Went on a dating site
I didn’t seem right
Ending up dating
A lady called Mike
This was embarrassing
Don’t you see
This lovely lady
Had a bigger Wicket
Than me.
I was stumped
Didn’t know
What to do
So I phoned up
Sherlock
To give us a clue
This lovely lady
With a wicket
And two bails
I think this relationship
Was doomed to fail.

Spring is here
Flowers in bloom
Church bells ring
For the bride and groom.
Butterflies are on
the wing
Listen to the
choir sing,
The congregation
Of to the pub
to
Down some
ales
And
Eat lots
of grub.
Music starts
the band
Plays on
The bride dances
To her favourite song,
While the groom
Is doing something
Terribly wrong.
Use your imagination
It’s a difficult mess
With the bridesmaid
He wasn’t playing chess.
Spring is here
Flowers in bloom
Divorce bells ring
For the bride and groom.

Got a  big dog
Called
Blacksmith
Stands four
Foot from
The floor
Every time
I kick him
He makes
A bolt for
The door.

My my mate
Shane
Got hit by a train
He wasn’t happy
Life did not fit
In the end
He’s was
Chuffed to bits.

Noah the dog
Lost his bark,
Walking
In the rain
Other dogs
would laugh
Too see him
in such pain,
He got his voice back
This obedient chow
They laughed
Even louder
When he went meow.

I got my kicks
On route 67
She lived at
The top
Of my
stairway
To heaven.
Her lust for life
Second to none
She was my pretty woman
In her house of fun.

Loving her was
A coming Of age
Beauty personified
My teenage rampage,
Very sweet she’s truly
Alive wow she loved my
Dimblegate drive.

I got my kicks
Out of route 68
I gave her all my
Loving
When I was at her gate.
We Get it on
we did not fret
High on the happy side
I made her wet wet wet.

I got my kicks
on route 69
That’s where
Rhiannon
My pretty woman
Didn’t walk the line

Got my kicks
on route 70
Up that stairway
I did get
plenty,
Her loving arms
My jailhouse rock
Use your imagination
I’ll do anything
For love but
I won’t do that.

You got me doing
What you want
me to do.
Im inept
Gullible I haven’t
a clue
You got me going up
You got me going down
Im your puppet
A manipulated clown.
Im your umbrella
In the pouring rain
Im caught in your
Insanity I do not complain
I’ve got loads of money
She’s the happiness trap
Im the toilet paper when she
Needs a crap.
I need her
I love her
With true grit
But most of all
I stay with her
Because
She’s
Got *******.
In the end I will
Have the last laugh
I am Drowning  the *****
In an acid bath.

Can boundaries
Make society stable
Do’s electricity
Need a cable
Do we serve
A flag
When willing
And able
Do many words
Make up a fable
When a horse bolts
Will it need a stable
Can disability
Make you enable
Can you sell an item
Without a label
If you chop me legs of
Will I come unstable
Can you drink lots of
Of alcohol and drink
Me under the table
Have you got a garment
Made out a sable
I’ve had enough
Of this stupid rhyme
Im going home
To have *** with Mabel.

Piccadilly Circus
Leicester Square
Of to pall mall
Without a care.
Victoria station
Waterloo
Sights and sounds
And the well to do,
King’s Cross
Euston station
Oh look
Buckingham palace
Is having a celebration.
Of down the old Kent road
People coming in
People stepping off
People going for
A drink in
the frog and toad.
My life is hectic
Bustling with fuss
It’s good fun being
Red and a London bus