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Marisa Lu Makil May 2023
I guess the truth is
That I still can't believe
Anyone could want me enough
To save me from myself.
Marisa Lu Makil Apr 2023
You tell me that you'd **** for me
But I know that if you did
You'd still find a way to blame me
For handing you the knife.
I think I might make a small series of "******" poems. I'm in a bad frame of mind, and I'm having a hard time handling it.
Marisa Lu Makil Apr 2023
You are poison in my veins
And I can't stop saying yes
You would drag me down to hell
And I would bind myself to help you
I have a problem. I have many. One main sin that seems to keep coming back again and again. I keep telling myself that that's not who I am anymore, and it's no longer what I want, but the right situation comes along, and I willingly drown myself in the ****** taste of sin.
Marisa Lu Makil Feb 2023
Death, it has no hold on me
The Lord is slowly changing me
Into the person I should be
Oh, praise His holy name

He holds me and tells me, "Be still."
I know my God abideth still
I wish only to do His will
Hosanna, all the glory

He leads me beside quiet streams
He says He's never leaving me
My God will always reign Supreme
To Jesus, exultation

My Father, He is great and strong
I know my soul to Him belongs
I need not fear the devil's throngs
My life is thine, oh Father

Whom else have I in heav'n but thee
You weaveth my life steadily
My shelter in the stormy sea
Oh, praise the Lamb of God

I hang my head in shame and doubt
You tell me I am clean, without
My sin and I can't help but shout,
"Emmanuel-God with us!"

And when I reach the golden shore,
I will live in sin no more
For Jesus, my transgressions bore
Jehovah, I adore thee.
I've been struggling with my faith for what seems like years. I'm not sure how long it has been in actuality, but my greatest fear is that when I die, I won't go to heaven. I am a very bad Christian, I know that. But for some reason, faith that I am truly an heir to the promise escapes me. It comes and goes in waves. Some days, only praise is on my lips, and I can feel Christ surrounding me with love. Other days I feel like Hagar in the desert, hungry and thirsty for belief, but waiting to die. I feel like I'm going insane. Oh God, please stop this, I cannot weather this trial.
Marisa Lu Makil Jan 2023
It's happening again.
Maybe I'm just tired
Maybe still broken
Or maybe I can't seem to get you off my mind
Marisa Lu Makil Jan 2023
There's something lost inside us
We search for all our lives
We cannot put it into words
Nor anything derived

We search for it in drugs and drink
And *** in hopes that we
Might find the thing we cannot find
And see what's yet unseen

We look in every way we can
In everything we think
"If only I try hard enough"
Then pour another drink

We cannot find it in the ground
Or searching high and low
Traveling the sea won't help
Nor trudging through the snow

It's something beautiful we want
That seems just out of reach
We cannot seem to grasp it
Or find someone to beseech

We cannot put it into words,
It's something in our souls
It's been missing for so long,
We find new things to fill the holes

New hobbies, or a way of life
We've never tried before
Your desperation 'comes more rife
We ache for something more

But puzzles that aren't finished
Can't be fixed with foreign things
They never seem to fit quite right
When subject to our whims

We weary of this path we walk
We can't find what we seek
I've found that on my darkest days,
I cannot even speak

Who would have thought that on my knees
I found that which I sought?
And I found that my surrender
Had a thousand treasures wrought

I will not say that I am whole,
He's working day by day
But I've seen that my heart finds its rest
When I bow my head to pray
Marisa Lu Makil Dec 2022
I have felt the hardships
I have been in joy

I have known pain
And I have known healing

I've felt His presence
And I've strayed from His path

So I fell on my knees
And I lifted my hands

And I've come to see
I've felt within me

That I can feel sorrow
I can feel pain

I can walk a hard path
Or trod on even ground

But come what may
It all means nothing

If I do not feel His presence
I am lacking my life source

I would gladly feel pain
Both physical and emotional

I would happily feel sorrow
And strain in this earthly body

I would give all I have
To simply feel His presence

I asked Him to come to me
And He has come

I long for trials
And I hunger for hardships

For it is in my darkest moments
That I feel Him most deeply

So take my freedom
Take my life

Take my money
And all my earthly possessions

And give me Jesus.
The spirit is here within me, and praise the Lord. For His presence is sweeter than any earthly kiss, more stimulating than any drug, more blindingly wonderful than any drunken stupor, and more exhilarating than any riches I could possess. All Glory Be to Christ.
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