This is me trying to be better.
This is me trying to move on.
I'm writing a goodbye letter
to the person I was, frowned upon.
From all the scars, cuts and bruises,
fresh scented flowers will bloom.
The heartaches are my muses,
and my recovery will be a heirloom.

-m.b

Perhaps I like Greek mythology too much that I create my own curse like in their poetry. How Calypso was cursed to fall for heroes who stumble upon her island, but they'll leave after. And here I am, cursed to be in a circle of unrequited love. Loving people I couldn't have, and being loved by people I couldn't love back.

-m.b

One of the sweetest Greek gods out there;
a soul so kind and rare.
What he lacks in physical beauty,
he more than made up with talents and loyalty.
Zeus and Hera threw him down the mountain
but he's fated to be an Olympian.

Let me tell you a thing or two
about his determination and skills too.
Faithful and love you, he will.
He may not say it but he'll show it with his blacksmith skill.
Working hard day and night;
to make you a gift like Apollo's Sun, that bright.
Made out of stars, so massive you like.
He handpicks the best ones for luck.
Forged in the fire with the greatest details,
hammered with perfection, just like in the old tales.

Why must they turn away for he is ugly
when he made you weapons that made mortals flee?
O' Aphrodite, don't you run with Ares tonight.
Remember how your husband's gift locked you tight.
Hephaestus is kind and forgiving
but with his gifted hands, looks can be deceiving.

-m.b

You don't need to be in a relationship to be happy
You don't need to lose weight to feel beautiful
You don't need a man to love yourself
You don't need a thousand followers to boost your confidence
You don't need 200 friends to stop yourself from feeling lonely
You don't need to listen to a certain genre of music to appear cool
You don't need other people's opinions to stop yourself from doing things you love
You don't need anyone to save you
You are your own hero
You can get through anything
You are amazing.

-m.b

Breathing bodies won't hear me cry
and so I started singing to the sky;
About you. Your smile and kindness,
how are people blind from this?
The smoothness of your stalk,
the richness of your tone when you talk.
The delicate way of holding your
stick of nicotine between your fingers.
How you seem to fool everyone
that you're pernicious but there's not a bad bone
in your body, my sweet.
I don't see it when we meet.
Cause when you speak I see stars glimmering
and warm waves crashing.
The softness of the breeze
during a 5.45pm sunset, swaying trees
whispering good omens for hidden,
lost souls. You breathe in
life and exhale an aura of wisdom,
masked by lackadaisical freedom
of expression. They don't read between
the lines to unfurl your hidden dreams.
I could go on and on about you
but they don't see the real and raw side of you.

-m.b

It takes a little of a push and
pull and I'm already ****** in again.
All my hard work, trying to get
over this but you would
give a tap on my shoulder
and I would be willing to pour
all my love for you (again).

-m.b

And I am left gasping, exhausted.
How can a love so strong felt by one person,
and the other not at all?

How can you give and give and give
and the other would take and take and take;
but runs with it all?

How is it happening everywhere;
the pain and hurt alone,
while the other moves on through it all?

-m.b

At the mere thought of you, I go hungry as I crave for your undividable attention. I long to bask in the warmth of your presence. That tingly feeling of giddiness and lust mixed together as we make physical contact and when our fingers lace together, intertwine. All the joy in the world wash over me in a serene yet so powerful waves, pounding over and over, until I feel exhilarated. Your flaws are perfect to my eyes and I've never loved anyone like this, except for you.

-m.b

My deepest feelings and thoughts;
I put into words.
Intricately woven
into lines upon lines,
stanzas upon stanzas.

If I were to write poetry
for the rest of my life;
Then if I am old and gray,
everything will be stripped away.
Until I am stark naked, completely bare.

You could see everything
inside me, like a showcase.
All of my bones and nerves, singing,
tied together by words like a maze.

And if I were to say
what I'm made of,
I'm made of science,
history and poetry.

-m.b

I used to think of you as an angel.
But with those wings, I wish you'd reenact Icarus' death when he flew too close to the sun; the long drop into the sea.
Maybe when you drown you could feel how suffocated I was all this time.
Again and again like some sick person would rewind my pain on a worn vinyl.
Heartbreaks aren't always equally shared, darling.
Sometimes I wish you suffered too.

-m.b

I found a piece of writing from two years ago, asking if there's a guy out there with specific characteristics. I listed them all out. When I read it today, I got chills because I found him. I forgot that I wanted to be with a guy like this. Somehow he matched all the traits I wanted. He ticked off all the characteristics that I was looking for. It was unexpected but I found him. He's real.

The sad thing is, I can't be his because someone else is lucky enough to get him first. I'm happy for them but it's a tragic affair for me. My ideal guy is right in front of me and I can't even do anything. My wish came true but it wasn't made for me. It's like playing slots and I hit the jackpot but they gave the money to someone else in the room. And I could only watch them celebrate from afar.

-m.b

I felt a darkness in him
Such monstrosity within
Just waiting to ****
Yet I fell for him
My sanity wearing thin,
Falling in love against my will.

-m.b

Have you ever heard the first few seconds of a song, no matter if you're listening to it for the first time or absentmindedly several times before but it would always make you feel good? It starts with this warm sensation in your heart then it spreads throughout your body, causing you to smile to yourself. Even though you don't know the title or the artist singing the song but you feel happy listening to it, as if you've heard it many times and it brings many happy memories. You just want to listen to that song for the rest of your life and you can't get tired of it. You'll always experience the same feelings of euphoria whenever it plays. That's how I want to feel with someone. To always feel happy and warm, never getting tired of them. I may not know every single thing about him but I'll always feel the same when I see or be with him.

-m.b

I noticed that people who says "I hope you're okay"
or "I hope you're doing fine"
to other people are the ones who've had it rough.
That they know how it feels like to not be okay.
That they went through somewhere dark.
That they don't want other people to go through what they did.
That they want people to be happy and not anything less than okay.
And that they really hope other people are fine.
Nonetheless, it's a lovely reminder, though.
Even though they weren't okay once, they're better now.
Life goes on and it does get better.
So I just want to say;
"I hope you're okay"

-m.b

Past midnight are made for
People who can't sleep

The girl in room 120
Is nursing a broken heart

The boy in room 237
Is wide awake, thinking of his ex who slipped through his fingers

The girl in the shower in room 405
Is scrubbing her hands, trying to calm her nerves

The old man in the lobby
Is listening to jazz music, having a flashback of his golden days

They are all restless,
Thinking of ways to get a good shut eye

But the happy and contented ones
Are fast asleep, dreaming of tomorrow

Past midnight are made for us
The ones struggling to control the chatters in our minds

-m.b

Hair from black to brown
to pink to purple to blue
to brown to black then white.

Achievements printed,
ink on paper.

Another face on
the subway,
another student
graduated from school.

Water drank,
food digested.
Night and day.

Clothes bought, worn,
washed, tossed aside.

Death craved
but feared
the most.

How am I grateful
but never satisfied?
I am so sorry.
It never does make sense.

-m.b

He was smiling too widely and he was jittery. I mistook that for good news. But then he started to talk and with every minute passing by, my excited smile started to falter. It's like with each word uttered, our throats are being filled with glue and it just makes us feel sick. Sitting stiffly upon cushions that we've called our home. Silence hung heavily in the air when he's done talking.
"It's going to be okay. Something good will come out of this. I promise."

-m.b

I'm just very tired
I really thought
It'll be over by now
But how
Can it when I'm
Often confused time
After time? I don't know.
I don't want it anymore.
I just want to feel right
Starting tonight

-m.b

I think,
Write,
Talk
About you
A lot.
I'll smile
And blush
When I reminisce
Of our days together

-m.b

I deserve a guy like that;
a person so kind,
it radiates from within.
Lighting up his eyes and
so blinding
through his lips
when he smiles.

With careful, gentle hands
that touches you with caution,
so that you're always safe.
In short, I deserve a
nice guy (like him).

Cause bad boys will make your heart race,
but they'll never keep you safe.

-m.b

She burst into tears and that sound;
choking sobs and gasping on air,
broke me and rattled my bones.

I sat, frozen. Not knowing how to comfort
as I chewed on my food and
going over strategies to assist her.

I ended up joining her at the sink,
stood and wrapped an arm around her
trembling body, still sniffing.

She whispered a "thank you" and left.
I waited and heard her echoing
silent sobs filled the empty hallway.

-m.b

If I were to write every thing about you, I would. If I were to write about you every day, I would. You're like a missile; eye-catching, loud, leaves a print behind. It's hard not to record your every move. You're like the Earth; although people have dissected and has proven what's inside of you, they haven't really scavenged inside. Who knows what else is hiding in between your many layers? Stripping apart like getting home after spending a day in the open snow, tearing off each piece of clothing.

-m.b

Where I am now, I never thought I'd be. I know I can't go back to when I was younger, and tell her what will come; what I will become. So I write this letter for all the girls out there, young and old; who haven't heard of this yet.

You are beautiful. Never listen to poison mouths telling you otherwise. Be it you're short, too tall, flat-chested, nose too big, too heavy, with skin that isn't the right shade. Never for a second think you're ugly. You are created this way for a reason, blessed by deities.

You are strong. You have fought every single barrier and you're still breathing. Getting through just one day when you thought you couldn't make it? You did it. I'm proud of you. Your bones are held together by stealth that has been built by generations of warriors. Don't ever let anyone push you around. Get up and fight back. Fight for your rights.

You are loved. Even if you come from a broken family, you're still loved even if you receive it from different people and places. Your friends, your pets, even kind strangers. You may be thirsty for love from people you can't have but always, always fuel yourself with self love. It's so crucial to always secure yourself with a seatbelt of confidence. Keep your head up and remind yourself of your worth. All the time, like a queen that you are.

You are intelligent. You're smarter than you think, be it they're street smart, logically, academically. Read your books, watch documentaries, listen to lectures. You can be smart in science or history or fashion or baking or sports. No knowledge is worthless. Don't be embarrassed to ask questions, share your knowledge, outsmart your enemies.

You are kind. Smile at strangers, keep an eye out for people in danger, always lend a hand and/or ear, hype up your friends and even to unknown people. If someone hurts you, don't stoop down to their level. Let them be but if you aren't satisfied, give them some advice and hope they'll turn over a new leaf. You will not drag the person who brings you down. Fight fire with fire? It'll become a bigger fire. Shield yourself with calamity while they burn on. When they're done, offer help. Be the better person.

You are your own hero. There will be times when you're suffering and alone. That's okay. This is where you can discover your own powers and see how strong and amazing you are. Don't underestimate yourself. You're capable of so many things and you can save others as well as yourself. The world needs you. You're indestructible.

-m.b

Said I was done with you but I guess I lied.
Said I moved on but I guess I lied.
Said I wasn't jealous of her but I guess I lied.
Said I feel numb already but I guess I lied.
Said I was done looking for you but I guess I lied.
Said I won't take care of you anymore but I guess I lied.

The only thing I didn't lie about was
my worth. Cause I really do deserve better.

-m.b

A loaded pen
is just as deadly as a loaded gun.
It'll pierce your heart
just the same.

The difference is;
one will let you breathe,
but you won't live.
-m.b

I preach about being independent and although it is a desirable trait, deep down I am still a hopeless romantic. I long to have a significant other who I can talk to, explore them like a curious scientist, study the cracks in between them, someone who would listen to how my day went and actually cares about me, who looks at me adoringly like I was their favorite constellation, knows my quirks and adores them and holds me when I'm tired. I do get tired easily. Must be nice to snuggle up to someone who makes you feel all tingly everywhere and the two of you get shy about it.

But I've been fishing for years and I still couldn't find the right catch. Talking to the moon who would tell me that it takes time and when I do, it'll be worth it. I believe it, I do. But I just wish this dull ache inside would disappear. Let it calm down and dissolve but it's like a restless wave, constantly washing over me. When will this storm end?

I wish I wouldn't feel so lonely at night, staring at the ceiling in the dark, listening to sad songs and feel the tears slipping down my cheeks in cohesion. It ***** even more in broad daylight where I see other couples holding on to each other, smiling and wearing dumb matching sweaters. As cliché as it is, I want that. I'm happy for them, truly. But I couldn't stop the twinge of envy I get when I hear their lovesick giggles. What did they do; sell their soul, throw a coin in a well, or make a wish upon a shooting star? How did they get so lucky? What are the chances of liking someone who likes you back? Is it a breakthrough in science they discovered? A eureka moment? Am I the only lost particle? If not, where are the other lost ones? Are they colliding aimlessly, alone and lonely as I am?

Me loving you was frowned upon.
But boy, was I stubborn.
I insisted that deep down,
you're good;
I refused to see the bad in you.
Even though I was often hurt,
I shut the negativity out.
Wanting desperately
for others to see what I see.
But now I realize
that you're a lost cause.
Because loving you means
hurting and losing me.

-m.b

Maybe if I don't talk about love, I
wouldn't want it anymore.
But it is as though it is my
name. I couldn't look at it with abhor.

For love is a part of me
and as much as I try to scrub
it off me, I couldn't bleed
myself dry. I can't make this up.

-m.b

I have tried what I can to
fully love myself regardless
of how many boys who
I wanted to impress.

Truly, my love will come
but I've encountered
so many rejections. Am
I too much of a bother?

For once, I want someone
to look at me with adoration
in their eyes. Someone
who thinks my flaws are perfection.

I know I am worth so
much more. But it's hard
to believe in soul
mates when no one wants my heart.

-m.b

Eyes staring longingly,
Lips biting in anticipation.
Fingers caressing lovingly,
Soft music playing in retention.

Hushed whispers and smirks,
Hands raking through hair.
Tension so high, could be sliced with dirks.
Strips off everything, souls are bare.

Heads twisting on pillows,
Like melting opals, staining sheets.
Gasps, tremors, coos and moans.
Raining sweet kisses on petal-soft skin pleats.

-m.b

I wonder what her voice was like
and if it was that he fell in love with.
I wonder if he still misses laying
his head on her shoulder or tummy
when he starts to feel ******.
I wonder if my hands are warm enough
to ease away his anxiety
and I wonder if I'll ever be enough
to take his mind off her.
And will I ever be enough to be with him?

I wonder if she'll ever stop running
through his head when he isn't sober.
That my love could start burning
so bright, his life could start over.
Could I offer an opportunity he wants?
Could I make him fall in love again?
Why am I hurting so much, wanting
to be the one he turns his attention to?
I'm feeling things I thought I buried already
but he keeps digging into me. I'm reviving.

-m.b

What they say about you;
take it into consideration.
Whether it's bad or good;
pay attention.
Grow.

What you think about you;
it isn't as bad, really.
Your good side is true.
In yourself, believe.
Heal.

Before you chastise yourself,
keep silent.
Leave it on the shelf,
unattended for a month;
wait.

What you like about yourself,
turn up the volume;
change the way you behave.
Let it be your perfume.
Embrace.

Soil, water, sunshine,
fertilizer to keep you strong.
It's okay to have a little rain.
Your body is home, you belong.
Bloom.

-m.b

I remember being on my first longest flight. We took the midnight flight and I remember dozing off many times. Whenever I awake I would look out the window and see the dark sky, peppered with grey clouds, illuminated by my old friend Luna. She was next to me the whole night; a brightly glowing orb, floating for God knows how many years since her birth. At times when I wake up and feel restless that we were still flying, I'd look up to Luna and she would be there. Shining patiently and wisely. It filled me with a sense of warm serenity. Her beams of light bounced after each passing cloud, chasing my flight and I felt so at peace. That at my first long journey, I was accompanied by an old, loving friend. When everyone was asleep, I had silent conversations with Luna about my thoughts; my fears and expectations. She listened patiently until I felt content.

I felt a twinge of sadness when I woke up the next time, the dark night has transformed into a brightly lit sky. This time it was Helios in Luna's place. I've never really been close with him so I wasn't exactly sure how to feel or react. But it was the first time I met him up close, thousands of feet in the air. I never knew how beautiful it is to see Helios starting the day by waking everyone up from slumber. Helios, a brightly glowing lava spreading rays from clouds to mountains. I've always been the one thinking about days ending, I never bothered about days starting. Helios grew stronger and illuminated our journey with his jovial rays. Where Luna was silent, calming and patient, Helios was loud, energetic and eager. I am blessed that I was accompanied by the two powerful beings. My fears turned into excitement and I no longer grew afraid of long journeys. Not when I have them.

-m.b

My skin
is scorched
from when
you trailed
with your finger.
I couldn't help
but to shiver
when you thumbed my lip
and captured
with your own.
My punctured
soul is drowned
by your sweet
haven.
Such infinite
brazen.

-m.b

I know you've been hurt many times before.
So now your brain is wired to see the
opposite *** or potential crushes as a threat.
A threat to your self confidence.
A threat to your inner peace.
A threat to your just fully healed heart.
But there comes a time where you have to let
your walls down just a little bit.
There are good people out there.
You have to let them in.
Maybe you won't feel so bitter and cold
if you'd just let some sunshine in.
It's a scary thing to do, of course.
To bare a vulnerable part of yourself to
someone after being stabbed before.
But past injuries should not hold you back.
Don't you know diamonds are made under
great pressure?
All these hardships will shape you into a gem.

-m.b

I'm looking at everything and at everyone
but not at anything or anyone
in particular.
My eyes fleet over the distance
but not drinking in any detail.
I'm in a daze;
Hunched over in my oversized jacket,
hands hidden in pockets.
Sad sad.
This place is too noisy;
I'm getting warm with agitation.
My eyesight is blurry.
I just want this to stop.
But it goes on and on.
They're looking at me oddly.
Shrugging at each other
when I don't respond.
I tried to smile but fail.
Came out as a grimace again.
I did it again.
Always the odd one out.
"She's in that mood again"
I don't know. I don't know.
b r e a t h e
You'll get back on track again.
Hopefully. Eventually.

-m.b

I adore reading
because its stories
captivates me and
helps me escape reality.

I eat a lot
when I'm troubled.
So my worries
won't eat me alive.

I love singing.
I tend to make
my own songs because
life is dull and droning.

I like to write.
I have more
to tell in fiction
than what goes on daily.

I dislike talking.
The chattering voices in my head
makes up more than what comes out of my mouth.

I prefer to sleep.
I'm more awake
with my eyes closed
and my dreams are more realistic.

-m.b

I'm listening to songs I used to
listen to before I met you.
I'm wearing a shirt that I've always
wanted, before I met you.
I'm hiding behind bangs again.
A haircut I had before I knew you exist.
I'm writing in a book that was filled
with thoughts that weren't about you.

You see, I'm trying to connect to the old me again.
The one that wasn't aware of your existence.
Back then, I wasn't so sad, so confused.
I wasn't trying to impress anyone.
I didn't think of anyone else.
I want to be her again.
To resurrect her.
Maybe she wasn't
the best then, but at least
she was better off without you.

-m.b