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and what if IT were truly
"ALL UP TO ME?"

am i ready?
have i the necessities

the information
the charisma

the undying dedication to you?

i've thought about it alot

let's get together and find out

let's find out
who we are

let's find out
what we got
what we got
 Sep 2010 Martha Jordan
Pen Lux
I wouldn't say I have a particular type of lover,
and I wouldn't say I always take notice in the beauty of a smile,
sometimes I do,
but it's usually from a ***** mouth.

To think, if our bodies weren't so far apart,
separated by time, distance, clothing,
then maybe something would have happened.

It's hard to face something you've avoided your whole life,
disappointing too.

I've spent the last few weeks loving you like a God,
only to learn that you aren't perfect,
and you will never be mine,
and I'm okay with that.

I need to find myself in this mess before I can hold onto anyone that will last.
Van Gogh cut off his ear
gave it to a
*******
who flung it away in
extreme
disgust.
Van, ****** don't want
ears
they want
money.
I guess that's why you were
such a great
painter: you
didn't understand
much
else.
you are the soothing hum
the grass stains on my jeans
the summer in my hair
the color in my cheeks
you are the the constant wave
beating against my heart
the warm honey on my lips
the paint on my nails
you are the perfect dance
and a moonlit ride
the sticky vanilla cream
you are the flower in my palm
the reason I smile
the chills down my spine
you are more than you'll ever know
you are the love of my life
she's young, she said,
but look at me,
I have pretty ankles,
and look at my wrists, I have pretty
wrists
o my god,
I thought it was all working,
and now it's her again,
every time she phones you go crazy,
you told me it was over
you told me it was finished,
listen, I've lived long enough to become a
good woman,
why do you need a bad woman?
you need to be tortured, don't you?
you think life is rotten if somebody treats you
rotten it all fits,
doesn't it?
tell me, is that it? do you want to be treated like a
*******?
and my son, my son was going to meet you.
I told my son
and I dropped all my lovers.
I stood up in a cafe and screamed
I'M IN LOVE,
and now you've made a fool of me. . .
I'm sorry, I said, I'm really sorry.
hold me, she said, will you please hold me?
I've never been in one of these things before, I said,
these triangles. . .
she got up and lit a cigarette, she was trembling all
over.she paced up and down,wild and crazy.she had
a small body.her arms were thin,very thin and when
she screamed and started beating me I held her
wrists and then I got it through the eyes:hatred,
centuries deep and true.I was wrong and graceless and
sick.all the things I had learned had been wasted.
there was no creature living as foul as I
and all my poems were
false.
little dark girl with
kind eyes
when it comes time to
use the knife
I won't flinch and
i won't blame
you,
as I drive along the shore alone
as the palms wave,
the ugly heavy palms,
as the living does not arrive
as the dead do not leave,
i won't blame you,
instead
i will remember the kisses
our lips raw with love
and how you gave me
everything you had
and how I
offered you what was left of
me,
and I will remember your small room
the feel of you
the light in the window
your records
your books
our morning coffee
our noons our nights
our bodies spilled together
sleeping
the tiny flowing currents
immediate and forever
your leg my leg
your arm my arm
your smile and the warmth
of you
who made me laugh
again.
little dark girl with kind eyes
you have no
knife. the knife is
mine and i won't use it
yet.
Loose lips sink ships
And baby,
This ship is going down
I’m burning bridges to the ground
And baby, I’m not looking back
2.25.2010
hi there,
i recently got lost in the four chambers
inside of your chest
and my god
what a mess it is that she has

left.

this will be a tough act to follow...
but i kind of prefer you like this
insert the dagger
and twist
it's a tough act to follow...
i hate to lose
and i to fail
i strive to succeed,
even if it's for my own selfish gain

(pity she never knew this)

this is a tough act to follow.

so that's how you got here
split open
and bleeding
just so i could clean
the ******* mess
she left
she sure was a tough act to follow.
 Feb 2010 Martha Jordan
A Renee
Tease the edge.
Carve out reasons why.
Flood the bottom with excuses not to try.
Convincingly deaf.
The solutions they tongue
are gentle reminders that you were born to be young.


Can you disengage my mouth
My drive by eclipse.
Halt a passionate war with the shape of your lips
Black out shades of grey
Catastrophic way to stay.
Draw a line without an end
or break the heart of your best friend.
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