A man and his dog
Came into the pub
for
A Pint
of beer
And a bit
of grub.
After his meal
gave his mouth a wipe
Told the locals that
His dog wasn’t the
Obedient type.
If anyone here
Can make my dog
To adhere
you
win 50 pounds
and
A keg of beer.
The challenge
a cost you a pound
And a pint of beer
All the locals tried
The dog would
not adhere,
Saturday night
A man came in
Looking gaunt
Rather thin
Took up the challenge
With voice so soft
Picked up the
Unsuspecting dog
Threw it on the fire
And said now get off.
The man won his fifty
And his keg of beer
The dog got away
with just
a burnt ear
Man getting drunk
giving it large,
Lucky the dog
named lucky
Dropped the cruelty charge.

In my uniform
Proud as punch
Serving the
Well to do
To an exquisite
lunch.
Second course
I got ready to serve
Then disaster hit
We collided with
A berg.
Feeling unlucky
Rather sick
Serving customers
On the titanic.

My life was not full
I was about to start
My shift at a
Nuclear plant
They call Chernobyl.

Unlucky me
From a job
I wouldn’t cower,
Just got a cleaning job
At one of the twin towers
My shift was about to
Begin
Thats when those
Planes came in.

Im unemployed
It’s going to stay
That way.
Im taking up
Golf so I
can live
Another day.

Sweet pea
You look
So forlorn
She replied
it’s the death
Of the last
Unicorn.

To people who
Read my doggerel rhymes
And ask me time from time
And by e mail ask to respond,
I don’t have anything
Intelligent to say
I do apologise
It’s just the way.

The devil and I
Are saying goodbye
We’re calling it a day,
Life’s gone colourless
Life’s gone grey
Me and the devil
Have nothing to say.
The world spins
Around my ego
No halo on my head
Our relationship
Is so
pleasingly dead.
I’m of to pastures knew
Holding my hand didn’t
Know what to do
Guess what inside
another
Devil grew,
This Devil inside
Ruined all my fun
With catastrophic
Outcome
Blew my
head of
With his
own gun.
The devil and I
have
said our
Last goodbyes.

Me and me cat
At a loose end
Her persistent
Meowing
Sending me
Round the bend.
I’ve got me
Hat
I’ve got me coat
Moving to a farm
To live with a goat.
Settled down
On the farm
Then one day
Heard my cats meow
Aghast it was coming
From all the cows
This is true
A matter of fact
I am being haunted
By my lonely cat.
Meow meow  
All the cows said
So with
the farmers
Gun I shot
them dead.
Farmhouse was beckoning
The end of this story wrote
Sat down with a cup of tea
Meow meow went the
****** goat.

Down and out
Walking about
Idly road into road
Taking in the views
I don’t need an abode.

Sitting in font of a
Shop window is
Not for me,
My view
is what I do.

Sights and sounds
The enigma of stone
I walk these islands
Never alone.

The roads
And the hills
Are my family
The more I wander
The more I see.

Into the cities
Into the towns
Lovely people
With rutted frowns,
Hustling cars
Not going far,
Noisy sounds
Coming from bars,
All this **** will
Leave me
****** scarred.