The devil and I
Are saying goodbye
We’re calling it a day,
Life’s gone colourless
Life’s gone grey
Me and the devil
Have nothing to say.
The world spins
Around my ego
No halo on my head
Our relationship
Is so
pleasingly dead.
I’m of to pastures knew
Holding my hand didn’t
Know what to do
Guess what inside
another
Devil grew,
This Devil inside
Ruined all my fun
With catastrophic
Outcome
Blew my
head of
With his
own gun.
The devil and I
have
said our
Last goodbyes.

Me and me cat
At a loose end
Her persistent
Meowing
Sending me
Round the bend.
I’ve got me
Hat
I’ve got me coat
Moving to a farm
To live with a goat.
Settled down
On the farm
Then one day
Heard my cats meow
Aghast it was coming
From all the cows
This is true
A matter of fact
I am being haunted
By my lonely cat.
Meow meow  
All the cows said
So with
the farmers
Gun I shot
them dead.
Farmhouse was beckoning
The end of this story wrote
Sat down with a cup of tea
Meow meow went the
****** goat.

Down and out
Walking about
Idly road into road
Taking in the views
I don’t need an abode.

Sitting in font of a
Shop window is
Not for me,
My view
is what I do.

Sights and sounds
The enigma of stone
I walk these islands
Never alone.

The roads
And the hills
Are my family
The more I wander
The more I see.

Into the cities
Into the towns
Lovely people
With rutted frowns,
Hustling cars
Not going far,
Noisy sounds
Coming from bars,
All this **** will
Leave me
****** scarred.

Hi you mateys
I am pirate Jack
I like to steal
Then put
things back,
My shipmates
Whom I hold
Dear thought
It was a great idea.
Nick an old television
Replace it with new
Helping people
Who are not
Well to do.
With all the old
Old televisions
Me and me crew
Would replace old
And nick the new.
Especially from
the well to do.
Hi you mateys
From my prison cell
As you know things
Didn’t go well
See I’m still pirate Jack
Give me two years
And I’ll be back.

Rubber ducky
Thats the plan
Rubber ducky
Invades Iran.
Rubber ducky
Thats the call
Mexico now s
Surrounded by
A long long wall.
Rubber ducky
White on black
Rubber ducky
Don’t like that.
Rubber ducky
Jumping in bed
With The reds
Climate change
Is now ****** dead.
Rubber ducky
Thats a laugh
Turning Panama Canal
Into his bath.
Rubber ducky
He’s not rated
Dos he know
JFK got assassinated.

I am at my happiest
When I do not exist
I can wander
The underworld
Unruly and
******* ******.
Up on the walls
Are All the signs
Me I do not exist
Im still drinking wine.
Don’t do this
Don’t do that
At every corner
A witch with a cat.
Wandering the underworld
Not reading the signs
All my demons
Are being revived
By the wine
Walking the nightmares
I do not exist
Opened up another bottle
I am at my happiest.

******* in a light bulb
Can’t be a sin
Just want to know
How they got
Within.

Jesus in goal
He does save.

Full backs
Are
Reggie and Ronnie
A couple of Krays.

Centre half
Giant of a man
He’s the comic
Desperate Dan.

Midfielders
Pol *** and Mao Tse Tung
Nasty leaders
Stopping the ball
from going long

Wing backs Dolly Parton
And Sandra Dee
Running up and down
The Wings
that suits me.

Two wingers
Ginger Roger’s
And Fred Astaire
Lovely feet
Catching the opposition
Unaware.

Up front
Number nine
Scoring all the goals
Dandy and fine
All the crowd
came to see
Is the greatest legend
You got it
Yep it’s me.


Our manager
We couldn’t get
Enough
He was number1
Mr Brian Clough.

Hearts sometimes
Become dying suns
Life draining
No warming fun.

Hearts sometimes
Become black holes
Life draining
Yes freezing cold.

Hearts sometimes
Are hit with poison dart
Life draining ripped
Torn apart.

Hearts sometimes
Collect all your fears
So you can live life
For many years.

Life is a hurricane
Definitely not a breeze
You want me to make
Love to you
Wow yes ****** please.

Life is a cyclone
The weather is inane
What was that you
Said,
You want to  
go round
again.

Didn’t know
The weather
Was going to
To be such fun.
Next time it
Rains
making
Sure to
have some
bullets
in my
gun.

Lyrics are drowning
While the
Music plays on.
Splashes are getting
Bigger
from this
dying song.
Staves are crumbling
The music
plays on,
waves are
Devouring
Notes
of this
Grand
old song,
Clef is going down
With a sinking stave
Notes are not in order
Starting to misbehave .
Crotchets and minims
They don’t agree
All of this rhyme
Was lost deep in
Middle C.

Down on
the farm
A farmers
daughter lay
I lie
beside her
In the
warming hay.
Well I got
to tell you
That was
the beginning
Of one hell
of a day.
There was
me just
A  little
shy
Didn’t
ask any
Questions
There wasn’t
any why
From this
young lad
A non ****** I.

When I wake up
It’s a different day
Is it a cop out
Within the
games we play.
we ask ourselves
What have I done
Excuses we make
For having fun.
I didn’t wish to vex
I just loved to see
what came
Next.

Love my lady so
Happiness
Even flow,
Smiling face
Black dress
My lover
My lady grace.

My line is cast
Her colours
Imprinted in my
Mind and
Nailed to my mast.

Love my lady so
Bright eyes
Wonderful glow.
With my gun
I am at her loving gate
Can I come in with
My eighty eights .

Love my lady so
With Smiling face
No more black dress
Loving this place
I don’t have to
join the dots
Thats handy
Me dollar bill
Fit the slot.

Donald Duck
And
And the first lady
Mouse,
A comedy duo
Playing in the
Disney house.

The FBI
The CIA
Organisations
That have had
there day.
Donald Duck
Is now in charge
Don’t bother
With the criminals
Just Leave them
at large.

Donald Duck
Gone orange
He’s been busy
With his quill
Now look
WHO,s standing still.


The ****** in the Disneyland
Sorry the therapist in the
White House has a difficult
job To do
Donald and Minnie
Don’t Not have a clue.
maybe.
maybe.not.

Italian eyes
French kiss
Do’s loving
Get better
than this.
Long black dress
Champagne
Cocktails
Bubbly fizz
Do’s loving
Get better
Than this
Sweetness
On a vine
Loving you
Is so divine
Im in heaven
Nothing will
be amiss
Loving don’t get
Better than this.

Long ago
On far away lands
There was a contest
The battle of the bands
Good versus evil
Oasis versus Blur
God versus the devil
This battle still occurs.
Hyenas on guitars
Angels on their harps
Flirting with a minor
Or just being sharp
God has the harmonies
The devils got metal goth
If there not entertaining
The audience will
show their wrath.
Madison square gardens
Or  down Wembley way
This battle of the bands
Still going on today.

Rubber ducky
Is having a laugh,
****** led his
People down
The wrong path.
History has a habit
Of repeating itself
No more wealth
No more health.
When the the
Rubber duck
Can’t have his day
We all know what
Happened down
capitol way.
Best of luck to the people
Who voted in the duck.
Always be careful
History books lie
Open the wrong pages
People die
God bless America.

I wish I could write
Proper poetry
Me and me cat
Just smile
She’s just woken up
And me pet mouse
Has run a mile.
Im reading  poetry by
Wordsworth
A bit of Byron to
When it comes to
To writing poetry
I haven’t got a clue.
Wandered lonely as a cloud
Been doing that everyday
Stuck with ******
Romeo and Juliet
Inside a Shakespeare play.
Poetry poetry
I have not a clue
Me and my stylus
We go a bit askew.

Putting my
rhymes in a book
No that’s not for me,
I like writing this ****
And putting it on
Hello Poetry.

It’s free on
Hello Poetry
For you and me
To read.
No books
No publishers
That’s right
Yes indeed.

Im all done up
On Drink and
Drugs
Thinking
I’ve caught
The love  love bugs.
I’ve been a mess
For many a year
Everything crazy
Nothing clear
Gonna  buy me a dress
Get out of this mess.
Dance with a my man
Thats the plan
Flush Drink and
Drugs down the pan
Say to myself
I know who I am.
Been clean for
Many a year
Doing the best
I can
Still got the love love bug
Still dancing with
My man.

Rubber ducky
His real name is Bert
Turned down
United
To wear the
City shirt
Ducky was a red
But now a blue
It’s only the
Supporters
Who stay loyal
And true.

Rubber ducky
Boisterous
And plucky.

Walks around
Tip top gait
The loonies
have made
rubber ducky
President
Of the
United States.

Rubber ducky
Has a master plan
It’s ****** daft
He’s turning
Kansas into big
Lovely Bath.

Rubber ducky
Putin the fox
Best place for
Them is inside a
coffin box.

I never wrote
This  stupid rhyme
Knowing them
They’ll make it crime.
It’s turning into
a Shakespeare play
Rubber Ducky
Might send me
To Guantanamo Bay.

Rubber ducky
In my bath
Manchester United
Are signing him
This team is such
A complete farce.

What has happened
It’s such a farce
My rubber ducky
Decided he’s staying
in the bath.

Rubber ducky
Yellow and proud
He Is not suited
Yet
To play in front
Of the united crowd.

Rubber ducky
He’s not being hurt
He’s just signed
And wearing
Accrington Stanley shirt.

Rubber ducky
He
Is actually
A Man Utd fan,
Im only his guardian,
Old Trafford
at the moment
Is not in his plan.

In My army days
We came across
A castle
Me and my platoon
We’re a bunch
Of arseholes.
Across the drawbridge
Into the keep
We’ve been fighting
Not slept for weeks.
Problem was we
We’re not alone
We had come across
A ghostly home.
Our host
he was
a Friendly
ghost,
Watered and we
We’re duly fed,
None of us realised
We were all
****** dead.
We the platoon
Of skeletons
No skin on our bones
Returning from the war zone
To our ghostly home.

I miss the fog
I miss the fish
I miss the smell
Inside the dish.
I miss the voices
Inside my head
I miss my friends
who i presume dead.
I miss the patterns
That tarnish the wood,
There’s now nothing
Where once I stood.
I miss the scent
I miss the smile
On this lake
I will fish awhile

Lost and found
circles and squares
Sadness happiness
Bananas and pears.
Gingerbread candy bars
Marmalade or jam
Never make judgements
Even when you can.

Milk and honey
Food for thought
Long and the tall
Of it ,the
Fat and the short.
Frogs and toads
To perfect lovers
Don’t judge a book
By its ****** cover.

Everything is nothing
Badness  is good
Loneliness is loneliness
Just all misunderstood.

Hallelujah brothers
The salivating army
Is coming through.

They call  me 24 watts
Just a little dim.
They like a bit of banter
My proper name is
Bill.
I Have a sister
She likes to eat cake
Her name is
Victoria Sponge
And is skinny as
A shovel.
My brother Jack
Lived in a box
When you took
The lid off
He stayed
where he was.
We all had the
same mother
But had different dads
Mum just liked a change
We’re happy about this.

This sign post
Cannot be read
To late your
******* dead.

Shadows
returning
They cannot
Turn
Shadows of the
Devil
Forever they
Burn
They march
To hell
No liberty
Bell.
They did
their deed
On the living
They feed
The devils shadows
They shall not bleed.
Being good
Do not cower
The shadows
Of the devil
Cannot devour.

Thee elusive
Butterfly
You
Catch it
You
die

Any day
When mothers
die
Our worlds
Stop turning
We begin to cry.

Mothers do
not fade
and die
They live
with you
With
love
inside.

Mothers whom
We hold dear
They do live
In every tear.

When we cry
She’s still there
Thoughts
of her
We must share.

My mum still lives
Inside my prose,
She’s in
the wind
When the
cold winds blow,
She can never ever part
Our mothers are,
Our beating hearts

Started at the top
Downward slide
All my happenings
Fell away wide.
Falling with gravity
Everything’s
A tragedy.
Spiralling emotions
Looking Into the abyss
Darkness is looming
Death won’t go amiss.
Kneeling at the edge
Of doom
There is no turning back
As Im falling
Everything went
Coldly black.

Father Christmas
Needed to retire
Problem was he didn’t
Know how to fulfill
His desires.
Father Christmas
Not savvy to the world
Wanted to get married
To a lovely young girl
Three lovely beauties
Heaven had sent
Down in the pub
He used to frequent
He asked his mate
Which woman was best
His mate said Santa
Set them a test.
You got lots of money
Your a billionaire
Give them 2 million each
And see how they fare,
One who does best
Next year you shall wed.
Santa asked Wendy
What she did with her money
She kissed Santa gave him a hug
Said she spent the money on
Drink and drugs
Santa asked Marie
What she did with her dollars
She said lost it all gambling
Santa said Thats hard to swallow.
Santa asked Betty what
she did with the cash
She said she invested it
Made a 8 million stash.
Who did Santa marry
and was such a huge hit.
It was always going to be
The blonde
with ****** *******

Sunday morning nightmare
Head do's throb
Drunk a bottle of whisky
At least twenty shots.
Sunday morning nightmare
There’s nothing queer as folk
Went to bed with a woman
But woke up with a bloke.
Sunday morning nightmare
Trying to be quite as a mouse
Where the **** am I
This ain’t my ****** house.
Sunday morning nightmare
The wife didn’t look so glum
She said you *******
You weren’t having all the fun.
Sunday morning nightmare
We walked slowly back home
Went to our beds
And slept
soundly alone.

When i look at you
The sun is always shining
The butterflies hit
The clocks are chiming
I can't wait to make
Love to you
So be tender
Understand my mind
Then I can create a future
Which I can be kind.

Monday was lovely
Tuesday was fine
Wednesday was beautiful
Thursday so kind
Friday is such a nymph
Saturday was blessed
Sunday came round
I needed a rest.

Women care
About their  hair
It makes them feel good
To the male of the species
They just wish they could

Tinker tailor
Soldier spy
Opened
A laundrette
To wash and dry.
Contact this
Foursome
If you need
Something
Washed out
Of your life,
Maybe a mother in law
Maybe your wife.
Contract washing
Cleansing out
Phone the laundry
We’re out and about

Hippos and the Elephants
Arranged a charity
football match
The pitch was laid
Goals were put in
Supporters came along
Wow they could sing.
Hippos won the toss
Decided to
Kick of
Left to
right.
The whistle
blew
The game
was tight.
A slow drawn affair
Played into the night,
Sixty ***** later
Everything trampled
Insight.
The referee blew the
Final whistle and
Started a fight.
0-0 was the final score
Nine hours of play
For a ****** draw,
Next match is between
The alligators
And the lions
This is a ticket
Im not buying.

Cricket match
Between the
Giraffes and the tigers
Supporters turned up
None the ****** wiser
They mowed the grass
The distance a chain
Guess what
Being
Cricket down
came the rain,
Out came the sun
The fun began,
Top of their
Voices the
Supporters sang.
Umpire called play
It was doomed to fail
The giraffes went ate
The wickets and the bails
Tigers were angry they
Did not laugh
They went and ate those
Naughty Giraffes
The umpire drew aside
Went home and committed
Suicide
In the sun
I Didn’t know cricket
Was so much fun

I can do magic
Disappear this
Disappear That
Can’t do pulling
The rabbit out
The hat.
I’ll tell you what’s
Magic lots of fun
When me pants
Come down
And pull a hair
Out me ***

Met a little man
And his little son
Met a little girl
Met her little mum
They had a little house
It seems such fun.
They had a little garden
With flowers and a swing
With my big foot
I squashed everything.
Big friendly giant
Yes Thats me
Clumsy as ****
Don’t you agree.

Millions of rhymes
Going round
Inside my head
Some about the
Living
Some about the
Dead but
Mostly
from
The
words
I’ve read.
I am tired
Going to draw
The line
This is Guinness
Number nine.
**** I haven’t
Fed the cat
Never mind.
Because Thats
Just that.

I’m a little pawn
On a chess board
Wanting to be
king for the day.
Moving left
Moving right
Always getting
Killed
By that
Nasty knight.
When I awake
Inside another game
Every time
I get ****** slain.
I think the queen
She’s on the take
I do hope I
Don’t make
The same mistake.
I am a little pawn
In a little square
Moving black
Moving white
Made the same mistake
Oh ****** *****.

There’s horror
Coming out
Of the lake
Of tears,
The hunting
Trip
Turned
Rather queer.
Found a
Cabin
Deep in the
Woods
Those creatures
From hell never
Understood.
Blood didn’t
Run through veins
The living had
to endure their
Pain.
The sun came up
Dissipated fears
They Wandered back
To the lake of tears.

Knew a girl
Called Mabel
Two wooden
Legs short
Of a table.
Legs made of
Ash
She made some
Cash
By drinking
People under
The table.

Aunty Mary
Had a canary
Half way down
Her draws
It was there
For 25 years
And won the
Victoria cross

Living in a *** hole
Middle of the road
Me and my mate
Jeremy  
the
A D H T toad.
Man it was hectic
Stupidly inane
The Heavens
opened one day
Toady was
Never to be
seen again.
Poor old
Jeremy
washed
down
The  ******
drain.
Life in that
Pothole
Was so
Fantastically
Insane.

Thrill seeker me
I jumped of a kerb
Me and my tiny
Brain thought
It was superb.
Life don’t exist
If you say
I can’t
Take it from me
This thrill seeker
Ant