Being with you was like being in a movie.
The summer romantic comedy, roller-coaster
of a plot that went on for a full year;
accompanied by beautiful soundtracks.
A roller-coaster because at one point it
dropped heavily into a tragedy.
There were so many soundtracks it felt
like a musical.
When I think back, I could only remember
night car rides, laughter, nerves and a lot
of music playing.
Ever since the "movie" ended, I've been
sitting alone. The stillness of a post credit
scene that never came.
So when I listen to the songs again,
it's like re-watching the movie all over
again. Your favourite old movie,
Re-living the good and bad parts;
especially knowing when your heart is going to break.

-m.b

Didn't realise just how much I associate some songs with you until I play it out loud and instead of singing and dancing around, I just stand there with an ache in my chest, missing you 10x more and wishing we could talk again.

I thought I was okay but moving on is such a tricky thing. Some days I'm having a good time and I don't think of you at all and some days..some days you're all I think about and I miss you. I miss your eyes and hair and voice when you call out my name and hype me up.

How you'd ask me how I'm doing and I'd tell you in great details even though my day wasn't all that productive but you'd listen anyway cause you genuinely care. How you could say anything and it's like butter sliding down a warm pancake; making me feel good and happy. So happy.

But now I'm just barely going through life, day in and day out; climbing into bed at night hoping I could see you when I fall asleep. Then waking up, reaching for my phone wishing your name would pop up. I miss you. I miss you. Don't you miss me too?

-m.b

For once, I want to put
myself first.
For as long as
I can remember,
I keep pushing myself down
just so other people can float.

For once, I want to make
myself proud.
Proud of who I've become,
what I've endured,
for how long I've battled.
I am a warrior.

For once, I want to love
myself truly and deeply.
Standing straight,
unabashedly,
unforgivingly,
being me.

For once, I want to
prioritize myself.
My health, before
my responsibilities.
I want to heal before
I go out again for war.

For once, I will not
clamp my mouth shut
when people tell me
to keep quiet.
I am made
to be loud.

-m.b

The tears welled up,
fell,
and streamed down
into a river.

My love for you was as natural
as a constellation formation,
as a gathering of storm clouds,
as flowers blooming then wilting.

But I guess it is just
as natural for this to end.
Like the sky clearing up
after a whirling of tornadoes.
Like a bird no longer tweeting
when the night comes.

What tears I've shed,
will be  refilled again.
I have loved, they have left.

But I will love again.
For I am ever growing.
I am made to love and hope.
And I will never run out.

-m.b

The bitter truth is that
I am not what you want.
Not your fave ice cream flavour,
not your fave flower,
not your cup of tea,
not your fave tee.
I'm not your fave song,
not your fave scent,
not your fave weather,
not your fave sweater,
just not your fave anything.
My entire being.

The ugly thing is that
you're precisely what I want.
You're my fave ice cream flavour,
my fave flower,
my cup of tea,
my fave tee.
You're my fave song,
my fave scent,
my fave weather,
my fave sweater,
my fave everything.
Your entire being.

-m.b

You held my hands
when I was fragile.
Told me legends
of how you saved lives,
like a Knight in shining
armor. You'll save me,
you said. Believing
every word, I gave in.

You held the keys,
stored between your lips.
Said it'll grant me wishes.
But stars turned into dusts,
skies painted over lies.
You promised me a forever
and I was mesmerized.
But you're a curse I thought
was a treasure.

-m.b

It started last December didn't it? I was somehow attracted to you even though you got on my nerves. Isn't that cliché? But it's getting stronger and though I tried to fight it, I can't stop my feelings. I get flutters inside and I'd automatically smile when I think of you. Wanting to talk about you all the time. You're banging on the door in my mind all the time. In the morning, afternoon, night and even up until 3am where I write down things that I like about you. Maybe this is just another crush and I'll move on sooner or later but just know that this: I like you a lot. Right now. Maybe it won't happen and it won't matter in the next few months or years but right now? I like you a whole lot and I'm not ashamed of it. Not one bit.

-m.b

I had this pretty vision of you, of us.
So meticulously designed,
I wanted it to come true. So trust
me when I say I was broken
when it didn't turn out the way
I wanted it to be.
I wanted it so badly, I would pray
for you and me.
Many times I felt so hopeless
because you aren't what I planned.
I placed you in boxes
when you should have been freed.
I'm so sorry but at least now I can see
The only toxic person here was me.

-m.b

She writes you letters,
poems, prose, thoughts of you.
Silent chatters
from her mind. She goes by Blue,
the same as one of her favourite female characters.

She's mostly quiet but talkative
with her favourite people.
Sometimes they say she's provocative
but it's only for humour to ripple.
It is what she wants to achieve.

She has her own list
of aesthetics. Leaves, solar system,
stars, sweaters, cold mist,
laurel, arrows, silver, crystal gem,
jawline, collarbones, veins on wrist.

She gets lost in her own world but senses
your presence. She loves hand holding
and hugs but if you touch her, she tenses
up. Once she's comfortable, she's very loving.
Sticks to you like a magnet, for instance.

She dreams of being loved, adorned
by someone special. However,
after numerous rejections, her heart was torn.
She then pulled herself together.
Loving herself, she moved on.

She loves helping people out.
Always being nice, giving encouragement.
Won't let people feel a shadow of doubt
when she showers them in compliments.
They call her a positive broccoli, she sprouts.

-m.b

How many masks do I have in my collection
until someone realises something is off?

How long does the party go on until
everyone goes home, strips off
and sees that not everything is
as lovely, as majestic as how
the lights, decorations and music
made it out to be?

How many more superhero costumes
are made until they save me, from me?

-m.b

Listening to your songs have always been personal and intimate. It's like inhaling your favourite cologne. It has you imprinted in it. You embedded in my brain.

Your songs; they're like a secret gateway to your mind and personality. It's getting to know you in a raw, honest way. Through beats, lyrics and riffs.

It's a way to understand your  emotions and thoughts running through your head when you connect to songs you listen to. It's you subconsciously choosing particular songs for every moment.

-m.b

You're the kind of beauty that wouldn't strike at first glance. More like with each stare, with each word spoken, with each conversation heard. With your quiet and cool demeanor, you're most likely being overlooked but once they start to notice you, you're hard to forget. How could a vivacious person like you went unnoticed? Now it's hard to shake you out of their heads. You're the type that every poet would weep over. How lovely, how enchanting, how mysterious, how angst-filled; you're broken yet full.

-m.b

You keep folding yourself in. Like origami, you turn into various art sculptures. You change so you'll remain hidden and unseen but I'm an observer. I see how with every fold, I make a mental note of it.

How spectacular; you fold to hide but to me you're an art exhibition. The more you try to stay low-key, the more awestruck I get. So how, my dear, do you think you're uninteresting, unloved, unentertaining when your very being is a field I'm studying? You're art.

-m.b

I will be the one you think of
but right now is not the time.
I will be the reason why you cry, boy
cause what we have is intertwined.
And although your heart is breaking,
I'll be free finally.

You will think of me.

Cause for once, we won't collide.
I'll be the one to smile at you.
Baby, there's nothing to hide.
We were happy once, it's true.
But now we have to go our own ways.

Don't worry, I'll stay tonight.
Holding your head, caressing your hair.
Reminiscing the good times;
The love we've built everywhere.
I know it hurts, we've seen it all.
But every story has an ending.
If we were Troy, this is our fall.
What we had was really something.

Tonight and every night after,
you will think of me.

-m.b

All my life I wished of
someone like you.
I never thought it'd
come true.
But here you are.
With flaws here
and there but
it's okay.
It's what makes you
human --- and real.
But life plays a cruel
game. You're here, yes.
But you're awestruck
just as I am,
but to another girl.
So now, a guy like you
is still out of reach for me.

-m.b

My mind is bleeding
with words. Every morning
I would puke. I'm over thinking
again. Only when I'm sleeping,
I could taste serenity. Dreaming
of things we could be. How interesting.
Then I'll wake up with my demons kicking,
I wish it'd stop obsessing.

-m.b

Everyone experiences pain
in a different way, even rhetoric.
To me, physical pain
is nothing compared to words and music.

You wouldn't understand
how much I've fallen for words that said everything
I wanted to hear but to them it meant nothing.

You don't know the feeling of singing songs for years
that your soul have cried out for,
only to have it fall on deaf ears.

No, I couldn't bear it.
This pain haunts me everyday
in every little detail.

How I catch Uncle Keith pray
to different gods so Aunt Martha
would look at him in the same awestruck way.

How the Moon would shine bright
only because it's a mirror, reflecting the Sun's light.

How the ice cream melts and melts on the ground
but you'd either wipe it away or let it dry on its own.

How the words I find in poems I read
carry the same feeling of angst I bring to bed.

How my classmate came in late nonchalantly
but missed the vital parts of today's lesson, never really
able to make up for it.

They are all different scenarios
but they are all the same.

It's missing out on many things and
taking people for granted.
And there's a feeling of hurt.

No matter where you go, who you find,
what you do, there's always going to be pain.

-m.b

He was there in my dreams again. I felt it. I was so close to bringing him home. I was just about to, but then I woke up. And we're separated once again. The only place I could meet him, to be reunited, it's being pulled away from me. So many dreams and encounters; the good, the bad, I always try to bring him home but I always wake up before I even get the chance to hold on to him.

-m.b

I realised that my two closest friends are a lot like my past and present self.

Lana reminds me of when I was young. Smiling, kind, naive, a little confused and slowly learning the gift of growing up. Loud to new people.

Ray reminds me of who I am today. Wise, went through a lot, loves Indie music and reading poetry. Quiet to new people.

I see myself in both of them. However, I am still missing one person to be around with.

My future self.

I have yet to discover a friend that I can see my future self in.

I am not in a rush anyway.

-m.b

It took
All of my
Willpower
Not to grab
Your hand.

Your look
In your eye
Made me warmer;
Like a stab
Of sunshine.

-m.b

Let me tell you a phenomenon I realized. Whenever he opens his mouth to speak, I pause and lean in to listen. My body seem to come together in peace, listening intently. The breeze softens to the sound of his voice, flowing with a quiet coolness. The animals pause to hear his stories, like an eager crowd. Whatever tension building up on my shoulders and neck seem to pause and heal, disappearing quietly with each word he utters, or whatever sound he hums as he stop to ponder in between conversations. It's like the universe comes to a calming pause whenever he makes a sound.

And oh, don't get me started when he sings and fiddles with the guitar or piano. With elegant fingers poised on strings or keys. Creating magical notes with a fiery passion surging from his beautiful heart to the tips of his fingers. You may think I'm exaggerating but I am always in awe of his talents. It's like his soul scoops up the emotions and dumps them carefully in music chords and intricate words. How I could just close my eyes and let his voice breathe life into me. I thank God everyday for his existence; for he is made of all things soft and beautiful.

-m.b

Perhaps the reason why they call poems as "pieces" is because you find a piece of your heart in between the lines.
If you have suffered from a broken heart, write or read poetry.
Maybe you can fix the broken pieces, place them together and be whole again.
Or it can break and break, with every word.
Or maybe your heart was never whole to begin with

-m.b

If you love someone,
don't hesitate to tell them.
It could be anyone;
your mother, father, friend.
You could be the only one
to remind them
that they're important.

People wear masks, usually.
You don't know what they're feeling.
They may seem friendly
but God knows what they're going
through. They might be really unhappy.
They're probably waiting
for someone to recognise their worth.

Indeed, time is precious;
it slips by like sand through your fingers.
Maybe the warm body next to you today
could be ice cold in a casket tomorrow.
So if you care about someone,
please, please tell them.
An act of kindness could help so much.

-m.b

What I like about poetry
is all the depth of emotions it can carry.
How with every little poem I find,
the ghost of a friend would linger in my mind.
I would read in the present
but a memory from the past would bring something unpleasant.
Funny how words could affect me
like a thrashing tree,
caught in the whirlwind.
Violently shaking but my roots had me pinned.
But they're on the inside;
pain, joy, sadness, anger that I hide.
Then I find the guardian angels,
familiar in the pieces. These are the miracles
of how powerful poetry
can be. Touching emotions on a higher degree.

-m.b

Your insides
are prettier than the Paris city lights.

I've found you but
you're not mine to keep.

I guess that's alright.
Cause all picked flowers have died.

I want to see you bloom
and I'd gladly give you room.

Maybe I'm not meant to stay,
maybe one day I'll be away.

But for now, I'll do my best
to build you up. Then we'll rest.

-m.b

Enthralled by the mesmerizing pair of pale blue eyes that belong to you. Your beautiful, long fingers that I love and obsess over a little too much. Your peals of laughter strums my heart and I love every single detail of your appearance.

-m.b

You told me to stay away
But I was blinded by love, I stayed.
I should've left on the first day;
Oh my, it's too late.

Now I'm caught,
Struggling against your web.
Like a fly being captured,
Awaiting my death.

How do I always get ****** in?
Why do I keep giving in?

-m.b

You shine the brightest
when you smile.
But when you cry, well,
glistening red eyes look
good on you too.

-m.b

These past few days, I was over the moon. But I guess that's the danger of it. I was too high up and yesterday I crashed.

They don't have a lot of mirrors in this house and it's always dark where the mirrors are. I walked down the stairs, passed the full length mirror and was taken aback at how I look like. Flat hair, dark circles around my eyes with heavy eyebags. My eyes were red around the edges and my cheeks were stained with tears.

I couldn't reach out exactly to my friends. I can't even explain why I'm sad but I am. I couldn't control it but I feel so worried, so sad, so hopeless and helpless.

I washed my face and turned off my phone, everyone else was asleep anyway. I'll be okay. I've been through this many times and I've picked myself up all the time, with the help of supportive friends who keeps reminding me of my worth and how much they love me. I'm really thankful for that. For them. But I can't help the sadness.

I just woke up, it's not 9am yet but I've already cried like what, 4? 5 times? I have other things to do but you're taking up so much space in my head. I hate having feelings for people because it makes me weak. I'm very weak right now but I'll get better. This is just temporary. It's not worth it.

-m.b

Do you also have that one person in your life? That no matter how many months have passed, they still get the insides of your stomach flipping?

That you went through a long period of time thinking you're fine but when you talk to them just one more time, and all the feelings you had for them--the ones you swore you got over--came rushing back like waves? That when you ease back into a conversation with them and it's just like old times; you both got stupid smiles plastered on your faces as you enjoy each other's company?

And when they open their mouth to say I love you, you can't help but feel all fluttery inside. Wishing, hoping, that maybe this time they'll say it romantically instead of platonically.

But then a third person comes into view and it's their partner. And your smile freezes.

Cause oh no.

He was never mine to begin with. And he never will be.

And all those feelings go down the drain. Just like how you two parted before. That he could not love you the way you want him to.

And all this love you carry, well, you just keep carrying it. Hoping someone else will share it with you.

Just not today.

-m.b

Sometimes there are days like today.
Where I was okay at first.
So I turn on music.

You know, the ones I used to listen to
when he was a constant in my life.

Where instead of enjoying the songs,
my mind grows blank.
I sit back and let the music fill me
with emotions and memories.

Of when I first listened to it,
the times we would listen to it together,
the times I listened to it alone, without him.

All the emotions I've buried in between
the lyrics and rhythms of the songs.

The laughter in his presence
and the pain in his absence.

I can't not listen to them
even if his ghost lingers still
in these lovely songs.

-m.b

why did you break my heart
into tiny pieces?

when you could've loved me back
and made me the happiest?

-m.b

I can't wait to be in my own space again. With curtains drawn, basking the room with a yellow glow against cool blue walls. Lying on cloud-like pillows, wrapped in familiar scented blanket that pulls me to slumber since I was younger. Nothing but the silent hum of air-conditioning, my steady breathing and thumping of my heart beat. No loud TV, no whining and arguing in the morning, no foul smelling conditions. Just clean, quiet, familiar room with my own thoughts running in my mind.

-m.b

You'd gawk at the scarlet petals,
admiring the beauty.
You get close, you're on different levels.
"It doesn't matter, it's pretty,"
you would say. Time and time again,
you'd pick it up,
only to be startled by the pain.
When will the lightbulb
light up, to tell you
that these thorns
will hurt you?

-m.b

A rock that people might miss
Simply because it seems ordinary,
That's you. But please,
You opened up to reveal how you really
Are. And to me, it's so surreal,
So unlikely, so precious.
Like the many layers of petals you peel,
To showcase your heart, your treasures.
Talking to you is sacred to me.
I can't tell people simply.

-m.b