Dream world in an alternate ground reality
where the black trees are shadows
lurking and waiting to consume the firefly
light illuminating my blood
like radioactive sludge pulsing
loving breathing
I want the transcendent mauve sky
to drown me until I am nothing more
than the ideals of humanity
murmuring of the metal birds
and mammals
humming harmoniously with the
beat of my ears
I am not awake
I have been here before
somewhere in a past life
I can feel it rattling in my bones
another radio frequency is found
tomorrow will not come because
everything is here and now
this moment expands as far as the eye can see
and then some
firewood burning inside my eyes
charring my iris
until the blue turns to orange
and the icy barren air fills my lungs
I am a wasteland

we are the people our parents warned us about
in all the bedtimes stories & fairytales
we are the ones who judge a book by it's cover
& not its content
we are the ones that distort the reflection in the mirror
we are the ones who stopped checking for the monsters underneath our beds when we realized they were inside of us all along
we are the one called

society
a.c.

I need to stop hating myself
for being the type of girl who loves love
because despite the bitter backlash I have never experienced a thing more beautiful
and that's saying something because
I'm the type of girl who hunts for a sunrise and feels cheated when I miss the sunset
I'm the type of girl that hates going to sleep because I might miss out on something amazing,
even if it's just a cloudless night
I need to stop over thinking everything because
I'm the type of girl who acts from the heart
and my head only gets in the way, makes me regret the decisions I know are right
I'm the type of girl who says what she means
and will cry if I'm hurt
if I'm mad
or if you're hurt
or you're mad
I'm the type of girl that cries
because anger scares me
When I fall, I fall hard because
I'm the type of girl that won't hide behind my pride
I'll put myself out there because
you can't feel love with only part of your heart
I'm the type of girl who loves love
I'm the type of girl who gets hurt
But I have seen incomparable beauty.

I remember your brow line
Creased and fine
With the depth of the deaf and those bound to chairs
You splashed me,

I've always, always remembered
I just pretended I never did
I Feared you would see all that I desperately tried to hide,
Feared you'd turn and walk away

You didn’t
not when you saw anyway

You're look scared me
So focused and intense
I remember.
You're eyes are what held me

You aren't who she thought
You confirmed what the head of my heart guessed
You're feeling for me
That’s the part that turned me into a
mess, messy me

You're words left no room for doubt
You protected me
Invested into me
Nothing could mean more

We tossed rocks on the shore
You dug into my shame gently
And you carried it away
I don’t know how you managed it,
I didn't know how to manage it.

You made it both better and worse
As you said you always do
“you always hide”
You always hid too.

Beautiful, elusive
Dancing on light feet
Fleeting
To catch you and hold you close
Making wishes and promises
In six-inch voices
Is worth watching you
Float away
Just a little bit heavier
With the burden
Of my whispered dreams.

I want the kind of love
Where you wake up at 2 in the morning
From a nightmare
And see her, smile and everything is okay

I want the kind of love
Where you sit in a park smoking cigarettes
Holding hands, people watching, observing the beauty of life
Enhanced by a companion ever so dear

I want the kind of love
Where sometimes when you get particuarly depressed
You are able to stay safe and sane
Because you have someone to save you

I want the kind of love
Where your reality is better than your dreams
So you don't sleep much
Preferring to talk through the night about anything and everything

I want that kind of love
But its not in the cards for me
The hand I was dealt leaves me miserable, alone
Trapped in a world on my own

It is not just that you are the first person I have ever truly loved.
Nor is it the fact that between everyone else I put you above.
I'm certain it was not that adorable laugh of yours,
And it is not that smile, that I no longer see anymore.
Could it be the way you walked?
The way you sat?
The way you wrote?
The way you held on to me with our young love in the air?
No, it cannot be, there is much more.
For it was not just my life you entered upon,
But my mind.
It was not my ear you whispered sweet bliss to,
But my heart.
It was not my lips you kissed,
But my soul.

I love you
And I say it
With sincerity
I miss you when
Your gone
And I love it
When your near
Secretly
My heart hates
All these other girls
The ones who cry on you
Because I like to do that when I'm sad
The ones who get to laugh with you
Because I envy the way they make you happy
But I am silent
Of my jealousy
So you don't think
I'm that crazy obsessive girl
Who once tried so hard
To cling to you
Like a magnet to metal
I want you
I want the rest of my life
To be spent with you
Always
Because no matter
The people
Who want us
All that matters
Is that we only want each other.