Ducking for apples
In a bowl of hot fat
Bet you a fiver
You can’t do that.

Drinking cyanide
From a coffee cup
Bet you a fiver
You can’t stand up.

Licking electricity
Cable
in the bath
Bet you a fiver
You won’t
do this
for
A laugh.

Bet you a fiver
You won’t
Jump out of a plane
Without a parachute
While
Drinking Guinness
From a champagne flute.

Bet you a fiver
You won’t do that
Stick your head
In a big cow pat.

I’ll do anything for love
I bet you a fiver you
will do that.

I love
These islands
Of love
They call
The Maldives
Lovely place
Lovely people
Beautiful weather
Deep blue sea.
White sand
Between one’s toes
A beautiful place
Where ******’s
Go’s

Farmers like
to muck
the pigs,
Where judges
like the boys
With flowing
wigs.
Where *****
Women keep
An eye out for
You
Now this
is an island
Reality can do.
This love island
Im going to give a bash
Because I’m a ******
With lots l cash.


.

Love island
Trouty lips
Lovely ladies
With gorgeous
Hips.
An arcade
Of human flesh
Boys and girls
A reality mess,
Im not a fan as
You can guess
It’s just a market
Where you can sell
Your flesh.
This is the pits
Cheap TV
Leave love island
To sink in the sea.
Reality TV
Is not reality
Just making
Rich so called
Talentless
Celebrities

Living the dream
Im Mr Munch
stuck
In the
scream.

I am dandy
A little
bit queer
Im Frans Hal
The laughing
Cavalier.

I am beautiful
I like to sing
Vermeer said
I could be
The girl with
A pearl earring.

Leonardo’s
Eyeball pleaser
Forever smiling,
I am Mona Lisa

Rembrandt
What have
you done
Look you ****
Im not the
prodigal son.

John Mahler Collier
His brush strokes
Went of course
I am
Lady Godiva
On a white horse.

We’ve come to
The end of
Your rainbow,
We gave it a go.
Loving you
Was really true
When
Weirdly
A *****
You grew,
It kept on
growing like
Pinocchio nose
I thought
we were in the
Rocky horror show.
What the duck
I do not know
All I could do
Is watch it grow.
This ***** did
A coloured life
When I married her
I do think she was
My wife.

Beatles had
their yesterday
Bowie had his
laughing gnome
Elvis in his ghetto
With his
gramophone.
Frank Sinatra
Flew to the moon
Kirk Kobain
died to soon.
Janis Joplin
Mr cohen
Had there
Chelsea hotel
From the sky
John
Denver
Fell.
oh well.
Johnny cash
Had his ring
Of fire,
Ian Dury
Who had his
Rhythm stick
Whom I
admired.
Buddy Holly
Had his
Peggy sue
When he died
She felt the pain
His music
didn’t
Die
on that plane.
Many artists
Have passed Away
Some were just
having a laugh
Some went drug
crazy
And died in a bath.
Jimmy Hendrix
Alvin Lee
still play the blues
It will be
On your turn table
It’s up to you
To choose.

Me and my
Woman we had
A spat,
Over who
Looked better
In her
wedding
Dress
I said she
was fat
She didn’t
like that
she
Punched
me
In the face
She wears the
Trousers
In our house
My comment
Was misplaced.
Don’t takeaway
From the fact
She’s still fat.
In the wedding dress
I looked better,
We had a spat
I think I won that.
Round two
Of this spat
Her trousers
Came of
And I was right
That lovely dress
Was far too tight.
Spat three came
Her head aloft
Said muck you mickhead
The Wedding is off.