillary"
under Ponzi scheme auspices doled

courtesy, sans spongebobsquarepants
omnipotent NON GMO
gluten CRISPR rolled
oat sized INTEL nanobots,
no bigger than mold
spores heavily scrutinizing,
policing, monitoring and
fortifying electronic Internet scaffold.
re: visited today April 12th, 2023

Way before aye knew
the name Fletcherism applied
family and friends even the bartered bride
would (tongue in cheek) chide
tummy uncommonly (recherché) atypical dyed
ded if the letter “y” one did elide
in the wool feeding
and/or slaking thirst guide
did precepts sans hungry
deaf eating beast impossible to hide

(the ferocious growling harassing imp -
armed to the figurative teeth ready to pounce
viz casus belli sans reeling off
a pseudo say id dish us vicious jeremiad
me, this unrepentant conscientious masticator,
who re: lied
on self control unbeknownst
to this pumpkin eater
(me not named Peter)
unwittingly followed

the basic tenet of Fletcherism - custom made
modus operandi vis a vis exercising okayed
mandibular metered (when famished),
eyes kept closed while tongue gently played
adhered to practice of eating small amounts,
which discipline stayed
engorging self, and as a result
(consuming sustenance
only when hungry avoiding
(wolfing like an instantaneous blitzkrieg flash)
found me aware visa vis master car ding
marginal increase in pounds meaning
thy body electric weighed

approximately for long stretches
to enable safe passage for sturdy brigs
when a habitue at one or another dining digs
stuffed nibbling on hors d'oeuvre figs
adequately satiating with with oomf
when contra dance caller Scott Higgs
announced "hands four," which signal
helped get my mojo back
and reel lee deuce home jigs,
which indeed kickstarted and syncopated,
oft times espying Bobby Riggs
who years gone back **** Vic Tory huss
e'en when donning apparel of Whigs
like colluding trumpetting molecules
that via tiff ***** doth zags and zigs.
iz only wishful thinking

Political polls whether advisory still consider
forty fifth president
dangerous, hazardous, lymphomatous...
known to wield violent blows,
his delusional perception analogous
to fable regarding emperor without any clothes
best to handle beast with more'n kid gloves,
cuz he appears immune to mortality
exhibits symptoms hinting death throes,
as synonymous with Covid-19
and lo similar to Phoenix, he rises again,
yet more pressing headline
of immediate portent woes,

whereby Vladimir Putin hankers
to forge one former Soviet Republic
after the other as putty in his hands
squeezing population as malleable tool
wielding iron clad rule across
the webbed wide world as cruel
de facto, harsh, jackbooted,
malevolent oppressive totalitarian
******* up charges against Ukraine!

Pastor Of Muppets –
shout huzzah no mo' Trump
he's Gone er re: ya - ha
especially “father figure”and meme burr
of the Diatribe for Miss Piggy.
About thirty three months until
2024 presidential election
emotional repercussions still reverberate
how reprobate Trump aims to triumph
graduating magma *** lug head
if not him, one of his henchmen
to become leader of the free world
tampering, gaming (gerrymandering),
bribing to ace highest score
viz Electoral College examination.

Noah yam aghast as Donald Trump
once before nominated president elect,
or more apropos apprentice,
a teetotaler exhibits delirium tremens,
drunk with power to reign
brings corporeal bristling
foretells premonition
regarding apocalyptic approaching
dystopian crisis – as Russian troops
get ready and set to aim muzzle
visualized by yours truly
one basket of deplorable fitbit,

whose shell shocked eggs esse
hints did not peter out
re: fate rigged 2016 election
courtesy Russian uber vice squad
to lyft self anointed deity
appalled hike confess
at prospect outsize bully nabbed
most sought after Whitehouse seat - ugh guess
thine psyche fearful that arrogance, indecency,
pomposity, and vivacity
to break ranks and restore Hess

shun militaristic modus operandi
crowning himself grand poobah
King Kong of Amerika - applauded
by a *** dread locked Klansmen less
or more, with spirit of a jolly roger intent
shredding sacred documents,
and creating a horrible mess
ages will require to restore
prestigious, righteous, and officious,
amazing gracious steeped
in legacy of forefathers and mothers,
which democratic rubric

Paine stay king lee
easel lee trampled oh press
sieve lee in sync with missteps
made during on the job training
at national ex pence augments
ominous ramping up of Tess
toss tear roan, wherefore
if happenstance finds Czech mated xpress
train tearing down the tracts,
we the people of the United States  
vouchsafe for a veep ping Petsmart
prodigy to take over – YES!
yours truly enveloped within morose mood

I (Samson incarnate)
frankly experience zapped strength,
hence sulk and pine for salad days of youth
when abundant golden locks adorned me noggin.

Now in doddering dotage scant wisps of gray hair
(vestige of once luxuriant natural periwigged realm)
nothing except splotched scalp revealed.

Senescence stole mine prime mortal heft away
atrophied, eroded and weathered me body
once robust doubting thomas, who didst delay
livingsocial, especially rolling in the hay
never gathered rosebuds while I may
impossible mission now to slay
invisible decrepitude even if I recruited Zoro.

Post traumatic stress (shell shock
not military related) awoke,
when espying lapsed existence
viz twenty/twenty hindsight
oblivious to tempus fugit
when this young contra dancing bloke
now upon ruminating foregone opportunities
doth shed tears and choke.

Purposeless bemoaning lost
momentous occasions to no avail
synonymous regarding
hypothetical onset eye disease
suddenly rendering insightful chap blind,
whose fingers ground down as stubs,
hence lost cause mastering learning Braille
only death do me part
will once and for all curtail
where regret trained upon lofty dreams
of this father pursuit of happiness he didst derail
nevertheless grateful for sound
body, mind and spirit I exhale

no matter attaining being globe trotter
I royally did fail
passively foregoing flying headlong
toward holy grail
instead buzzfeeding investing
and teasing out obsession
linkedin and rooted with fixation
of former shaggy doggone mane
hirsute characteristic donned hearty and hale
generic garden variety bloke
whose thinning hair finds him
to reasonably rhyme albeit ham handed
with following poetic rant and rail.

Early this year
gentle as calm ocean waters
lapping along a weir
thumb and forefinger
of right hand would peel back,
(diagonally flippant motion asper calendar
representing progression of time)
gets flipped over to veer
in one direction (linear)

revealing the next month at lightspeed
vis a vis tempus fugit galloping tear
thy head immediately lost hirsute thickness,
I starkly share
male or female pattern baldness extant along
Harris genealogical trunk line rare
yet divulging distress
about limp decreasing strands
sends shivers along spine,

gloomy feeling linkedin
with old fashioned meaning of queer
and perchance tis foolhardy
reading this Samson night issue must appear
tis unstoppable inching closer toward
as mortality gets near
youthful robustness fades
replaced by senescence mere
really ambling along tragicomic time stream,

one evinces gargoyles mockingly leer
loosing sleep and kept raggedly awake
in conjunction dreams fraught
with frightful haunting monsters jeer
ring sound reverberating hair
splitting decibel jamming primary cranial gear
aye tell mice elf nothing to fear...
yet maximizing this plight with poem 'ere
Yukon also temporarily part
blond, brown, gold, et cetera locks mud dear.
which poetic product best be affixed
with hashtag STINKY label.

As a young whippersnapper
and one precocious lad to boot,
I discovered common combustible materials
found in the bathroom.

At opportune times,
I blithely tinkered with dangerous chemicals
that could (but never did)
explode into one humongous
fiery maelstrom and
bloom (re: annihilate)
this lad to smithereens.

Window kept open to avoid
un--necessary nor accidental asphyxiation.
After clearing defecation deep within,
the recesses of my bowels,
I thenceforth indiscriminately combined
various household cleansers
and cleaners (in powder
and/or liquid form) into the bidet.

The requisite sphincter muscle
byproduct constituted the key ingredient.
Anyway, my aha moment arrived
one childhood day
that long sought after ka-boom
sent a plume of smoke
in tandem with geyser of water
caused me to feel
flush with excitement.

Waste trill fluttering filled mine heart
(like music to thine ears)
after mine solid waste
***** byproduct went kerplunk
and caused tsunami
on other side of word.

Mere seconds elapsed
before explosive outcome found me
hurled clear across the room
like a bat out of hell.

Fortunate for me that this
natural ****** excretory function
never caused any serious outcome,
nor injury to life nor limb.
Immaculate notes (with graphic pictures –
albeit crude) attempted to document
any pertinent information.

At some juncture
with this private laboratory experiment,
a close observation
(with nose pinched tight)
revealed bubbles of air trapped within
our archaic household plumbing fixtures.

That aha i.e.eureka moment
prompted me to utter “*******”
when a chain reaction similar
to volcanic rush of air took place
within the planet.

With haste not waste,
these nimble fingers scribbled
unintelligible (deliberately illegible
to everybody but myself)
the chemical romance
to light a fire under the buttocks
of whomever happened
to be in need of emptying their bowels.

Now, I eagerly waited,
(albeit with impatience)
for that opportune time
whereby thee unsuspecting child
or adult needed to answer
that alimentary call of nature
my dear Watson.

The moment of anticipation arrived
when a long forgotten accursed relative
visited unexpected, which unannounced
rap on the door fueled fanciful notion
to whip up potion to promulgate prank
within the *****.

Once necessary ingredients,
(which secret formula cannot be divulged –
well maybe for a negotiable fee)
got poured giddy glee
generated gloating from head to toe.

Quick as Jack B Nimble
or his best friend Jack B. Quick,
these skinny legs (spindleshanks) sped away,
yet in close activity to the innocent
by sitter who nonchalantly ambled
into the powder room to tend to private business.

Right ear cocked against wall
that served as barrier between
occupant of water closet and yours truly.

Pleasant barely audible
humming, tweeting, and twittering
(like an angry) bird
singing emanated while obnoxious
guest of dishonor proceeded
to place posterior atop *****.

Seconds ticked by
with every now and again
pages of printed material heard
in conjunction with abdominal
groans and grunts to assist sacrifice
to the porcelain goddess.

Utter stillness suddenly punctuated
by the initial sound of a splash into the crapper.

I cupped hands to mouth
lest any unwanted guffaw slip out.

Instantaneously, our pestilential
kooky cousin kissed their *** goodbye
as propulsion forced the body politick
clear thru the unwelcome ample sized window.

Goodbye Charlie (pseudonym used here
to protect the not so innocent)
soon became diminishing shape
spiraling toward the horizon.

One speck of flotsam headed spaceward
versus the turgid **** joining brethren
into the sewerage cistern.

Written by: Edgar Allan ****,
who required quite some time to recoup,
and with slops pail headed off
to collect specimens from the latest scoop
rearing to go bouncing along
*** signed to another *** rap,
whereby blistered buttucks
hopes to earn yours truly another touché
(**** hay) before bottom smacked
courtesy leader of troop
a strong indigenous native son,
whose **** tressed reputation
recounts storied war whoop.
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