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matt d mattson Dec 2017
There is salt on the earth
dust and sand in the hot wind
that carries the world away
when the roots have burnt down

I am a shallow husk
I am the desolation
the fog of corruption
that masks what I once was.

all is nothing,
all is lost,
this is a dark land
where no life lives
and joy cannot survive
matt d mattson Dec 2017
I mean it can't think
But, if it could
If an emotion could speak
Love would sound stupid
It would say silly nonsensical things like
I'll love you till the end of time
Or
I hope this moment lasts forever
It never says anything remotely realistic or true like
Right now I am high on dopamine and I think I want to give you my genes.
Or
I like you, and contingent on several unknown but definitely real factors I think I want to spend a long time with you.
Doesn't sound very romantic, but then, love is dumb
And doesn't care about the truth
If it did
Love might not be so fragile.
matt d mattson Dec 2017
Oh my fool who loves me still
I wish your love that I could ****
It is wasted at my sill
In songs and poems, words and rhymes
Sadly insufficient lines
Better if your tongue would still
Your heart not hardened
Your happiness not killed
Instead I hope a knowing strength to will
An understanding of your place
And position in this race
For you my darling
Who I cherish
I would not wish your heart to perish
The truth my friend
And truth is fell
Is that I love you
But not so well

This incongruity of love
Turns friendship to a kindly hell

That is why your smile's bitter
My wise sad fool
For your wisdom does not bear
On the foolish course you swear
To love me
I do not wish it,
I do not ask it,
Your love I don't implore
I ask instead, to please explore
Dig deep into your very core
To understand this tug of war
And why from you I don't want more.

Rather I would wish
That instead of this cold dish
Of a love that's not extended
I hope your pain to be transcended
And from these ashes
May you be ascended
matt d mattson Dec 2017
I have not felt this intense in an eternity of moments
It is exhilarating
Like standing above the world itself, and jumping
Like falling through a storm of myself
Like falling through the storm of being

I do not want to scare you though

I want you to know,
You are safe with my emotions
Never feel guilty for anything you feel
Especially towards me
Never feel guilty if you don't want to come
Never feel like you have to participate in this crazy thing
I want you always to feel safe in yourself
Especially around me

I know that things change
People change
Storms are not eternal
If or when that day comes
Do not feel guilty for feeling what you feel
And never feel guilty making a decision about it
Even if it hurts

And if you do not wish to continue
Do not feel guilty telling me
I know of the limitations of living
And the limitations of myself
And the limitations of one thing to another
I will understand.
As long as you tell me

Tell me early,
Tell me soon
Do not falter
Do not delay
Please do not waiver
Tell me, and I will understand

It will hurt,
A little bit each way
It will be like hitting the ground
But we always make ourselves a parachute after the first time
Love fails to keep us flying,
This time,
It will not **** us.

So saying that, I say
Please jump with me
And let us see where we land.
matt d mattson Aug 2017
We do not chose
The ones we fall in love with
We do not chose the moment
We do not choose the reason

It happens
And then we are left with the storm of it
We are left with a fire
That burns despite rain, or air
It burns regardless of our will
It burns in us, and of us and through us
And we do what we can with it
We do what we think we must
We always do what we think we must
And the consequences of our decision
Does not change the flames
Not at first
Not noticeably
But it does,  and it does,
And it does it again and again
A thousand tiny shifts repeated
And time will do what it must
And time must change things
Even the fire that burns this hot
For all things change
That is time
And love is a thing
That does what it must
Which is to set fire
matt d mattson Jul 2017
There is a hot dark coal inside me
It was once a great tree
It grew so fast and so tall,
and I was so proud of it
and I wanted so much to show it to you
it was in the garden of my soul
wild and tangled and complicated
and I wanted so much to show you
but I did not want to take you down the ***** path
I did not want to take you past all the other growing things
not until you wanted to
not until I knew that you wanted to see the garden of things inside
and know me as a whole thing
I did not want to make it complicated for you
or for me

I was embarrassed at the unchecked size of it,
its roots went to the core of the world that I knew
seeking the fountain of life and youth
and it's branches grabbed at the universe itself
greedy with desire
proclaiming it's power
the tree was love itself
or my naïve selfish expression of it
and it was proud and gaudy and foolish


and when you wandered off,
I was so disappointed,
and I was so ashamed then
that here was this tree that you would never see
that I had grown for you.
But mostly for me

and I tried so hard to let it exist,
to let it be as it was.
because the thought of cutting it down seemed petty
and I loved the tree that was my love for you
because I did not stop loving you after you left

but time still beat, and the tree grew old and ridiculous
and it eventually died, because it could not live
because though I did not cut it down,
I also did not tend it,
I tried very hard not to see it
but I always found myself walking by it
and I always saw it, and knew it
I looked at it and the broken promise of it
and I let it die and I hoped it would die fast


but it died slowly
it died so ****** slowly
it died in pieces, branches at a time
leaves and bark and flowers
and I burned them as fast as they fell,
and now there is just the coal of it left,
smoldering
hot, and fiery still
and I want to put water on it.

But I know I never will
it's dumb, but it feels good to say, it always feels good to say.
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