And in a pinch reluctantly talk to yours truly,
a very reformed Jew rarely attends Synagogue,
(he who cannot be named) hails from Prague
offtimes provides a wonderful monologue,
whereby his eloquence usually finds me agog.

Propinquity between scribe
of Schwenksville (Pennsylvania)
heavily shuns engaging in diatribe
loathes bombastic, egotistic,
imperialistic, narcissistic, terroristic...
zealot trumpeting art of the deal
if necessary even coaxing bribe.

I would be up to the task and not averse
to extemporize unless stage fright did curse
ambition to chat up intellectual conversation
and/or solemnly soliloquizing regarding
recent deceased driven away courtesy hearse
(yup another coronavirus/COVID-19 statistic)

despite heroic measures
exerted by selfless nurse,
whose tears trickled down flushed cheeks,
while her lips she did purse
methinks she wondered if pandemic
would get worse.

Oratorical predilections quake
these lovely bones, which at lxii ache
after lugging a load of Bananas
after me and the missus did betake
ourselves to purchase said fruit at Landis
(841 Gravel Pike, Schwenksville, PA 19473).

The main rhyming reason
for jaunt at aforementioned market
unquenchable thirst for riches to slake
aware improbable odds winning powerball
nevertheless bought two tickets,
fat and/or slim chance reality would wake
one average dirt poor Joe Biden his time.

A lofty song Enya doth sing
plying her lilting heavenly voice
titled "Marbled Halls"
for no rhyme nor reason came to mind,
perhaps momentarily fantasizing
how gobs of moolah tickle me fancy,
although the lyrics strongly in apropos
especially opening line -
I dreamt I dwelt in marble halls
With vassals and serfs at my side...

Such pipedream regarding
winning bucket loads of cash,
would make monetary woes
in an instantaneous flash
mine dentures no longer
will futilely grind and gnash,
cuz I would undergo oral surgery
and simultaneously acquire

mush sought after gumption,
where dental implants
could offer million dollar smile
mastication boring full force
while I monstrously, yet easily mash
the most unpalatable pop slop
made with tender loving care
courtesy the missus.

Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors
play key role to alleviate paroxysms
debilitating bouts of anxiety and panic attacks
wracked these lovely bones
during their roaring twenties
severely impinging potential to relish
joys and sorrows present within mein kampf

vast stretches of life sabotaged
courtesy mental health challenges,
thus I acknowledge miracle of modern medicine
particularly prescription medication
(iterated within first line of this verse),
which allows, enables and provides
blessed escape illness noggin tortured.

Quite a vivid late afternoon/
early evening dream
transpired within me noggin
housed deep within skullcap
regarding right wing kooky
conspiracy plot to kidnap
a leary paranoid
schizophrenic king suspicious of trap

upon arising from lengthy nap
yours truly, who sought to pull himself
a generic garden variety chap
up courtesy his own figurative bootstrap
on account of groggy feeling
so methought to download
wake up quick app.

Before hurriedly bidding thee rabbit reader
a bunny fide hasta la vista
linkedin concatenated adieu,
(I bemusedly, kindly, readily, willingly
acknowledge (while zippily wiggling
mine button nose)

naysaying belonging to species and genus
Oryctolagus cuniculus Yemenite
my matter of fact honest to dog aim to write
creating literary masterpiece considerably
far less than one terabyte

no way no how attests
(quintessentially, simultaneously, vociferously...
waving shaky spear less to prove point
versus making verses to feign)
being adept with skill set of playwright

while playing fair and as (unbeknownst
until just recently) privileged white knight
such unfairness motivates
participation with Cherry Hill, New Jersey
Unitarian reparations group
genuine fellowship doth excite.

Caffeine consumption
creative process helps jumpstart
impossible mission to chart
outcome regarding crafting poem
analogous to elusive prey

thoughts slither and dart
to and fro, hither and yon
yet how ideal if literary endeavor
could possibly be mapped out
courtesy devine English flowchart

distinct symbols representing
how branching outcomes show start
to finish plot encompassing
picture of broken heart,
where love labour's lost

where all's well that ends well
pertaining to romantic tragedy
cue Romeo and Juliet
rent asunder torn apart.

While figuratively (yet electronically) rifling thru bajillion documents, I came across one written four plus years ago and slightly modified today January ninth two thousand and twenty one at approximately 9:42 PM, when Hillary Clinton Democratic contestant chose Tim Kaine of Virginia as her running mate and former forty second first lady got thoroughly thrashed during debates with he who must NOT be named.

Little did yours truly (me) intimate what horrific state of affairs the forty fifth president would wreak (his latest gig desecrating sacred government enclaves housed within Capitol Hill), although keen political prognosticators foresaw calamity plain as day. If only said metaphorical crystal ball gazers ominous premonition heeded and/or brave soul(s) with chutzpah (think yours truly) raised a ruckus to oust the newly anointed commander in chief.

Hindsight always 20/20!

Egg gads, I ham aghast,
(and turning green with disgust)
at increasing popularity
witnessed by Donald Trump,
hence aye aerate thoughts,
how *** a nine his banal, demoniacal,
egomaniacal, fanatical, guttural, and hurtful
culling frightening insight, where
portentous Portuguese Man 'o War debacle
doth crowdsource, Flickr, Snapchat,
Twitter and indeed long foster
my plenti full overactive imagination

to induce writhing expressions of fearfulness
proportionate burst of haughtiness)
while he doth stump
would animate mine rear
i.e. rather noxious flatulence
expelled from outward doppelganger of ****
pull stilts skin cuz this chap haint Noah fan,
but wood vouchsafe
tub be a Jimmy Neutron
n Spongebob Squarepants
Ark n saw wing enemy against
da dull don dat does pumps

swaggering bravado with fist swelling ego
analogous to his body infected
with severe case of mumps
that brazen denizen hurling
and spewing volcanic fiery spittle
with incense against others –
to him mere lumps
of protoplasm heckled as inferior to himself
boasts as proof of favoritism,

that enervating, fawning,
gabbling feverish arrogant mania for him jumps
higher than expected,
while he commits faux paws which bumps
his ratings higher, he gleefully endorses
pandemonium toward gloating gumps
shun from the uproarious querulous
and populous madding crowd
regarding return of native son.

Throughout launch of his campaign,
banally, devilishly, and fiendishly
character assassinating those opposed to his views -
inducing me to harrumph and dump faith
in humanity, wondering what ruse
smart democratic pol mongers can conjure up

while pacing in soft shoes
woeful sentiments sans his attempt did render
competitors to drop out in ones n twos
whom he purportedly considers apostates,
and heathens cons heed Make America Great use
all manner of bullying
(determination whose occipital pupils

coalescing into searing
grape nut size wrath poisonous daggers)
forcibly silencing any jeers
when necessary plagiarizing neo **** playbook -
with trophy wife eliciting "who cares"
attitude closing in on pinteresting
for United States chess board foursquare,
which deliberate intent
to foment n wrought prostrate -
music to those hoteliers billion dollar ears

sans defeated apprenticing contestants
hearing sobbing tears
with vitriolic violent bilious
inducing jabs of his will full brittle spears
reputations of personalities
(men and women politicians
his especial flavor of scathing,
scandalous, scabrous sordidness

spewed squeamishly to grab
by the figurative crotch
(ala Michael Jackson)
the hello kitty 2016 presidential election),
whether liberal, conservative,
heterosexual or queers
thus tis find this muddling middle-aged mwm
abject psychic fractal shears.

The following poetic addendum composed way buff fore this (in my mind) atrocious, cretaceous, enormous, ferocious, garrulous, hellacious, indecorous, malicious nemesis, pernicious, querulous, rapacious, specious, tedious, unrighteous, vicious, dangerous demon must BE STOPPED IN HIS TRACKS ASAP!

DONALD TRUMP – RE: DUCKS --
this portion dashed off
(while driving an open white hearse slay
so many months back before sale him
slotted the most coveted
Casino biggest win -
before the political imbroglio
much more upsetting than today

Axe the old don
A trump peter n piper
of incredulous hellish crud - be gone
With the ha airbrushed pompous ****
so the Macy jackal hound doth run
After public outcry yelps
for his hide and proletarian discord won.

Donald Duck Trump ™!$ - a pompous ***
makes war with his big brass
knuckles and bucket of crass
maligns vis a vis character assassination
with soundcloud of broken glass
inciting banal deathly
hallowed expletives toward lass
sees – especially Fox Television
news anchor woman Megyn Kelly
inducing said personality

to bear the brunt of brutish mass
of vitriolic n vile insults
from incriminating verbal pass
so…ex post facto
viz mine NO VOTE from me
thus this digital screed to disallow him
to accept the oath of office,
cuz he will hurrahs
from such a snooty arrogant
simian with sass.

I van a try to describe while sitting on me ****
How he oh bomb in lee rages with gnashing teeth
while back a slump
blasting Democratic nomination as a sham –
from special interest bro and sis turn pump
he, the epitomy of crass bloviation,
a malignant lump
whose rants sans presidential outcome
a sham rocking red bull
in a China shop with his millions beds this,

that and another woman to ******* jump
disseminating gene pool –
Obama null lee birthing
more quackers and additionally doth ****
the mass media as some foolhardy charade
and caricature of a frazzled grump
this arboreal clothed ape
erecting taj mahal ******* symbol
where players dump
and gamble away hard earn cash

for his (hmm... mew zing) hello kitty,
as if that cachet to grind and bump
lambasting with that maniacal leering pout
while hair *** runs rampant with red bulls
in a china shop atop his bulbous aerosol
sprayed heady measly shaped
ulterior motive aimed his sights
to become pastor of muppets
dis eased cranial hologram
of a cretaceous, facetious and insidious mump.

By: Baron Von Ivan Mal N. Ya.

Our unhinged president,
(a veritable loathsome miscreant)
cannot get away with ******,
nor will mine paltry poetic
(side winding) gambit
help clinch deserved punishment
for leader of free world hell bent
on destroying civilization.

Nevertheless cathartic and therapeutic
to craft (ala literary blitzkrieg)
sentiments lambasting atrocious,
egregious, malicious, nefarious,
opprobrious, seditious, uproarious, vicious...
***** deed(s) done dirt cheap.

I exercise freedom of speech to relieve and air
impermissible, reprehensible, terrible... behavior
that finds me aghast at presidential malfeasance,
yours truly reacts to horrible unconscionable and
double trouble flagrant malfeasance unleashed
courtesy commander in chief generating, loosing
rioting, where yawping hardy madding crowds

begat: agonizing, antagonizing, authorizing,
baptizing, cannibalizing, capitalizing, comprizing,
compromising, demonizing, destabilizing,
epitomizing, glamorizing, jeopardizing,
metastasizing, patronizing, prizing, seizing,
terrorizing, traumatizing, vandalizing credo,
ethos and faith bolstering United States.

Impossible mission to function amid
chaos erupting, germinating, inducing
kindling making overt quakes spurring
ignore, reboot, fail flashes across mind
scape feeble endeavor to summon hope
and retry to jump start or kick start life,
liberty, and the pursuit of happiness
regarding overarching linkedin woe

experienced by one garden variety
generic, aging, long haired pencil
necked geek predisposed to anxiety
whereby a half dozen prescription
medications help tamp down once
debilitating panic attacks, whence
body formerly wracked with vertigo,
nausea, and irritable bowel syndrome.

Methinks thee boorish, blimpish, brutish,
childish, churlish, dullish, foolish,
gangsterish, goyish, gruffish, hoodlumish,
impish, loutish, nebbish, oafish, ogreish,
peevish, plumpish, piggish, roguish,
rowdyish, ruttish, selfish, thuggish,
unbookish, and wolffish zealot of
self importance feels no remorse.

Four years from now said unnamed villain
could rightfully within incredulity once again
be elected to become forty seventh president
welcoming white supremacists in the main
linkedin and extolled as their captain my captain
dredging up spirit of Mark Twain
long since buried at second mark
on a line that measured depth,
signifying two fathoms, or 12 feet.

Heartfelt congratulations
to Raphael Warnock,
now slated to become
first Black senator of Georgia
cuz he defeated Senator
Kelly Loeffler quite a shock
as troopers fuel related headlines
Jon Ossoff also declared victory
over Republican Senator David Perdue

arrows drawn whereby
quivering feathers tautly nock
democrats experience
Pyrrhic victory worse fate than
death (courtesy madding
and mobbing crowd) knock
king prospective peaceful
Biden transition aftershock.

Protesters (Trump supporters)
storm Capitol Hill caw
zing pandemonium think
outsize dagger studded claw
dripping with innocent
blood slain victims immediately
spark warring factions
trumpeting zealotry where draw

ma (i.e. drama bordering
on traitorous and treasonous)
ruffians amass upon storied
Washington District of Columbia scuff law
hooligans inciting unrest
by tossing incendiary grenades
setting civility aflame literally
exhausting literal last negotiable straw.

Government of the United States
overtaken courtesy coup
d'état quickly dissolving
constitutional and democratic glue
political harmonic convergence
goes out figurative window
******* kickstarts fracas,

then chaos erupts like tinder in lieu
of law and order signals
institution of martial law no control
nor precedent to manage upheaval
in recent memory review
wing history in vain, thus
may force (to survive) be with you.

Yours truly (me) dumbfounded
at chain of alarming events aye
can't breathe mortified at impending
take no prisoners battle cry
need powder milk biscuits and
good n plenti raw bits to fortify
though dead of winter, I sweat bullets
as if month of year July
forecast laden with maelstrom

amidst and across globe well nigh
fearing total mortal kombat
raining down from the ominous sky
wondering (on a star) how repulsiveness
of megalomaniacal forty
fifth president affects millions of devotees,
whereat my illustrious,
fulsome countenance begets
****** features best hashtagged as wry.

I await with bated breath for apocalypse
and what promises (last picture show)
close approximation to Armageddon
wanton destruction and death
yes once and for all annihilating

adultery, bigotry, cupidity,
debauchery, effrontery, frivolity...,
but additionally decimating
life, liberty and pursuit of happiness
as showdown by Republican diehards
roiling violence and sowing seeds of anarchy.

No rhyme nor reason why
with yours truly *******
(not prematurely), I utter yippee,
nope no ******* induced whoopie

upon this... - day three
January two thousand and twenty one
perhaps consummation,
regarding aforesaid euphoric mood
indicative I will become philanthropy

recipient i.e. anonymous lucky payee
before anniversary of this monkey
exhibiting fits and starts
orbitz nearest star
while linkedin to planet Earth

as (mush ado about nothing)
spasmodically thrashing
as garden variety generic
**** sapien protoplasmic beef jerky.

Courtesy guilty conscience,
I verily, timidly, readily... admit
no criminal mind nor hanky panky
whereby unfettered naughty bit
no way no how frolicked courtesy dalliance

though trespassing, plucking,
and nibbling verboten fruit
this average Joe didst commit,
which extramarital trysts
cost hefty penalty fee (think debit)

to checking account exhibit
head by mine absence one night
years ago, when we lived
at 724 West Railroad Avenue
thee missus exploded livid fit

of rage found me stony faced with true grit
feeling proudly unrepentant
what an ingrate hypocrite
pledging troth after rubbing noses
analogous as flirtatious custom to Inuit.

Thus smugness and/or feeling upbeat
seems heretical (in retrospect)
cuz promised covenant chaste away,
when sowing wild oats/gathering rosebuds...
like a mad ******* dog in heat

one errant husband
upon wife did swing and cheat,
which wedded connubial bliss
more pronounced now after commiting
egregious ****** feat.

Figurative emasculation discovered
visa vis promiscuous escapades
redemption (no matter an atheist) proffered
hence an ideal place to enclose final word.

Disinclination regarding tradition
to make resolutions stance
adopted courtesy yours truly.
Though such proclamation
may smack of high treason
no matter convenience to season
and ideal time to leaven existence,
I discern no rhyme nor reason
to make a promise unable to keep
whereby only disappointment I reap
inducing tears whether awake or asleep,
thus Matthew Scott Harris utters nary a peep.
as he doth vigilantly creep along  
the information superhighway
hooping to sow (sew) what he didst reap
re:pair so I can strut (wool ewe bull eve)
like a Mummer wannabe counting sheep  
while he does sleep.
E'er since Pope Gregory XIII effectively
(furnished, generated, and
instituted his holy mojo) introducing Gregorian calendar approximately four hundred
thirty nine years ago chroniclers of time - mostly
religious Norwegian farming bachelors
casually referred to brethren as bro
******* (sometimes premature) invocations,
which echoed across
Lake Wobegon, said incantations
devout followers among populace
did likewise parrot and crow
generation after generation
whereupon enigmatic, dogmatic, charismatic
monk native to Burma
stoked one after another ego
artificial construct did ebb and flow
amazingly enough maintaining accuracy
with marginal probability of error
precision parsing seconds, minutes, hours...
would only tolerate absolute zero
variation regarding prediction
of weeks, months, years...
as sophistication of civilization did grow
allowing, enabling, and providing
jolly fellow bellowing **... **... **
could make his round the world wide web
timely trek linkedin with timepiece
assembled with B Corporation approval.
certification of "social and
environmental performance"
a private certification of for-profit companies,
distinct from legal designation
as Benefit corporation.
The above plug an unsolicited commentary
regarding San Francisco, California
based eco friendly and
socially conscious company
and recent employer of eldest daughter,
an engineering University of Pennsylvania alumna.

Courtesy Robert Burns
circa  (25 January 1759 – 21 July 1796)
the National Bard,
Bard of Ayrshire
and the Ploughman Poet.

Two hundred sixty one orbitz elapsed
since brief existence of aforementioned
Scottish poet and lyricist graced Earth,
yet his legacy unwittingly still
enshrined, regaled, warbled...
upon cusp of New Year's Eve,
when revelers sing familiar words
getting misty eyed about
times long past, yet without doubt.

Courtesy Geordie composer William Shield
5 March 1748 – 25 January 1829,
an English composer, violinist and violist
contemporaneous with former
credited with writing music
linkedin with aforementioned tune
posthumous popularity doth wield.

Covid-19 pandemic that
swept across human lot
decrees loved ones untimely
passing, a poignant jot
upon surviving kith and kin
necessitates apropos bon mot
to allow, enable and provide
succor yada yada yada
loosening Gordian knot
constricting one groveling,
muttering, and sniveling snot.

Convenient heft of New
Year's eve lends clout
any other month date day
one could more easily flout
generally speaking/writing
vouchsafing making resolutions
not agreeable with lout
spinning forth verses
as he moseys along
figurative groovy route.

Abstract notion delineating, indicating,
plotting, and zoning passage of time
extremely elusive to grasp at least
for purposes of reasonable poetic soupy rhyme
nevertheless civilizations far and wide
codifying, formulating, identifying
lapsing seconds, minutes, hours,

days, months, years... constituting
artificial construct paradigm
watching, validating, tabulating,
recording, pendulum swinging tick tock
while days of our lives
segues from day into nighttime
as the world (wide web) turns.

Now join in and sing if not averse
despite damning series
(I tip hat to Lemony Snicket)
of unfortunate events, a curse
hundreds of years ago
witnessed by countless
many horse drawn hearse
when "bring out your dead"
what fate could be worse?

Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And never brought to mind?
Should auld acquaintance be forgot
And days of auld lang syne?
For auld lang syne, my dear
For auld lang syne
We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet
For days of auld lang syne
We twa hae run about the braes

And pu'd the gowans fine
But we've wander'd mony a weary fit
Sin days of auld lang syne
We twa hae paidl'd i' the burn
Frae morning sun till dine
But seas between us braid hae roar'd
Sin days of auld lang syne
For auld lang syne, my dear
For auld lang syne

We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet
For days of auld lang syne
And surely ye'll be your pint-stowp
And surely I'll be mine
And we'll tak a cup o' kindness yet
For auld lang syne
And there's a hand, my trusty fiere
And gie's a hand o' thine
And we'll tak a right gude-***** waught

For auld lang syne
For auld lang syne, my dear
For auld lang syne
We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet
For auld lang syne
For auld lang syne, my dear
For auld lang syne
We'll tak a cup o' kindness yet
For auld lang syne.

Though not exceptionally
famished, I took one bite
after another until tureen
licked clean to the delight
of zee missus, whose tasty

two stuffed peppers numbered finite
adequately apportioned appeased
served December 26th, 2020
supreme supper highlight,
hers whose non verbal expression
translated high as kite

beaming satisfaction at husband
well fed fueled might
dare attempt to craft following
reasonable rhyme posted
for many readers onsite
passable endeavor hoop fully

buzzfeeding fanciful kudos - quite
acceptable to critique
mediocre outcome,
maybe ye suburbanite
dweller or thee might
perchance be longtime urbanite.

Nevertheless (me) de facto
de jure guinea pig cannot abstain
availing self as willing subject and feign
to gag on culinary entree with cuisine plain
no spicy food to avoid aggravating reign

of terror within
lower gastrointestinal tract,
a worse fate than being slain
in battle and/or
drowning within gravy train.

Most meals prepared courtesy thy wife
I masticate without any
(loose) indentured (sink false teeth into) strife
both of us quarantined as our typical nightlife

Covid-19 jazzmatazz planted
well rooted herbalife
such tranquility emblematic
when I become gratefully dead and
consigned to mounted afterlife.

Thus hoop fully
ye accepted poetic side morsel
(mine) somewhat wry
wordsmith (me) rather bland,
yet not averse to satisfy
merchant of Venice

much (moosh pit) ado about nothing, well nigh
preferring a midsummer night's dream afore
all's well that ends well
as you like it (poetry soup)
mine sense and sensibility doth defy
ratiocination minus any helpful alibi.

Methinks what future savory dish
the spouse might cook up,
what with an abracadabra
prestidigitation (Nike) swish
right before these myopic eyes witness
whatever mine heart doth wish.

I suddenly became aware
(although rooted motive not clear)
avoiding self castration ere
yours truly back during
forty three plus summers ago
(do the math and figure out what year)
long haired pencil necked geek
applied dull razor
to remove, (albeit temporarily) hair
covering these skinny legs.
The missus asked me
(hitherto known as her bozo)
just mere moments ago
to craft humorous poem to glow
nsync with the shiny nose of Rudolph
keeping syncopated metrical flow
thus methought to crow about  
being equally as foolish
streaking naked outside at five below
so without further here I go
rattling off gibberish as common Joe
King cole, a merry old soul...
dirt poor, hence without any dough
to embellish endeavor as literary pro,
who also sought to catch eye of Mister Perdue
(yea him of agribusiness fame)
to sacrifice self for New Year's barbecue.
Yours truly repurposed courtesy rigged
easy to assemble cannibalistic spit
with large fig leaf covering puny naughty bit
meekly (née willingly) surrendered
matter of fact, I paid with bitcoin chit
recognized latest currency
ever since legal tender easily susceptible
and oftimes confused as counterfeit
money forged, smelted, and hammered
linkedin with pendulum that swung within pit.
Thus analogous to
Five Chinese brothers immune
yours  truly constituted more'n one secret boon
such fiery flames (hot enough
to melt like molten rock)
could harm not a hair
of one **** sapien baboon
matter fact simian in question
could become swell
think hot air balloon
allowing, enabling and providing
me quick escape
national anthem playing as most popular tune,
a capella, I simultaneous croon
as hot embers snap, pop, and crackle
token human crisply cooking
taking place at high noon
despite the most ferocious typhoon,
no worry, I defy being drowned
survival skills inherited sophisticated protozoan
symbiotic eukaryotes since time immemorial
livingsocial within tight quarters
with not mushroom
to maneuver - oh... hold on,
cuz I will be done lame
reasonable rhyme really soon
ah... just about done
getting cooked the color maroon.

Unbeknownst the wife
appeared unusually upbeat,
she did pretend and succeed
to give yours truly a special treat
aforementioned item alluded to purchased
at Liberty Ministry thrift store
3841 Ridge Pike
(some miles further east
same road identified as Main Street)
Collegeville, Pennsylvania 19426
I can show you proof courtesy
printed information on pocketed receipt.
Most times one garden variety generic bloke
(christened Matthew Scott Harris),
would with pursed lips think
and or mouth the words okey doke
what in the name of Judas Priest
by George, he a run of the mill
on the floss ordinary heavy mettle folk
doth thee spouse got up her (figurative) sleeve
thespian wannabe she never quite...
her constitute stardom quite a joke.
She practices April's fool day
(hoping nobody notices
as she looks askance)
every time she gets a chance
gleefully clapping her hands
while performing an impromptu (risque) dance,
when she pulls off
hat tricks of her trade
taking Europe in general and France
in particular by storm
madding crowds clamoring to prance
with said unsung hero.
The words mentioned above intended for you
dear anonymous reader to woo
allowing, enabling, and providing how I view
livingsocial linkedin with good n plenti true
without a shadow of doubt poetic license taken,
these words zealously, randomly, haphazardly
scattered across screen ***** nilly I spew
trying to coerce coalescence of continuity
yet additionally trying to weave events
earlier today December 22nd, I review,
whereby yours truly while waiting in a queue
assorted merchandise fifty percent off
the spouse did avidly pursue
unbeknownst she would play a prank and outdo
pulling a doozy gag at my expense,
he took netview
of utter tomfoolery, and readily admits Matthew
Scott Harris I nearly ate "faux chocolate soap"
finding wife in stitches, he too
did chuckle, cuz he knew
supposed treat smelled extremely fragrant
cocoa confection fortunately, I did not chew
but promptly spit out after sneezing atchew!

5:02 AM Eastern Time Monday,
December 21
Location: 2 Highland Manor Drive
Schwenksville, Pennsylvania
40.2562° N, 75.4638° W
Daylight 7:21 am – 4:39 pm
9 hours, 18 minutes

Mine circadian rhythm pulsates bright
imperceptible increments of daylight
increase fantasy fanciful heavenly flight
as I imagine myself
Icarus fearlessly gaining height
blindly heading into sunbeam light
strongly advised courtesy experts to travel

toward nearest star at night,
nevertheless unbeknownst plight
awaits me should foolhardiness
skew sense and sensibility right
off kilter yours truly blithely soars
reins of waxed wings held tight.

Plus I, a garden variety generic guy
aging long haired pencil neck geek
who presently wonders why,
rare astronomical phenomena
hashtagged great conjunction doth defy
illusory phenomena whereby,

two largest planets of solar system
Jupiter and Saturn separated in the sky
by and bye
6 arcminutes at their closest point,
which was the closest separation
between the two planets since 1623.

Inhabitants upon solar systems far and wide
will find Earthlings and aliens alike
their curiosity well supplied
out of world event
sponsored courtesy monopolists,

who govern Geico and Nationwide
renown companies insuring property on hillside
made of ticky tack
indirectly, fueled, impacted, and launched
segregation and next of kin apartheid.

Unfair injustice heaped mainly
upon persons of color
playing race card basic rights to win
i.e. those beautiful people
gifted with darker skin
think swarthy complexion.

Hence motive to join reparations committee
(no time to wait)
linkedin with Cherry Hill, New Jersey
Unitarian Fellowship albeit remotely
suddenly aware white privilege,
I (sheepishly admit) ashamedly state

an unspoken mandate
to be positive force and help negate
(at least when I feel better -
yours truly plagued with panic attack)
and help eradicate
white supremacists trumpeting hate.

Hoop fully adequately explains
source of odoriferous dry rot,
ye possibly smell, I jot
within this reasonable rhyme
without putting Johnny on the spot
my absence NOT attending fellowship,
today December 20th, 2020
albeit remotely, cuz off to bathroom
I frequently needed to trot.

Athwart porcelain goddess
at aforementioned date
bare with me rear ***** talk,
I profusely apologize
concerning offal topic
wasting proctology boilerplate
nevertheless, quite a disaster
concerning mine excretory freight
said irritable bowel syndrome

necessitated I hydrate
and fast, thus yours truly
spent no time to judicate
nor analyze why ******
severely overactive of late,
but aside from
lower gastrointestinal discomfort,
I also experienced linkedin symptom
namely upset stomach felt nauseate.

The power of mind over matter
slowly emerged inside anguished pate
physical unwellness across entire body electric
essentially, laterally, and unstintingly did radiate
and sucker punch ground zero i.e. solar plexus

fall out on par with mushroom cloud trait
unleashed courtesy nuclear warhead
without a shadow of doubt ability to function
even on primal level unwellness did vitiate.

Impossible mission to implicate
predilection to experience panic attack
whereby mine entire psyche did crack
blowing major fuses analogous to ENIAC.

In 1942, physicist John Mauchly proposed
an all-electronic calculating machine.
The result was ENIAC
(Electronic Numerical Integrator And Computer),
built between 1943 and 1945—the
first large-scale computer to run
at electronic speed without being slowed
by any mechanical parts.

Yours truly entertained no mood
to jump figurative gun
taking no time to think and brood
and shoot from the hip
(perhaps while partially ****)
(regarding sharing his antithetical thoughts

within break out groups)
virtual bodyguards escorting out this dude
possibly unintentionally antagonizing
listeners buzzfeeding misinterpreting
weaponizing commentaries assembled crude
easily mistaken for flak, I sincerely eschewed.

No Holiday music can soothe savage beast
washboard abdomen weight watcher's dream fleeced
skinny bag of lovely bones permanently leased
body snatcher somewhere amidst policed

madding crowd of carolers singing,
where mine sinking spirits ceased
rising today December 18th, 2020
analogous how unleavened bread
(i.e. matzo) lacks yeast.

I loathe shucking clothes,
(no matter eyes severely myopic)
in preparation for here goes
another warm shower quickly
relaxing this senescent
body ready to doze

soon after lathering
this blubbery body
most unwanted fat grows
on me, no matter healthy diet
of worms, or how I stand,
not so easy (Etsy) as add a pose

zing losing battle – Mary Jo's
if and geeze us of bulge ill flattering
particularly quiverly, sans white
"WALL" tire tread fully goes
steely belted around lower
abdominal area like lava floes

siring unsightly expose
yore squishy Jew dish priestly
punchy, plasma paunchy, gristly...
pillow like marshmallows
fittingly, rotundly soundly
identical with other schlep

tin (tin tabulation) grungy hobos,
this lap ****** lard (lord) Who Lee
bemoaning, how ilk readily knows,
where unwanted bulky flab...
most detested - hence Corp Yule Lance
leaves noth thin to noblesse oblige,

know bull eats obese,
anorexia nervosa or chance
barking out orders reminiscent, when he
hapt tubby a caller wannabe at
weekly square and/or contra dance,
now requisitioned to insulate

and excessively enhance
body electric can be mushed
into likeness of fleshy France
or repurposed into expanse
resembling any country,

whose name Kants
be easily pronounced, and historical
events glommed together recognizable
as Ataturk with a lance
bequeathed to rule World advance

sing gluttony as his divine providence,
thus requires deep dish allegiance
(non - fiber - binding contract)
for eats and make decadent
every fleshpot gourmand
stretching consumer cellular
skein to capacitance

bestowing guaranteed deliverance
with their rolling
ballooning massive circumference
into orbit with Earthly moon officiant
eternal fondue irrelevance!

(on second thought lemme join anorexic club
until rib cage protruding taut and visible
doubling as drum to drub
synchronized with heart that goes lub dub).

She painstakingly lovingly doth strew
haphazardly she threw
leftovers together,
this snowy December seventeenth
two thousand twenty
thoroughly cooked in microwave until...
poor excuse for my meal appeared
with consistency of shoe leather.

Think of the missus not afraid
to experiment buzzfeeding me
questionable resultant glop pantomimed 
for my guessing pleasure
never in bajillion years
as amateurish Marcel Marceau charade
performance courtesy the spouse,

an entrée she gave - yours truly
immediately sought to evade
me subsequently evincing
horrific puckered mealy mouth
as though I swallowed hand grenade
figurative exploding oral cavity
feeble futile gesticulation inveighed.

Thus, methinks himself wise
to don cooking apron
please do not ask why
trumpeting self as master chef boyardee
so move over wife and allow husband to try
his hand (using skill - let) me prepare Thai
and/or other Asian cuisine dish,
cuz when free to potschke

(To fuss or "mess around"
inefficiently and inexpertly), I haint shy
to blend (indiscriminately) ingredients
ofttimes yours truly barley able to ply
boiling water since significant other
does not give this garden variety
and generic, gimlet eyed
gourmandizing guilt free
Earth friendly gumption goaded guy.

Every so often yours truly
gets so hungry, he could
(not neigh sayimself) eat a horse
(yours truly jest kidding hoof course)
truth be told, I only eat one meal per day
all day from son up to son down, me a force
tubby reckoned with,
who if he gives way to vice
event chew wooly experiences remorse.

Hum glad to share mine reasonably rhyming hook
twenty six letters linkedin amidst
various combinations, formations, permutations,...
allows, enables, and provides a look
into the mindscape of Matthew Scott Harris
doth show himself with steely dangling
nonsense with sense and sensibility he forsook.

Yours truly shirked fidelity regarding faithful vows
bequeathed courtesy angel of mercy,
who pledged her troth
July twenty fifth nineteen ninety six
five months (not quite to the day) before

"star student" birthed
on December twenty second,
(now gainfully employed
at Certified B-Corporation
San Francisco, California).

The missus madder than a raging (red) bull
visa vis upon discovering mine absence
(cuz I slept in the basement
at 724 Railroad Avenue)
how wretched and dull
being married and celibate,

hence yours truly sought full
fill mint outside the marriage,
yet unbeknownst to this husband
an automatic, fatalistic,
and opportunistic hull
king, quaking, and vociferating wife

gave me a thrashing tongue lashing harangue
verbal dressing down, I betrayed,
coveted another woman
flaunted sacred pact and will (as good as) hang
which ****** imbroglio,
albeit (nocturnal escapade) did boomerang
in earshot of both our young daughters ****** ears,
thus a sudden pang

to exit the scene arose up inside me
courtesy wishful trapdoor to appear suddenly,
(whereby regarding floorboards)
from out mine overactive imagination sprang
open to usher, and/or time travel back
to earlier that fateful night rather than lang

whooshing amidst livid rage
self serving deserved fiery emasculation,
the noose hence I did stage,
experiencing withering, twittering,
snapchatting, kickstarting blistering
expletive laced epithets think
ready to burst pressure cooker
evincing dangerously hot level gauge

driving figurative wedge
between me family
courtesy foaming at the mouth spouse
(of course deux progeny affected)
renting asunder and rendering hollow
thee justice of the peace
gordian tied, uttered,
vouchsafed worded oath I did pledge.

Divorce prematurely *******,
yet instantaneously dismissed
no more pleasant alternative spewed versus
contracting cankerous cyst
analogous to toxic mother

of our two offspring hissed
disparaging me directly linkedin
with promiscuous tryst
me honestly, lamely, meekly
justifying philandering gist

cuz gal methought
(good idea mister casanova wannabe),
which came as soliloquizing aside
to exchange as bartered bride
thine scorned wife,
who would relentlessly chide
(even long after the day I died)
heard thru tomb harrows coffin

abominable behavior, I do readily admit
figuratively found me electrified
what with raging testosterone nsync with
hormonal secretion my guide
****** gamboling, I chose not to hide
never back once black traipsing inside
double entendre meant
viz yule eyes joyride.

I suppose... see:)?

twas approximately early/mid March
nineteen ninety six begat your fate
obstetrics and gynecology specialist(s)
signalled impending birth (due) date

about nine months later
December twenty second, and how great
our respective ecstatic mental/emotional state
upon beholding bundle of joy
a miracle of life, we helped create
perhaps chuckles will titillate.

Since your "mother" then diagnosed with
Group B Streptococcus also known as
Group B Strep Infection (GBS),
we needed to forego
intent to access facilities at
Bryn Mawr Birth Center.

Hence envision (somewhat comedic in retrospect)
Abby Robin heavy with child,
she (heading in one direction)
somewhat harried styled
and expectant "mother"
without doubt somewhat riled
being tethered with intravenous tubes
forced to schlep (attired as if exiled)
heading from Bryn Mawr Birth Center
to Bryn Mawr Hospital.

During active labor, par for course
(which truth be told got induced,
methinks ye would have been
an Xmas bubelah,
cuz doctor averse to putter around
I believe sought to clinch golf match),
nevertheless her ****** did dilate natch
really between six and ten centimeters
head of newborn crowned out the hatch
resembling Brassica oleracea var. capitata
grown in cabbage patch.

Once scrumptious bouncing
baby girl successfully birthed,
passed the Apgar test with flying
(red, white, and blue colors),
the first screening administered she received
most newborns given; the scores —
rated on a scale of 0 to 10, and taken
one minute and again five minutes after birth —
reflecting baby's general condition.

Actually 21 (or more) types
of blood screens completed:
A single blood test looked
for at least 21 serious genetic,
metabolic, hormonal and functional disorders,

including PKU, hypothyroidism,
congenital adrenal hyperplasia,
biotinidase deficiency,
maple syrup ***** disease,
galactosemia, homocystinuria,
medium-chain acyl-CoA.

Passage of your pinteresting life initially
hashtagged by days, then weeks,
months (milestones recorded),
and eventually happy Earth orbitz anniversary
celebrations acknowledged.

As a young lass, each birthday notched
feted at few listed choice venues such as:
The Mudroom (Ardmore, Pennsylvania)
Kehler's gym (Broomall, Pennsylvania)
Belmont Hills Community building
until ye outgrew elementary outings
facilitated courtesy papa and mama.

As years whizzed by at lightspeed
disadvantages despite being linkedin among
village people associated with Jewish creed
stark financial shortcomings did exceed
the means to afford costs of Lower Merion
nsync livingsocial within MainLine
became impossible mission plain as day and
in apropos Prius us indeed
we could not huff Ford
even one tweeting nor twittering buzzfeed.

Mine emotionally fraught days of yore
spilt presentiment tinged blood
into sucker punched battle fatigued
war weary veteran.
He (yours truly) doth
presently ramble, scrabble, and trundle
across gutted landscape
strewn with psychological potsherds.
Oppressive alienation hashtags me as outcast,
where new born babes
technical abilities surpassed
scant infantile savviness (mine)
spurring notion, whereby yours truly
lived ages ago, when pace of life sedate
compared with present era in contrast.
Impossible mission to side step
cratered pock marked cerebral terrain
punctuating terra incognita courtesy disequilibrium
severely disrupting ability to function,
especially distractions issued out radio waves
regarding same Christmas songs
playing every hour.
I can't shake loose
being metaphorically entangled
cumulative detritus analogous geologic,
chronologic, and audiologic tracks laid down
since conception wrought
indelible grooves within noggin.
Risk averse demeanor
kept me hermetically sealed
against positive growth experiences
and (bully me)
not sequestered nor singled
out as token scapegoat,
whereby (wherein) psyche
relentlessly, quintessentially,
and painfully assaulted.
I too unwittingly, guiltily,
approvingly and willingly
allowed, enabled, and provided
unrepentant thugs to unleash brickbats
sticks and stones
(also Daily hurled at Georgie,
a Boxer/Dalmatian mix breed)
when our family Audubon, Pennsylvania.
Nevertheless, despite experiencing
horrendous childhood grievances,
I revere boyhood good times
a shy, (albeit rather socially withdrawn) kid
oblivious to danger
safely and securely affixed
to mother's apron strings.
Yepper, yours truly a bonafide mama's boy
severing figurative umbilical cord
I could not deploy
even now as an aging baby boomer,
viz yule eyes long hair pencil necked geek,
I experience social anxiety,
when feigning hobnobbing amidst hoi polloi.
Now at an advanced crotchety age
namely three score plus one Earth
orbitz around the nearest star,
yours truly revisits
poignant episodes foisting
launching snapchatting
one after another crisis
sidelining ability to cope
pursuing life, liberty
and pursuit of happiness
**** hard by at light speed.
Though just a kid during third industrial revolution,
I remember feeling lost in space (age) and agog
at being on the cusp, when infrastructure
(regarding blueprint describing
information superhighway,
technological/computer transformation
would when soon after graduating
Methacton high school
(mine alma mater)
quickly usher The Fourth Industrial Revolution
a way of describing the blurring of boundaries
between the physical, digital,
and biological worlds,
a fusion of advances in artificial intelligence (AI),
robotics, the Internet of Things (IoT), 3D printing,
genetic engineering, quantum computing,
and other technologies.

Thrum of the central heater...
manually activated upon advent of twilight
(since yours truly not resident
within "smart home"),
nevertheless warm cockles and muscles
appreciate basking, and luxuriating,
within climate controlled environment,
whether bone chilling deep freeze of winter
sets indentured jaws chattering
or contrarily when sweltering
hazy, humid and hot
dawg days of summer
necessitates setting air conditioner
at refreshing sixty degrees fahrenheit.
I could never survive alone in the wilderness
which dependence on creature comforts
inured me since birth,
but all the more power to people
(such as **** Proenneke
pronounced pren-icky)
who live off the grid,
and minimize their carbon footprint.
Truth be told, a non impactful lifestyle
tantalizes, teases, titillates...
yours truly, a garden variety generic human
dependent on consonant contrivances
and conveniences conditioned
courtesy capitalistic consumeristic credo
decrying his dependence
upon flow of electrons,
whereby flip of switch
instantaneously allows, enables,
and provides electricity
with absolute zero ability
to stave off blackout
attributed to sudden disruption
regarding power outage
linkedin with severe
kickstarted meteorological phenomena
or terroristic machinations
(possibly even homegrown unrest)
signaling the end
of the webbed wide world
reducing to rubble
(think being bombed back into stone age)
annihilating trappings
of twenty first century civilization
forcing survivors to learn basic skills
cooperation, integration, and utilitarian virtues
altruistic, democratic, humanistic,
mechanistic, and socratic zest
begotten, distilled, and forged
nsync with opposable thumb.
Angst crimps existence
generating dystopian thoughts
despite countless factorial permutations
and combinations, this cyber surfer
avails two alms
boot Grinchian genes snatched such balms
when tethered in utero umbilical connection,
etched bromide, which hankering calms
embryonic sensation this corporeal being lacks
constantly subjected to exams
from the school of hard knocks
which I bewail sets back and gloms
mine aim to revel in blissful contentment
but circumstances decrees otherwise
cursing this chap tubby haunted
by veritable elfin grotto dwelling phantoms
hovering over sweet clover dials a mirage
yes...Iris sieve blurbs from gals and guys
that spans the world wide web, and exude
premature ejaculatory ecstasy, puzzled if fie
totally tubular trod a tedious trek
along the boulevard of broken dreams
what happenstance oft finds thyself to flail
amidst difficulty to maximize
optimal opportunities searching for Holy Grail
or whatever constitutes such lofty
personal objective, perchance being hale
and hearty of body, mind and spirit
spurs the furies of fate tut test this primate
while he aims to gallop with mighty industrial
vim and vigor leaving a virtual cloud
of dust, though mindfulness helps
to pass go, and chance avoid jail
time, then maybe monopolized feedback offered
to this toothless mwm
(with gumption) quasi-vegetarian
enjoying poetry stone soup, yet also subsisting
on supplementary vitamin packed glue tin free
NON GMO fruity tall tales for a male
thirty nine years shy sans bing a centenarian,
which span of life best cut short with a nail
(possibly nine inches) hammered into
faux coffin, cuz this imp doth turn pale
at the prospect to fill up a space of land
best utilized by birds - such as quail
mongoose, or ibis (though aye ne'er saw
one), where cremated ashes sail
across some verdant plain under
cerulean skies putting to rest every travail
which thoughts of dem eyes spells
the main impetus explaining this rambling spiel
warp and woof ova gauzy veil
imperceptibly looms closer upon
turrets of my digital sea faring gunwale
and thus desperation finds pleading for salvation.

and ratchet up global warming
like bubbling vegetable stew
with tsk... tsk... heard
courtesy Greta Thunberg,
who would utter "how dare you..."
I bundle with layers to stave off cold
energy efficiency drilled courtesy
me late mother conserving
nonrenewable resources she extolled
now ewe best heed following suggestion
wool worth 3d printing than wearing
a sheep doubled over
along dotted line to fold
cuz expending (fossil fuel)
leaving carbon footprint
would immediately being lectured
by ecology conscious eldest daughter,
(a University of Pennsylvania
biomedical engineering alumna)
who would mildly scold.
Myself and thee missus holed up
here within Highland Manor Apartments
(unit B44 in case you wanna drop me a line)
we're here moost every cold December day
sipping warm cup
of our favorite beverage
exotic coffee latte brew
suits this muttering pup
actually yours truly
a doggone ole
long haired pencil necked geezer.
He can be found moost
any given warm Green Day
shuffling along boulevard of broken dreams
overhead skies colored rosy gunmetal gray
occasional harried cloud slashing solar ray
heating inside cozy nook,
though outside temperature brisk,
nevertheless for winter quite balmy
while I sit here heavily clad,
hence yours truly quite toasty within
perfect weather for wedding,
especially one hashtagged December/May.
After dusk i.e. established misnomer
known as sunset
occurs 4:36 Post Meridiem heavens
quickly turn jet
black today - Thursday,
December 10, 2020 (EST)
whereby darkness lulls one into sleepiness, I bet
dollars to donuts impossible mission
to keep eyelids opened, particularly if sleep debt
necessary to pay the sandman,
who knows maybe you gotta get get
comfortably numb vis a vis
temporarily unconscious
state, whereby dreaming of a white Christmas
analogous to eventual Elysian Fields,
where divine creator
conjuring Nirvana and/or
a place called Willoughby
if a believer, said Almighty eventually met.

Though anyone who saw
and/or watched local news would be more wise
the brief flurry of crystalline precipitation
came as a complete surprise,
cuz yours truly prefers
getting strangled courtesy neckties
versus being given spoiler alert
subsequently forced to give reciprocal highfives.

I generally skirt tracking the weather,
nevertheless the missus would pantomime,
née blurts out with glee
meteorological conditions occurring here
out the skies above second Street
within Schwenksville, Pennsylvania.

No rhyme nor reason prevails
necessitating yours truly to hear and/or see
what mother nature doth hold in store
concerning (Delaware, Chester,
and Montgomery) tri county locale
sometimes loosely referred to
as comprising Delaware Valley

a geographical area coterminous with
metropolitan statistical area (MSA)
and broader combined statistical area (CSA),
and composed of counties located in
Southeastern Pennsylvania, South Jersey,
Delaware, and the Eastern Shore of Maryland.

As a lifetime resident - 19473 zip code
regarding aforementioned place name,
I can ofttimes intimate
how the forecast will bode
especially if adequate hours spent outdoors,

more so when yours truly
lived at 3224 Level Road
which less likely as ole man winter
huffs and puffs with braggadocio
rarely ripping, riffing, and riding
piggyback with nor'easter.

Interestingly enough global warming
affected dramatic climate change
during course of mine lifetime,
where Currier and Ives rural
linkedin with good n plenti grange,
where agrarian lifestyle might seem strange
to urban outfitters constituting population.

Truth be told, I fondly remember those days of yore
when countless unbroken acres of greenery
whereat in Arcola a cider mill vestige
of American/British Revolutionary War
perhaps e'en centuries before frequented by troubadour
named Shakespeare, quite sad

to narrate hundreds of years postwar
(meaning that brouhaha incorporating
Declaration of Independence)
long since derelict and sold
possibly by family with surname Knorr,
(methinks his first name Ignoramus nickname Ig)
who strongly exhibited demeanor of Eeyore.